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1.9 SKILL BUILDER: Exploring the World of the Cybercommunicator
Describe the role that online interaction presently plays in your life. Next,
interview three people to discover the role it plays in their lives. Finally, identify
the reasons you and the people you interviewed gave for seeking or avoiding the
establishing of online relationship.
1.10 SKILL BUILDER: A Pat on the Back
Chapter 1 ends by noting that, to be effective communicators, we must believe in
ourselves. Reinforce this idea in the following way.
1. At the conclusion of a class session, ask everyone to turn to someone sitting
nearby, pat that person on the shoulder, and say: “Great Job! You deserve the
best!”
2. Turn to someone else and repeat the experience. You will find that students love
to leave class with a positive view of themselves and others. They will think well
of your course, too.
1.11 SKILL BUILDER: How Real is Real?
In reality-based television shows, strangers are thrown together, filmed continuously, and
permitted to have limited contact—if any—with the outside world as they compete
against one another for money, fame and or love.
What do you think these shows say about our communication ethics? Will people do
anything to win? What do they suggest about whether people have the knowledge and
skills they need to accomplish their communication objectives? Finally, what, if anything,
do we learn about the importance and nature of communication from watching such
shows?
1.12 SKILLBUILDER: Culture in Your Class
If you have students in your class who came to the United States from other countries,
ask them to discuss their experiences:
When did you arrive here?
What were the strangest experiences you had upon arrival?
Do you have family members who have problems with our culture?
If we went to your country, what problems would we have? How is the culture
different from the United States?
1.13 SKILLBUILDER: Put Down the Cell!
If you allow students to come to class packing their cell phones, meet them at the door
with a large box. Ask them to attach a note with their name on it to the cell and place the
cell in a large box. Put the box at the front of the room.
During the class the various cell phones will buzz and ring. Ask students if they recognize
the ring of their phone.
How did they feel without the phone? Would they want to live cell phone-less?
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Do you agree with this statement: More communication does not always make things
better. Why or why not?
1.14 SKILLBUILDER: Culture Cue
Whereas Asians tend to bow on first meeting, people from the United States are
likely to shake hands. In China, as in America, punctuality is emphasized. The
Chinese view lateness as a serious affront.
Google “Culture Cues”. Locate additional examples of cultural errors that would be
easy for Americans to make. Share with the class. Encourage students from other
culture to share important aspects of their culture with the class.
1.15 SKILLBUILDER: Focus on Service Learning
Develop a two-minute presentation promoting the importance of communication
for delivery to a class of elementary, junior high or senior high school students
and/or the parents and teachers.
In addition to reviewing the value of communication and the reasons it is
fundamental to our lives, the tasks required include confirming a school’s
participation, securing a date and time, developing the content of the presentation
and delivering it.
For online help in completing this assignment, you may want to visit the web site
of the National Communication Association at www.natcom.org.
1.16 SKILLBUILDER: Listen and View
Ask students to work in groups. The group should select and bring in music
and/or films or film clips that they feel relate to the content of this chapter. Ask
them to play the clips and discuss why they feel they are related to the chapter.
ADDITIONAL LECTURE:
Five Axioms of Communication.
Further exploration of the concepts explored in Skill Builder 1.7: Can You Send an
Un-Message?
It will be useful to turn our attention to five basic axioms of communication. These
principles were described in a classic study by Paul Watzlawick, Janet Bevin, and Don
Jackson.
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(Paul Watzlawick, Janet Beavin, and Don Jackson. Pragmatics of Human
Communication: A Study of Interaction Patterns, Pathologies, and Paradoxes. New
York: Norton, 1967.)
Each axiom has functional implications and is essential of our understanding of the
communication process.
Axiom 1: You Cannot NOT Communicate
It is common to assume that we communicate only because we want to communicate and
that all communication is purposeful, intentional, and consciously motivated. Obviously,
this assumption is often true. However, we communicate just as often without any
awareness of doing so—and at times even without wanting to.
Whenever we are involved in an interaction, we must respond in some way. Even
if we do not choose to respond verbally—even if we maintain absolute silence and
attempt not to move a muscle—our lack of response is itself a response, and therefore
constitutes a message, influences others, and hence communicates. In other words, we
can never voluntarily stop behaving because behavior has no opposite.
Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson identified four basic strategies that we usually
employ when trying not to communicate—when we want to avoid making contact with
someone. The first strategy is rejection: We try to reject communication by making it
clear to the other person that we are not interested in conversing. When we do this,
however, we do not avoid communicating, and we probably create a strained,
embarrassing, socially uncomfortable situation. (Furthermore, as a result of this action, a
relationship now exists between us and the person we want to avoid.) The second strategy
is acceptance: We decide to accept communication. This strategy involves operating
according to the “law of least effort”: giving in reluctantly, and agreeing to make
conversation in the hope that the person will go away quickly. The third strategy is
disqualification: We attempt to disqualify our communication. That is, we communicate
in a way that invalidates our own messages or the messages sent to us by the other
person. We contradict ourselves, switch subjects, or utter incomplete sentences or non
sequiturs in the hope that the other person will give up. The fourth strategy is the
symptom as communication: We pretend we would like to talk, but because we are
tired, nervous, sick, drunk, bereaved, deaf, or otherwise incapacitated, we simply cannot
communicate at the moment. In other words, we use some symptom as a form of
communication. We repeat, however, that no matter how hard we try, we cannot not
communicate, because all behavior is communication, and therefore constitutes a
message.
Axiom 2: Every Interaction Has a Content Dimension and a Relationship
Dimension.
The content level of communication is the information or the data level: it describes the
behavior expected as a response. In contrast, the relationship level of communication
indicates how the exchange is to be interpreted: it signals what one person thinks of the
other. For example, “Close the door” is a directive whose content asks the receiver to
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perform a certain action. However, the communication “Close the door” can be delivered
in many ways—as a command, a plea, a request, a come-on, or a turnoff. Each manner of
delivery says something about the relationship between the source or the sender and the
receiver. Through such signals, we constantly give others clues about how we see
ourselves in the relationship with them.
Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson identified three types of responses that we use
to indicate our reactions to one another. First is confirmation: We can confirm other
people’s self-definitions, or self-concepts, and thus treat others as they believe they ought
to be treated. For example, if your friend Mary believes she is competent and smart, and
if those around her reward her by asking her for advice or seeking her help, then her
self-concept is being confirmed.
Second is rejection: We can reject other people’s self-definitions by simply
refusing to accept their beliefs about themselves. If you friend John imagines himself a
leader but no one else treats him as if he has the qualities associated with leadership, he
may be forced to revise his picture of himself.
Third is disconfirmation: We can disconfirm other people’s self-definitions.
Confirmation says, “I accept you as you see yourself. Your self-assessment is correct.”
Rejection says, “I do not accept you as you see yourself. Your self-assessment is wrong.”
In contrast, disconfirmation says simply, “You do not exist. You are a nonentity.”
Disconfirmation implies that we do not care enough to let other people know how we
feel, and that we always treat people the same way no matter what they say or do. In
other words, we do not offer people any clues whatever to indicate that we believe they
are or are not performing well. In effect, we totally ignore them. Psychologist William
James noted that consistent disconfirmation is perhaps the cruelest psychological
punishment that a human being can experience: “No more fiendish punishment could be
devised. . .than that we should be turned loose in a society and remain absolutely
unnoticed.”
Axiom 3: Every Interaction Is Defined by How It Is Punctuated
Even though we understand that communication is continuous, we often act as if there
were an identifiable starting point or traceable cause for a particular response. Actually, in
many communication interactions, it is extremely difficult to determine what is stimulus
and what is response. For instance, it is equally possible for a father to believe that he is
reading or daydreaming to escape his small daughter’s screaming and for the child to
believe that she is screaming because her father is reading or daydreaming and therefore
will not play with her.
The father sees behavior as progressing from screaming to retreating, whereas the
child sees it as progressing from retreating to screaming. In other words, what is stimulus
for one is response for the other, and vice versa.
Axiom 4: Messages Consist of Verbal Symbols and Nonverbal Cues
When we talk to others, we send out two kinds of messages: (1) discrete, digital, verbal
symbols (words) and (2) continuous, analogic, nonverbal cues that may contain sounds,
but do not contain words. According to Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson, the content
level of a message is more likely to be communicated through the digital system, whereas
the relationship level of the message is more likely to be carried through the analogic
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system. Although words are under our control, and for the most part are uttered
intentionally, many of the nonverbal cues that we send are not. Thus, Watzlawick,
Beavin, and Jackson write, “It is easy to profess something verbally, but difficult to carry
a lie into the realm of the analogic.” This means that, while you may lie with words, the
nonverbal signals you emit are likely to give you away.
Axiom 5: Interactions Are Either Symmetrical or Complementary
The terms symmetrical and complementary do not refer to good (normal) or bad
(abnormal) communication exchanges. Rather, they simply represent two basic categories
into which all communication interactions can be divided. Each type of interaction serves
important functions, and both are present in a healthy relationship.
During a communication encounter, if the behavior of one person is mirrored by
the behavior of another person, Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson would say that a
symmetrical interaction has occurred. Thus, if you act in a dominating fashion and the
person you are relating to acts the same way, or if you act happy and the other person also
acts happy, or if you express anger and the other person likewise expresses anger, for the
moment the two of you have a symmetrical relationship.
In contrast, if the behavior of one interactant precipitates a different behavior in
the other, Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson would say that a complementary interaction
exists. In a complementary relationship, you and your partner engage in opposite
behaviors, with your behavior eliciting the other person’s behavior, or vice versa. Thus, if
you behave in an outgoing manner, you partner might become quiet; if you are
aggressive, he or she might become submissive; if you become the leader, he or she
might become the follower.
Neither a symmetrical nor a complementary relationship is trouble-free. Parties to
a symmetrical relationship are apt to experience what is termed symmetrical escalation.
Because both believe they are equal, each one also believes he or she has a right to assert
control. When this happens, the interactants may feel compelled to engage in a battle to
show how “equal” they really are. Because it is not uncommon for individuals sharing a
symmetrical relationship to find themselves in a status struggle, the main danger of this
type of interaction is a runaway sense of competitiveness.
In contrast, the problem that surfaces in many complementary relationships is
rigid complementarity. This occurs when one party to an interaction begins to feel that
the control is automatically his or hers and, as a result, the relationship become rigid or
fixed. Control no longer alternates between the interactants; thus, both persons lose a
degree of freedom in choosing how they will behave. For example, a teacher who never
pictures himself or herself as a learner, a parent who perceives that his or her child has
reached adulthood, and a leader who can never permit himself or herself to act as a
follower have all become locked into self-perpetuating, unrealistic, unchanging, and
unhealthy patterns of behavior.
Imagine that you have a small daughter. Now imagine how you would feel if,
some years from now, while you are riding with her in her car, she slams on the brakes
and at the same instinctively places her arm between the windshield and your body. Or,
what if she is now telling you that it is time to go to bed. Do you think you would be
ready for the shift in power?
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The five axioms of communication that we have just discussed should provide
you with the background knowledge you will need as you design this course to focus on
the communication experience.
FIVE TEAMS: Work with a team to create examples of one of the axioms. Be
prepared to share the teamwork with the entire class.
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WORKSHEET
Worksheet for SKILL BUILDER: Contacts!
1. Make a list of 15 people with whom you communicate during the next 24 hours.
Indicate the nature of your communication (the message), the context or
environment, and the outcome. State whether you communicated as effectively
during the encounter as you would have liked.
2. Evaluate yourself on a scale of 1 (extremely ineffective) to 5 (extremely effective)
3. You will be asked to share some of your observations with your classmates.
Contact
Number
Name of
Person
Nature of
Communication
Context of
Encounter
Your
Evaluation
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
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