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118
CHAPTER 9
COMMUNICATION AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
Objectives
After reading the material in Chapter Nine of Looking Out/Looking In, you should understand:
1. Identify factors that have influenced your choice of relational partners.
2. Use Knapp’s model to describe the nature of communication in the various stages of a relationship.
3. Describe the dialectical tensions in a given relationship, how they influence communication, and
the most effective strategies for managing them.
4. Explain how change and culture affect communication in interpersonal relationships.
5. Identify the content and relational dimensions of communication in a given transaction.
6. Describe how metacommunication can be used to improve the quality of a given relationship.
Notes on Class and Student Activities
1. Forming Relationships (9.4 in Student Activities Manual)
Objectives
Identify factors that have influenced your choice of relational partners.
Recognize the effects of these factors on the development of significant relationships.
Instructions
Assign the activity “Forming Relationships” (9.4 in Student Activities Manual) as an individual activity.
In class, have students break into groups to compare answers and discuss the following questions:
Discussion Questions
1. Do you notice consistencies in the factors that influence your choice of relational partners?
2. How have these factors affected the development of your significant relationships?
3. How might you change these factors in the development of future relationships?
2. Relational Stages (9.2 in the Student Activities Manual) or Your Relational Stage (MindTap Ch 9: A
Developmental Perspective - Pause and Reflect)
Objectives
Identify the developmental stages in Knapp’s model as reflected in specified relationship situations.
Identify the developmental stages in Knapp’s model as experience in personal relationship situations.
Note 1. Some students have a tendency to describe romantic relationships of even a short duration as
“bonded.” Encourage them to see the value of behaviors at each stage in building the relationship
over time. Remind them that one behavior does not make the stage, but a pattern and consistency of
types of behavior.
2. Another problem some students have with relational stages is that they think “the higher the better.”
Help them to see that mutual understanding of and satisfaction with the stage is a far better guide.
Instructions
Assign one of the activities, “Relational Stages” (9.2 in the Student Activities Manual) or “Your Relational
Stage” (MindTap Ch 9: A Developmental Perspective - Pause and Reflect) as an individual activity. In
class, have students break into groups to compare answers and discuss the following questions:
Discussion Questions
1. Drawing from the example of one of your relationships, do you think you are likely to remain at
your present stage, or do you anticipate movement to another stage?
2. Because both parties define a relationship, define your partner’s perspective. Would she or he say
that the relationship is in the same stage as you described? If not, explain how your partner would
describe it.
3. Consider a relationship (friendship or romance) you have been in that has terminated. How well
does the Knapp model describe the development and decline of that relationship? If the model
doesn't match, develop a new model to illustrate your relationship’s pattern.
4. How might understanding Knapp’s model affect the development of your future relationships?
3. Understanding Dialectical Tensions (MindTap Ch 9: A Developmental Perspective – Concepts in Play)
Objectives
To identify the three dialectical tensions: connection vs. autonomy, openness vs. privacy and predictability
vs. novelty
To differentiate between the three dialectical tensions as they are expressed in relationships.
Instructions
Have students individually complete “Understanding Dialectical Tensions” (MindTap Ch 9: A
Developmental Perspective – Concepts in Play) prior to class and use as a basis for class discussion, see
questions below.
Concepts in Play feature animated characters in a variety of “real life” scenarios designed to illustrate
difficult concepts in a way that engages the student’s interest and imagination. We recommend that
instructor’s build on these scenarios through classroom role plays that include additional applications,
such as applying the eight strategies for managing dialectical tension as presented in these scenarios
(as mentioned in the Option below).
Option
Have students apply the eight strategies for managing dialectical tensions– denial, disorientation,
alternation, segmentation, balance, integration, recalibration, and reaffirmation – to the Concept in Play
examples. Which ones do they believe would be the most helpful to these relationships?
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Have students also write a brief reflection about the role of dialectical tensions in relationships, with
personal examples.
Discussion Questions
1. Which of the dialectical tensions is the easiest to identify? Which is the most challenging?
2. How do dialectical tensions affect your closest relationships?
3. Does understanding the nature of dialectical tensions affect your perception of conflict in
relationships?
4. Discovering Dialectics (9.1 in the Student Activities Manual) or Your Dialectical Tensions (MindTap Ch
9: A Developmental Perspective - Pause and Reflect)
Objectives
To increase students’ knowledge of the tensions at work in relationships.
To help students consider more effective strategies to manage tensions in relationships.
Instructions
Have students individually complete “Discovering Dialectics” (9.1 in the Student Activities Manual) or
“Your Dialectical Tensions” (MindTap Ch 9: A Developmental Perspective - Pause and Reflect) prior to
class and use as a basis for class discussion, see questions below.
Discussion
1. How do dialectical tensions affect your relationships?
2. Which strategies do you think are the most effective?
3. Which strategies would be the most likely to use?
4. If the answers to the last two questions are different, why?
5. Is Your Relationship Worthwhile?
Objectives
To illustrate social exchange theory.
To help students examine their own relationships in terms of rewards and costs.
Instructions
1. Use as assignment or small group activity.
2. Ask students to diagram an important relationship using the social exchange equation [rewards –
costs = outcome]. Have them describe whether the payoffs and efforts are tangible or intangible.
3. Lead a discussion about what was learned. Ask them about their outcomes and about whether they
find this a useful way to consider the value of relationships.
6. Recognizing Relational Messages (9.3 in the Student Activities Manual)
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Objectives
To help students practice recognizing relational messages.
To show students how relational messages are interpretations that can be checked and clarified.
To give students the opportunity to apply metacommunication to the issues involved in the scenarios.
Instructions
Have students complete the activity individually. Then, ask them to compare and contrast their answers
in groups. Ask them to give their interpretations of “what’s going on – on a relational level” between
the two people in the scenario (they may have to make up some details).
Discussion Questions
1. For each item, which relational dimensions were identified? Did differences exist among group
members? If so, what accounted for the differences, and who is right? How do you know?
2. How might you use perception checking to clarify your interpretations?
3. How might you use metacommunication to discuss the issues in each scenario? What goals might
be satisfied through the use of metacommunication?
7. Repairing Damaged Relationships (9.7 in the Student Activities Manual)
Objectives
Identify the types and dimensions of relational transgressions
Identify and apply ways to make amends.
Recognize the possible effects of making amends on relationships.
Instructions
Have students complete the activity individually. Then, ask them to compare and contrast their answers
in groups. Ask them to give their opinion about whether the transgressor will be forgiven and what the
overall effect on the relationship will be.
Discussion Questions
1. For each item, which type and dimension of relational transgression was identified?
2. How does the form of amends chance with the type and dimension of the transgression?
3. How do you offer amends in relationships? How do you response when someone offers you
amends?
1. Dialectical tensions arise when a relationship is new and tend to disappear after the first two years.
2. Social circles merge and the relational partners take on a new relational identity in the intensifying
stage of relationships.
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3. Differentiation in relationships is always negative, since it is part of the “coming apart” process.
4. Partners tend to view one another as more attractive over time.
5. Affinity messages can be either positive or negative.
6. The strategy where communicators respond to one end of the dialectical spectrum and ignore the
other is
a. denial.
b. disorientation.
c. alternation.
d. segmentation.
e. recalibration.
7. Almost every message has
a. content dimension.
b. relational dimension.
c. both a content and a relational dimension.
d. no dimensions unless the communicators intend them to.
e. an unintentional message.
8. Talking the most, interrupting the other person, and changing the topic most often are all common
indicators of
a. conversation control.
b. decision control.
c. powerful control.
d. context control.
e. distributional control.
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Answer: a Type: M Communicating about Relationships
Knowledge
9. The term used to describe messages that people exchange, verbally or nonverbally, about their
relationship is
a. microcommunication.
b. conversation.
c. discourse.
d. metacommunication.
e. miscommunication.
10. Of the following, what is not a category of relational transgressions?
a. minor vs. significant
b. one-time vs. incremental
c. deliberate vs. intentional
d. social vs. relational
e. open vs. private
INSTRUCTIONS for questions 11-15 : Match the statement below with the relational stage it best describes.
a. avoiding
b. circumscribing
c. experimenting
d. integrating
e. differentiating
11. Relational partners attempt to reduce uncertainty and to decide if the relationship is worth
pursuing.
12. Relational partners begin to share identities and their social circles merge.
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13. Relational partners begin to withdraw from one another to avoid disagreement
14. Relational partners create physical distance between one another and make excuses to reduce
contact.
15. Relational partners shift from “we” orientation and use more “me” messages.
16. Define the four types of relational messages and illustrate each of them with examples from your
life.
Answer: will vary Type: E Communicating about Relationships
Application
17. Describe each of Knapp’s relational stages, those of “coming together” and “coming apart.” Use
a personal relationship and explain the stage(s) that you have gone through including the
communication used to reflect each stage.
Answer: will vary Type: E A Developmental Perspective Application
18. Identify a dialectical tension in one of your interpersonal relationships. Explain how this tension
has affected the relationship and identify/explain the strategy (or strategies) you use to manage the
dialectical tension.
Answer: will vary Type: E A Developmental Perspective Application
19. One characteristic of relationships is that they are constantly changing. Explain this principle and
include experiences from one of your own significant relationships in your discussion.
Answer: will vary Type: E A Developmental Perspective Application
20. Define a relational transgression and provide some examples of specific types of transgressions.
Also, explain the four categories of transgressions.
Answer: will vary Type: E Maintaining Interpersonal Relationships
Comprehension
