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Activities and Discussion Questions
Chapter 6
Emotions in Conflict
Activities and Discussion Questions
Your Emotional Awareness and Vocabulary
Note to instructors: This entire activity could be done in class, partially in class, partially as an
assignment, or entirely as an assignment, depending on how much time you have.
1. Review Figure 6.2 (in the chapter), which is a “list of feeling words.” Can you think of any
other “feeling words”?
2. Using this list, keep a track of all the emotions that you experience for one week. Strive to
expand your vocabulary and to enhance your ability to be specific and distinct in your
expression of those emotions. (You could use this as a journal assignment entirely, or you
could have students journal first, and then, have them report back to class for the remaining
activities.)
3. Reflect on your journal entries. Before writing about them, review the entries and assign a
number to them that reflects the “intensity” of those emotions. What patterns do you
4. (Optional for a group discussion) Share some of your journal entries with other members
of the class (if you are comfortable doing so). What similarities or differences do you
notice? What can you learn from each other?
5. Write an action plan, for yourself, to improve your expression of emotions. In this
discussion, use the concepts discussed in the text (for example, do you move “toward” or
“against” emotions? Are you unrestrained and need to exercise more restraint?).
XYZ Statements
1. Write a paragraph or two about a recent conflict that you have experienced where you
didn’t get what you wanted . . . or if you did, you didn’t use the best of your conflict-
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
2. Now that you have distanced yourself from the conflict (and hopefully gained more
perspective on the conflict), identify what you really want so that you can express your
emotions or ask for what you need from the other party of the conflict.
3. Write an XYZ statement, and include a request if appropriate. For example, “When you
arrive late to pick me up and we miss our dinner reservations, we end up missing our
movie, too. I was disappointed and felt like the night was ruined. I would really like you to
arrive on time.”
4. Share your XYZ statement with a partner in class, and critique each other’s XYZ
statements. For more practice, identify the possible situations in which you could use the
5. (Optional) Keep a journal for a week or two, and write down all the situations in which you
used an XYZ statement (or wish you would have). Bring them back to the class for
analysis.
Note to instructors: Before asking students to write the XYZ statements, be sure to review the
material from the chapter and provide a few practice examples.
How to Deal with Your Anger
William W. Wilmot, Collaboration Institute
Read the list of guidelines for managing anger given below. Then, read the Activity Directions.
1. Notice your anger and say to yourself or out loud, “I am angry.”
2. Take several deep breaths. Take that short time to think about what you will do next.
3. Think about anger in this situation—would others get angry? Do you have a choice in your
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
• Use I-messages instead of blaming or accusing.
• Ask for what you want, and for more information.
• Stay connected to the other person.
• Continue to do “self-talk.”
• Breathe deeply to stay calm.
Activity Directions: Use the preceding or following set (on the next page) of questions to analyze
(a) “The Wedding Fight” (Chapter 8, Activities) or (b) analyze a difficult, angry conversation
that students have experienced themselves. You can also use the questions along with any of the
dialogues given in the Instructor’s Manual, students’ actual conversations, or clips from movies.
How to Deal with the Anger of Others
William Wilmot, Collaboration Institute
1. Try to figure out what the person might be afraid of.
2. It’s okay to say, “Hey, I don’t like being on the defensive here.”
3. Ask for more information instead of shutting the other person off. Say, “Tell me more
about that,” or, “I didn’t know you thought that. Tell me how you came to think that.”
4. Open up more channels of communication—phone, face-to-face contact, notes, and
meetings.
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
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12. End with, “I want to keep this from happening again. What can be done to learn from
today?”