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Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e
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CHAPTER 8:
Enhancing Relationships
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After studying this chapter, students will be able to:
1. Explain how the five Communication Principles for a Lifetime apply to the
interpersonal communication among friends, family members, and
colleagues.
2. Identify and describe the stages of relational escalation and de-escalation.
3. Summarize research findings on relationship dissolution, including
communication in the on-again/off-again relationship and the postdissolutional
relationship.
4. Discuss relational dialectics and three primary tensions in relationships.
5. Summarize the definition and seven types of interpersonal conflict; key
characteristics of nonconfrontational, confrontational, and cooperative styles
of conflict management; and ways in which people can cooperate in conflict
situations by managing their emotions, managing information, managing
goals, and managing the problem.
TEACHING OUTLINE
I. The Importance of Relationships: Friends, Family, and Colleagues
A. Friendship Matters
B. Family Matters
C. Colleagues Matter
II. Stages of Relationship Development
A. Relational Escalation
B. Relational De-Escalation
III. Relationship Dissolution (a.k.a. the Breakup)
A. Best Practices in Breaking Up
V. Managing Interpersonal Conflict
A. Types of Conflict
B. Properties of Conflict
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1. Conflict Involves Power
2. Conflict May Involve Assertive or Aggressive Communication
C. Styles of Managing Conflict
1. Nonconfrontational Style
2. Confrontational Style
CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTION SETS
Due to the nature of the subject matter, students are sometimes reluctant to
respond to questions related to interpersonal communication. Caution should be
used to protect students from public disclosure. As a consequence, many of
these questions are somewhat generic in nature and hypothetical situations are
raised instead of actual circumstances.
How is a friendship different from the kinds of relationships we often form
at work or school?
• Can relationships of circumstance evolve into relationships of choice?
How?
• How many of you still keep in contact with friends from high school?
• When was the last time you saw them?
How do you see the five guidelines presented by the authors apply to
maintaining your friendships?
• How many of you would be willing to maintain a long distance, romantic
relationship? Why or why not?
• How can technology be used to maintain long distance relationships?
• Are long distance relationships doomed to fail?
• What is the primary determinant of maintaining a long distance
relationship? (Money) Why?
The authors suggest that all families are dysfunctional. Do you agree?
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• What does dysfunctional really mean?
• How important is it to maintain family relationships?
• How do you define a family?
• Are step-parents real parents?
How can you apply the five guidelines to maintaining family relationships?
• One suggestion for dealing with family members is to speak to them as
you would a friend.
• Do you agree? Why or why not
• Do we have to count television as a family member now?
• How do videos and TV influence the way children learn to communicate?
• How important are comments we receive from our siblings?
• In general, are we inert or alert communicators when we speak with our
families?
Why do we develop friendships at work?
• Is this unethical? Why or why not?
• Often we start friendships with peers who are at our level. What happens
when they get promoted?
How can you apply the five guidelines to communication with colleagues?
• When communicating with colleagues, how do you balance your own
personal goals for advancement and recognition with sincere friendship?
• Why is cyber infidelity so easy for people to commit?
• Do you know anyone who has committed cyberinfidelity?
• What is your opinion of cyberinfidelity?
Is conflict good or bad for a relationship?
• How can it be good?
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What is destructive conflict?
• How do you know that you are in a downward spiral?
• How important is observing nonverbal communication to determine
whether or not a particular conflict is constructive or destructive?
• When we are in conflict with someone what is more important: what
someone says, or how they say it?
• When engaged in conflict, which rule is more important to follow, the
golden rule or the platinum rule?
What’s the difference between assertive and aggressive communication
styles?
• We’re taught over and over again that being aggressive is good, do you
agree?
would be preferable to being supportive?
How do we learn to handle conflict?
• We learn by observing others and patterns.
• So do we treat conflict management as a habit or a skill? If it is a skill, can
we improve our technique? What would be the first step? (Self-
stops you.
• Now this relates to a relationship of choice that you might start, what about
the relationships of circumstance? As a new employee, what cues do you
look for?
• How do we reach intimacy?
• What are the barriers to intimacy? Trust, pride, ego, time, commitment,
etc.
What’s the best way to initiate a relationship?
• What are the worst pick-up lines you’ve heard?
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• So what’s the best way to initiate a relationship? Directly or indirectly?
• Now, let’s move away from romance and back to work. How should you
initiate a relationship at work? Motives do come into play at work. Is it
ethical to initiate a relationship with someone simply because you believe
they might be able to help you in the future or vice versa?
Intimacy the same thing as sexuality?
• What’s the difference? (Intimacy = self-disclosure and relational
closeness; sexuality = sex.)
• Should reaching the intimacy stage be the ultimate goal of relationship
escalation? Why or why not?
How do relationships dissolve over time?
• Will all relationships experience moments of turmoil and stagnation?
• Is this a sign that the relationship is doomed?
• What kinds of things signal turmoil or stagnation in a relationship?
• How do we take our partners for granted?
• So, does that mean we have to constantly say things like “Please,” and
“Thank you,” and provide compliments?
How do you know that a relationship has moved into de-intensification?
reminded of?
What does individualization mean?
• How is it different from de-intensification?
• At this stage, the authors suggest that partners turn to others for relational
needs, so how does this relate to the idea of infidelity in a relationship?
• Is this a healthy attitude to take?
• Research demonstrates that 50% of all married people divorce. Does that
mean the other 50% are happy?
• Why is separation such a difficult step for most Americans to take?
• Is it ethical to break-up with someone through email, mail, phone, post-it
note, face-to-face?
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• Can a short-term, intense relationship have a lasting affect? How so?
• How do we explain break-ups?
If we finally decide we have something in common, how do we develop the
relationship?
• What kind of topics do we deal with in exploration? (Opinions, ideas)
How do we intensify a relationship?
• What do the authors mean by confirmation of self-concept?
• What happens to pronoun usage? Time? Touch?
• What does it mean to personalize language?
• Do we only intensify romantic relationships?
JOURNAL QUESTIONS
1. As your authors suggest, we often pattern our conflict management styles
based on what we observed in our families. How did you learn to deal with
2. Think of a friendship you have made at work. Please note that college is
work and a professional environment; therefore, you may think of a student
3. How do you feel about your family relationships?? Do you feel you are an
open person or relatively closed person? How do dialectical tensions impact
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your relationships with your various family members? Have these tensions
changed over the years? If so, how?
4. Think of a time when you were involved in a pseudoconflict situation. Why do
you think this conflict arose? Who misunderstood the message of the other?
5. Most of us have been involved at one time or another in an ego conflict. Think
of a time when you were involved in such a situation. Why do you think this
6. Think of a recent conflict you have experienced. Write a journal entry to
describe and analyze the event. What happened? Was the conflict
constructive, destructive, or both? How was power distributed in the
confrontation? Did the partners assume complementary, symmetrical, or
parallel roles? How did this influence the outcome? Do you feel you used
passive, assertive, or aggressive strategies to resolve the conflict? If you
could go back in time, what would you do differently?
7. Think about the last major conflict you had. Describe what happened and
analyze the kind of conflict that occurred. What would be the dominant tone
of the conversation—placating, distracting, computing, withdrawing,
surrendering, blaming, or cooperating? Given what you now know about
conflict, how might you change the conversation?
8. Think of a relationship you have now that is experiencing one of the levels of
de-escalation. How did the de-escalation begin? What caused the turmoil or
9. In today’s world of sports, commentators often praise athletes for being
“aggressive” when playing. In interpersonal relationships, however, we know
that assertiveness is good but that aggressive communication is not good.
Should athletes be assertive rather than aggressive or can you make a
distinction between aggressiveness in sports and aggressiveness in your
relationships with others?
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ACTIVITIES
.
Activity 8.1: THIS is CNN
Watch a televised debate/discussion (CNN, NBC, CBS, etc.) and, as you watch,
take notes regarding the types of conflict discussed in the textbook that are
ASSIGNMENTS
There are no formal assignments offered for this chapter.
