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Revising for Conciseness Name ______________________
Eliminate wordiness in the following sentences. Look for long lead-ins, redundancies, clichés,
noun conversions, needless repetition, and other wordy constructions.
1. This is to inform you that a great percentage of employees are of the opinion that it is
preferable to save their money in the event that they may want to retire early.
2. The vice president solicited the directors for their input concerning a request that was made by
the manager for information regarding the utilization of teleconferencing.
8. There have been some complaints on the part of customers who made the statements that
their orders were sent to wrong addresses.
9. We have reached the conclusion that because the CEO failed to plan in advance for the price
change, the company lost in excess of $3.5 million.
Revise for Conciseness: Proposed Revisions
1. Many employees prefer to save their money for early retirement.
2. The vice president asked the directors to comment on the personnel manager’s request for
information on using teleconferencing.
11. The consultant promised that the new software instructions would be correct.
12. Before choosing the new office location, we must assess the economic advantages of various
sites.
13. If you can complete this project early, please advise me.
