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COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
8-1
Chapter 8
Interpersonal Communication
Goal: To understand the ways in which emotional support, privacy, and conflict
management affect relationships
Overview: This chapter discusses effective ways to provide emotional support.
Additionally, it addresses how to effectively and appropriately maintain privacy in
relationships. Finally, the chapter defines conflict, the different types of conflict, and how
to manage conflicts in relationships.
Learning Outcomes
8-1 Compose effective emotional support messages.
8-2 Practice direct and indirect strategies for managing privacy and disclosure.
8-3 Express your personal desires and expectations assertively.
8-4 Manage interpersonal conflict by using an appropriate conflict management style.
Key Terms
Accommodating
Aggressive
Communication style
Assertive communication
Style
Avoiding
Buffering messages
Collaborating
Comforting
Communication climate
Competing
Compromising
Confirming
Communication messages
Constructive criticism
Describe behavior
Describing feelings
Disclosure
Disconfirming
Communication messages
Face
Giving advice
Interpersonal conflict
Negative face needs
Other-centered messages
Passive communication
Style
Passive-aggressive
Communication style
Positive communication
Climate
Positive face needs
Praise
Privacy management
Reframing the situation
Figures and Tables
Figure 8.1 Conflict Management Styles
Chapter Outline
I. Providing Emotional Support
A. As you and your partner interact, you create the communication climate—the overall
emotional tone of your relationship—through the messages you exchange. A positive
communication climate is one where partners feel valued and supported. We use
confirming communication messages to convey that we care about our partner. At
the same time, we need to avoid disconfirming communication messages, which
signal a lack of regard for our partner.
B. Comforting messages: communication that helps people feel better about
themselves, their behavior, and/or their situation through creating a safe space to
express their thoughts and feelings. Comfort also helps those doing the comforting
by improving self-esteem and their relationship with the person being comforted.
C. Skills for comforting
8-2
1. Clarify supportive intentions
2. Buffer potential face threats
3. Use other-centered messages
4. We might reframe the situation
5. Give advice
II. Managing privacy and disclosure
A. Disclosure is revealing confidential or secret information about you (self-disclosure)
and about others (other-disclosure)
B. Communication Privacy management Theory: the decision-making process we go
through as we choose whether or not to disclose confidential information about
ourselves (self-disclosure) or others (other-disclosure)
D. Levels of intimacy: disclosure often increases intimacy, but it can also decrease
intimacy. One of the most important criteria we use to decide whether to disclose
information or keep it private is the risk–benefit analysis
E. Privacy and disclosure decisions affect relationships in three major ways. They affect
intimacy level, reciprocity expectations, and information co-ownership
1. People move back and forth between periods of choosing to disclose and
choosing to maintain privacy
2. Whether your disclosure is matched by similar disclosure from your partner can
affect your relationship
3. When we disclose private information, the person with whom we share it
becomes a co-owner of it
F. Guidelines for appropriate disclosure
1. Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you
2. Self-disclose more intimate information only when the risk is appropriate
3. Continue self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated
4. Gradually move to deeper levels of self-disclosure
5. Reserve very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships
G. Sharing personal feelings
1. Identify the behavior what triggered the feeling
2. Identify the specific emotion you are feeling
3. Use I-language
H. Providing personal feedback
1. Describe the specific behavior
2. Praise positive behavior
3. Give constructive criticism
a. Ask permission first
b. Describe the behavior and its effects
c. Preface criticism with an affirming statement
d. When appropriate, suggest how the behavior can be changed
I. Communication skills for managing privacy
1. Indirect strategies
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
a. Change the subject
b. Mask feelings
c. Practice strategic Ambiguity
2. Direct strategy: Establishing a boundary
a. Recognize why you are choosing not to share the information
b. Identify your rule that guided your decision
c. Form an I-centered message that establishes a boundary
III. Negotiating different needs, wants, and preferences in a relationship
A. A passive communication style is submitting to another’s demands and concealing
one’s own desires.
B. An aggressive communication style is attacking another person’s self-concept and/or
expressing personal hostility in order to inflict psychological pain
C. A passive-aggressive communication style is expressing hostility indirectly
D. An assertive communication style uses messages that describe personal needs,
rights, desires, and expectations honestly and directly in ways that also demonstrate
respect and value for you, your partner, and the relationship
E. Cultural and co-cultural considerations
1. While Western cultures value and practice assertiveness, collectivist societies
value accord and harmony. In fact, those who abide by traditional collectivist
norms may even find what North Americans interpret as appropriate assertive
communication to be rude and insensitive.
2. Regardless of culture, passive behavior can cause resentment and aggressive
behavior leads to fear and misunderstanding
IV. Managing interpersonal conflict
A. Interpersonal conflict: when the needs or ideas of one person are at odds or in
opposition to the needs or ideas of another; conflict occurs in all relationships and is
not a sign of a bad relationship
B. Styles of managing conflict
1. Avoiding: to physically or psychologically remove yourself from the conflict
2. Accommodating: resolving conflict by satisfying others’ needs or accepting
others’ ideas while neglecting our own
3. Competing: resolving conflict by attempting to satisfy your own needs or advance
your own ideas with no concern for the needs or ideas of others and no concern
or the harm done to the relationship
4. Compromising: resolving conflict by giving up part of what you want, to provide
at least some satisfaction for both parties
5. Collaborating: managing conflict by fully addressing the needs and issues of each
party and arriving at a solution that is mutually satisfying
C. Collaboration Guidelines
1. Initiating collaboration
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
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Additional movie suggestions: How Stella Got Her Grove Back (1998) (self-disclosure);
Chasing Amy (1997) (self–disclosure, gender); He Said, She Said (1991) (self–disclosure,
gender); Bend It Like Beckham (2002) (dialectical tensions); About a Boy (2002) (need for
intimacy); In Her Shoes (2005) (intimacy and self-disclosure in family relationships);
Transamerica (2006) (intimacy and self-disclosure in family relationships); The Secret Lives
of Dentists (2002) (conflict styles); Blue Jasmine (2013)(self-disclosure, managing
interpersonal conflict)
Other Media Resources
1. Assertiveness Training
http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap13/chap13e.htm
2. Relationship Development: Theories of Self-Disclosure
http://novaonline.nvcc.edu/eli/spd110td/interper/stages/Linksselfdisclosure.html
3. Relationship Conflict: Healthy or Unhealthy
http://www.drnadig.com/conflict.htm
4. Privacy Principles
http://oecdprivacy.org/
Diverse Voices
Long Overdue
by Naomi Shihab Nye
Poets like Naomi Shihab Nye devote their lives to using words to communicate their feelings
and ideas, yet when Shihab Nye, whose father was Palestinian, encountered anti-Arab
prejudice, she was unable to disclose her Arab roots and to respond. In the excerpt that
follows, Shihab Nye explores her silence.
The words we didn’t say. How many times? Stones stuck in the throat. Endlessly revised
silence. What was wrong with me? How could I, a person whose entire vocation has been
dedicated one way or another to the use of words, lose words completely when I needed
them? Where does vocal paralysis come from? Why does regret have such a long life span?
My favorite poet, William Stafford, used to say, “Think of something you said. Now write
what you wish you had said.”
But I am always thinking of the times I said nothing.
In England, attending a play by myself, I was happy when the elderly woman next to me
began speaking at intermission. Our arms had been touching lightly on the armrest between
our seats.
“Smashingly talented,” she said of Ben Kingsley, whose brilliant monologue we’d been
watching. “I don’t know how he does it—transporting us so effortlessly; he’s a genius. Not
many in the world like him.” I agreed. But then she sighed and made an odd turn. “You
know what’s wrong with the world today? It’s Arabs. I blame it all on the Arabs. Most world
problems can really be traced to them.”
My blood froze. Why was she saying this? The play wasn’t about Arabs. Ben Kingsley
was hardly your blue-blooded Englishman, either, so what brought it up? Nothing terrible
about Arabs had happened lately in the news. I wasn’t wearing a keffiyeh [traditional Arab
headdress] around my neck.
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But my mouth would not open.
“Why did so many of them come to England?” she continued, muttering as if she were
sharing a confidence. “A ruination, that’s what it is.”
It struck me that she might be a landlady having trouble with tenants. I tried and tried
to part my lips. Where is the end of the tangled thread? How will we roll it into a ball if we
can’t find an end?
She chatted on about something less consequential, never seeming to mind our utterly
one-sided conversation, till the lights went down. Of course, I couldn’t concentrate on the
rest of the play. My precious ticket felt wasted. I twisted my icy hands together while my
cheeks burned.
Even worse, she and I rode the same train afterwards. I had plenty of time to respond,
to find a vocabulary for prejudice and fear. The dark night buildings flew by. I could have
said, “Madam, I am half Arab. I pray your heart grows larger someday.” I could have sent
her off, stunned and embarrassed, into the dark.
My father would say, “People like that can’t be embarrassed.”
But what would he say back to her?
Oh I was ashamed for my silence and I have carried that shame across oceans, through
the summer when it never rained, in my secret pocket, till now. I will never feel better
about it. Like my reckless angry last words to the one who took his own life.
Years later, my son and I were sitting on an American island with a dear friend, the only
African American living among 80 or so residents. A brilliant artist and poet in his seventies,
he has made a beautiful lifetime of painting picture books, celebrating expression,
encouraging the human spirit, reciting poems of other African American heroes, delighting
children and adults alike.
We had spent a peaceful day riding bicycles, visiting the few students at the
schoolhouse, picking up rounded stones on the beach, digging peat moss in the woods. We
had sung hymns together in our resonant little church. Our friend had purchased a live
lobster down at the dock for supper. My son and I were sad when it seemed to be knocking
on the lid of the pot of boiling water. “Let me out.” We vowed quietly to one another never
to eat a lobster again.
After dinner, a friend of our friend dropped in, returned to the island from her traveling
life as an anthropologist. We asked if she had heard anything about the elections in Israel—
that was the day Shimon Peres and Benjamin Netanyahu vied for prime minister and we
had been unable to pick up a final tally on the radio.
She thought Netanyahu had won. The election was very close. But then she said, “Good
thing! He’ll put those Arabs in their places. Arabs want more than they deserve.”
My face froze. Was it possible I had heard correctly? An anthropologist speaking. Not a
teenager, not a blithering idiot. I didn’t speak another word during her visit. I wanted to. I
should have, but I couldn’t. My plate littered with red shells.
After she left, my friend put his gentle hand on my shoulder. He said simply, “Now you
know a little more what it feels like to be black.”
So what happens to my words when the going gets rough? In a world where certain
equalities for human beings seem long, long, long, overdue, where is the magic sentence to
act as a tool? Where is the hoe, the tiller, the rake?
Pontificating, proving, proselytizing leave me cold. So do endless political debates over
coffee after dinner. I can’t listen to talk radio, drowning in jabber.
The poetic impulse—to suggest, hint, shape a little picture, to find a story, metaphor,
scene—abides as a kind of music inside. Nor can I forget the journalist in Dubai who called
me donkey for talking about vegetables when there was injustice in the world.
I can talk about sumac, too. When a friend asks what’s that purple spice in the little
shake-up jar at the Persian restaurant, tears cloud my eyes.
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
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Is it good for you?
Are vegetables, in some indelible way, smarter than we are? Are animals?
But then the headlines take the power. The fanatical behavior.
“Problem is, we can’t hear the voices of the moderates,” said the Israeli man, who
assured me his house was built on a spot where Arabs had never lived. “Where are they?
Why don’t they speak louder?”
(They don’t like to raise their voices.)
(Maybe they can’t hear you either.)
Excerpt from Naomi Shihab Nye, “Long Overdue,” Post Gibran: An Anthology of New Arab
American Writing (Syracuse University Press, 2000), p. 127.
Reflection Questions
1. Explain Shihab Nye’s various uses of “word” in the first paragraph. Why are words
important? How do we use them to act passively or actively?
2. Why is Shihab Nye’s use of the word “vocation” significant? She didn’t write
“employment” or “job.” Why is her diction important?
3. What are the various emotions Shihab Nye endures throughout her experiences with
people lambasting “Arabs”? How does she deal with fear, anger, or embarrassment?
4. How are names and labels important in the various circumstances in this story? What
larger significance do they have?
Discussion and Assignment Ideas
I. Have you ever sat down next to someone on a bus or an airplane and ended up telling
them your life story? Or was it the other way around, where they were the one who
disclosed information? What kind of disclosure was it—feelings disclosure, biographical
disclosure, or both? Did you enjoy this situation, or did it make you feel uncomfortable?
Why do some people feel comfortable disclosing so much personal information to others
in this situation? Is this “stranger on a train” interaction a uniquely American
phenomenon, or do you think most other cultures act the same way?
II. Quotes: These can be used to introduce topics, questions perspectives, or gain
individual opinion. Providing students with a quote and prompting them to write or
reflect on their personal feelings about the quote can help to spark discussion and
interest. Suggested prompts may include “Define this concept in your own words”; “Do
you agree with this statement? Explain”; “What text material can be used to support or
refute this idea?” “How can any or all of these quotations be applied to concepts from
chapter 5”; “What might these people say to Naomi Shihab Nye (the author above) or
vice versa?”
Power resides not in aggressiveness but in conscious choice.
—Stephanie Rhea
Compromise makes a good umbrella but a poor roof.
—James Russell Lowell
When our children see us expressing our emotions, they can learn that their own
feelings are natural and permissible, can be expressed, and can be talked about.
—Fred Rogers
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III. Under what circumstances would unreciprocated self-disclosure be appropriate? What is
the nature of such relationships (type, duration)? What are a few specific precautions
that can be taken to avoid a negative situation involving unreciprocated self-disclosure?
How might someone fix a situation in which there may have been too much self-
disclosure?
IV. Working with at least one other person, role-play typical situations. You can have
students develop situations or you can provide them. One example of a situation may be
this: Tom’s roommate borrows Tom’s car without permission; the roommate comes into
the room later and, giving Tom the keys, says, “ Thanks for the car.” Have each group
role-play to demonstrate Tom performing different levels of disclosure of his feelings:
the first group should demonstrate Tom masking his feelings, the second group should
demonstrate Tom displaying his feelings, and the third group should demonstrate Tom
describing his feelings. If time permits, have several groups go, demonstrating different
situations. You can repeat the activity to demonstrate communication styles: passive,
aggressive, and assertive behavior.
Video Conversation
After you’ve watched the video of Jan and Ken and have read the transcript of their
conversation, answer the following questions.
1. How does each person handle this conflict?
2. How well does each person listen to the other?
3. Are Jan and Ken appropriately assertive?
4. Comment on how well each provides feedback and describes feelings?
5. What privacy management guidelines should either Ken or Jan have followed? What
about disclosure guidelines?
Jan and Ken are in their early to middle twenties. They meet at Jan’s apartment. Jan and
Ken have been good friends for most of their lives. But because of what she said last week,
Ken believes Jan has betrayed their friendship.
Conversation
KEN: Jan, we need to talk. Why’d you tell Shannon about what happened between Katie
and me? Now Shannon doesn’t want to talk to me.
JAN (Silent for a moment as she realizes that he knows): Ken, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to
tell her. It just kind of slipped out when we were talking.
KEN: Sorry? Sorry is not enough. I told you that in private, and you promised that you’d
keep it just between you and me.
JAN: Ken, I told her that long before the two of you started dating. You know, Shannon and
I, we’ve been friends for a long time. We were just talking about guys and cheating and
stuff. It wasn’t about you specifically.
KEN: It wasn’t about me? It was totally about me. You had no right to tell anyone that,
under any circumstances. Now Shannon doesn’t trust me. She thinks I’m a lowlife that
sleeps around.
JAN: Well, I’m sorry, but the two of you weren’t even dating yet.
KEN: Oh, that’s irrelevant. You know, it would be irrelevant even if Shannon and I weren’t
dating. But, you know, the point is I thought I could trust you and tell you anything and
that it would go no further.
JAN: Yeah, like the time I told you I was thinking about dropping out of school for a
semester and you just happened to tell my dad?
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
KEN: Ah, that’s not the same thing.
JAN: You know what? It’s exactly the same. I trusted you and you squealed. My dad lit into
me big-time. He should have never known I was thinking about that. I trusted you, and you
betrayed me.
KEN: Well look, I was just trying to look out for you. I knew you were making a big
mistake, and I was just trying to stop you. And besides, you know I was right! (Gets
discouraged.) Don’t change the subject here. Are you saying that you’re telling Shannon is
some sort of payback for me telling your dad?
JAN: No, I’m just trying to point out that you’ve got no right to throw stones!
KEN: You know what? Then maybe neither of us can trust the other. Maybe we just
shouldn’t tell each other anything that we don’t want broadcast to the world, huh?
JAN: Don’t be such a jerk. I’m sorry, OK?
KEN: Well, that’s not good enough. You ruined any chance I had with her.
JAN: Are you saying that something I said about what you did a long time ago is ruining
your chances?
KEN: Yeah, it might.
JAN: Ken, if she truly valued your friendship, something that you did a long time ago
shouldn’t matter.
KEN: Well, maybe you’re right.
JAN: Look, I said I’m sorry, and I meant it. I’m also sorry about, you know, throwing in
what you told my dad. I know that wasn’t fair, but you know, you really hurt my feelings
when you blew up at me like that.
KEN: Listen, listen, I shouldn’t have, and I shouldn’t have told your dad. I should have
probably encouraged you to talk to him. We still friends?
Chapter Activities
8.1: Constructive Criticism
Purpose: To explore constructive criticism responses and prepare students to offer
constructive feedback to each other after they give speeches.
Time: 50 minutes
Process: Ask students to read the Communicate on Your Feet speech assignment,
“Giving Constructive Speech Criticism,” on page 184 of the core text. Show
them a speech video, and then ask them to practice giving constructive
criticism for this speech, following the format in the assignment: praise what
was done well and identify what could have been done better. After a few
people have provided their criticism, ask the class to critique one another’s
feedback in the same way, by first praising what is done well and then
identifying what could be improved upon.
8.2: Conflict Styles
Purpose: To practice resolving and managing conflicts and to explore the pros and cons
of different conflict styles
Time: 25 minutes
Process: Working in groups of three, have one person practice initiating a conflict with
a second person, who will practice at least two different styles of managing
conflict: avoiding, accommodating, forcing, compromising, or collaborating .
The third person should observe. The practicing pair should decide on a
conflict situation (e.g., a sister finds out her brother broke something she
valued; two roommates finds a $20 bill on the floor and each believes it
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
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belongs to him). Ask each pair to role-play the situation twice. The first time,
the initiator should demonstrate an ineffective style of conflict. The second
time, the responder need not “buy in” initially, but the initiator should use a
more effective style of conflict management. Once the observer has given
feedback, repeat the exercise twice more, using different scenarios and
switching roles so that each person has an opportunity to initiate, respond,
and observe.
Potential conflict scenarios
1. Husband and wife
Husband: Wants to get a puppy for their 4-year-old daughter for her
birthday. He has been waiting to get the dog for several years until the
daughter is old enough.
Wife: Doesn’t want a dog at all—she thinks their daughter is too young.
2. Brother and sister
Brother: Wants to use the family car to go out to the movies with his
friends
Sister: Wants to use the family car to go to her friend’s birthday party
3. Roommates
Roommate 1: Is a vegetarian and doesn’t like the smell of meat. Wants
the roommate to deep clean every time he or she cooks
Roommate 2: Really loves meat but hates to clean
4. Co-workers
Worker 1: Has to leave no later than 2:00 p.m. because she has to pick
up her child. Cannot be late to pick up the child from her mother’s house.
Worker 2: Gets to work about 2:15 p.m., fifteen minutes late, because
she has a second job across town, and she often gets stuck in traffic.
8.3: Asking for Criticism
Purpose: To illustrate the constructive communication made possible by criticism
requests
Time: 20 minutes
Process: Review the guidelines in the textbook for asking for criticism. Divide the class
into groups of three. Ask one member of each group to serve as observer.
The other two should read the following dialogue and then, with the
observer’s assistance, change the dialogue to meet the guidelines provided in
the text.
Tracy: So, what’s the matter with the way I clean the house? You’re always
sighing and rolling your eyes after I’m done.
Chris: You don’t want to hear it.
Tracy: You might as well tell me. I’m sick of the eye rolling, and we’ve both
signed a year-long lease.
Chris: You’ll get mad.
Tracy: Tell me already. Otherwise, I just have to guess.
Chris: Well, you just don’t do that good of a job.
Tracy: What do you mean?
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Chris: I don’t know. I think it’s much cleaner in here when it’s my week to
clean up.
Tracy: You’re just too picky.
8.4: Ethical Issues in Self-Disclosure
Purpose: To illustrate the relationship between self-disclosure and constructive criticism
Time: 25 minutes
Process: Have students read the Diverse Voices narrative “Long Overdue” on pages
172–173 of the textbook. They can first share their answers to the reflection
questions that came at the end of her essay. Then, divide the class into
groups to discuss the following questions:
1. Why does Naomi Shihab Nye have such a hard time disclosing that she is
half Arab in these situations?
2. Do you believe this is information that she shares with people on a daily
basis?
3. What might her level of self-disclosure say about her?
4. What did her friend mean when he said to her, “Now you know a little
more what it feels like to be black”?
5. How could she have described her feelings to the women in this story in
such a way that they would hear her? Would this have made the
situation any different? How would you have dealt with this situation?
8.5 Ways to Communicate
Purpose: What are some ways humans communicate? Participants learn about different
forms of communication; participants practice different forms of
communication.
Time: 30 minutes
Process: 1. Begin by playing the game “Telephone.” Have participants sit in a circle.
Ask one participant to think of a phrase or sentence. Direct them to whisper it
in the ear of the person sitting next to them. Each participant whispers what
they think they heard to the next participant next to them. The last
participant says the phrase or sentence out loud. Ask the first participant if
that was their phrase. Did anything change? Did the message get lost or
changed in translation? This is an example of verbal communication.
2. Now play the game “Charades.” Have participants get up one at a time to
act out a phrase or sentence without using any words or sounds while the
others guess the phrase or sentence. Ask participants to explain what they
did to communicate their message when they were unable to use words (ex:
facial expressions, body language, gestures). Were others able to guess the
54 phrases or sentence? Was the message delivered effectively? This is an
example of non-verbal communication. Explain that we all communicate all
day long, whether or not we are using words. Explain that others pick up
messages from our facial expressions, body language, gestures, and general
demeanor.
3. Have partners get in pairs. Direct them to communicate “hello” to their
partner three different ways. If they need help, remind them that they can
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
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use verbal words, written text, their body or a gesture, or even do something
creative.
4. Next have them communicate a feeling to their partner. Give examples of
feelings: sad, angry, happy, excited, jealous, confused, or worried. The other
partner will guess what feeling they are portraying. For example if their
feeling was “sad” they could say or write “I feel sad”, make a facial
expression, or show with their body how they feel)
5. Give examples from “telephone” and “charades” to demonstrate that what
you want to communicate is not always what others understand. Explain this
is how rumors and gossip spread: someone tells someone a secret and it gets
passed on and it gets changed and distorted along the way, just as the
message did in “telephone.”
6. Remind participants that being clear and concise in their verbal and non-
verbal communication is an important life skill that needs to be practiced.
7. Finish by using non-verbal communication to ask participants to take out
their journals or that you’ll see them later or that you love them! Have
participants guess your message and then do the action.
Adapted from: http://www.sdcda.org/office/girlsonlytoolkit/toolkit/got-05-
communication.pdf
Skill Building
Identifying Descriptions of Feelings
For each of these statements, determine if the message is a description of feelings. If it is,
place a “D” next to it. If you determine that the message is not a description of feelings,
supply a message that provides a description of feelings.
1. That was a great movie!
2. I was really cheered by the flowers.
3. I feel that you are not respecting my rights.
4. Yuck!
5. Damn—I screwed that up again. I feel like an idiot.
6. I feel certain I got the job because I was the most qualified person.
7. Congratulations, I feel happy for you.
8. When Pam’s around, I feel like a third wheel.
9. I’m ecstatic about winning the award.
10. I’m sick and tired of you.
Journal Assignments
A. Passive, Aggressive, Assertive
You have probably heard someone being labeled as passive-aggressive in the past. Perhaps
you were the one to use the expression. Perhaps you caught yourself saying, “He’s passive-
aggressive, isn’t he?” Does this chapter change your understanding of this expression? If so,
how has it changed? What do you think can be done to help those who have passive-
aggressive tendencies to be more assertive?
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B. Withholding Feelings
Is it ever in the best interest of an intimate relationship to withhold feelings permanently?
Temporarily? Why or why not? Have you ever withheld information in an intimate
relationship? Do you feel it was justified? Under what circumstances would you want
someone else to withhold information from you?
C. Family Criticism
Expressing criticism directly, in behavioral terms, is generally healthy for relationships.
What additional factors affect family relationships? Consider the power dimensions of child-
parent interactions.
D. Utilizing Conflict Management Styles
Discuss each type of conflict mentioned and give an example of a situation in which each of
these may be the most appropriate. What steps will you take to ensure that you are using
the right method during everyday interactions?
E. Reflection on Lesson 8-5: Ways to Communicate
How do you communicate most often? How would you get people to understand you if you
couldn’t communicate that way anymore? How can you reflect on participation and
communication from lesson 8-5?
What Would You Do?
A Question of Ethics
Ronaldo sat in the study hall cramming for a final examination when two of his classmates,
Chauncey and Doug, walked up to his table.
“Studying hard, huh?” Chauncey asked.
“Yeah. I’m stressing hard over this final,” said Ronaldo. “What about you guys?”
“Hardly studying,” said Chauncey.
Doug laughed.
Ronaldo looked at the two and saw that they both seemed relaxed and confident.
“Something’s not right with this picture,” he said. “You’re not going to tell me you guys are
ready for this thing, are you?”
“Yep,” said Chauncey.
Doug nodded.
“I don’t get it,” said Ronaldo. “You mean you’ve already gone back and studied
everything we’ve covered this semester?”
“Hey, bright boy, you only need to study what’s actually on the test,” said Chauncey.
“And how would you know that when McAllister didn’t even give us a study sheet to help
us know what would be on the test?” asked Ronaldo. He was beginning to put the puzzle
together.
Doug placed his hand on Chauncey’s arm. “Don’t tell him anything else, man,” he said.
“No, it’s all right. Ronaldo’s cool,” said Chauncey. “He knows how to keep a secret. Don’t
you?”
“I guess,” Ronaldo said uneasily.
“It’s like this,” said Chauncey. “Doug’s little brother is a super geek with computers. He
hacked into McAllister’s system and downloaded a copy of the final exam. You interested in
getting a head start?”
1. Assuming that Ronaldo declines Chauncey’s offer to cheat, what are the remaining
ethical issues he faces? Explain. Which would be more ethically compromising: letting
Chauncey and Doug get away with cheating, or betraying their trust by notifying the
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
8-15
professor about their actions?
2. When, if ever, is it ethically acceptable to divulge information that you have sworn not to
share with others?
3. What communication style does Ronaldo employ? What advice could you give him about
how to handle interpersonal conflict as it may present itself in this scenario?
PopComm!
The Right to Privacy in a Mediated Society
For over a century, celebrities have complained that the media invades their privacy, but it
was the death of Princess Diana in 1997 that focused worldwide attention on the extent to
which celebrities are denied any right to privacy. From the paparazzi who literally hounded
Princess Diana to her death, to the newspapers who publicized the college antics of the
Bush twins, it appears that anyone the media takes an interest in can no longer expect even
a basic right to privacy. Certainly, public figures expect to be scrutinized regarding their
professional lives, but the current cult of celebrity has created a situation in which the
media thinks little about prying into their private lives also. Not only that, but anyone
connected to these public figures, including their families, is also subject to invasive media
coverage.
For example, during the 2008 presidential campaign, the media covered the pregnancy
of vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin’s 17-year-old unmarried daughter, Bristol,
extensively. In addition, the father of Bristol’s child and his parents were subjected to
intense media scrutiny. Although Bristol’s pregnancy didn’t seem relevant to Palin’s
campaign, Reverend Debra Haffner argued in a Huffington Post column that when “family
matters relate directly to policy matters”—such as Palin’s positions on sexuality education
and teenage pregnancy—they are fair game. She maintained that calls for personal privacy
could sometimes shroud political issues. But then-presidential candidate Barack Obama
urged media to “back off these kinds of stories,” saying, “People’s families are off-limits,
and people’s children are especially off-limits. This shouldn’t be a part of our politics. It has
no relevance to Governor Palin’s performance as a governor or her potential performance as
a vice-president”.
The debate over invasive media coverage was not clouded by politics in February 2009
when the celebrity Web site TMZ.com posted a photo of pop star Rihanna after she was
physically assaulted by her then-boyfriend, R&B artist Chris Brown. The photo had been
leaked by someone at the Los Angeles Police Department and, embarrassed, the
department opened an internal investigation about the publication of the photo, saying it
“takes seriously its duty to maintain the confidentiality of victims of domestic violence”.
However, TMZ.com’s executive producer, Harvey Levin, defended the publication of the
photo, saying it helped put a face to the victims of domestic abuse. Even people who fight
for the rights of victims of domestic abuse hesitantly supported the decision to publish the
photo. Chicago author and advocate for battered women Susan Murphy-Milano speculated,
“Maybe it is a good idea, if it’s her, if young girls see this.” She added that she hoped it
would make young women think “Is the next picture going to be of her in a morgue?”.
But what about Rihanna’s right to privacy? PR Week points out that typical standards of
journalism prevent reporters and editors from publishing names of victims. However, in the
case of Rihanna, David Hauslaib, editorial director of Jossip.com, says, “We have this
appetite for celebrity culture and it brings down any sort of safeguards we, as a media
industry, have implemented to protect people”. The Gawker.com further explored this
debate about media ethics: “Critics say running the picture humiliates Rihanna at a time
when she’s already in emotional agony, that it pierces a zone of emotional and physical
privacy already grossly violated in the apparent attack on her”. Nonetheless, profit-seeking
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
8-16
publishers know that publishing such a shocking image will increase their traffic hits, and
thus they simply choose to run the risk of exploitation accusations.
In both these cases, proponents of breaking privacy boundaries argued that they did so
for a greater good. In Palin’s case, they maintained that the media coverage highlighted
important political issues; in Rihanna’s case, publishing her photo furthered awareness of
the seriousness of domestic violence. What do you think? Is the media justified in exposing
the private moments of celebrities’ lives, no matter how personal or painful, if doing so
raises public awareness? Or is this sort of coverage just exploitive?
Sources:
Haffner, D. (2008, September 2). Bristol Palin, Mary Cheney and the limits of family
privacy. Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-debra-
haffner/bristol-palin-mary-cheney_b_123164.html; Itzkoff, D. (2009, February 20). Police
investigate photo in Chris Brown case. New York Times. Retrieved from
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/21/arts/music/21arts-POLICEINVEST_BRF.html; Maul, K.
(2009, February 25). Rihanna aftermath rouses ethics debate. PR Week. Retrieved from
http://www.prweekus.com/Rihanna-aftermath-rouses-ethics-debate/article/127824;
McCartney, A. (2009, February 20). Rihanna won’t discuss Chris Brown, but thanks fans
[Television story]. Retrieved from ABC News Web site:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=6918527; Seelye, K. Q. (2008,
September 1). Palin’s teen daughter is pregnant; new G.O.P. tumult. New York Times.
Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/02/us/politics/02PALINDAY.html; Tate, R.
(2009, February 20). Battered Rihanna picture a media ethics lightning rod. The Gawker.
Retrieved from http://gawker.com/5157078/battered-rihanna-picture-a-media-ethics-
lightning-rod; TMZ responds to LAPD internal investigation on battered Rihanna photo
[Television story]. (2009, February 22). In On the Record. Retrieved from FOX News
Network Web site: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,498157,00.html
Reflection Questions:
1. Where is the line between freedom of information and the right to privacy
2. Was the publication of Rhianna’s battered face ethical and how did it affect all probable
parties involved – either directly or indirectly?
3. Is privacy impossible to maintain in a world in which we are all bound together by online
and technological machinations?
Experiential Assignments
Self-disclosure and Popular Media (see handout below)
Popular American culture has a reputation for promoting self-disclosure that probably
exceeds that of any other culture in the world. Yet clearly, as the phrase "too much
information" indicates, it is still possible to practice self-disclosure inappropriately in popular
American culture. Of course, what may be inappropriate for one person can be appropriate
for another. Find three instances of self-disclosure in popular media (film, television, radio,
magazines, newspapers, or the Internet) and write a paragraph on each, explaining why
you think the particular instance of self-disclosure is appropriate or inappropriate.
Praising and Criticizing (see handout below)
Think of someone you need to praise and someone to whom you would like to give
constructive criticism. Prepare feedback for each person. Use the following steps:
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
8-18
Experiential Assignment Handouts
Self-disclosure and Popular Media
Popular American culture has a reputation for promoting self-disclosure that probably
exceeds that of any other culture in the world. Yet clearly, as the phrase "too much
information" indicates, it is still possible to practice self-disclosure inappropriately in popular
American culture. Of course, what may be inappropriate for one person can be appropriate
for another. Find three instances of self-disclosure in popular media (film, television, radio,
magazines, newspapers, or the Internet) and write a paragraph on each, explaining why
you think the particular instance of self-disclosure is appropriate or inappropriate
To help you complete this activity, you can use the log below.
Self-Disclosure Instance #1
Self-Disclosure Instance #2
Self-Disclosure Instance #3
COMM5 Instructor Manual Chapter 8
Praising and Criticizing
Think of someone you need to praise and someone to whom you would like to give
constructive criticism. Prepare feedback for each person. Use the following steps:
1. Begin by writing a sentence that identifies your general impression of each person.
2. For each person, recall and write down the specific behaviors, actions, and messages
that led to your impression.
3. Identify all the consequences that have resulted from the way this person has acted or
spoken.
4. If you have any advice that seems appropriate to give to this person, record it.
5. Write a short feedback message for each person that follows the guidelines for effective
praise or criticism.
In the next day or two have a feedback conversation with at least one of these people and
use your preparation to help you deliver the feedback. Then write a paragraph describing
what happened and how well the feedback was received. Analyze why you believe the
feedback was received as it was. To help you complete this activity, you can use the
worksheets provided below.
General
impression
Behaviors,
actions, and
messages
consequences
Appropriate
advice
Feedback
message
Person to whom you would like to give constructive criticism:
General
impression
Behaviors,
actions, and
messages
consequences
Appropriate
advice
Feedback
message
