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2013, April Guffey Newsletter
Bonus Case Study
Persuasive Message: Miserable Meetings
The following e-mail message suffers from many writing faults, including poor tone and poor
persuasive strategy. It originated with a manager and is addressed to his boss.
Your Task. List at least seven writing weaknesses. Then revise the message implementing an
effective persuasive strategy. Include ideas and examples from your training in conducting and
participating in productive meetings. Consider volunteering to help develop and implement the
policy being requested.
To: Charlotte Cohen <ccohen@mitenterprise>
From: Clint Johnson <cjohnson@mitenterprise>
Subject: Miserable Meetings
Cc:
Attached:
Good morning!
I wonder if you know how bad meetings are around here. We seem to have endless meetings
that drag on and on forever. I myself attended five meetings within the building but also was
forced to participate in three more conference call meetings. And that was just last week! Nearly
every one of those meetings was poorly run. Some should never have been called because
they merely announced information after a decision had already been made. Some could easily
have been handled in an e-mail. Sometimes I think our meetings are really opportunities to
socialize under the guise of "work." Our meetings are huge time suckers.
I'm going to level with you and tell it like it is. Something needs to be done about the lost
productivity and sagging employee morale around here. No one likes to waste valuable time
attending poorly run or unnecessary meetings. Apparently, our managers have not been trained
in how to conduct meetings, although I realize that all of them are professional and have
business training.
What we need is a meeting policy or something like that. We need some guidelines or training
about how to conduct meetings. Has anyone thought of that? I can think of many ways to
improve meetings. Could we please talk about this?
Clint Johnson
Project Manager
Weaknesses
Fails to develop a logical argument for a persuasive request.
Sounds flippant, accusatory, and exasperated rather than helpful.
Should capture attention by describing the problem from the viewpoint of the
organization.
Complains but doesn't fully relate the problem to savings for the organization if meetings
were more efficient.
Misses an opportunity to build interest in the body by listing a few techniques in which
meetings could easily be made more efficient and productive.
Projects an inappropriate tone for a manager to use when requesting an action from a
superior.
Does not emphasize benefits to the organization resulting from improved meetings.
Fails to conclude with a specific request for action.
Should recognize that the persuasive request could be more successful if the writer
volunteered to help develop and implement a meeting policy.
Possible Revision
To: Charlotte Cohen (ccohen@mitenterprise)
From: Clint Johnson (cjohnson@mitenterprise)
Subject: Improving Productivity and Morale With Better Meetings
Cc:
Attached:
Good morning, Ms. Cohen,
This past week I attended five in-house meetings and participated in three conference call
meetings. Some were well-run and necessary; others were poorly run and wasted my time.
Some meetings were actually socializing classified as work, and others merely rehashed
decisions that were already made. One meeting was called to announce information that could
have been sent in an e-mail. I noticed that many participants were as frustrated as I was.
Although most of our managers have business training, some are unaware of how expensive
meetings are in terms of our time and lost productivity. Many simply don't know how to run
meetings efficiently.
I suggest that our division develop a meeting policy that outlines effective meeting procedures.
Here are a few examples:
Meetings should be called only if decisions need to be made, and only key people
should be invited.
Each meeting should have a purpose and an agenda.
Leaders should start on time and state what is to be accomplished.
Participants should be encouraged to come prepared and be willing to cooperate.
Leaders must keep the group on topic and know how to move the meeting along
efficiently.
Meetings should be concluded with a summary of what was accomplished and action
assignments.
These are just a few ideas for improving our division meetings. Clearly, our division could
improve productivity by eliminating or reducing drawn-out meetings. With your approval,
I would be happy to work with a committee to develop a meeting policy with tips for running
meetings efficiently.
Could we schedule a time within a week to discuss this matter further? This is an opportunity to
not only improve efficiency but also boost employee morale.
Clint Johnson, Manager
Project Manager
2013, Fall Guffey Newsletter
Bonus Case Study
Negative Message: Poor Claim Request
Your Task. The following e-mail message suffers from many writing faults. List its weaknesses
and then revise to remedy them.
Current date
Mr. John Lear
Regional General Manager
Apex Car Rentals
4510 Cyprus Street
Denver, CO 80246
Dear Mr. Lear:
We are asking you to help us retrieve $60 from your Colorado Springs Airport location. This
amount covers taxes and surcharges that were omitted from a recent refund of $180 to our
corporate account. We have had difficulty reaching the local manager, apparently the only one
who could authorize such transactions.
On August 15 a colleague and I received a free navigation device with our car rental because
we were forced to wait for an hour before being assigned a car. Unfortunately, the GPS was
defective, causing us further delay until a replacement was located.
Much to our surprise, the rental car bill later showed the full charge of $180, plus tax. Over the
next three weeks we had trouble contacting the manager to issue the refund. We spoke to
various employees in Colorado Spring and in your corporate office, but to no avail. Finally, after
threatening to keep calling until he spoke to me, I coaxed the Colorado Springs manager to the
phone. He promised to credit the cost of the navigation device to our account.
When we checked our account statement, we noticed that the manager had forgotten to add
$60 in taxes and surcharges that had also been assessed for the GPS. We are asking that you
use your influence to issue the credit to our account, given our problematic communication with
your Colorado Springs branch.
Enclosed are copies of the signed rental agreement listing the complimentary GPS and the bill
that includes the charges of $180 plus $60 in taxes for the device. Our corporate account
number is 3053-359-797.
We are a new business customer and, despite this experience, would like to use your agency
for future car rentals because of your competitive rates.
Sincerely,
Enclosures
Weaknesses
1. Fails to address the receiver appropriately and misspells John Lear’s name.
2. Opens with an angry statement instead of summarizing a desired action.
3. Uses an argumentative, belligerent, and unprofessional tone.
4. Includes wordy, outdated, and redundant expressions (in view of the fact that,
inasmuch as, true facts).
5. Closes with a cliché instead of ending pleasantly and asking for action by a specific
date.
2013, January Guey Newsletier
Bonus Case Study
Confusing Oce Move Message
The following message, which originated in an international technology company, was intended
to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different oce location. But its
stream-of-conscious thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver confused as to what is
expected and how to respond.
Your Task. Study the complete message. Then revise it with (a) a clear introduction that states
the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced lists, and (c) a conclusion that
includes a call to action and a deadline. Improve the organization by chunking similar material
together. What questions must be answered? What tasks should be performed? Make it easy
for receivers to respond by "down editing," i.e., returning the message with their responses (in
another color) interspersed among listed items. Finally, consider adding "you" view to the
message. It can be either an e-mail or a memo.
______________________________________________________________________________
Hello everyone,
We’ll be moving new team members into a new location next week so there are things we need
you to do to be ready for the move. For one thing, let me know which Friday you want your
personal items moved. The possibilities are November 9 and 16. Also, if you have an ergonomic
desk or chair you want moved, let me know. By the way, we’ll be sending boxes, labels, tape and
a move map four or 4ve days before the move date you choose, so let me know if this
timeframe allows you enough time to pack your belongings. And if you are bringing oce
equipment from your current team to the new team, let me know. Remember that company
policy allows you to take a workstation/laptop from your current team to the new workstation.
So check with your admin and let me know what oce equipment you will be bringing.
Incidentally, your new workstation will have a monitor and peripherals.
You’ll need to do some things before the movers arrive. Make sure you put foam pads around
your valuable, fragile items and then box them up. This includes things such as IT plaques, glass,
or anniversary glass sculptures. If the glass things break, replacing them is expensive and the
cost center is responsible for replacement. You may want to move them yourself and not have
the movers do it.
Another thing–make sure you pack up the contents of all gray 4ling cabinets because movers do
not move those. Also, write on the move map the number and delivery location of whiteboards,
corkboards, and rolling cabinets. Most importantly, make sure you add a name label to all your
belongings, such as desk phones, docking stations, peripherals, monitors, tables, ergonomic
desks, ergonomic chairs, etc. If you see old move labels on recycled boxes, remove them or
cross them out.
Get back to me ASAP. And by the way, the movers will arrive between 4 p.m. and midnight on
the move date.
Thank you.
Possible solution
New team members,
The oce move to your new location will take place on either November 9 or November 16.
The movers will arrive between 4 p.m. and midnight. Your responses to the following questions
and completion of the tasks involved will help ensure that your items arrive safely and be where
you want them.
Please answer the following question:
1. Move requests for your personal items will be arranged on 11/9 or 11/16 (Fridays);
which of those days is be=er for you?
2. Do you have an ergonomic desk or chair (or other large furniture) that you want moved
to your new oce location? If so, please list those items.
3. Boxes, labels, tape, and a move map will arrive four to 4ve business days before the
move. Please let me know if these supplies do not arrive on schedule or if this time
frame poses a problem work for you.
4. What oce equipment will you be bringing from your current team? Company policy
allows you to take a workstation/laptop from your current team. However, some groups
allow the transferring employees to take more, so check with your admin regarding this
policy. Your new oce will be set up with a workstation, monitor, and peripherals.
Please complete the following tasks:
1. Use foam pads to box up fragile and valuable items: IT plaques, glass, or anniversary
glass sculptures. Glass replacements are expensive, and the cost center is responsible for
replacement. As an option, you may personally move glass sculptures or valuables.
2. Pack the contents of all gray 4ling cabinets, as movers do not move them.
3. Indicate on the move map the number and delivery location of whiteboards, corkboards,
and rolling cabinets.
4. Add a name label to your belongings, such as desk phones, docking stations, peripherals,
monitors, tables, ergo desks, and ergo chairs.
5. Remove or cross out old move labels if using recycled boxes.
Please email me your responses to the above questions by Friday, October 26, so we’ll have two
weeks’ notice to make the move as smooth as possible for you. We look forward to having you
on the team and greeting you in your new oce!
Regards,
Source: Guffey and Loewy, Chapter 8, Business Communication: Process and Product, 8e,
Cengage Learning 2014
March Case Study: Persuasive Request
Raise the Minimum Wage? Employee Says Yea
As one of more than twenty minimum-wage employees at Carly's Catering in Omaha, Nebraska,
you are closely following the national debate about raising the minimum wage. Your employer,
Carly Herrera, has a three-year-old catering business that provides exceptional meals and
top-notch service to businesses and individuals looking to cater events, weddings, and other large
parties.
Your job as a "cater-waiter" is high pressure
because Carly demands efficient, versatile, and
personable help. And while you sometimes earn
tips, you mostly rely on your hourly wage, which is the
minimum required by law. Turnover at Carly's is high
because many employees just don't think the job
is worth it, and during the recent holiday rush,
several of your co-workers quit unexpectedly.
You research the issue and find the following facts:
Many economists say an increase in the minimum wage will spur consumer spending and
help the weak economy.
Twenty-one states and the District of Columbia already have higher minimum wages than
the federal level.
Nebraska lawmakers have introduced a bill to increase the minimum wage from the
current $7.25/hour.
Scholarly studies show that the cost increase to employers is offset by lower turnover and
higher productivity.
Your task. Write a persuasive request e-mail to Carly in which you ask her to consider raising
the minimum wage at Carly's Catering.
Possible solution
Dear Carly,
The recent holiday rush was certainly a busy time for us at Carly's Catering, and I'm sure you
realize that the unexpected loss of several staff members made it particularly challenging for the
remaining team members to deliver the kind of service you expect.
Recently the Nebraska legislature introduced a bill that would raise the minimum wage. If it
passes, Nebraska would join twenty-one states and the District of Columbia, which already have
higher minimum wages than the federal level. From my research, I've learned that many
economists say increasing the minimum wage will spur consumer spending and help the weak
economy, which would certainly benefit small businesses like Carly's Catering.
But perhaps most compelling information I encountered to support raising the minimum wage
was a rebuttal to those who say that such a raise would affect small businesses. In fact, scholarly
studies have shown that what employers lose by paying employees higher wages is offset by
lower turnover and higher productivity.
I hope you consider increasing the minimum wage for your wait staff. I feel certain that doing so
will not only prevent situations similar to the one we ran into recently, but it will create a more
stable team that will help you grow your business.
Respectfully,
[Student Name]
