IM-1
Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
Chapter 3
Interests and Goals
Activities and Discussion Questions
Sample Dialogue for the Four General Types of Goals: Topic, Relational, Identity, and
Process (TRIP) goals.
Ask students to study the following conversation, and answer the questions given below.
How Do We Hire?
Participants: John, Jim (the Director), Laura, Karl, Keith, and Celeste
Setting: A mental health center
Keith: I agree. We should hire her.
Jim: Anyone else?
(Long silence)
John: Yeah, that’s okay with me.
Jim: Is there any discussion on this matter?
Laura: Yes. I don’t think we should hire Nikki without doing a search. She does a good job, but
Keith: I don’t think we could find anyone better. Besides, it could take months to find someone,
IM-2
Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
and we need the help right away—especially on the weekends.
Karl: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we should hire just anyone.
Keith: And if we don’t offer it to her, I think she’ll quit.
Laura: Sounds like you guys have already figured it out. Why are you even asking us if you’ve
made up your mind already?
Jim: There’s no “we” here, and I didn’t already make up my mind.
Celeste: I don’t think we should act so quickly. I’m not sure Nikki is all that committed to her
work. You say the kids like her, but personally, I think she just likes having them do what she
wants. She seems like a control freak to me. She likes having the kids like her.
Celeste: What is it with me? Why do you act like we’re making a group decision when you have
already made a decision and obviously got Keith and John to agree before talking to the rest of
us?
Jim: If you can’t be a team player, then maybe it’s you who needs to start looking for a new job.
Questions
1. What are the topics (T) of this conflict?
5. How do you predict that this conversation will end?
6. What do you think are the goals for each of the parties involved in this conflict? How do
you think those goals might change?
7. What suggestions do you have for the parties involved in this conflict?
IM-3
Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
Identifying Your “TRIP” Issues
This activity is an extension of Application 3.3 titled “My Criticism Log,” on page 86 in Chapter
3.
customers talk to you, where to go on vacation, and so forth).
2. After thinking about a few specific topics, people, or situations, write down all the
criticisms that you can think of for the people with whom you have had a conflict with (for
example, criticisms like “he’s a control freak,” “she’s such a slob,” “nobody respects my
privacy,” “you’re always telling me what to do,” and so forth).
3. Form groups of three or four students each, and write a comprehensive list of all your
collective “gripes.”
4. Look for themes among the items on the list, write them down, and discuss what you
notice with your group members.
5. As a group, start to identify whether the criticisms are grounded in topic, relational,
a. For example, if you are always complaining that people are always trying to “correct
you,” perhaps your identity issue is that you think it’s important to be knowledgeable
and don’t like to be told otherwise.
b. If you are constantly annoyed by other people being “control freaks,” maybe it is
because you like to maintain control over certain aspects of your life.
7. The purpose of this exercise is to help you figure out your “triggers” for conflict. Once you
have created the list of “triggers,” write a list of alternative strategies to help you manage
the situations of conflict that typically upset you.
Identifying the Collaborative Goals for a Conflict
IM-4
Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
After studying the chapter, have students identify the topic, relational, identity, and process
(TRIP) goals for a recent conflict. Then, ask them to estimate the TRIP goals for their conflict
partner. Next, have them write the collaborative goals for resolving this conflict. Finally, ask the
students to contrast between these collaborative goals of conflict resolution and the goals that
were accomplished in the actual conflict resolution. Did they find any differences between the
Negotiating Skill: Getting from Positions to Interests
Part One
Have students review the following “position” statements:
You have to be in by 9:00 a.m.
I want a salary increase.
I want $150,000 for the house.
If you can’t be on time, I’m going to leave.
I want to be called “supervisor.”
If you date someone else, it’s all over.
I won’t join the team if he is on it.
The report is due next Tuesday.
Part Two
Ask students to identify their possible underlying interests. Use the following guidelines from
William Wilmot for help. Once the students have identified their “interests,” have them practice
writing goals that would help them get what they want or need. Additionally, the students could
identify what “type” of goals they are writing (such as topic, relational, identity, process,
prospective, transactive, retrospective, or collaborative).
Types of Interests
a.
Topic
What do we want?
b.
Relational
Who are we to each other?
c.
Identity/Face-saving
Who am I in this interaction?
d.
Procedural
What communication process will we use?
You can discover the students’ interests through direct and indirect ways. To discover students’
interests directly, ask them the following questions:
1. What if you were to apologize for the conflict?
2. If she or he were to apologize, what would that do for you?
3. What will it take?
IM-5
Activities and Discussion Questions
Hocker: Interpersonal Conflict, 10e
4. What makes it difficult for you to cooperate?
5. What would be the perfect situation?
6. How would you like to be treated?
7. What process could be used to keep you involved and on board?
8. What problems are we trying to solve?
9. What could your conflict partner do or say that would impact you?
10. What is your goal?
11. What concerns you the most?
12. When are you the most irritated? When are you the most satisfied?
13. Describe a situation when things went well.
18. What would help you feel good?
19. How do you want to be treated by him or her?
20. If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?
Adapted from: