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Instructor Resources for Chapter 11
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Chapter Outline
Opening scenario: Learning to Manage Conflict Constructively
I. The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
a. Defining interpersonal conflict
i. Conflict is an expressed struggle.
ii. Conflict occurs between interdependent parties.
iii. Conflict is about goals the parties see as incompatible.
iv. Conflict arises over perceived scarce resources.
v. Conflict includes interference.
b. Thinking about interpersonal conflict
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
II. Conflict in Personal Relationships
a. Characteristics of interpersonal conflict
i. Conflict is natural.
ii. Conflict has content, relational, and procedural dimensions.
iii. Conflict can be direct or indirect.
iv. Conflict can be harmful.
v. Conflict can be beneficial.
b. The most common sources of conflict
c. How sex and gender affect conflict
d. How culture affects conflict
i. Cultural dimensions and conflict
ii. Cross-cultural conflict
e. Managing computer-mediated conflict
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
III. Power and Conflict
a. Characteristics of power
i. Power is context-specific.
ii. Power is always present.
iii. Power influences communication.
iv. Power can be positive or negative.
v. Power and conflict influence each other.
b. Forms of power
i. Reward power
ii. Coercive power
iii. Referent power
iv. Legitimate power
v. Expert power
c. Sex, gender, and power
d Culture and power
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
IV. Managing Interpersonal Conflict
a. Problematic behaviors during conflict
i. Criticism
ii. Contempt
iii. Defensiveness
iv. Stonewalling
b. Strategies for managing conflict successfully
i. Competing
ii. Avoiding
iii. Accommodating
iv. Compromising
v. Collaborating
Learn it, apply it, reflect on it
In-text boxes:
a. Communication/Dark Side: Alcohol and conflict: A risky combination
b. Fact or Fiction? If you try hard enough, you can resolve any conflict.
c. Assess Your Skills: Avoid online disinhibition
d. Got Skills? One-across messages
e. At a Glance: French and Raven’s forms of relational power
f. Got Skills? Compromising
g. At a Glance: Five approaches to conflict
Key Terms
accommodating
avoiding
coercive power
collaborating
competing
complementary relationship
compromising
contempt
criticism
defensiveness
demand-withdraw pattern
direct conflict
disinhibition effect
expert power
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indirect conflict
interpersonal conflict
legitimate power
metaconflict
one-across message
one-down message
one-up message
passive aggression
patriarchy
power
referent power
reframing
reward power
stonewalling
symmetrical relationship
Definitions for Key Terms
accommodating: a strategy for managing conflict that involves giving in to the other party’s
needs and desires while subordinating one’s own
avoiding: a strategy for managing conflict that involves ignoring or failing to deal with the
conflict
coercive power: power based on the ability to punish
collaborating: a strategy for managing conflict that involves working toward a solution that
meets both parties’ needs
competing: a strategy for managing conflict in which one’s goal is to win while the other
party loses
complementary relationship: a relationship between parties of unequal power
compromising: a strategy for managing conflict in which both parties give up something they
want so that both can receive something they want
contempt: the expression of insults and attacks on another’s self worth
criticism: the expression of complaints about another party
defensiveness: the tendency to deny the validity of criticisms directed at the self
demand-withdraw pattern: a pattern of behavior in which one party makes demands and the other
party withdraws from the conversation
direct conflict: an open straightforward approach to engaging in conflict
disinhibition effect: the tendency to say or do things in one environment (such as online) that one
would not say or do in most other environments
expert power: power that derives from one’s expertise, talent, training, specialized knowledge, or
experience
indirect conflict: the expression of conflict through negative behaviors that ignore the underling
disagreement
interpersonal conflict: an expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive
incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from one another
legitimate power: power based on one’s legitimate status or position
metaconflict: conflict about conflict
one-across message: a verbal message that seeks to neutralize relational control and power
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one-down message: a verbal message that reflects acceptance of, or submission to, another
person’s power
one-up message: a verbal message through which the speaker attempts to exert dominance or
gain control over the listener
passive aggression: a pattern of behaving vengefully while denying that one has aggressive
feelings
patriarchy: a social system in which men exercise a majority of the power
power: the ability to manipulate, influence, or control other people or events
referent power: power that derives from one’s attraction to or admiration for another
reframing: changing the way you feel about an interpersonal situation
reward power: power that derives from the ability to reward
stonewalling: withdrawing from a conversation or interaction
symmetrical relationship: a relationship between parties of equal power
Discussion Questions
• With whom do you have the most troublesome conflicts? What are your conflicts with these
parties about?
• How might the particular metaphor you use to think about conflict affect how you approach
conflict?
• Why does conflict usually make people so uncomfortable?
• What have you noticed about the different ways in which men and women engage conflict?
• How can the disinhibition effect contribute to conflict in computer-mediated communication?
• What are some of the steps you would take to avoid “inflaming” a conflict with a colleague
who has written you a hostile e-mail message?
• What are some examples of the positive use of power? The negative use?
• Why is referent power so influential? Why are we so eager to follow those whom we admire
or find attractive?
• Which of Gottman’s four horsemen would you find the most distressing if enacted in your
own relationships? Why?
• When are avoiding or accommodating the best strategies for dealing with conflict?
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Additional Resources
• Coleman, P. T., Deutsch, M., & Marcus, E. C. (Eds.). (2014). The handbook of conflict
resolution: Theory and practice (3rd ed.). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
• Erbert, L. A. (2000). Conflict and dialectics: Perceptions of dialectical contradictions in
marital conflict. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 638–659.
• Folger, J. P., Poole, M. S., & Stutman, R. K. (2012). Working through conflict: Strategies
for relationships, groups, and organizations (7th ed.). New York, NY: Routledge.
• Oetzel, J. H., & Ting-Toomey, S. (Eds.). (2006). The Sage handbook of conflict
communication: Integrating theory, research, and practice. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
• Wilmot, M., & Hocker, J. (2013). Interpersonal conflict (9th ed.). New York, NY:
Learning Objectives in CONNECT for Interpersonal Communication
• Recall that conflict, although challenging, is a normal part of interaction with others.
The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict
• Define interpersonal conflict.
• Explain how conflict is an expressed struggle.
• Explain how conflict occurs between interdependent parties.
• Distinguish between interpersonal and intrapersonal conflict.
• Explain how conflict occurs between people who see goals as incompatible.
• Explain how conflict arises of perceived scarce resources.
• Explain how conflict includes interference.
• Recall the common metaphors that people use to describe conflict.
• Explain how framing affects the way conflict is managed.
• Explain how to reframe an interpersonal situation.
Conflict in Personal Relationships
• Explain how conflict is a natural part of relating to others.
• Distinguish between the content, relational, and procedural dimensions of conflict.
• Define metaconflict.
• Define direct conflict.
• Define indirect conflict.
• Determine when to use direct or indirect conflict.
• Explain how conflict can be harmful.
• Describe how conflict can affect people in negative ways.
• Explain how conflict can be beneficial.
• Recall the most common sources of marital conflict.
• Recall that across relationship types, conflict often centers on issues related to power,
respect, and the distribution of resources.
• Explain how sex and gender affect conflict.
• Describe the challenges created by gender socialization when managing conflict.
• Define passive aggression.
• Define the demand-withdraw pattern in romantic relationships.
• Explain why men are more likely to engage in stonewalling as a means of handling conflict.
• Explain how traditional gender messages encourage opposite-sex couples to adopt the
demand-withdraw pattern.
• Recall that unresolved conflict can lead to dissatisfaction.
• Describe some sources of conflict that are unique to gay and lesbian couples.
• Recall that cultural norms and values shape how conflict is managed.
• Recall the cultural dimensions that influence how people manage conflict.
• Recall that learning about the norms and behaviors of other cultures can improve one’s
ability to constructively handle conflict.
• Define the disinhibition effect.
• Describe the suggested strategies for reducing or preventing conflict in online contexts.
Power and Conflict
• Recall that conflict often involves a struggle between people with unequal power.
• Define power.
• Recall that power is context-specific.
• Recall that power is always present in every interpersonal interaction.
• Distinguish between symmetrical and complementary relationships
• Recall that power influences communication.
• Differentiate between one-up, one-down, and one-across messages.
• Compare and contrast the types of messages used by couples in symmetrical and
complementary relationships.
• Recall that power can be positive or negative.
• Recall that power and conflict influence each other.
• Recall the five specific forms of power.
• Define reward power.
• Define coercive power.
• Define referent power.
• Define legitimate power.
• Define expert power.
• Recall that different forms of power often operate together.
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• Recall that sex, gender, and power influence the experience of power.
• Describe patriarchy.
• Explain the inequalities that exist between men and women in many parts of the world.
• Explain the principle of least interest.
• Describe the relationship between stress and conflict in married couples.
• Recall that cultural practices and beliefs affect how people exercise power in personal
relationships.
• Compare and contrast high- and low-power distance cultures distribution of power.
Managing Interpersonal Conflict
• Recall that how conflicts are managed is more important than whether they occur.
• Explain contempt as a problematic behavior during conflict.
• Explain gunnysacking.
• Explain criticism as a problematic behavior during conflict.
• Explain defensiveness as a problematic behavior during conflict.
• Explain stonewalling as a problematic behavior during conflict.
• Recall the people stonewall when feeling emotionally and psychologically flooded.
• Recall that handling conflict is based upon two underlying dimensions, concern for self and
concern for other.
• Describe the competing style of managing conflict.
• Describe the avoiding style of managing conflict.
• Describe the accommodating style of managing conflict.
• Describe the compromising style of managing conflict.
• Describe the collaborating style of managing conflict.
In-Class Exercises
In-Class Exercise A: Beliefs About Conflict
1. This exercise focuses on opinions and beliefs about the experience of conflict. Students begin
the activity individually and then complete the activity in small groups.
2. Copy and distribute the following handout, one for each student. Ask students to read each
statement and mark whether they are more inclined to agree or disagree with it.
3. Next, put students into small groups (three to four students each). Try to generate the groups
randomly. In each group, tell students to discuss each statement on the handout and try to
come to unanimous agreement on it. (That may or may not be achievable on every statement,
but the process—not the outcome—is what matters most.)
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4. After the group activity, generate a class discussion in which students reflect on their
experiences trying to negotiate within their groups and achieve consensus. Did conflicts
emerge in the groups? If so, how were they negotiated? Were particular forms of power
exercised in the group discussion? Encourage your students to discuss their group
experiences using the concepts and language presented in this chapter.
5. You might modify the statements on the handout to reflect issues that arose in your own class
discussion about conflict. Keep the total number of statements on the handout low, however,
so that students will have sufficient time to address each one in their small groups.
Handout: Beliefs about Conflict
For each of the following statements, indicate whether you tend to agree (A) or disagree (D)
with it. Try to work quickly, relying on your initial response to each statement.
_____ The best relationships involve the least amount of conflict.
_____ Avoidance is never the right way to deal with a conflict.
_____ Conflict is fun.
_____ People who thrive on conflict are disruptive to social harmony.
_____ It is wrong to exercise coercive power over someone else.
_____ When managing a conflict, you should never compromise.
In-Class Exercise B: Identifying Conflict Triggers
1. This exercise encourages students to identify common triggers for conflict in their
relationships, and to evaluate the conflicts that result from those triggers. The exercise is to
be done individually, with class discussion afterward.
2. Copy and distribute the handout below, and give students a few minutes in class to complete
it (or, have them complete it outside of class and bring it back the following day for
classroom discussion).
3. During your discussion, ask how many students have experienced one or more conflicts
resulting from each trigger within the past six months. For each, ask how many students rated
the resulting conflicts as significant, rather than mild. On a chalkboard or overhead projector,
you might keep running tallies of these percentages so that you end up with a “snapshot” of
your class with respect to conflict triggers.
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4. If time allows, you might ask students to nominate other common triggers for conflict that
aren’t reflected in the handout. If certain topics are mentioned with frequency, consider
adding those to the handout before running the activity the next time.
Handout: Conflict Triggers
Take a look at the list of potential conflict “triggers” below. For each, indicate whether you
have experienced any conflicts resulting from that trigger in the past six months. If you
answer “yes” on an item, go on to indicate whether you would categorize the conflicts related
to that trigger as significant (memorable, very bad) or as mild (mundane, quickly forgotten).
Trigger
Happened in last 6 months?
Significant or mild?
Disagreement with boss over
the quality of your work
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with romantic
partner over money
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with parents
over holiday or vacation plans
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with an
instructor over a grade
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with a friend
over something one of you
borrowed from the other
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with someone
over household chores
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with a merchant
over a purchase price
Yes No
Significant Mild
Disagreement with a neighbor
over noise
Yes No
Significant Mild
In-Class Exercise C: Verbal Aggressiveness
1. In this exercise, students self-report on their tendencies toward verbal aggressiveness, then
consider the effect this might have on how they deal with conflict. The self-report measure is
completed individually; the consideration of potential effects can be done in small group
discussion, large group discussion, and or in writing.
2. One personality characteristic with the potential to influence how people respond to conflict
situations is their level of verbal aggressiveness, which researchers define as behavior
designed to advance one’s own goals without concern for any harm done to others. As
students might imagine, high levels of verbal aggressiveness predispose people to use
competitive strategies for managing conflict, and reduce the likelihood that they will use
collaborative or accommodating strategies.
3. Copy and distribute the handout on the next page, and give students time to complete it in
class. Once students are done completing the handout, have them sum the scores for all ten
items. Scores should range from 10 to 50. Tell them that scores of 10–22 indicate low verbal
aggressiveness, 23–34 indicate moderate verbal aggressiveness, and 35–50 indicate high
verbal aggressiveness.
4. Next, initiate discussion about how one’s tendency toward verbal aggressiveness might
influence how one approaches conflict situations. Ask students to share examples regarding
either their own verbal aggressiveness or the verbal aggressiveness of someone they know.
This discussion can be done with the class at large, or in small groups, or even individually
as a writing assignment.
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Handout: Verbal Aggressiveness
Indicate your level of agreement with each of the following statements on a 1–5 scale,
wherein 1 means “strongly disagree” and 5 means “strongly agree.”
_____ When individuals are very stubborn, I use insults to soften their stubbornness.
_____ When people refuse to do a task I know is important, without good reason, I tell them
they are unreasonable.
_____ If individuals I am trying to influence really deserve it, I attack their character.
_____ When people behave in ways that are in very poor taste, I insult them in order to
shock them into proper behavior.
_____ When people simply will not budge on a matter of importance, I lose my temper and
say rather strong things to them.
_____ When individuals insult me, I get a lot of pleasure out of really telling them off.
_____ I like poking fun at people who do things that are very stupid, in order to stimulate
their intelligence.
_____ When people do things that are mean or cruel, I attack their character in order to help
correct their behavior.
_____ When nothing seems to work in trying to influence others, I yell and scream in order
to get some movement from them.
_____ When I am not able to refute others’ positions, I try to make them feel defensive in
order to weaken their positions.
When you are finished, add up all your scores. Your total should range from 10–50.
[Adapted from Infante, D. A., & Wigley, C. J. (1986). Verbal aggressiveness: An interpersonal model
and measure. Communication Monographs, 53, 61–69.]
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Out-of-Class Exercises
Out-of-Class Exercise A: Power Diary
1. In this activity, students keep a diary for one week regarding the forms of power they
exercise with others. The activity is to be done individually.
2. Prior to starting the activity, tell students that everyone exercises different forms of power, in
different degrees, in their interpersonal interactions. Some students may have a tendency to
think of themselves as having no power, so encourage them to reflect on the forms of power
that they do have.
3. Over a period of one week (or another duration that better fits your needs), students should
keep a written record of every time they exercise some form of power with another person.
For each instance, they should briefly describe what they were trying to achieve and then
identify (using French and Raven’s terminology) the form or forms of power they exercised.
Students of traditional age may be most likely to exercise reward or referent power; older
students (particularly those who are parents) are probably more likely to exercise all forms of
power in one way or another.
4. You might ask students to write up their results in a paper, and/or to present them in class.
Out-of-Class Exercise B: Conflict in Marginalized Populations
1. In this exercise, students will select a population that has historically been marginalized
socially, politically, and/or economically, and research the conflicts that members of that
population are likely to experience as a result of belonging to that population. The exercise
can be done individually, in pairs, or in small groups.
2. Before starting the activity, you might briefly discuss the nature of marginalization with
students, and help them to understand that when people feel suppressed or disenfranchised
within a given society, they are likely to experience conflicts that may not be common among
those in non-marginalized groups. For instance, a homeless person may be more likely than
one with a home to have conflict with others over space, territory, privacy, and/or safety. A
gay or lesbian couple may be more likely than a heterosexual married couple to experience
conflicts regarding the legitimacy of their relationship or the forms of social support they
receive (or don’t receive) from their families. In other words, marginalization makes certain
issues more relevant (and potentially problematic).
3. Create a list of marginalized or disenfranchised populations from which your students can
select. Your list should reflect populations that are relevant to your area, but might include
(among others) the homeless, the elderly, the mentally ill, racial or ethnic minorities, sexual
minorities, the disabled, or any other groups that seem to be marginalized in your geographic
area.
4. Have students (either individually, in pairs, or in small groups) select one population to focus
on. The goal of the activity is for students to research the issues that are particularly relevant
(if not unique) to that population that might give rise to conflicts that are less likely to be
experienced by those outside of that group.
5. Encourage students to use a variety of data-gathering methods in their research. These might
include interviewing people from their identified population, searching for news stories about
that population (particularly those involving conflicts), talking to professionals who routinely
work with and support people from that population, searching the academic literature, and
looking for information online. Emphasize that no one source of information will be
sufficient, so students need to use a diversity of forms (you might even set specific
parameters around how many different forms of sources each student or team must collect).
6. The product of the activity should be either a paper or a poster presentation in which students
discuss the methods they undertook to do their research and the findings they identified. If
they interviewed people as part of their data collection, instruct students to use pseudonyms
and to mask any sensitive or identifying information in their presentations of the findings, to
preserve the confidentiality of the interviewees.
7. The goal of the exercise is for students to understand better the challenges and resulting
conflicts experienced by those in a group that is disenfranchised within their society.