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Chapter 9
Managing Conflict in Relationships
CHAPTER OUTCOMES
•
Describe the factors that lead to productive conflict
•
Identify conflict triggers in yourself and others
o Unproductive Conflict is poorly managed conflict that has a negative impact on those
− Facilitating better decision making
− Someone you depend on acting irresponsibly
• Factors Affecting Conflict explores several specific forces that can influence how people
handle conflict.
o Power Dynamics
− People may handle conflict unproductively when power differs in a relationship.
© 2018 Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved.
− Taking conflict personally (TCP) is a negative tendency to view all conflict as a
personal assault.
o Communication Climate refers to the feelings surrounding relationships and may include
the following:
− Defensive climates are those where the people involved feel threatened.
steps to move toward a supportive climate.
o Culture and Conflict
• As far as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (the generally
individuals.
• Strategies for Managing Conflict include the three basic strategies that people use to manage
conflict.
− Conflict strategies are sets of goals and tactics that we can use to manage conflict.
o Escapist Strategies refer to ways people try to prevent or avoid conflict.
• These strategies can be helpful when the conflict is unimportant or may damage a
© 2018 Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved.
− Direct fighting (dominating, competitive fighting) views conflict as win or lose battles.
• Assertiveness can quickly become verbal aggressiveness, or attacking and belittling
the other person.
• Can be a benefit if a person uses these strategies to defend him- or herself from a
perceived threat.
• Focusing on issues
• Addressing underlying needs
1. Explain how conflict can be both productive and unproductive.
2. What are some communicative boundaries in your culture when it comes to conflict? What
conflicts are considered acceptable in your culture? What conflicts are considered
unacceptable or taboo? Where and when are acceptable places and times to have conflict?
home? In front of children? Lead students to connect this question to Chapter 5,
3. How does conflict work in different channels?
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© 2018 Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved.
•
If the class has a comfortable atmosphere, have the students get into a discussion of
cyberbullying. The website http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html offers good
resources to begin a discussion on this topic.
4. How do you approach a conflict in which you have to debate someone?
PERSONAL WRITING ASSIGNMENTS
1. Cyberbullying
Have you or has someone you know ever been the victim of cyberbullying? Why is
cyberbullying so powerful? Do some research on the topic and write a two- to three-page
2. Conflict on the Big Screen
do the characters use for the conflict? What are the outcomes of the conflict? Be sure to use
descriptions of the conflict to support your argument.
3. Pushing Your Buttons
contrasting the views of your friends and family members with your own.
4. Do You Do Conflict?
CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES
1. Technological Conflicts
Goal: To have students understand how technology can affect conflict
Materials: Flip camera or some other digital recording device (optional)
Directions:
1. Have students interview other students who have stories about how conflict may have
occurred based on a misunderstood text message or email. Have the students ask
interviewees how the conflict might have been avoided.
2. If possible, have students record the interviews and bring examples of their favorite
recorded stories to share with the class. If not possible, just have students share the stories
verbally.
2. Romeo, Romeo. . . .
1. Synopsis of Romeo and Juliet (you can find an example here:
2. Blank paper and writing implements for students
Directions:
2. Assign each group to have one of the following outcomes: win–win, compromise,
separation. (Note: If there are six groups, there will be two groups with each outcome.)
3. Have each group rewrite the story of Romeo and Juliet. Point out that the original version
4. Have students either read their synopsis aloud to the class or act it out, depending on the
time available.
3. Boys Will Be Boys
Goal: To have students examine the roles that gender plays in conflict
© 2018 Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved.
Materials: Blank paper and writing implements for students
Directions:
1. Separate the class by gender.
2. Ask the women to write down how they perceive men as “doing conflict.” Ask men to do
the same for women.
3. Gather the papers and read some of the statements aloud to the class.
4. Texting, Texting, 1, 2, 3
Goal: To have students experience how technology can influence a conflict
2.
Separate students into pairs, placing “texting” students together and “non-texting”
students together.
5. Changing the Game of Conflict
Goal: To have students understand that strategies for conflict change depending on whom the
1.
Ask for three pairs of volunteers from the students (or six students total).
2.
Tell the students that each pair is having a conflict over money. Assign the first pair to be
3.
Ask each pair of students to enact this conflict, one at a time, in front of the class.
Debriefing: How did the conflict change based on who was having it? Did the strategies
change? Did the outcomes change? Why do you think these changes were made?
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© 2018 Bedford/St. Martin’s. All rights reserved.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
REVIEW QUESTIONS
1.
Define conflict and how it is related to communication.
2.
Define unproductive conflict.
4.
List several reasons to avoid conflict.
5.
What factors should be considered when deciding which channel to use to resolve a conflict?
6.
How can compromise be helpful?
7.
What are the types of communication climate?
9.
Is conflict ever positive? Why or why not?
MEDIA
The Avengers (Marvel/Disney, 2012)
The extraordinarily popular culmination to a series of superhero movies that began with
Iron Man (2008), this action-adventure film depicts the formation of a team comprising
villain Loki, foment debate for very different reasons. Discuss when tension is helpful
and when is it hurtful.
The Company You Keep (Sony Pictures Classics, 2012)
down old friends for proof of his innocence. The character’s unique journey illustrates the
role of communication climates, since Jim/Nick occupies defensive climates with those
Do the Right Thing (40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks, 1989)
erupt. Features on the 2008 Criterion Collection DVD provide background into the
controversy that surrounded the film when it was released, revealing further layers of
conflict that remain pertinent more than two decades later.
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Gnomeo and Juliet (Touchstone Pictures, 2011)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (Warner Bros. Pictures, 2010)
conflict strategies.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (Columbia Pictures, 1939)
term of a deceased senator. Smith is reunited with the state’s senior senator, Joseph
Paine, presidential hopeful and Smith’s childhood hero. In Washington, however, Smith
try to get their way during conflicts.
Pride and Prejudice (Focus Features, 2005)
In this film adaptation of Jane Austen’s novel, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy repeatedly
impressions that are misleading, or even dead wrong.
The Water Haulers [Documentary film] (KNME, 2007)
in managing conflicts of this complexity and scale.
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Tucker Carlson Tonight [Commentary News] (Fox News)
Tucker Carlson is an opinion commentator that confronts his guests. Watch a few
would be an interesting observation to see the strategies Carlson uses to confront his
