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97
that have traditionally been associated with the feminist movement—reproductive rights,
domestic violence, date rape, and equal pay for equal work—are not the only issues that should
define it” (p. xxxiv). While Laboton and Martin are not suggesting that these “traditional”
second-wave issues no longer matter, they argue:
“We should not become so distracted by the core issues that we neglect other social
justice concerns. The borders of feminism need to be split open, both so that we are
freed from ideological rigidity and so that other identity claims of race, sexuality, class,
nationality, and geography can move beyond being simply “tolerated” or ’included.’”
(p. xxxiv)
A similar sentiment is articulated by Lisa Jervis, cofounding editor of the third-wave feminist
magazine Bitch: “Gender isn’t always the primary mode of analysis. . . . Anti-poverty work,
international human-rights work, and labor are all issues that are feminist issues, but they aren’t
all about women” (Rowe-Finkbiner, 2004, p. 34).
Reflect on the arguments put forth by intersectional feminists. Do you agree or disagree
with what they advocate? Specifically, consider the following:
What do you think motivates intersectional feminists to broaden their focus from
“women’s issues” to social justice?
What might be some of the implications, both negative and positive, of turning
feminists’ attention from “women’s issues” to social justice?
By expanding the bounds of feminism and moving beyond “women’s issues,”
do you think feminism could become more appealing to men? Why or why
not?
What issues should intersectional scholars and activists focus on? What decision
criteria should guide their focus?
If feminists focus on social justice broadly construed, is the term feminism
necessary? Is feminism still a legitimate social movement/area of scholarship?
References
Hayden, S., & O’Brien Hallstein, D. L. (2009). Placing sex/gender at the forefront:
Feminism, intersectionality, and communication studies. In K. Chavez & C. Griffen (Eds.),
Standing in the intersections: Feminisms, intersectionality, and communication studies, New York:
SUNY.
Labaton, V., & Martin, D. L. (Eds.) (2004). The fire this time: Young activists and the
new feminism. New York: Anchor Books.
Rowe-Finkbiner, K., (2004). The F word: Feminism in jeopardy: Women, politics, and
the future. Emeryville, CA: Seal Press.
Chapter 5: Gendered Verbal Communication
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I.
Verbal Communication Expresses Cultural Views of Gender
A.
Gendered Language Excludes
1.
Generic language (chairman, mailman, mankind, he) claims to include
everyone, yet only refer to men.
2.
Research makes it clear inclusive language has an impact. People associate
males only with generic terms with much greater frequency than they
associate females with them.
3.
Gendered language is apparent in traditional pronouns, which erase people
who do not fit into conventional categories.
4.
Some universities and the Washington Post will now use they to refer to
individuals.
B.
Language Defines Gender as Binary
1.
Women are frequently defined by appearance and by relationships with
others, while men are more often defined by activities, accomplishments, and
positions.
2.
Coverage of women’s sports focuses more on appearance of female athletes,
whereas descriptions of male athletes focus on athletic skills.
3.
Language reflects social views of women as passive and men as active
participants in sexual activity. For example, “She got knocked up”; “He laid
her.”
4.
Language reflects views of women as more defined by relationships than men.
For example, women who don’t marry are often referred to in negative terms.
5.
Women are traditionally expected to take their husband’s names, but
there are alternatives.
a.
Keeping your name, hyphenating, or creating a new name.
b.
Renaming to reflect matriarchal lineage. Matriarchy means “rule
by mothers” and refers to systems and practices created by women
and reflecting the values of women as a group.
C.
Language Shapes Awareness of Gendered Issues
1.
Language shapes awareness of what is important and helps us define
realities.
2.
When something is named (e.g., sexual harassment, date rape), it is easier to
recognize it, think about it, and stop it.
3.
Language is always changing. We reject terms that are objectionable and
create new terms to define realities we think are important.
D.
Language Organizes Perceptions of Gender
1.
A stereotype is a generalization about a group based on (often limited)
information about some people who are part of that group.
a.
Stereotypes overlook individual characteristics and differences.
b.
Women are often stereotyped as overly emotional and weak while men
tend to be stereotyped as rational and strong.
2.
Polarized thinking is looking at things as complete and distinct opposites.
a.
For instance, assuming something is either right or wrong or a person
is male or female or masculine or feminine.
99
b.
Our commonly used vocabulary emphasizes all-or-none terms and
obscures the range of identities people can express. It also erases
transgender and intersex people.
E.
Language Evaluates Gender
1.
Language reflects cultural values and is a powerful influence on our
perception.
2.
Women are often referred to as immature or juvenile (e.g., girl, honey, darling).
They are also equated with food (e.g., sweet thing, sugar) or animals (e.g.,
chick, bitch).
3.
Diminutive suffixes designate women as reduced forms of the male standard
(e.g., majorette).
4.
Women are often blamed with language (e.g., slut) for the same behavior that
men are celebrated with language for doing (e.g., stud).
5.
Female and feminine terms are used to degrade boys and men (e.g., sissy,
momma’s boy).
F.
Language Allows Self-Reflection
1.
We use language to reflect on and evaluate ourselves. We live in a celebrity
culture that makes it tempting to define ourselves in comparison to
celebrities.
2.
Meanings of language change over time. For example, what is considered
“fat” now may have been considered slim several decades ago.
3.
If the existing language is inadequate, we can move beyond it, such as
through labeling ourselves androgynous, genderqueer, or gender
nonconforming. This nudges culture to recognize us on our own terms.
II.
Gendered Styles of Verbal Communication
A.
Gendered styles of communication mean that girls can learn masculine modes of
communicating and boys can learn feminine modes. Some people work to become
fluent in both modes of communication.
B.
Gendered Speech Communities
1.
A speech community is a group of people who share understandings of
communication goals, strategies for enacting those goals, and ways of
interpreting communication.
2.
Children are typically socialized into gendered speech communities.
C.
The Lessons of Children’s Play
1.
Researchers have drawn connections between the ways children play and how
they communicate. This pattern seems to develop since children tend to play
in sex-segregated groups and play different kinds of games based on those
groups.
2.
Boys’ games
a.
Boys’ games are often played in large groups, are competitive,
have clear goals, include roughhousing, and have distinct rules and
roles.
b.
Structured by goals and roles, there is limited need to discuss how
to play. Boys’ games cultivate four communication rules:
i.
Use communication to assert ideas, opinions, and identity.
ii.
Use communication to achieve a specific goal.
100
iii.
Use communication to attract and maintain others’ attention.
iv.
Use communication to compete for attention from others.
3.
Girls’ games
a.
Girls’ games are often played in small groups or pairs and often do
not have clear rules or roles like house or school. Players must talk
to work out what to do and what roles to play.
b.
When playing, young girls spend more time talking than doing
anything else. These games teach four basic rules for
communication:
i.
Use communication to create and sustain relationships.
ii.
Use communication to establish egalitarian relations.
iii.
Use communication to include others.
iv.
Use communication to show sensitivity to others and relationships.
4.
The size of girls’ groups foster prosocial, cooperative play, while boys’ groups
encourage competition.
5.
Many girls today play competitive sports and learn the rules of masculine
speech communities. This is consistent with standpoint theory’s premise that
subordinated groups are motivated to learn the standpoint of dominant groups.
D.
Gendered Communication Practices
1.
Feminine communication
a.
People socialized in feminine speech communities regard
communication as the primary way to establish and maintain
relationships with others.
b.
A second important feature is establishing equality, often by matching
experiences.
c.
A third characteristic is support others, which often involves
expressing emotions to show understanding of another’s situation or
feelings.
d.
A fourth feature is “maintenance work.” This involves inviting others
to speak and prompting them to elaborate their ideas.
e.
A fifth quality is responsiveness, affirming the other person and
showing interest in what was said.
f.
A sixth quality is talking in a personal, concrete style. Including
details, personal disclosures, and concrete reasoning cultivates a
personal tone and facilitates feelings of closeness.
g.
A final feature is tentativeness. Tentative communication opens the
door for others to respond and express their opinions. Interpreted from
a masculine perspective, this can seem to reflect a lack of confidence.
2.
Masculine communication
a.
Masculine speech communities view communication as a way to
establish goals, exert control, preserve independence, entertain, and
enhance status.
b.
The first feature of masculine speech is the effort to establish status
and control. This is done through asserting ideas and authority and
disclosing less than women.
c.
A second prominent feature is instrumentality—the use of face-to-
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face or computer-mediated communication to accomplish
instrumental objectives. Men want to show their knowledge to others
and to solve problems.
d.
A third feature is conversation command. Men tend to talk more often
and at greater length than women.
i.
They are more likely to interrupt and either to control the
conversation or because interruptions are considered normal in
masculine speech.
e.
Masculine speech tends to be direct and assertive.
f.
A fifth feature is that masculine speech tends to be more abstract than
feminine speech. In personal relationships, abstract talk sometimes
creates barriers to intimacy.
g.
Finally, masculine speech tends to be less emotionally responsive
than feminine speech. Men are more likely to give minimal response
cues (e.g., “Yeah,” “um hmm”). Others may see this as a lack of
involvement.
i.
In masculine speech communities, sympathy is a sign of
condescension, and revealing personal problems is seen to make
one vulnerable.
h.
Men and women differ in their motivation and use of the Internet:
Men emphasize instrumentality and women emphasize connectivity
to others.
3.
The Gender-Linked Language Effect
a.
The gender-linked language effect notes that language differences
between men and women are affected by a number of factors, including
topic, speaker status, conversational partners, and the significance of
gender to the conversation.
b.
Women tend to speak more tentatively on masculine topics, but men
speak more tentatively than women on feminine topics.
c.
Gender expression varies according to context and other factors.
E.
Gender-Based Misinterpretations in Communication
1.
Showing support
a.
People who are feminine communicators often want to talk about a
problem while masculine communicators want to solve it.
b.
This often leaves both communicators feeling unsupported.
c.
Showing sympathy can be interpreted as condescending by masculine
communicators but is seen as a way of showing support by feminine
communicators.
2.
Troubles talk
a.
Masculine communicators tend to show respect by assuming others
don’t need sympathy, but in feminine speech communities this seems
to dismiss someone’s feelings.
b.
By asking what’s wrong in a masculine speech community, you are
imposing and pushing to expose vulnerability. By not disclosing,
someone from a feminine speech community could feel shut out.
c.
Feminine speech communities relate by matching experiences but in a
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male speech community this could feel like an attempt to steal attention
and focus the conversation elsewhere.
3.
The point of the story
a.
Masculine communicators tend to tell a story in a linear, chronological
way, while feminine communicators tend to tell stories in less structured
formats.
b.
Masculine communicators often feel that feminine communicators fail to
move quickly to the point of the story, and feminine communicators often
feel that masculine communicators don’t include important relationship-
level details.
4.
Relationship talk
a.
Masculine communicators tend to talk about a relationship only when
there is a problem, and feminine communicators tend to want to regularly
check in about the state of the relationship.
b.
Masculine speech communities view communication as a means to
doing things and solving problems, whereas feminine speech
communities regard the process of communication as the primary way
to create and sustain relationships.
5.
Public speaking
a.
A masculine speaking style is generally the standard for public
speaking. Women in politics have to manage a fine balance in
which they are sufficiently female and sufficiently masculine.
6.
When partners understand how to interpret each other’s rules, they are less
likely to misread motives. Greater fluidity and fluency in gendered
communicative norms can empower us to become more gratifying
conversational partners.
Journal Entries
1.
Discuss your conversational rules for your speech community. Do you feel more
comfortable engaging in a predominately feminine or masculine speech style?
2.
What are the advantages of being able to engage comfortably in both masculine and
feminine styles of speech?
3.
Violate a gender prescription for verbal communication and analyze the consequences in
terms of how others responded to you and how you felt. How does this challenge
reinforce cultural prescriptions for gender?
4.
Look at the website www.thesaurus.com. Enter the terms female and male as search
terms using the thesaurus option. How would you classify the words this search engine
displays to describe these two terms? How do these relate to the ways language defines
gender, organizes perceptions of gender, and/or evaluates gender?
5.
Watch an episode of your favorite television program. Does the episode support or
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contradict the claim that women typically are defined (and valued) by appearances and
relationships and that men typically are defined (and valued) through activities,
accomplishments, or positions? Why or why not? Reference specific plot lines or ways of
representing women and men to support your answer. Additionally, determine whether
characters use masculine or feminine communication styles. Again, be specific in your
response.
Suggested Activities
1.
“That’s How Men/Women Are”: One instructor who teaches this course has developed a
wonderful exercise that could be used in any chapter. The idea is to have students spend 5
to 10 minutes in class writing down, for example, what most frustrates them in
communication with the other sex. Then, collect the comments and redistribute them
randomly. Then, ask the student to read what is before them carefully and imagine why that
person would feel that way. Then, go around the room and ask each student to read her/his
statement and to answer one to two questions as if those words were her/his own. It is a
productive way to bring honest discourse into a room with low risk. In addition, it pushes
everyone to consider a perspective other than her/his own.
2.
Examining Sexist Language: Two articles that are useful in conjunction with this chapter
are Sherryl Kleinman’s Why Sexist Language Matters and Douglas R. Hofstadter’s A
Person Paper on Purity in Language. These succinct and powerful essays often invite
vigorous debate and critique of sexist language. Ask for your students’ reactions to and
comments on Kleinman and Hofstadter. Do they feel differently regarding sexist language
after reading these pieces? Is the analogy to race legitimate? Insightful? Persuasive? Does a
change in language possess the potential to be a catalyst for other kinds of change?
3.
Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men in the Workplace: Compiled and narrated by
Deborah Tannen, Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men in the Workplace provides real-life
examples of masculine and feminine communication patterns utilized by people in
professional situations. Thirty minutes long, the video reinforces key points from Chapter 5,
including how children’s games and language patterns are the basis for adult language and
the misunderstandings that can result when the assumptions about speaking styles are not
shared between speakers. Filmed in workplaces across the United States, the video adds an
additional dimension to the discussion of gendered speech styles by addressing how
masculine and feminine styles of speech may play out in professional situations.
4.
Examining One’s Own Gendered Language: Students tend to be somewhat aware of how
men and women are defined differently through language; however, they are often surprised
by how often they (themselves) use language to define men and women differently. Provide
students with the survey given next in this chapter, giving half of the students Survey A and
half Survey B, attempting to ensure the surveys are as randomly distributed as possible. Ask
the students to begin discussing their responses in small groups while you compile the
results. Present the results to the students and continue a discussion about how the stories
were viewed similarly or differently. Ask students to share their own experiences of how
language has defined them differently because of their sex or gender.
104
5.
Looking for Gendered Language: This activity can be performed two ways. Bring either
an episode of a sitcom or reality television show or a set of newspapers to class. Ask the
class to watch (or review) the material, looking for examples of gendered language. In the
television shows, students can look for instances of people engaging in masculine and
feminine speech. In the newspapers, they should look to see how men and women are
described and for any instances of spotlighting. This activity can be useful to help students
see examples of gendered speech that they would normally overlook because they are so
used to using gendered language. (Television episodes can be accessed through hulu.com
and many networks’ websites. Gossip Girl, The Real World, and The Office are all often
available online free [legally] and include both masculine and feminine communicators. If
you choose to use newspapers, using your college’s paper can be particularly effective.)
6.
Report Talk/Rapport Talk—Experiencing the Differences: The exercise that follows
(after exercise 5) is based on report and rapport talk, discussed by Deborah Tannen (1990)
in her popular book You Just Don’t Understand. To conduct the exercise, divide the class
into pairs and distribute a copy of the exercise to each student. If possible, form mixed-sex
groups among the students. The exercise contains two situations that allow students to role-
play both styles of conversation—report and rapport talk.
After the students have conducted the role-plays, bring the class together and discuss their
experiences in the activity. Inevitably, some students will have preferences for one style or
the other. Encourage them to consider the differences in the ways they felt based on the
style of response of their partner. You may also want to encourage students to consider
different types of situations in which one style may be more or less desirable. One goal of
this exercise is to encourage greater communicative flexibility in students. If students
experience firsthand these two styles, they may later adopt different styles of response in
their interactions with friends and family.
USING LANGUAGE TO DEFINE MEN AND WOMEN
Survey A:
Kiley was really excited about the party she and her friends were going to over the weekend
because there were supposed to be a lot of hot guys there, and Kiley had only hooked up with
one guy since she had gotten to school a month ago. When they got to the party, Kiley had a
couple of drinks and met Mateo. Mateo seemed cool for a while, and the two kissed some as
they danced. Kiley lost interest in Mateo, though, because he wasn’t as outgoing as she would
have liked. After hanging out with her friends for about 20 minutes, she met Lucas, who she
thought was really attractive. After talking to Lucas for a while, he invited her to a party back at
his house, and Kiley told her friends she was leaving. Lucas and Kiley went back to Lucas’s
house, holding hands along the way. When they got there, the two got separated because the
crowd was so large, so Kiley was happy when she ran into Dameon from her math class. The
two talked for about 45 minutes at the party about their math class and other experiences at
college. When Dameon asked her if she wanted to come back to his dorm for the night, Kiley
figured she might as well go because she hadn’t seen Lucas in over an hour. Eventually that
105
night, Kiley and Dameon had sex, and Kiley went back to her dorm the next morning.
Respond to the following questions:
1.
On the following scale, rank Kiley as you perceive her in terms of promiscuity:
1 2 3 4 5
Not promiscuous Very promiscuous
2.
On the following scale, rank Kiley as you would compare her to other college women:
1 2 3 4 5
Very much like Not at all like
other women other women
3.
How many sexual partners would you guess that Kiley has had in her lifetime?
0–3 4–7 8–11 12 +
4.
Having about how many sexual partners would classify a 19- or 20-year-old woman as
promiscuous?
0–3 4–7 8–11 12 + other:
Survey B:
Kyle was really excited about the party he and his friends were going to over the weekend
because there were supposed to be a lot of hot girls there, and Kyle had only hooked up with one
woman since he had gotten to school a month ago. When they got to the party, Kyle had a couple
of drinks and met Bridgette. Bridgette seemed cool for a while, and they kissed some as they
danced. Kyle lost interest in Bridgette, though, because she wasn’t as outgoing as he would have
liked. After hanging out with his friends for about 20 minutes, he met Tinisha, who he thought
was really attractive. After talking to Tinisha for a while, she invited him to a party back at her
house, and Kyle told his friends he was leaving. Tinisha and Kyle went back to Tinisha’s house,
holding hands along the way. When they got there, the two got separated because the crowd was
so large, so Kyle was happy when he ran into Jenna from his math class. The two talked for
about 45 minutes at the party about their math class and other experiences at college.
When Jenna asked him if he wanted to come back to her dorm for the night, Kyle figured he
might as well go because he hadn’t seen Tinisha in over an hour. Eventually that night, Kyle and
Jenna had sex, and Kyle went back to his dorm the next morning.
Respond to the following questions:
1.
On the following scale, rank Kyle as you perceive him in terms of promiscuity:
1 2 3 4 5
Not promiscuous Very promiscuous
2.
On the following scale, rank Kyle as you would compare him to other college men:
1 2 3 4 5
Very much like Not at all like
106
other men other men
3.
How many sexual partners would you guess that Kyle has had in his lifetime?
0–3 4–7 8–11 12 +
4.
Having about how many sexual partners would classify a 19- or 20-year-old man as
promiscuous?
0–3 4–7 8–11 12 + other:
REPORT TALK/RAPPORT TALK—EXPERIENCING THE DIFFERENCE
Pair off with a class member, preferably one whose sex differs from your own. With that person,
role-play Situation A described next so that one of you presents the problem and the other
responds. First, the responder will engage in report talk, focusing on solutions and information.
Then, retell the problem and let the responder use rapport talk, focusing on listening carefully,
responding to feelings expressed, and being supportive. Now switch roles so that the person who
responded to Situation A is the one telling Situation B described next. Again, the partner should
first respond with report talk and, second, with rapport talk.
After completing all four role-plays, discuss the interactions with your partner. Make notes
about how each of you felt as you got each type of response, report and rapport, to your telling of
the story. Did the two kinds of response feel different to you? Did you prefer one over the other?
Did one feel more confirming or helpful? Why? Did you find one kind of response easier to
provide than the other? Why?
SITUATION A
You just got back your first test in one of the courses required in your major, and you made a
62—a D. You need to do well in this course in order to graduate and get a good job. You are
upset and frightened you won’t be able to pull up the grade since you don’t understand the
material well. Although professors are supposed to help students, you feel maybe you shouldn’t
ask your professor for time and assistance. But if you don’t improve your grade, you’ll have to
repeat the course and your transcript will look bad. You are distraught, and you don’t know
what to do. Talk with your partner about this situation. Rely on your own experiences as a
student to elaborate the description given here.
SITUATION B
You are under incredible stress right now. In order to graduate on time you are taking 18 hours.
In addition, you are working 20 hours a week to make money for tuition and books. To top it all
off, you’re having problems with Pat, the roommate assigned to you this year. Pat plays music
all of the time and stays up late and gets up late. You need quiet in the room to study, and you
like to hit the sack by 11 and arise early. You feel Pat should be more considerate, but at the
same time you are reluctant to ask Pat to change to meet your needs. Right now you feel very
frustrated about meeting all of your responsibilities, especially with the conflict between your
and Pat’s lifestyles. Talk with your partner about your thoughts and feelings about this problem.
Use your own experiences to supplement what’s described here.
