978-0133753820 Chapter 7

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Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

Instructor’s Manual

CHAPTER 7:

Understanding Interpersonal Communication

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After studying this chapter, students will be able to:

1. Define interpersonal communication and discuss its three unique attributes.

2. Describe the roles of communication in revealing interpersonal attraction and

initiating relationships.

3. Explain the roles of self-disclosure and emotional expression in maintaining

face-to-face and online relationships.

TEACHING OUTLINE

I. What Is Interpersonal Communication?

II. Initiating Relationships

A. Interpersonal Attraction: Why We Like Whom We Like

1. Physical and Sexual Attraction

2. Similarly

3. Proximity

4. Complementarity

B. Communicating Our Attraction

C. Getting That First Conversation Going

1. Reducing Uncertainty

2. What Do You Say First?

3. The Art and Skill of Asking Great Questions

4. Avoiding Self-Absorption

5. The Art and Skill of Giving and Receiving Compliments

III. Maintaining Relationships

A. Self-Disclosure: Revealing Yourself to Others

B. Properties of Self-Disclosure

1. Reciprocity

2. Appropriateness

3. Risk

C. Two Models of Self-Disclosure

1. The Social Penetration Model

2. The Johari Window

D. Expressing Emotions

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CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTION SETS

How do you feel meeting somebody brand new?

• Does the person’s gender have any effect on the way you feel?

• What other factors make you feel more or less nervous when you meet

someone? Status? Beauty? Intelligence? Other things?

• In the grand scheme of things, how important is one-on-one

In terms of quantity, are most of our interactions interpersonal or

impersonal?

• What is impersonal communication? Can you give some examples?

• What do we mean when we say that impersonal interactions are scripted?

• Even in close interpersonal relationships, do we script some of the

communication? What part?

• So, ritual can play a part in all relationships?

• What value does this have? (Predicting outcomes)

What is a relationship of circumstance?

• Can you give a few examples?

• What kind of relationship do you and I have?

• Is it really interpersonal, or does it hit more of an impersonal level?

• What would it take to make the relationship one of choice vs.

circumstance?

• Would this be appropriate?

• What assumptions can we make about relationships of circumstance?

Assume greater familiarity and more closeness than exists.

What is a relationship of choice?

• How do we engage in a relationship of choice?

• Your authors suggest that a relationship of choice can become one of

circumstance. Do you agree? How does this happen?

Is there such a thing as LOVE at first sight?

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Instructor’s Manual

• How would you respond if someone did this to you?

• Do you agree there are definable stages we move through or are

relationships more mysterious?

When we meet someone for the first time, why do we go on a fishing

expedition of, “Do you know,” “Have you been to,” “Do you know this

person?”

• Discovering commonality.

• What are we really doing here?

• Gossip. Do men gossip?

• What is sports talk?

What is interpersonal attraction?

• What makes another person attractive?

What’s the difference between short-term initial attraction and long-term

maintenance attraction?

• Your authors suggest that similarity, physical and/or sexual attraction, and

proximity enhance the potential for finding someone attractive. Of the

three, which is most important? (Proximity) Why?

• Does this mean that long distance relationships are doomed?

Do opposites attract?

• What kinds of opposites are good? (Complementarity and variety)

• What things should be similar for developing long-term relationships?

• Can we really change another person? Who can you change?

• Can people be too similar?

What’s the difference between physical attraction and sexual attraction?

• Must there always be physical attraction? Can we develop a long-term

According to the matching hypothesis, we look for long-term relationships

with those we find as attractive as ourselves. Do you agree?

• Can a couple’s appearance actually tell us something about the degree of

intimacy in the relationship? How?

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What is complementarity?

• According to this principle, with who should a person with high control

needs match?

• What about the person with moderate control needs?

• Does that mean that a person with high affection needs should match with

someone with low affection needs? It’s not just high/low, but balance.

• How do you distinguish affection from inclusion?

• Can a person have a high need to give affection, but a low need to receive

it?

• What about inclusion?

• How do we communicate affection, inclusion, and control to others?

Do we telegraph our attraction to others?

• How?

Can we discern physical attraction from sexual attraction?

• How?

• What is preening?

• Is this conscious or unconscious?

• Is it ethical for someone in a committed relationship to telegraph attraction

to another person?

What is uncertainty reduction?

What are passive strategies?

• Are they effective?

• If we are strongly attracted to someone, can we be blinded to certain

defects?

• What’s the detriment of this?

• What are active strategies for reducing uncertainty?

• When checking your perception with another person, what cautions should

you keep in mind?

• One theory argues that “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Should

you check your perceptions with people you don’t like?

What do the authors mean by active strategies?

• Why do people tend to avoid this? (Fear of rejection.)

• How do you overcome this?

What do the authors mean by the art and skill of asking great questions?

• What is the difference between an interview and a conversation?

Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

• When meeting someone, should we be more focused on ourselves or the

other person?

• Think of someone you really enjoyed meeting. What did the person do?

What does it mean to be a self-absorbed communicator?

• What is narcissism?

• How do you project this quality?

How do you feel when you are complimented?

• What’s the best way to accept a compliment?

• Do you find it easy to give compliments?

• Why do we hold back?

Is the Johari window a good model to describe relationships?

• What is the open pane?

• When we first meet another person, what information is immediately

open?

• What is the blind pane?

• Have any of you ever had something pointed out by another person?

• How did it make you feel?

• What is the hidden pane?

• Should we strive to completely eliminate the hidden pane in our most

intimate relationships? Why not?

• Is it good to have some things hidden?

• What is the unknown pane?

• Do you believe in fate or destiny?

• What about hidden potential?

• Have you ever amazed yourself by doing something with another person

you thought you couldn’t do?

• You can address potential and the positive elements of peer pressure—

for acting—murder, shoplifting, name calling, or other similar acts.

• Which model—social penetration or Johari window—do you prefer?

• You can’t really compare as they measure different things.

• According to the Johari window model, what must you do to increase the

open pane? (Self-disclose.)

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• How do you decrease the blind pane? (Self-awareness and ask for

feedback.)

JOURNAL QUESTIONS

1. Think of a relationship that is very precious to you. Choose someone other

than a member of your immediate family so that you can reflect back on the

2. What is attractive to you? Take a moment and reflect on this question. You

may want to refer to the nonverbal criteria entry written earlier. Create mental

3. Do you enjoy similarities or differences? Look at three of your closest

relationships and identify what you have in common with these people and

what makes you different. What binds your relationship to them, the

similarities or the differences? Based on how you have developed these

relationships, what patterns may you be seeking in the future?

4. Create your ideal partner. Evaluate yourself on the six dimensions of

complementarity. Do you feel you have a high, moderate, or low need to give

5. Have a conversation with someone you feel may find you attractive and

someone you feel does not find you attractive. While conversing with these

partners, carefully evaluate the verbal and nonverbal messages. What

differences do you note? Did one partner provide more immediacy cues than

the other? How were the verbal messages different? Did you notice any

preening activities? Now, be careful—was it you that found the other person

attractive/unattractive or was it they who found you attractive/unattractive?

6. Think of a person you would like to meet and to whom you have access.

Models and movie stars are out of bounds. Analyze how you would reduce

your uncertainty of the other person. Would you prefer passive, active, or

direct methods? Write a script for your first meeting. What questions would

you ask? How would you make the other person feel comfortable?

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7. Think of a person you find to be a self-absorbed communicator. What

8. Think of someone who has done something admirable or that you liked and

give him or her a compliment. Try to avoid superficial things related to

physical beauty and go deeper. Describe the encounter. What did you do,

and how did they respond? How did you feel giving the compliment? What

impact did it have on your relationship?

ACTIVITIES

Activity 7.1: VaVa Voom

The activity will take 30 to 50 minutes to complete. This is a particularly favored

activity among students.

Divide the class by gender, with males on one side of the room and females on

the other. Split both genders into two groups so that there are two male groups

and two female groups. Only after this is done, explain to students that we

define something by both stating what it is and what it is not. Consequently, they

are to define attraction. Assign one group of the females and one group of the

males to create a top ten list of things they find attractive. The other groups are

to create top ten lists of turn-offs. They must reach consensus on their lists; warn

them that they will talk about their lists later, so they should be respectful in how

Give each group up to fifteen minutes to complete the project. Make the class

aware of time in five minute increments. When time has expired, lead a

discussion on each groups’ list. Start with the attraction list and ask one of the

groups to present their top ten list. Open a discussion following this. Are the

comments truthful? Was the opposing gender surprised by any of the

As a follow-up, ask students to compare the lists and identify similarities. Are

there things that both genders find equally attractive or unattractive?

Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

Activity 7.2: Meet and Greet

The activity will take between 10 and 40 minutes with discussion.

At the beginning of the interpersonal unit, ask students to survey the class and

identify four people they do not know, but that they would like to meet. Ask

students to identify two people of their gender, and two people of the opposite

gender. Names may be an issue, so ask each student to briefly state their

names for the class. Students should write their choices on a piece of paper that

will be turned in to you. After the class, match students together that expressed

an interest in meeting each other. Absences may severely damage this activity

so you might remind students of the importance of class attendance and

participation prior to the day that you plan to use this. The assignment has

greatest value once students are aware of the “art and skill” of asking great

questions, so be sure to address these ideas first.

On the day in question, tell students to imagine they are at a party. You may

even set the atmosphere by playing music, but make sure that students can hear

each other talking. Tell students to move tables and chairs out of the way and

against the walls. Tell students to simply begin a conversation with friends or

people they know in the class. Explain to them that as they are talking, you will

hand some members pieces of paper that identify a person with whom they need

to initiate a conversation. The new conversation does not have to be forced and

10 minutes to meet the other person. Do not force interaction. In some cases,

students will use the entire 10 minutes using passive uncertainty reduction

techniques. If this occurs, you can use it in your follow-up discussion.

Activity 7.3: Compliment Circle

The activity will take 15 to 20 minutes.

Determine how many group leaders you will need in order to create several

groups of five and six members. In a class of 25, you will need five group

leaders; in a class of 20-24, you will need four, etc… Ask the leaders to come

forward and choose four people in class that they know. Allow each team leader

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to choose one person at a time until all members of the class are placed in a

other compliments must be based on something else. Group members should

listen carefully and avoid repeating previously stated items. Once the group

leader has addressed each member of his or her group, the person to his or her

left should repeat the process. In all, each person will be required to offer four

compliments, and each person should receive four compliments.

Activity 7.4: How Much Reciprocity

Divide the class into groups of three (this works best when the group members

do not know each other very well). Each group should consist of a dyad and an

observer. Have each dyad begin a conversation about where their ancestors

came from, starting back as far as they know. While the conversational partners

are discussing the topic, the observer should take notes about how reciprocity

on how reciprocity works, the degree to which reciprocity is on similar

levels/places and open discussion about reciprocity in general.

Activity 7.5: Johari vs. Social Penetration

The activity will take 5 to 10 minutes.

Diagram both the Johari window and the social penetration models and ask

Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

Instructor’s Manual

blind pane may be lowered through feedback and the open pane can be opened

through self-disclosure. This can lead to issues of what would be appropriate or

inappropriate in a public arena to self-disclose. Then have students create

various Johari windows and concentric circles for family members, friends, and

co-workers. Ask them to compare them to see what they may notice. Can either

model be used to identify healthy vs. unhealthy relationships?

Activity 7.6: 10 Commandments of Conflict Management

Although a bit superficial, the chart (“The 10 Commandments of Conflict

Management” form) can be used to help students understand that being in

conflict is normal, but dealing with it is an art. Many students will decry that this

“spoils their fun,” but this leads to wonderful discussions. You may want to

suggest at the beginning that this is an oversimplification of the ideas.

Activity 7.7: To Disclose or Not Disclose

This activity will take approximately 15 to 20 minutes to complete and debrief.

Begin with a brief discussion on the definition and relational outcomes of

disclosure. Have students divide into pairs (if there is an odd number, have three

students work in a group). Explain that students will have 5 minutes to discuss

with their partner a mutually agreed-upon topic. Before students begin their

conversations, however, randomly give one person in each pairing a slip of

paper. Each slip of paper should contain ONE of the following instructions:

1. During this discussion, disclose EVERYTHING you can think of about

2. During this discussion, do NOT disclose anything. In fact, avoid talking. If

you must say something, be very short and to the point.

After time has expired, debrief by asking students the following questions:

• How did you feel during this activity? Why? (At this point, reveal the

instructions you gave some of the students.)

• How does an extreme amount of disclosure, either too much or too little,

foster impersonal communication in a relationship?

• Would you rather have a relationship with someone who disclosed too

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• For those of you who were paired with someone who disclosed too much,

did you try using strategies to help them be a little less self-absorbed in

the conversation? Why or why not? If yes, what strategies did you use?

• How do you know you are disclosing too much or too little in a

relationship?

ASSIGNMENTS

Assignment 7.1: Communication Relationship Analysis

This assignment is designed to help students:

1. Integrate the principles of nonverbal communication, verbal communication,

listening, perception, the models of communication and culture with

interpersonal communication.

2. Objectively evaluate an intimate relationship.

3. Identify their needs in a specific relationship.

4. Analyze their specific conflict management style within a particular

relationship.

5. Identify strategies to improve their communication competence.

6. Troubleshoot potential future problems.

Reflect on a recent, significant communication breakdown that occurred in a

relatively important relationship. The relationship may be personal or

professional and all responses will be held in the strictest confidence. Avoid

relatively insignificant communication breakdowns, such as simple

misunderstandings, and, instead, concentrate on problems that had an impact or

significant outcome. Also, be sure to analyze a one-on-one encounter. Groups

add additional dimensions that will complicate this paper so avoid writing about

these situations. Instead, write an analysis of a one-on-one event to help you

understand why the problem occurred and what can be done in the future to

improve your communication behaviors. The paper should be typed, double–

spaced and range from 6 to 8 pages with a 12 point font. Be sure to proofread

your work and check for errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation. These

elements will be considered in the final grade.

2. Analyze the process—Using the ten variables of communication presented

in chapter one, analyze the specific communication event. Who was the

“original” source? What was their message? How did they encode their

message (consider both verbal and nonverbal elements)? Was the encoded

message the same as the message sent? Were verbal and nonverbal

messages consistent or contradictory? What channels were used? Who was

the “original” receiver? How did they decode the message? Was their

interpretation of the message the same as the sender’s? What forms of

perception checking were used? What feedback occurred? What physical,

psychological, or semantic noise interfered with the communication event?

What was the context—consider physical, historical, and psychological

contexts? What formal or informal norms were relevant to the communication

event?

was the relationship? How long had the participants known each other? Had

this problem ever occurred before? If so, how was it handled then? What

level of complementarity existed in the relationship? Analyze your level to

give and receive affection, inclusion, and control and their need to give and

receive affection, inclusion and control. Did the needs match? How well did

the participants really know one another? Use the self-penetration model to

help articulate this.

constructive or destructive? Why? What makes you say this? Analyze the

roles—did parties work to achieve complementary, symmetrical, or parallel

roles? How was power distributed? Would you describe the discussion as

passive, aggressive, or assertive? What defensive or supportive climates

were used? How did the participants use feedback and paraphrasing to

manage the conflict? Be sure to include examples to help clarify and support

your ideas.

which of the three models best explains why the problem occurred. Which of

the communication components combined to create the breakdown? What

intervening variables with regard to the degree of intimacy, interpersonal

needs, and conflict management styles complicated the communication

encounter? Justify your responses. How could you prevent this problem

from occurring in the future?

problem, how do you assess your communication skills? Did you feel you did

a good, average, or poor job in accurately encoding and decoding verbal and

nonverbal messages? Did you listen and respond thoughtfully to your partner

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or did you offer a knee-jerk reaction? Were you aware of your communication

and how it might influence your partner, or did you act in self-absorbed style?

Did you effectively adapt your message to this situation and this partner? In a

second paragraph, analyze what you must do to improve your communication

skills. Consider your understanding of the communication process,

perceptual accuracy, ability to use and interpret verbal and nonverbal

messages, listening and responding skills and sensitivity to cultural

differences. Choose one thing you feel needs improvement and provide a

detailed plan for improving that element. Include specific steps to take and

timelines of application. Be specific.

Papers will be graded on the following criteria:

❖ Choice of communication problem: Was it significant?

❖ Depth and breadth of analysis: Is the work complete?

❖ Clarity of analysis: Have you fully and fairly evaluated the problem?

❖ Logical coherence: Is the work reasonable and rational?

❖ Presentation: Does the work conform to expectations of freshman level

work?

Assignment 7.2: Fact Finding Interview

This assignment is designed to help students:

1. Distinguish a fact-finding interview from other kinds of interviews.

To gather information for your small group project, think of a local expert you

could interview to gain insight on your particular problem. Arrange an interview

with this person. In putting together this interview, realize that you will be

representing not only yourself, but also the (university or college name) as well.

As a consequence, pay particular attention to etiquette and deportment.

Complete the following:

1. Set an appointment with the person you would like to interview. In arranging

the interview, be sure to do the following:

• Clearly state your name, the university/college, and the reason for the

interview.

• Ask for an appointment convenient to the respondent.

• If yes, thank the respondent and confirm the time, place, and date.

• If an interview time cannot be established, thank the respondent and

end the conversation.

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Look for another source and repeat the first three steps.

2. Create the interview:

• Introduction: Establish rapport with the respondent and state the goal

of the interview.

3. Show up for the interview and conduct it.

• Be on time and appropriately dressed.

• Conduct yourself in a professional manner.

• If you wish to record the interview, you must ask the respondent’s

permission. A good way of doing this is following the introduction: “For

the sake of accuracy and to ensure that I don’t misquote you, may I

record our conversation?” If the answer is no, then it is no—put away

the recorder. You will have to use paper and pencil to record the

information now.

You will need to turn in a copy of your interview along with summarized answers

you received and a copy of the thank you letter you sent.

Assignment 7.3: Job Interview

This assignment is designed to help students:

1. Gain practical experience in a paneled interview.

2. Design a professional quality résumé.

3. Identify strengths and weaknesses in their interview technique.

4. Conduct a paneled interview.

Preparation: One class period prior to the in-class interviews, all students will be

asked to turn in two copies of a letter of application, a résumé tailored to the job

announcement given in class, and interview for the company you represent. The

Letter:

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• Internal return address, omitting your name

• Date

• Business Address

• Professional Salutation

• Body

Be sure to include the spacing suggestions given in class.

Résumé:

• Contact Information

• Professional Objective

• Education

• Professional Experience

• Other Experience

• Skills

• Accomplishments and Honors

• Professional Organizations

• Interests (Optional)

• Reference and Transcript Statement

• Date

Be sure to use the guidelines for emboldening, underlining, capitalization, and

spacing given in class.

Your interview questions should contain the following information:

• Introduction: Questions to establish rapport with the candidate and a

goal statement.

• Conclusion: Thank the candidate for their time and explain how long it

should take before they hear from you.

Be sure to avoid illegal questions in the body of your work.

Procedure: On the day all paperwork is due, you will give a copy of your résumé

and letter of application to the company (group) to which you will be “applying.”

You will retain your interview questions to discuss with your group. Your group

will need to do the following:

• Decide on an interview format.

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• Look at all the available questions and identify ten that you will ask all

candidates.

• Agree on an introductory format and conclusion that will be used with

all candidates.

• Evaluate the letters of application and the résumés.

On paper only, decide which candidates have the strongest and the weakest

applications. You must reach consensus on your decision. Rank-order the

packets with one being the best and five the worst. This will be the interview

order.

The interview: Interviews will be conducted over two class periods. On the first

day you will either be with your panel/group conducting the interviews or in the

candidate. Give the interview order to your professor, who will serve as your

administrative assistant on this day. The instructor will escort the candidate to

the panel, introduce her/him; and leave. When the interview is completed, inform

the instructor, who will escort the candidate out and introduce the next candidate.

things that other group members do not, so make the individual evaluations

private.

Responsibilities for the applicant: On the day you are to be interviewed, your

primary job is to present a positive and professional image of yourself. Use the

guidelines discussed in the book and in class to help accomplish this.

Decision: Once all interviews have been conducted, you must choose one

candidate to fill the available position. You may consider the letters, résumés,

and interview evaluations. Your group must reach consensus on why you chose

this particular candidate. Your decision will be to hire one of the candidates or to

re-open the search. If none of the applicants meets your criteria, you must

choose the latter option.

Activity 7.4: Romeo and Juliet

The activity will take 10 to 20 minutes with discussion.

Play Act I, Scene V, of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet to the class. Fellini’s

version is particularly apropos, but more modern versions may be used as well.

Act I, Scene V is the first meeting between the two and discussions can be

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developed around the following issues: relationship of circumstance vs. choice,

interpersonal attraction, communication of attraction, and uncertainty reduction.

An interesting point to address is that while this is a relationship of choice for

Romeo, does the same hold true for Juliet? Given the norms of her generation,

did she have a choice to avoid the encounter? Despite this, what cues of

Question: Despite technological advances, how much has the human

experience with regard to communication changed over the centuries?

Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e

The 10 Commandments of Conflict Management Form

Always step away when you are angry and set a date.

Think of conflict as a problem to be solved rather than as a situation to win.

Blame shuts down communication; look for external causes of problems

without assigning blame.

Only argue one issue at a time and choose your battles carefully.

Evaluation is an attack. Use description to fully articulate your ideas.

Tears and shouting create a manipulative circumstance that intimidates

others. When you feel you or your partner are becoming too emotional, call

a time out.

While being overly emotional is damaging, being overly neutral is equally

frustrating. Articulate your feelings using “I” language.

While this strategy works in the short-term it leads to bigger problems in the

long-term.

Use of extreme profanity and emotionally laden words is like pulling out a

gun in a fist fight. Use pauses to fully design messages to communicate

your meaning and not words simply to express your level of frustration.

This is the most important one. At all times think of how you would want to

hear the message you are about to say.

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Candidate Evaluation Form

Name of the Applicant __________________________________________________

Position applied for_____________________________________________________

Rate the candidate on the following scales: Where 1 is strongly disagree, 2 disagree, 3 neither

agree nor disagree, 4 agree, and 5 strongly agree.

Nonverbal Appearance:

1. The candidate was dressed professionally and appropriately. 1 2 3 4 5

2. The candidate made a favorable first impression. 1 2 3 4 5

3. The candidate used consistent eye-contact. 1 2 3 4 5

4. The candidate appeared interested. 1 2 3 4 5

Poise and comfort:

1. The candidate did not appear overly nervous. 1 2 3 4 5

2. The candidate made direct contact with all members of the panel. 1 2 3 4 5

3. The candidate thoughtfully considered responses before answering. 1 2 3 4 5

4. The candidate dealt with pauses and silence appropriately. 1 2 3 4 5

Attitude

Verbal Tone

1. The candidate used professional language. 1 2 3 4 5

2. The candidate appeared credible in his/her use of language. 1 2 3 4 5

3. The candidate used vivid description. 1 2 3 4 5

4. The candidate articulated his/her answers well. 1 2 3 4 5

Professionalism

1. The candidate provided direct answers. 1 2 3 4 5

2. The candidate projected a good understanding of the major. 1 2 3 4 5

Total: Add the individual numbers to establish a numerical measurement ________

COMMENTS (to be returned to the candidate):