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patterns in their observations? Did anyone violate a nonverbal expectation? What was the
response?
A variation on this activity is to release students and ask them to engage in a violation of
the expected nonverbal communication style for their sex and record the reactions of those
around them. This version tends to work better when students have more time, so
assigning as a homework activity is often more effective.
5.
Changing Norms of Attractiveness: Obtain copies of popular magazines such as Life,
Cosmopolitan, or Better Homes and Garden from the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s,
and 2000s. (Public and university libraries often have collections of old magazines that can
be checked out.) Put students into groups; divide the magazines between the groups
depending on the size of the class and the variety of magazines you are able to access.
Instruct each group to peruse the magazine looking for messages about fashion, beauty, and
attractiveness for both women and men. Ask students to attend to race; body size; hair
color and styles; body posture; the color, fit, and cut of clothing; the apparent age of
models, and so forth. Also, have students consider the kinds of products targeted to women
and/or men. Have groups report their findings to the class, showing images from the
magazines to support their claims. What do the differences suggest about changing
nonverbal norms for women and men?
Chapter 7: Becoming Gendered
I.
Gendering Communication in the Family
A.
Unconscious Processes
1.
Insight into unconscious dynamics come primarily from psychoanalytic
theories, which claim that core identity, including gender identity, is
shaped early in life.
B.
Gender Identity
1.
As children we develop a gender identity, a person’s subjective sense of
their gender.
a.
Traditional psychoanalytic theory asserted that biology, particularly
genitals, determine which parent a child will identify with.
b.
Freud believed that children of both sexes focus on the penis as a
symbol of power.
c.
Current psychoanalytic theorists agree that families play a critical role
in the formation of gendered identities.
2.
Children tend to identify with the person who takes care of them, usually
still a woman. For girls, daily interactions with mothers or caregivers create
a sense of self within a relationship.
3.
Boys have close relationships with fathers or other adult males to define
their own masculine identity.
4.
Many girls and women continue to prioritize close relationships whereas
boys define themselves by separating from their mothers and see themselves
relatively independent of others.
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5.
Children in nontraditional families may face social stigma or have difficulty
finding available models of both sexes, but family diversity often fosters a
new way of thinking.
a.
Approximately two million children are being raised with gay or
lesbian parents. They tend to have more expansive views of gender
roles.
b.
Lesbian moms tend to model greater egalitarianism in romantic
relationships and encourage economic and emotional self-sufficiency
in their children, particularly daughters.
6.
There has been less research on heterosexual men as single dads.
a.
Children in single-parent families may have trouble finding available
models of both genders.
C.
Ego Boundaries
1.
Ego boundaries are the point at which an individual stops and the rest of
the world begins. It distinguishes self from everyone and everything else.
2.
People with feminine gender identities tend have relatively permeable ego
boundaries that do not entail rigid separation from others.
a.
This may partially explain why many girls and women tend to
experience the feelings of those close to them.
3.
Conventional masculine gender identity is premised on fluid alliances with
others which makes for a relatively firm ego boundary. They sympathize
with others but do not experience those feelings as their own.
II.
Parental Communication about Gender
A.
While some parents’ attitudes and communication about gender are
becoming more egalitarian, much evidence of traditional stereotyping still
exists.
1.
Parents label and respond to their infants according to gendered stereotypes
within hours of birth
2.
Parents, particularly white middle-class parents, rewarding verbal and
physical activity in sons and interpersonal and social skills in daughters.
3.
Heterosexual fathers are particularly likely to encourage sons to be
heterosexual. Gay fathers are more likely to resist normative expectations.
B.
Mothers tend to communicate with children more than heterosexual fathers.
1.
Mothers typically make talk the center of their relationships with sons and
daughters. The talk focuses on providing comfort, security, and emotional
development. They play at the children’s level, which develops confidence
and security.
2.
Today’s fathers talk more with children than in previous generations. They
focus on play that is physically stimulating and exciting. They urge children
to compete, achieve, take risks, and act independently.
C.
Parents also communicate gender expectations through encouraging
particular toys and activities.
1.
Toys marketed for girls encourage gentle, nurturing interaction. Toys
marketed to boys promote independent or competitive activities.
D.
Household chores assigned reflect gender expectations.
1.
Domestic chores are more frequently assigned to girls while outdoor work is
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assigned to boys.
E.
In general, boys experience more rigid socialization into masculinity than
girls into femininity.
F.
Parental Modeling
1.
Parents communicate gender through modeling masculinity, femininity, and
male-female relationships. For most children, observing parents teaches
them roles socially prescribed for women and men.
2.
In addition to LGBTQ families and single-parent families, another departure
from tradition is the breadwinner role. Most children are in households
where all adults work and 40% of women in two-earner households earn
more money than their male partners.
III.
The Personal Side of the Gender Drama
A.
Growing Up Masculine
1.
Although there is a dominant model of masculinity, there are also many
variations on and challenges to that.
2.
There are six themes of manhood in America today.
3.
Don’t Be Feminine
a.
For many men, the most fundamental requirement for manhood is
not to be feminine.
b.
To be accepted by peers, boys become less verbally expressive.
Showing sensitivity or vulnerability makes you a sissy or a wimp.
c.
This directive is at least as strong for men of color as for white men.
4.
Be Successful
a.
Boys are expected to be successful at sports and other competitive
activities. You must be not just good, but better than others.
b.
This often includes being a good provider, which is not realistic after
the recession.
c.
Men not in the paid labor force have to find other ways to define
themselves.
5.
Be Aggressive
a.
Expected to take stands, be tough, no run from confrontations.
Media fuel ideals of extreme masculinity.
6.
Be Sexual
a.
Men are supposed to be interested in sex, have many partners, and
treat them casually.
b.
This is problematic for gay, bisexual, and trans men and younger
men who do not want casual sex.
7.
Be Self-Reliant
a.
A “real man” depends on himself, not others.
8.
Embody and Transcend Traditional Views of Masculinity
a.
Men feel pressures from other boys and men to be conventionally
masculine.
b.
Romantic partners, female friends, sisters, and mothers expect them
to sensitive and emotionally open.
c.
More men are depressed and stressed but unwilling to seek help. They
are four times as likely to take their own lives as women.
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B.
Growing Up Feminine
1.
Two different narrative of femininity coexist. One version suggests that
women “have it all” since they have new professional opportunities and
egalitarian marriages. On the other hand, statistics show that women are
unlikely to advance to the highest professional levels, they continue to be
paid less than men, and workplace policies don’t accommodate family
responsibilities.
2.
Five major themes of femininity and womanhood are examined.
3.
Appearance Still Counts
a.
Women are still judged by their looks. To be desirable is to be
pretty, slim, and well dressed.
b.
Consumption is unending and never sufficient to secure lasting
success.
c.
Women athletes feel particular pressure to look feminine.
4.
Be Sensitive and Caring
a.
Women are expected to be nice, deferential, and helpful and to care
about and for others.
b.
Girls learn that being outspoken and smart does not win them prizes.
5.
Negative Treatment by Others
a.
Devaluation and mistreatment of females is pervasive in Western
culture. This devaluation is internalized and can be especially intense
in girls’ peer groups.
b.
Young girls engage in relational aggression, which involves
attacking others using social, rather than physical, strategies.
6.
Be Superwoman
a.
Many young women today seem to feel they are expected to do it all.
There is a tension in trying to figure out how to have a family life
and a successful career.
7.
There Is No Single Meaning of Feminine Anymore
a.
Themes of femininity reveal both constancy and change. Traditional
expectations still exist yet there are options that allow women to
define themselves in diverse ways.
IV.
Growing Up outside Conventional Genders
A.
For people who do not identity with and perform normative gender identity
and heterosexuality, growing up can be particularly difficult.
B.
Social isolation greets many people who are gender nonconforming or
trans. It’s also difficult to find role models and acceptance from family,
peers, and society.
C.
More recently, transgender and intersex people have made their identities
and struggles public. One sign of changing attitudes is evolving school
policies and laws.
D.
Transgender people face particular challenges about their gender
performance and living day-to-day life that gender-conforming people do
not face.
Journal Entries
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1.
Thinking about the early years in your family, recall the messages that were given to you
by your family that told you what it meant to be a boy or a girl. Reflect on how these
messages helped shape your gender identity.
2.
How would your life be different if you woke up tomorrow and were a member of the other
sex?
3.
How permeable are your ego boundaries? If you have more permeable ego boundaries,
how do these enrich your life and relationships? How might they constrain and restrict
you? If you have more rigid ego boundaries, how do these enrich your life and
relationships? How might they constrain and restrict you?
4.
Have you felt the pressures to be feminine or masculine as the book describes them? How
so? Were there any aspects of being masculine or feminine that have not been part of your
experience of gender socialization? Explain.
5.
Reflect on the ways your parent(s) or guardian(s) modeled their gender(s). Were they
traditional in their gender expressions or did they defy gender norms? Or, were they
traditional in some ways but nontraditional in others? Next, consider how your parent(s)’
or guardian(s)’ gender expression influenced your own gender identity. Do you
perform/express your gender in ways that are similar to or different from them?
Suggested Activities
1.
Pinks and Blues: Watch and discuss the film The Pinks and the Blues. Though the film is
several years old, the socialization processes illustrated and the research discussed are just
as relevant today as when the film was made.
2.
Family Communication and Gender Role: Allow students to discuss the socialization
processes they experienced in their families. Divide the class into groups of two or three
students to allow discussion that is more in-depth, and perhaps more personal. Use the
exercise “Family Communication and Gender Role” included with this section to guide
students’ reflections. Hand out the exercise the class period before you intend to use it to
allow students time to reflect on their experiences. Because many of the examples and
experiences shared may be of a personal nature, you may want to debrief the class after
their interactions, rather than conduct a formal discussion. In debriefing the activity, share
some representative examples that you heard being discussed across the groups;
additionally, students will often offer their experiences to supplement your observations.
You may want to include some of your experiences growing up to represent issues you feel
are relevant to the exercise and the class.
3.
Examining Ego Boundaries: The book Boundaries in the Mind (Hartmann, 1991)
examines the concept of ego boundaries. You may wish to use an instrument that
Hartmann designed, the Boundary Questionnaire, to allow class members to measure their
ego boundaries. The instrument consists of a number of statements on which respondents
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indicate their level of agreement or disagreement. For example, the statement “My
thoughts often blend into one another” measures permeability, and “I get to appointments
right on time” gauges rigidity. Scoring the instrument results in a measure of permeability
or rigidity of ego boundaries. After students have completed this instrument, it is useful to
conduct a discussion of how the permeability or rigidity of ego boundaries affects an
individual’s worldview and personal relationships.
4.
Gendering through Childhood Stories: Have students bring in a book that they enjoyed
as a young child. (You may need to announce this activity in advance so that students have
time to obtain a copy of the book.) Suggest that they visit the local library if they do not
have a copy of the book. Have them examine the books in small groups to see what
messages the storybooks teach about gender. Ask them to recall how they were first
introduced to the text (did someone give it to them, did they discover it on their own?) and
why they liked the book as a child. This activity can emphasize how unaware we are of
gendered messages we receive as a child and how natural they often seem.
5.
Letter to Your Former Self: Ask students to recall what they were like around the time
they started puberty (middle school years). Then, ask them to think about how they have
matured and learned about themselves since them. Ask the students to write a letter to the
younger version of themselves, giving the adolescent advice about masculinity, femininity,
gender, sexuality, and so forth. In other words, what have they learned about gender that
they could teach their younger, more naïve selves? They may say things like, “It’s actually
okay to admit when you’re upset” or, “Just because your body looks like you’re 18, doesn’t
mean anyone should expect you to act like you are.” They may talk about how they have
matured into their own gender, gender identity, and gender expression. The students may
or may not wish to share their letters. Because some will probably be quite personal, be
sure not to require or pressure them to share, and it is probably best not to collect the letters
(and to tell them in advance that they can keep them private, if they wish). However, you
can have a discussion about the kinds of things they wrote. Even though they cannot go
back and change the last several years, the students can think about how they can use
productively the knowledge they have gained. For example, they may mentor a child from
the community, be a role model for a younger sibling, or work to raise awareness among
friends who know less about gender than they do.
6.
A Genderless Childhood: In January 2011, a baby named Storm was born. The only
people who know Storm’s sex are the baby’s parents, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker,
the midwives who helped deliver the child, and the child’s older siblings. ABC News
reports that “Storm’s parents decided not to share the child’s sex . . . because they want to
allow the baby to develop without the constraints of gender stereotypes.”
(http://abcnews.go.com/Health/genderless-baby-tribute-liberty-conscript-war-sex-
roles/story?id=13716165). Here is a more recent article from Vox about parents in
Sweden who raising their children gender neutral:
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ppxjvb/raising-children-genderneutral-876. Discuss
this particular case, but also the growing awareness and trend of raising neutral children,
with the class. Is it possible to raise a “genderless” child? Ask students to consider how
118
they would respond to meeting and interacting with a child whose sex was not disclosed.
It may be helpful to obtain and share news articles about the case to facilitate discussion.
FAMILY COMMUNICATION AND GENDER ROLE
This exercise will allow you to examine how family communication influences gender role
by guiding your discussion with a few classmates. The goal is for you to apply research we’ve
read and discussed to your personal life. Before the small group discussions, please think about
gender messages in your own family, and how these influenced the sense of gender identity and
ego boundaries that you formed. Consider especially the formative, early years of your
development. Following are some questions designed to prompt your thinking about gender
messages in your family. Think about all of them, though in your group you may choose to
focus on only several.
1. Think about your parents or guardians as gender role models. How did your mother
figure enact her gender? How did your father figure enact his gender? How consistent
with traditional sex-role stereotypes were your parents or guardians? How do you reflect
their modeling? If you grew up in a single parent or guardian home, how did the parent
or guardian you lived with enact her or his gender? Do you think having a single parent
or guardian influenced your sense of your own gender?
2. Think about the kinds of things your guardian(s) required you to do—chores or
responsibilities expected of you. Were you expected to do housework, yard work, and
so forth? To what extent did chores expected of you reflect gender roles?
3. How did praise and discipline reflect your guardian(s’) ideas about your gender? What
kinds of activities, feelings, goals, and so forth. earned praise for you? What sorts of
behaviors, attitudes, and feelings led to scolding from your guardian(s)?
4. What did you do with your guardian(s)? Did you engage in different activities with your
father figure and/or mother figure?
5. Did material things your guardian(s) got for you carry messages about “appropriate”
gender role? Think about the kinds of clothes, toys, and so forth. you were given.
6. If you have (or had) siblings of the other sex, what differences were there in how you
and your sibling(s) were treated? Did your guardian(s) act and talk in distinct ways with
you and your siblings? What lessons did you draw from any differences you
experienced?
7. How did your guardian(s) respond to statements you made about “what I’m going to be
when I grow up”? Toward what adult goals/careers did your guardian(s) encourage you?
Were you discouraged from any of your ambitions?
8. During your childhood years, how much time did you spend in independent activities?
How much of your time was spent with others? How constantly were you supervised
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growing up?
