978-0133753820 Chapter 8

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Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

CHAPTER 8:

Enhancing Relationships

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After studying this chapter, students will be able to:

1. Explain how the five Communication Principles for a Lifetime apply to the

interpersonal communication among friends, family members, and

colleagues.

2. Identify and describe the stages of relational escalation and de-escalation.

3. Summarize research findings on relationship dissolution, including

communication in the on-again/off-again relationship and the postdissolutional

relationship.

4. Discuss relational dialectics and three primary tensions in relationships.

5. Summarize the definition and seven types of interpersonal conflict; key

characteristics of nonconfrontational, confrontational, and cooperative styles

of conflict management; and ways in which people can cooperate in conflict

situations by managing their emotions, managing information, managing

goals, and managing the problem.

TEACHING OUTLINE

I. The Importance of Relationships: Friends, Family, and Colleagues

A. Friendship Matters

B. Family Matters

C. Colleagues Matter

II. Stages of Relationship Development

A. Relational Escalation

B. Relational De-Escalation

III. Relationship Dissolution (a.k.a. the Breakup)

A. Best Practices in Breaking Up

V. Managing Interpersonal Conflict

A. Types of Conflict

B. Properties of Conflict

Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

Instructor’s Manual

1. Conflict Involves Power

2. Conflict May Involve Assertive or Aggressive Communication

C. Styles of Managing Conflict

1. Nonconfrontational Style

2. Confrontational Style

CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTION SETS

Due to the nature of the subject matter, students are sometimes reluctant to

respond to questions related to interpersonal communication. Caution should be

used to protect students from public disclosure. As a consequence, many of

these questions are somewhat generic in nature and hypothetical situations are

raised instead of actual circumstances.

How is a friendship different from the kinds of relationships we often form

at work or school?

• Can relationships of circumstance evolve into relationships of choice?

How?

• How many of you still keep in contact with friends from high school?

• When was the last time you saw them?

How do you see the five guidelines presented by the authors apply to

maintaining your friendships?

• How many of you would be willing to maintain a long distance, romantic

relationship? Why or why not?

• How can technology be used to maintain long distance relationships?

• Are long distance relationships doomed to fail?

• What is the primary determinant of maintaining a long distance

relationship? (Money) Why?

The authors suggest that all families are dysfunctional. Do you agree?

• What does dysfunctional really mean?

• How important is it to maintain family relationships?

• How do you define a family?

• Are step-parents real parents?

How can you apply the five guidelines to maintaining family relationships?

• One suggestion for dealing with family members is to speak to them as

you would a friend.

• Do you agree? Why or why not

• Do we have to count television as a family member now?

• How do videos and TV influence the way children learn to communicate?

• How important are comments we receive from our siblings?

• In general, are we inert or alert communicators when we speak with our

families?

Why do we develop friendships at work?

• Is this unethical? Why or why not?

• Often we start friendships with peers who are at our level. What happens

when they get promoted?

How can you apply the five guidelines to communication with colleagues?

• When communicating with colleagues, how do you balance your own

personal goals for advancement and recognition with sincere friendship?

• Why is cyber infidelity so easy for people to commit?

• Do you know anyone who has committed cyberinfidelity?

• What is your opinion of cyberinfidelity?

Is conflict good or bad for a relationship?

• How can it be good?

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What is destructive conflict?

• How do you know that you are in a downward spiral?

• How important is observing nonverbal communication to determine

whether or not a particular conflict is constructive or destructive?

• When we are in conflict with someone what is more important: what

someone says, or how they say it?

• When engaged in conflict, which rule is more important to follow, the

golden rule or the platinum rule?

What’s the difference between assertive and aggressive communication

styles?

• We’re taught over and over again that being aggressive is good, do you

agree?

would be preferable to being supportive?

How do we learn to handle conflict?

• We learn by observing others and patterns.

• So do we treat conflict management as a habit or a skill? If it is a skill, can

we improve our technique? What would be the first step? (Self-

stops you.

• Now this relates to a relationship of choice that you might start, what about

the relationships of circumstance? As a new employee, what cues do you

look for?

• How do we reach intimacy?

• What are the barriers to intimacy? Trust, pride, ego, time, commitment,

etc.

What’s the best way to initiate a relationship?

• What are the worst pick-up lines you’ve heard?

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• So what’s the best way to initiate a relationship? Directly or indirectly?

• Now, let’s move away from romance and back to work. How should you

initiate a relationship at work? Motives do come into play at work. Is it

ethical to initiate a relationship with someone simply because you believe

they might be able to help you in the future or vice versa?

Intimacy the same thing as sexuality?

• What’s the difference? (Intimacy = self-disclosure and relational

closeness; sexuality = sex.)

• Should reaching the intimacy stage be the ultimate goal of relationship

escalation? Why or why not?

How do relationships dissolve over time?

• Will all relationships experience moments of turmoil and stagnation?

• Is this a sign that the relationship is doomed?

• What kinds of things signal turmoil or stagnation in a relationship?

• How do we take our partners for granted?

• So, does that mean we have to constantly say things like “Please,” and

“Thank you,” and provide compliments?

How do you know that a relationship has moved into de-intensification?

reminded of?

What does individualization mean?

• How is it different from de-intensification?

• At this stage, the authors suggest that partners turn to others for relational

needs, so how does this relate to the idea of infidelity in a relationship?

• Is this a healthy attitude to take?

• Research demonstrates that 50% of all married people divorce. Does that

mean the other 50% are happy?

• Why is separation such a difficult step for most Americans to take?

• Is it ethical to break-up with someone through email, mail, phone, post-it

note, face-to-face?

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• Can a short-term, intense relationship have a lasting affect? How so?

• How do we explain break-ups?

If we finally decide we have something in common, how do we develop the

relationship?

• What kind of topics do we deal with in exploration? (Opinions, ideas)

How do we intensify a relationship?

• What do the authors mean by confirmation of self-concept?

• What happens to pronoun usage? Time? Touch?

• What does it mean to personalize language?

• Do we only intensify romantic relationships?

JOURNAL QUESTIONS

1. As your authors suggest, we often pattern our conflict management styles

based on what we observed in our families. How did you learn to deal with

2. Think of a friendship you have made at work. Please note that college is

work and a professional environment; therefore, you may think of a student

3. How do you feel about your family relationships?? Do you feel you are an

open person or relatively closed person? How do dialectical tensions impact

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your relationships with your various family members? Have these tensions

changed over the years? If so, how?

4. Think of a time when you were involved in a pseudoconflict situation. Why do

you think this conflict arose? Who misunderstood the message of the other?

5. Most of us have been involved at one time or another in an ego conflict. Think

of a time when you were involved in such a situation. Why do you think this

6. Think of a recent conflict you have experienced. Write a journal entry to

describe and analyze the event. What happened? Was the conflict

constructive, destructive, or both? How was power distributed in the

confrontation? Did the partners assume complementary, symmetrical, or

parallel roles? How did this influence the outcome? Do you feel you used

passive, assertive, or aggressive strategies to resolve the conflict? If you

could go back in time, what would you do differently?

7. Think about the last major conflict you had. Describe what happened and

analyze the kind of conflict that occurred. What would be the dominant tone

of the conversation—placating, distracting, computing, withdrawing,

surrendering, blaming, or cooperating? Given what you now know about

conflict, how might you change the conversation?

8. Think of a relationship you have now that is experiencing one of the levels of

de-escalation. How did the de-escalation begin? What caused the turmoil or

9. In today’s world of sports, commentators often praise athletes for being

“aggressive” when playing. In interpersonal relationships, however, we know

that assertiveness is good but that aggressive communication is not good.

Should athletes be assertive rather than aggressive or can you make a

distinction between aggressiveness in sports and aggressiveness in your

relationships with others?

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ACTIVITIES

Activity 8.1: THIS is CNN

Watch a televised debate/discussion (CNN, NBC, CBS, etc.) and, as you watch,

take notes regarding the types of conflict discussed in the textbook that are

ASSIGNMENTS

There are no formal assignments offered for this chapter.