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CHAPTER 2:
Exploring Self-Awareness and Communication
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After studying this chapter, students will be able to:
1. Discuss the importance of self–awareness in the process of improving one’s
communication skills.
2. Describe the components of our self-concepts and major influences on the
development of self-concept.
3. Describe how gender, social comparisons, self-expectations, and self-fulfilling
prophecies affect one’s self-esteem.
4. Practice six communication strategies for enhancing one’s self-esteem.
5. Explain the three stages of perception and why people differ in their
perception of people and events.
6. Summarize three communication strategies that can improve your powers of
perception.
TEACHING OUTLINE
I. Self-Awareness: How Well Do You Know Yourself?
A. Levels of Self-Awareness
1. Unconscious incompetence
2. Conscious incompetence
3. Conscious competence
4. Unconscious competence
II. Self-Concept: Who Are You?
A. Self-Concept Components
B. One or Many Selves?
1. The Material Self
2. The Social Self
3. The Spiritual Self
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IV. Communication and the Enhancement of Self-Esteem
A. Engage in Positive Self-Talk
B. Visualize
C. Reframe
D. Develop Honest Relationships
E. Surround Yourself with Positive People
F. Lose Your Baggage
CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTION SETS
What does self-awareness really mean?
• Can a person truly be self-aware?
Compare Maslow’s idea of awareness to skills acquisition—learning to eat,
tie shoes, playing a musical instrument, typing. Create a matrix with
competent/incompetent at the top and conscious/unconscious on the sides. Talk
about various communication skills and have students chart, on their own, where
they may fall—listening, conflict resolution, public speaking, small group
communication, interpersonal communication, etc. See form 2.1.
Ask students to write down answers to the following questions:
• Who are you?
• What five things are you are proudest of?
• What five things do you do best?
• List five things in which you believe.
When we talk about self, is there one or many?
• If we have many selves, does that mean we are false?
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• When is it unethical to present different selves?
• Have students divide a sheet of paper into a 3 by 2 matrix. Divide the
paper in two and at the top label one side “Current Self,” and label the
other side “Ideal Self.”
• Divide the length of the paper into three sections, Material self, social self,
What does Cooley mean when he says that we form our self-concept by
seeing ourselves in a figurative looking glass?
• What is our looking glass?
• Who do we listen to? Should we listen to them all?
What groups are important to us?
• If you join a group does that mean you are automatically like the members
in the group?
• Relate this to college groups like fraternities, sororities, honor societies,
social groups and cliques, and gangs.
• How does peer pressure work on adults?
What roles do you assume?
• What do they say about you?
• How does a violation of gender roles affect our self-concept?
• Have students write a list of things that define women’s role in our culture,
Where do we get self-labels?
• What roles do family, peer groups, etc., have on the labels we accept?
• Can labels have a positive effect? Explain. How are they negative?
• What does your text mean by “self–reflexiveness”?
• Is it healthy to “talk to ourselves”?
According to Stewart, what are the four characteristics of identity?
• What does Stewart mean when he says that identities are
multidimensional and changing?
What is the difference between self-concept and self-esteem?
Why do self-image and self-esteem fluctuate whereas self-concept is
relatively enduring?
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• What things can affect your self-esteem?
• Do you think most Americans have a high sense of self or low? Why?
• What is the outcome of this? Can lead to a discussion of compensation
strategies related to addictive behaviors, co-dependent relationships,
fringe group affiliation, and self-mortifying acts such as scarring, bulimia,
and suicide.
What factors affect our self-esteem?
Does our society support women?
• What role does the media play in shaping self-esteem for genders?
• What about computer games?
• Do you see any changes or trends emerging? Explain.
Who are your heroes?
• Why do you admire these people?
• Should we compare ourselves to others?
• What does your book mean when it says we should set realistic
comparisons?
• Can you provide some examples?
Are goals good or bad?
• Where do we get our goals?
• As Americans, do we emphasize the process or the product? Is this
healthy?
• Is it realistic to set the goal of receiving all A’s in a given semester? Why
or why not?
• What are realistic goals?
Can you determine your own future?
• Do self-fulfilling prophecies stem from or create our self-esteem?
• In an honors section, you might introduce Heidegger’s idea of hermeneutic
circles. This can also be done under the rubric of perception and its role
in self-concept.
How do we psyche ourselves up or out of a situation?
What messages do you send yourself?
• Are we our own best friends or worst critics? Why?
• What are we measuring ourselves against?
• How can we change the messages?
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Does imagination/visualization work?
• To be effective, should we focus on the process or the outcome? How can
you do this?
What is reframing?
• Can you give an example?
• Is it beneficial or rationalization?
• The authors state that a single anything—letter grade, relationship,
negative evaluation, or mistake in a football game—doesn’t have that
much of an effect on our whole lives. Do you agree? Why?
• Is life a sprint or a marathon?
How do we come to know what we know?
When we select stimuli to focus on, is this beneficial or detrimental?
• Why do you say this?
• Can we be too focused on a specific stimulus? This might lead to a
discussion of selective attention.
Recall meeting someone who turned out completely different from your
initial perception.
• What cues did you pay attention to? Explain.
• Are our initial perceptions always accurate with regards to others? Why do
you say this?
• If our perceptions of others are often inaccurate, what about our
perceptions of self?
• Does our self-esteem affect the way we see the world, or do our
perceptions affect the way we see ourselves? (Again, the idea of
hermeneutic circles can be introduced here.)
How can we improve our perceptional accuracy?
• What role does self-awareness play in perception?
• How do you distinguish self-reflexiveness and self-awareness?
agree? Why?
• Can we really change someone who doesn’t want to change?
What are stereotypes?
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• How can they be beneficial? How can they be detrimental?
• What are some stereotypes prevalent in and about college? Create a list
of these on the board and explore the connotative dimension of each. Ask
students to categorize themselves. If complete, students won’t be able to
do this as they will object to all the stereotypes.
• How can we overcome stereotypes?
• How can you check and verify your perceptions?
• Is it ethical to check your perception of an event that may get someone
into trouble with an authority figure (parent, teacher, supervisor, etc.)?
• If we anticipate the worst, will we see the worst?
JOURNAL QUESTIONS
While the questions generated in the discussion section were designed to create
safe topics that students could talk about in a public arena, the journal questions
are directed to a much more personal level. Instructors should create a climate
1. Set an alarm clock for five minutes. Try to meditate for the full five minutes
keeping your mind blank. Have a note pad and a pen by your side and write
2. Take some time and write a gratitude list. Write 200 things that you are
3. Reflect upon your three selves: material, social, and spiritual. Write a journal
entry that defines who you are in each dimension. In a final section, discuss
whether you are satisfied with each of these selves and why or why not.
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4. Reflect upon the kinds of communication and interaction you have had with
5. Review Stewart’s four characteristics of the self or one’s identity, specifically
ascribed identity. Write a journal entry that illustrates a time when an ascribed
6. Do you like the image in your looking glass? Take some time to honestly
7. Choose one of the elements identified by the authors: gender, social
8. Think about an upcoming event that has you somewhat nervous; it may be a
date, job interview, exam, public performance, or travel aboard an airplane.
9. Think about a particularly embarrassing or disappointing event that has
10. Find a quiet moment in a public place such as a mall, student center, or park.
Watch people and try to write your interpretation of what they may be doing.
11. In an upcoming conversation with a friend, professor, family member, or
supervisor or colleague, use the process of indirect perception checking. You
will have to find a situation where you feel like an underlying message is
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being sent. Monitor yourself as you do this and think about what cues you
pay attention to—eye contact, vocal quality, posture, gestures, the presence
or absence of touching behavior. Following this, use the direct perception
checking method and ask the person in question what may be going on. You
will have to be careful in the way you do this as it could turn into a
confrontational setting. Consequently, use some of the following phrases to
ACTIVITIES
In the following activities there are several places where small response papers
may prove beneficial to students. In addition, instructors who wish to enhance
the interpersonal units and de-emphasize the public speaking component may
find these ideas in an expanded form to be quite helpful.
Activity 2.1: What Are You Thinking?
Take a bell or other noise maker to class on a particular day that you will lecture.
Tell students to take out a clean sheet of paper and place it to the side of their
notes. Inform students that periodically throughout the class you will ring the bell
and whenever they hear it they are to write down the thought that is currently in
their minds on the paper. Explicitly tell them not to censor themselves. If they are
thinking of a negative statement about the class, they are to write it down. If they
are thinking about food, sleep, or sex, they should record it. Then periodically
throughout the class, ring the bell. To be effective, the bell should sound at least
This assignment is designed to achieve the following objectives:
❖ To make students aware of themselves.
❖ To help students identify salient beliefs, attitudes and values.
❖ To help students distinguish between self-concept, self-image, self-
esteem, and self-worth.
❖ To recognize how the process of perception affects our intrapersonal
communication.
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Activity 2.2: Current vs. Ideal Self
The “Current Self vs. Ideal Self Form” may be used as a class activity or the topic
of a response paper. Have students complete this form. After completing the
form, either lead a discussion about expectations and self-esteem, or have
students complete a response paper.
Use the “We Are What We Perceive Form” to explain how hermeneutic circles
can be used to explore self-perception.
Use the chart titled, “Maslow’s Matrix of Self–Awareness” to help students
compare the idea of self-awareness to skills acquisition. Explain that, for
example, basic skills, such as a child learning to eat or tie his shoes, can be used
as a starting point which then leads to more advanced skills like playing an
instrument or typing. Talk about various communication skills, such as listening,
self-reflexiveness, perception checking, rules acquisition, or more contextual
skills related to conflict management, agenda setting, or public speaking. Ask
students to chart their current and desired abilities.
Activity 2.3: Do You See What I See?
The following activity will take between 10 minutes to an entire class period. For
the shorter version, only use two to three examples. For a full class period, allow
all students a chance to participate.
Pair students together in dyads (a single triad may be appropriate if there is an
odd number in the room). Give each couple a suggestion from the list below.
Each of the scenarios has been designed to allow different interpretations. Also,
the genders have been left ambiguous so that students will need to determine
the genders of the participants. Tell students that they are to act out their
scenario without the use of words. They may use as much of the room as
necessary, however they are to pantomime all props. Also, tell students to make
the scenes realistic — you may need to allow the use of extreme gestures.
Following each scenario ask the observing students to write their interpretation of
the scene. When all scenes are complete, lead a directed discussion of each
the genders they did. Lead this back to a discussion of gender roles, self–
concept, self-image, and self-esteem. Note: This exercise may also be used in
the non-verbal section.
• A bank customer attempts to withdraw money from a bank, and is
informed by the teller that he/she is overdrawn.
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• A man and a woman who have known each other for a while are flirting.
One whispers, “I love you,” to the other and the other walks away.
• A pet owner is told by a veterinarian their pet is too sick to be treated and
must be put down.
• Two friends engage in a heated political debate. At one point, one holds a
hand up to the other and walks away.
• A professor is seated at a desk. A student approaches, asks a question,
and leaves.
• A parent comforts a child who has had a bad experience.
• Two best friends say goodbye after graduating from college.
• A subordinate is called into a supervisor’s office and is informed of a
promotion.
• A police officer gives directions to a tourist.
• A co-worker is confronted about spreading gossip.
Activity 2.4: Hidden in This Picture
This activity will help students create a visual picture of how they see
themselves. On the day of the activity, have students bring in copies of at least
three of their favorite magazines. Distribute a sheet of 11×17 paper, a pair of
scissors, and a glue stick or roll of tape to each student. Tell the students to cut
out the pictures in the magazines and paste them to the sheet of paper to create
collages that represent how they see themselves. Avoid providing too many
details so students can interpret the activity for themselves. Give students about
20 minutes to complete this activity. Upon completion, have students work in
groups of three to explain the messages hidden in their collages. Reassure
students that they can reveal as much or little to their peers about the pictures
that they selected.
Activity 2.5: What Am I Doing?
According to the textbook, self-reflexiveness is the human ability to think about
what we’re doing while we’re doing it. In a future conversation with a friend,
fellow student, or family members, take mental notes about what you are doing
while you are communication in this conversation. As soon as the conversation
ends, write notes about what you were dong DURING that conversation. How
aware were you of your activities? To what extent did focusing on your actions
enhance or impede your communication ability during the conversation? Which
of the actions you engaged in do you think are typical actions for most of your
other conversations? Why did you arrive at this conclusion?
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ASSIGNMENTS
Assignments may be modified in a variety of ways to meet the individual style of
instructors. As with the discussion and journal questions, assignments are
designed to meet the stated objectives of each chapter.
Assignment 2.1: What Are You Thinking?
Refer to Activity 5. In a typed and double spaced two to three page paper,
respond to the exercise done in class today. Look at your list and identify
thoughts you experienced during class. What patterns do you see emerging?
Were you aware of these thoughts before class?
In a second paragraph, try to categorize the random thoughts into three
categories: beliefs, attitudes, and values. Where do the majority of your thoughts
fall?
In a third paragraph, analyze what the thoughts mean. If you see that you’ve
written the same thing three or four times, do you have a need that is currently
unfulfilled, a problem or project of particular interest, or are you obsessed with
some issue? In other words, try to see if you can come to a conclusion as to why
you were thinking these things and what they may be telling you.
Assignment 2.2: Comparing Selves
This assignment is designed to help students:
• Develop an awareness of self.
• Identify some of their attitudes, beliefs, and values.
• Distinguish between their material, social, and spiritual selves.
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After completing the form titled, “Current Self vs. the Ideal Self,” write a response
paper to address the following issues. The paper must be typed, double spaced,
and range between two to three pages.
Describe your current material self, social self, and spiritual self as described by
the form. Were you surprised by any of your answers? Why? In a second
paragraph, describe your ideal self. Were you surprised by any of these
answers? Why or why not?
Looking at your ideal selves, why do you want the things you say you do?
Where did you get these ideals? As an example, if you want a Mercedes, did
you decide this was important, or did others around you help to shape this
image? How important is it to you to impress others with your material, social, or
spiritual self? Which self is most important to you right now?
Compare your current selves with your ideal selves. How similar or different are
the two lists? Rank the three most important items that are similar. Rank the
three most important items that are dissimilar. How important is it to you to
achieve these things? Why?
Are your expectations achievable? How? What might you have to sacrifice to
achieve your goals? Would this affect one of the other selves? Explain.
Beebe/Beebe/Ivy Communication: Principles for a Lifetime 6e
Current Self vs. Ideal Self Form
What I Have
What I Want
Material:
My Car
My Clothes
My Home
My Furniture
My Job
My Body
My Face
My Hair
Social:
Popularity
Friends
Romance
Family Closeness
Mother
Father
Sibling
Children
Spiritual:
Contentment
Joy
Religiosity
Stress
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Maslow’s Matrix of Self-Awareness Form
Unconscious Conscious
We Are What We Perceive Form
Gee, I must be a good student
I don’t skip classes
I feel challenged –
I am learning new things-
I am always
prepared for class
My Grades are strong-
What I Perceive I keep ahead