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Activities and Discussion Questions
Chapter 5
Conflict Styles
Activities and Discussion Questions
Conflict Styles (Rahim)
On the board, the overhead, or in the handouts, provide students with an incomplete grid
representing the five conflict styles identified by Rahim. Use the grid to review this perspective
on styles, and fill in the blanks as the missing information is supplied by students.
HIGH
LOW
3. 5.
4.
1. 2.
LOW HIGH
Have the students begin the activity by labeling the axes of the scatter plot before they identify
the conflict styles on the graph. The way they place the labels on the graph will determine the
conflict styles corresponding to that number.
Ask the students which of the conflict types would be considered a win–win conflict style and
which would be considered a win–lose conflict style. Ask the students if any of the conflict
styles would be considered a lose–lose conflict style. Be sure to provide the students with the
opportunity to explain why they believe one conflict style might produce the perception that one
participant is destined to win and the other is destined to lose. Encourage them to consider the
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
Have students fill out and score a conflict styles inventory, such as “How I Act in Conflicts”
(given at the end of this activity) or Rahim’s conflict styles inventory (that is available in the
chapter). Once the students have scored their conflict styles inventory and identified their
primary conflict style, divide them into groups with other students who share their conflict style.
(If there are fewer people in some groups than others, that is okay.) If you want to have more
equal-sized groups of students, have students move to the group comprised of their second
conflict style).
Note: Students are likely to say things like “I’m a collaborator” or “I’m an avoider.” You can use
these comments as discussion points later to remind them that conflict styles are fluid, and they
have the choice to select a conflict style that is the most relevant to the conflict at hand, rather
than their favorite tool in the toolbox.
Discussion Questions
1. How can the advantages of your conflict management style become disadvantages for
people with a different conflict management style?
2. When do you find yourself switching from your primary conflict management style to your
secondary conflict management style?
3. What would you do when someone or something tries to dispute your views on a conflict
How I Act in Conflicts
The proverbs listed below reflect the traditional wisdom to resolving conflicts. These can be
thought of as descriptions to some of the different strategies for resolving conflicts. Read each of
the proverbs carefully. Using the scale given below, indicate how typical each proverb is of your
actions in a conflict.
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
5 = Very typical of the way I act in a conflict
4 = Frequently typical of the way I act in a conflict
3 = Sometimes typical of the way I act in a conflict
2 = Seldom typical of the way I act in a conflict
1 = Never typical of the way I act in a conflict
_____ 1. It is easier to refrain than retreat from a quarrel.
_____ 2. If you cannot make a person think as you do, make him or her do as you think.
_____ 3. Soft words win hearts.
_____ 4. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.
_____ 5. Come now, and let us reason together.
_____ 6. When two quarrel, the person who keeps silent is the most praiseworthy.
_____ 7. Might overcomes right.
_____ 8. Smooth words make smooth ways.
_____ 9. Better half a loaf than no bread at all.
_____ 10. Truth lies in knowledge, not in majority opinion.
_____ 11. He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.
_____ 12. He hath conquered well that hath made his enemies flee.
_____ 13. Kill your enemies with kindness.
_____ 14. A fair exchange brings no quarrel.
_____ 15. No person has the final answer, but every person has a piece to contribute.
_____ 20. Only the person who is willing to give up his or her monopoly on truth can ever profit
from the truths that others hold.
_____ 21. Avoid quarrelsome people, as they will only make your life miserable.
_____ 22. A person who will not flee will make others flee.
_____ 23. Soft words ensure harmony.
_____ 24. One gift for another makes good friends.
_____ 25. Bring your conflicts into the open and face them directly; only then will the best
solution ever be discovered.
_____ 26. The best way of handling conflicts is to avoid them.
_____ 27. Put your foot down where you mean to stand.
_____ 28. Gentleness will triumph over anger.
_____ 30. Frankness, honesty, and trust will move mountains.
_____ 31. There is nothing so important that you have to fight for it.
_____ 32. There are two kinds of people in the world, the winners and the losers.
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
_____ 33. When one hits you with a stone, hit him or her with a piece of cotton.
_____ 34. When both people give in halfway, a fair settlement is achieved.
_____ 35. By digging and digging, the truth is discovered.
Scoring
Add up your scores on the following questions.
Withdrawing
Forcing
Smoothing
Compromising
Confronting
(The Turtle)
(The Shark)
(The Teddy
Bear)
(The Fox)
(The Owl)
Avoiding
Dominating
Obliging
Compromising
Integrating
_____ 1.
_____ 2.
_____ 3.
_____ 4.
_____ 5.
_____ 6.
_____ 7.
_____ 8.
_____ 9.
_____ 10.
_____ 11.
_____ 12.
_____ 13.
_____ 14.
_____ 15.
_____ 16.
_____ 17.
_____ 18.
_____ 19.
_____ 20.
_____ 21.
_____ 22.
_____ 23.
_____ 24.
_____ 25.
_____ 26.
_____ 27.
_____ 28.
_____ 29.
_____ 30.
_____ 31.
_____ 32.
_____ 33.
_____ 34.
_____ 35.
_____ Total
_____ Total
_____ Total
_____ Total
_____ Total
The higher the total score for each conflict strategy, the more frequently you tend to use that
strategy. The lower the total score is for each conflict strategy, the less frequently you tend to use
that conflict strategy.
Source: Johnson, David W. Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization. 2nd ed. NJ: Prentice-
Hall, 1981.
Is Competition Good or Bad?
Some people argue that competition is just “good, clean fun!” while others suggest that it is
detrimental to self-esteem—especially if you lose. Have students discuss their perspectives on
competition by doing the following two activities:
1. Take a few minutes to list all of the competitive experiences you would describe as fun.
2. Turn your paper over, and make a list of all the competitive experiences you have had that
were definitely not fun.
Solicit responses from students about both the lists. Then, ask the students to consider the
following questions.
• What do you gain through competition?
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Activities and Discussion Questions
• What do you miss out on as a result of “fun” rivalries?
• How does competition build or tear down one’s character?
• How does winning or losing help build one’s character?
• How does self-esteem get established and maintained in conflict relationships in general?
Avoidance Strategies
1. Ask the students how many of them are “avoiders”? You can ask generally or use their
scores from the conflict inventory? If students still struggle with the concept, you can
describe scenarios in which they have to either avoid or engage in a conflict.
a. When dining at a nice restaurant, would you return a steak that was cooked
incorrectly?
b. If your roommate keeps eating the food that you regularly purchase for your own
consumption, would you bring up the issue with him or her?
c. If you felt that you had been mistreated unfairly at work/school, would you bring the
issue to the notice of your employer/teacher?
2. Ask the students, even those who did not identify themselves as “avoiders” of conflict, if
there are appropriate times or situations in which one should avoid a conflict. (Students
should list the benefits of avoiding a conflict.)
3. Ask students to identify the situations in which avoiding a conflict is not a good choice.
(Students should list the drawbacks of avoiding a conflict.)
4. Choose a popular film in which at least one character tends to avoid conflict. As students
view the film, ask them to identify specific instances of avoidance tactics discussed in the
chapter (denial, topic management, noncommittal remarks, and irreverent remarks, for
example). Following the film clip, ask the students to first identify what they saw, and
then, have them discuss and evaluate the efficacy of the different strategies.
5. As an alternative or an additional exercise, ask students to develop their own dialogues to
demonstrate each of the different conflict codes associated with avoidance.
6. Conclude with an overall analysis of the results (positive and negative) of avoiding
conflict.
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
Threatening Conversations
1. Review the material in the chapter regarding warnings and “threats” (such as credibility,
ability to carry it out, significant consequence, etc.). Have students write down the threats
that have been issued to them and/or the threats they have made to others.
2. Ask the students to work in pairs to develop a role-play conversation that is designed to
demonstrate a threat, a warning, a promise, or a recommendation. Give the pairs six to
eight minutes to create their role play, and then, ask volunteers to present their
conversations to the class. Do not have them identify the nature of their conversation ahead
of time.
3. Present the paired-group examples. Ask the class to guess what type of communication
occurred among the students in the pair. What leads them to their conclusion? If there are
differing opinions, tease those out. Finally, ask the pair to reveal its intended illustration of
the role play.
4. Use these role plays to discuss how sometimes what someone intended as a warning can
feel like a threat and how context and relationship influence one’s perceptions. You can
also use this role play to review the elements of a conflict.
Additional Discussion Questions
3. Are there situations in which threats are appropriate?
4. How do threats affect the relationship between the parties of a conflict?
Journaling Ideas
1. Keep a journal for a week, and notice the styles of conflict that you use. Assess whether or
not the conflict styles were effective while experiencing conflicts. In retrospect, would any
other conflict style have worked well, perhaps better, during the conflicts?
2. What styles of conflict do you notice around you? Do the conflict styles vary from one
person to another? What conflicts seem to spark the more adversarial conflict styles? What
conflicts seem to be accompanied by cooperative styles?
3. Keep a journal for a week, and notice the threats (if any) in your surroundings—those
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Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
made at you and those that you may make to others. What response(s) did the threats elicit?
How do these threats fit the criteria for “credible threats” discussed in the chapter? What
would your advice on threats be to a student who is new to conflict?