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166
Chapter 9: Gendered Close Relationships
Multiple Choice
1.
How do masculine people, often men, who are friends tend to build closeness?
A.
Share activities
B.
Talk about their friendship
C.
Engage in personal disclosure
D.
Engage in small talk
E.
Masculine people who are friends do not build closeness
2.
Why are men assumed by some approaches to personal relationships to be deficient at
developing and sustaining personal relationships?
A.
Men have been proven empirically to be bad at relationships.
B.
Women have been proven empirically to be the best at relationships.
C.
Many studies of men’s relationships use the “feminine ruler” of talk as the basis of
close relationships to judge men’s relationships.
D.
Both A and B.
E.
All of the above.
3.
Lesbian relationships tend to be
A.
nonmonogamous.
B.
low in disclosure and support.
C.
egalitarian in distributing responsibilities for maintaining the relationship.
D.
primarily based on doing things rather than talking.
E.
longer-lasting than heterosexual relationships.
4.
Which of the following is true about romantic relationships?
A.
Women tend to fall in love faster and harder than men.
B.
Women perceive of love in terms of taking trips to romantic places, spontaneously
making love, and surprising their partners.
C.
In romantic relationships between women and men, attitudes toward sexual activity
have undergone profound changes over the last several decades.
D.
Women are more likely than men to focus on relationship dynamics.
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E.
All of the above.
5.
Emily feels that she and her partner Luke spend too much time together, and she wants
more time for her individual interests and activities. Luke feels that they should spend
most of their time with each other. The tension between them reflects
A.
tension over autonomy and connection.
B.
tension over bonding rituals.
C.
differences between desires for doing and talking.
D.
differences between desires for expression and instrumentality.
E.
none of the above.
6.
Kaitlin and her partner Adam have spent a lot of time fighting and avoiding each other
recently. Kaitlin is upset about the situation and wants to fix the problem. Adam
doesn’t seem to have noticed that anything is wrong. Kaitlin takes it upon herself to
start a conversation with Adam about their issues. This reflects Kaitlin and Adam’s
A.
tension between autonomy and connection.
B.
differing ways of showing affection.
C.
gendered responsibility for relational health.
D.
gendered power dynamics.
E.
none of the above.
7.
Working women in heterosexual relationships typically engage in the majority of home
and family care taking duties, which are frequently routine, repetitive, and constrained
by deadlines. The term that this statement best defines is
A.
psychological responsibility.
B.
wonder woman syndrome.
C.
soccer mom.
D.
second-shift job.
E.
the mommy myth.
8.
Which of the following are features of feminine (often female) friendships?
A.
They often contain covert intimacy.
B.
Doing activities together is the primary way to build closeness.
C.
The friends do things for each other to show that they care.
D.
They are less likely than men’s friendships to last if one friend moves away.
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E.
None of the above.
9.
Which of the following is true about nonromantic friendships between men and women?
A.
For many women, a primary benefit of friendships with men is that they are
emotionally closer than their friendships with women.
B.
For many men, a primary benefit of friendships with women is that they are lighter
and more fun than their friendships with men.
C.
In friendships between women and men, men typically talk more and get more
attention than they offer.
D.
Nonromantic friendships between women and men have the advantage of being free
from sexual tension.
E.
Both women and men tend to seek out men in times of stress.
10.
Gender differences are apparent in the ways people manage conflict. Feminine people,
in general, tend to respond to conflict by
A.
deferring or compromising to reduce tension.
B.
issuing ultimatums.
C.
refusing to listen or discuss an issue.
D.
asserting that the partner is blowing things out of proportion.
E.
all of the above.
11.
Which of the following tends to be true about lesbian relationships?
A.
One partner tends to be expected to be the breadwinner.
B.
They tend to be based on tangible investments such as money and possessions.
C.
They tend to be bound by traditional gender roles.
D.
The partners involved tend to have the most equality of all types of relationships.
E.
None of the above.
12.
In heterosexual couples in which the woman earns substantially more than the man, the man
performs the majority of household labor.
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REF: pp. 186–187
13.
In a heterosexual relationship, the male partner would be the one most likely to be
responsible for remembering the child’s doctor’s appointments.
14.
Typically, men do not value friendships as much as women.
15.
Cross-sex friendships tend to benefit women more than men.
16.
Men who have sex with a lot of partners tend to be judged more harshly than women who do
the same.
17.
Gay and lesbian relationships tend to follow a best-friend model with the additional
dimensions of sexuality and romance.
18.
Lesbians report greater satisfaction with their romantic relationships than either gay men or
heterosexuals.
19.
The demand-withdraw pattern explains why sexual tension often exists in cross-sex
friendships
20.
Regardless of sexual orientation, most couples have one partner that takes on most of the
burden of caring for the relational health of the couple.
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21.
Socialization into gendered speech communities can make it challenging for men and
women to be friends.
22.
Gay and lesbian couples tend to share perspectives on how to communicate affection.
23.
Male deficit model
24.
Second shift
25.
Alternative paths model
26.
Psychological responsibility
27.
Feminine ruler:
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of communicating closeness in a relationship.
REF: p. 175
Essays
28.
Identify general patterns of similarities and differences in how masculine and feminine
communication occurs within same sex friendships. (To make this question more challenging
and integrate Chapter 7 material, add: Explain how these differences grow out of gendered
family socialization.)
29.
Your textbook states that gendered orientations influence four dimensions of long-term
love relationships: modes of expressing care, needs for autonomy and connection,
responsibility for relational maintenance, and power. Discuss how heterosexual couples may
differ from same-sex couples on two of the four dimensions.
ANS: Gendered Modes of Expressing Affection: Heterosexual couples who follow traditional
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30.
Describe the division of labor in a typical heterosexual household. Why does the division
exist in this form? Do you think it is possible for the division of labor in the home to be exactly
equal? Why or why not?
31.
Reflect on a nonromantic, close, same-sex friendship. In what ways does your
friendship match or deviate patterns of friendships described in the book?
ANS: Answers will vary. Female students who believe that their friendships follow traditional
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32.
One way to pose questions for this (and several other) chapters is to present them as advice
column questions, with the students being the “experts” who respond. Another similar option is
to present a question as if it is the student’s friend asking him/her for advice since the friend
knows the student is in a Gender and Communication class. Students tend to enjoy these
questions and they give them the opportunity to integrate the material in ways that are
applicable to their lives. It is often helpful to integrate material from several chapters in the
questions. Some examples include:
Dear Gender Communication Expert,
I am a female college senior, and I am so frustrated with my boyfriend Seth. Since we’ll be
graduating soon, it’s important to me that we really make sure our relationship is strong
before entering the “real world.” But when I tell Seth that I want to feel closer to him, he
ignores me and instead just spent a bunch of money for us to go skydiving! I don’t want to
jump out of a plane together, I want to talk! When I try to talk about my feelings about it, he
barely looks at me and just starts fixing things around the apartment. Meanwhile, he just
keeps planning more crazy dates like this. I’m afraid he might not want to be with me
anymore. What should I do?
Scared Senior
The framework for the answer to this question can be found on page 184.
Dear Scared Senior,
It sounds like Seth isn’t trying to pull away at all, he just has a different way of showing closeness
and affection. See, you have a very feminine idea of intimacy—talking about your feelings and
the relationship—but Seth doesn’t think of closeness that way. When he plans crazy dates for you
or does other tasks for you (like fixing things around the apartment), he is showing you that he
cares about you. This is a very masculine way of being close.
Masculine people, like Seth, often don’t want to talk about the relationship unless they think
something is wrong. You may want to talk to be sure things are okay, but Seth may think they
are okay and so there’s no need to talk. In fact, a date like skydiving may even suggest he’s
ready to do exciting (though sometimes scary) things with you, much like those you’ll face as
you consider what you’ll do after graduation. I have two suggestions for you. First, try to
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remember that Seth’s actions are a demonstration of his feelings for you. Second, talk to him
and explain that while you love that he does things for you, you’d also like to spend some time
engaging in some more feminine modes of closeness. If you can each try to understand the
other’s perspective, you’ll be able to appreciate each other’s efforts more.
Good luck!
Communication Expert
REF: pp. 184
Dear Communication Expert,
I’m a 20-year-old gay man. My boyfriend, Andrew, is driving me crazy! I really love him, but
he’s so needy. When we first got together, he was so independent, but now he’s bugging me all
the time to spend more time together and talk more on the phone. I like hanging out with
Andrew, but I feel myself pulling back because it’s so annoying how much he wants to hang out.
Spending time together used to be special, but now I feel like it’s never enough for him. Even
though I care so much, the more he wants to see me, the less I find I want to see him. This would
make sense to me if I just weren’t interested, but I really like Andrew, and I know he’s starting
to think I don’t! What’s going on?
Desperately Seeking Space
The framework for the answer to this question can be found on page 185.
Dear Desperately Seeking Space,
What you’re experiencing with Andrew is a really common issue for couples called the
“demand-withdraw pattern.” It seems like you’re more masculine in your preference for more
autonomy, alone time; meanwhile, Andrew is more feminine in his preference for more
connection, together time. What often happens in this situation is that the more one of you
desires your preference for autonomy/connection, the more the other wants his or her preference
as well. The more Andrew wants to spend time with you, the more you feel your autonomy is
being threatened, so you pull back. Of course, from his perspective, pulling back makes Andrew
think you don’t care about him, so he pushes for more time together. It seems like the best thing
to do is for you both to talk openly about this. Try to understand that Andrew is not trying to take
over your life or be intrusive, he just cares about you.
Hopefully he can try to understand that you are not uninterested and want to make your
together time special.
Best of luck!
Communication Expert
REF: p. 171
6. In the movie When Harry Met Sally, Harry says to Sally that men and women cannot be
friends. Your book discusses some challenges and benefits of cross-sex friendships. Note at
least two challenges and two benefits of cross-sex friendships. For each of the challenges you
mention, note one way that friends could help to navigate that potential issue.
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something not available in same-sex friendships (for men this include being able to share
feelings and for women it may mean reduced pressure to emotionally disclose) and the ability to
get a different perspective than in same-sex friendships.
Answers will vary about how to address the challenges. Students may suggest openly talking
about the tensions, being aware of their expectations, adjusting their own communication, among
others.
REF: p. 181
