Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
Lecture Notes
Chapter 7: Communicating Closeness: Affection, Immediacy, and Social
Support
Chapter Outline
I. Closeness in Relationships
A. Physical Closeness
1. Physical closeness refers to the amount of spatial proximity and physical
contact people have.
2. Spending time with someone and sexual interaction is another common form
of physical closeness. However, even in marital relationships, sexual
interaction does not appear to be as central to the concept of closeness as
affectionate communication.
B. Emotional Closeness
1. Emotional closeness has been defined as having a sense of shared
experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern, and caring in a relationship.
2. Emotional closeness is a highly moving intimate situation with expressions
and feelings that include a warm feeling in the chest, moist eyes or tears,
chills, hair standing on end, feeling choked up, or having a lump in the throat.
C. Relational Closeness
1. Relational closeness is the interdependence people share. Interdependent
partners exchange resources; influence one another’s thoughts, behaviors, and
emotions; meet each other’s needs.
2. Especially strong, enduring, and diverse levels of interdependence
characterize close relationships. As is the case with emotional closeness,
relational closeness is associated with caregiving and social support.
D. Communicating Closeness
1. Closeness is reflected in three specific types of communication: affectionate
communication, immediacy behavior, and social support.
2. All three areas of research show that communication is vital in creating and
sustaining close relationships.
II. Affectionate Communication
A. Affection Exchange Theory
1. Paradox of affection: Floyd noted that “although affection is often intended
and usually perceived by others to be a positive communicative move, it can
backfire for a number of reasons and produce negative outcomes”
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2. Affection Exchange Theory is based on the idea that affectionate
communication is a biologically adaptive behavior that evolved because it
helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival.
3. Adaptive value of affection: Pendell expressed a similar belief stating that
“intimate relationships, pair bonding, and affection are basic human
biological adaptations evolved for the purpose of reproduction and protecting
the young.”
4. Principles of Affection Exchange Theory
a. People are motivated to show affectionate communication to people who
serve one of two basic evolutionary needs—(1) viability and (2) fertility.
5. Benefits of Giving and Receiving Affection
a. One reason affectionate communication helps people survive and attract
others is because giving and receiving affection is related to better mental
and physical health.
b. People regularly receiving affection are advantaged: They are happier,
more self-confident, less stressed, less likely to be depressed, more likely
to engage in social activity, and in better general mental health.
B. Communicating Affection
1. Direct and Verbally Affectionate Communication
a. People usually encode direct and verbal expressions of affection with the
intent of communicating affection to someone, easily decoded by others
as clear and unambiguous expressions of affection.
b. There is an enormous qualitative difference between saying ‘I like you’
and ‘I’m in love with you,’ a distinction that may not be conveyed quite
as accurately through nonverbal behaviors.
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2. Direct and Nonverbal Affectionate Communication
a. According to the social meaning model of nonverbal communication,
some nonverbal behaviors have strong consensual meanings across
different contexts.
b. People recognize the exceptions to the rule because they do not look only
at one nonverbal cue but rather a constellation of nonverbal cues that
work in concert to communicate a message.
c. Although a wide variety of nonverbal behaviors can communicate
affection, three classes of behavior are particularly unambiguous and
consistent with the social meaning model.
i. Physical closeness involves touch and close distancing.
ii. Especially prolonged and mutual eye contact communicates
3. Indirect and Nonverbal Affectionate Communication
a. Support behaviors: Support behaviors involve giving someone
emotional or instrumental support.
III. Immediacy Behavior
• Plays complementary and important role:
o Immediacy behaviors are actions that signal warmth, communicate availability,
decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between
people.
• Broader concept than affection:
o Affection and affectionate communication are rooted in feelings of fondness and
positive regard that have developed toward someone over time.
• Increases in immediacy provide a foundation for creating and sustaining close
relationships, and there is extensive overlap between immediacy behavior and
affectionate communication.
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• Nonverbal immediacy in mediated communication: Skype or Facetime may have
unique effects, eye contact may be less important and faster speech rate may be more
important in establishing social attraction online.
A. Verbal Immediacy
1. Verbal immediacy is a function of several features of language that reflect
the closeness of a relationship, including word choice, forms of address,
depth of disclosure, verbal person-centeredness, and verbal relationship
indicators.
2. Word Choice
a. Inclusive pronouns, such as we, are perceived to indicate more
interdependence and immediacy than using exclusive pronouns.
b. Use of the active as opposed to the passive voice also contributes to
3. Forms of Address
a. Using inappropriately informal names or disliked nicknames, however, is
not a way to establish a close relationship.
b. Personal idioms also can communicate affection and emotional closeness
in a relationship.
4. Depth of Disclosure
a. In close relationships, partners “can communicate deeply and honestly . .
. sharing innermost feelings.”
b. Self-revealing statements that convey vulnerable emotions are especially
conducive to emotional closeness.
c. Self-disclosure plays an essential role in relationship development; as
5. Verbal Person-Centeredness
a. Verbal immediacy may also be communicated by the degree to which the
feelings, thoughts, and perspectives are acknowledged and legitimized.
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b. It involves affirming and legitimatizing a partner’s emotion, asking
6. Relationship Indicators
a. The language that partners use to refer to each other suggests a certain
public, relational image that is an index of the closeness between them.
b. Cohabitors may describe themselves along a continuum that includes
B. Nonverbal Immediacy
1. Relatively involuntary character: Nonverbal immediacy appears to be even
more essential for communicating emotional closeness and is a stronger
predictor of emotional and relational closeness than self-disclosure.
a. People’s facial expressions, voice tones, postures, and gestures can reveal
unspoken emotions and intentions and can override efforts at impression
management.
2. Visual or Oculesic Behaviors
a. Eye behavior or oculesics is essential in establishing emotional closeness
and increased eye contact is a sign of intimacy and attraction.
3. Spatial or Proxemic Behaviors
a. Proxemics, or the way people use space in interpersonal communication,
signals the level of closeness in a relationship, a distance ranging from
touch to 18 in. identified as the intimate zone.
4. Tactile or Haptic Behaviors
a. Physical contact or haptics is a key immediacy behavior that reflects
closeness and there is a strong association between the amount of tactile
intimacy recorded by observers and the closeness of couple’s
relationship.
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5. Body Movement or Kinesics
a. Kinesics are body movements such as smiling, body positions, and
posture. Open body positions and movements also signal increased
immediacy.
b. Like good dancers, intimate couples show high levels of coordinated
6. Vocalic Communication
a. Changes in vocal pitch, volume, rate, amplitude, duration, and tone of
voice—or vocalics—are sometimes more important than words and such
shifts are associated with positive interpersonal affect.
7. Chronemic Behaviors
a. Use of time or chronemics, communicates a great deal in relationships,
as a precious commodity that is spent, saved, wasted, or invested as
though it were money.
b. Spending time with another person sends the message that the person is
IV. Cognitive Valence Theory
• Cognitive valence theory (CVT): It helps explain why people respond to increases in
immediacy positively in some cases and negatively in others by examining six
• Cognitive valencers: Templates or knowledge structures that people use to help them
evaluate behavior as appropriate or inappropriate and welcome or unwelcome.
A. Behavior
1. All close relationships begin with one person increasing immediacy via
nonverbal or verbal communication.
2. Relationships do not occur in the absence of human contact. They begin,
develop, thrive, and disengage as communicative acts.
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B. Perception
1. Behaviors by themselves do not increase closeness; one’s partner must notice
the behaviors. Expressions of closeness have “no communicative
significance” unless perceived by one’s partner.
2. Such perceptions need not be conscious but must register in the mind of the
receiver. Words spoken to no ear and smiles perceived by no eye do not
communicate and have no chance of increasing closeness.
C. Arousal
1. Nonverbal immediacy behaviors are stimulating and increase physiological
arousal. Increases in multichanneled immediacy behavior, such as more eye
contact, smiles, and touch, increase physiological arousal.
2. Sometimes arousal change is accompanied by positive emotions and other
times by negative emotions. Rapid arousal increases are aversive and
frightening. Negative relational outcomes occur when arousal levels are
excessively high.
3. Most interesting reactions occur in relation to moderate increases in
immediacy. Moderate arousal has been shown to stimulate cognitive
processes, which in turn influence how people respond to increases in
immediacy behavior.
D. Cognition
1. Culture
a. Culture is so foundational in our lives that we often confuse it with
human nature itself. We determine whether something is appropriate in
our culture and that gives us a basis for reacting to it.
b. If a behavior is appropriate, it will be positively valenced; if the behavior
is culturally inappropriate, it will be negatively valenced.
2. Personality
a. People’s personalities differ in their sociability, extroversion, and
attitudes toward touch and the degree to which they approach or avoid
new experiences or sensations.
b. A hug or a personal disclosure may be appreciated by one person but not
by another, and thus people will valence the same behavior differently
based on their personality.
3. Rewardingness
a. Rewardingness or interpersonal valence refers to the degree to which
someone is considered attractive or positive in other ways.
b. Positive perceptions of another person’s values, background, physical
appearance, and communication style are the primary reasons why we
initiate and maintain close relationships.
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4. The Relationship
a. People are able to easily classify relationships with others as friend,
coworker, best friend, lover, fiancé or fiancée, parent, boss, roommate,
and so on.
b. In the right relationship, almost any immediacy behavior will be valenced
positively.
c. In the wrong relationship, even mild displays of immediacy can be
negatively valenced and cause adverse relational outcomes.
5. The Situation
a. Context in which immediacy behavior occurs is vital in determining how
people respond to increases in immediacy.
6. Temporary States
a. Temporary states are short-term internal conditions that make individuals
feel and react differently at various times, and many things affect a
person’s temporary state or mood.
b. Negative physical or emotional states generally lead to negative
valencing of immediacy behavior whereas positive states generally lead
to positive valencing.
E. Relational Outcomes
1. When immediacy increases are valenced negatively, a host of aversive
outcomes follow, including appraising one’s partner negatively, reducing
immediacy behaviorally, and maybe disengaging from the relationship.
V. Supportive Communication
• Making sacrifices for one another and providing social support are key ways of
sustaining closeness and maintaining relationships.
• Types of supportive communication:
o Emotional support involves expressing caring, concern, and empathy.
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o Esteem support is used to bolster someone’s self-worth by making that person
feel valued, admired, and capable.
o Informational support entails giving specific advice, including facts and
• These situations vary in terms of the type of distress they produce—with sadness
related to death and breakups, hurt related to breakups, and helplessness related to
personal illness or injury.
• When attempts at supportive communication come across as pity or suggest that a
person is incapable of handling a situation alone, they can make the distressed person
feel worse.
• Informational support by pushy advices:
o People often react negatively to unsolicited or pushy advice, which is only
perceived as effective if it does not threaten the receiver’s face.
o Advice can also be threatening if it implies that the advice provider is more
knowledgeable and capable than the person receiving the advice.
• The distressed person may worry about being judged or criticized, and the support
provider may become overburdened.
• Can be beneficial and effective:
o Stress hormone cortisol is reduced when comforting messages are explicitly
supportive.
o People experienced greater emotional improvement when they perceived their
A. The Dual Process Model of Supportive Communication
1. People’s reception and response: The dual process model of supportive
communication addresses issues by outlining the process that occurs when
people receive and respond to supportive messages.
a. In this model, the person attempting to provide support is called the
“helper,” and the person receiving help is called the “recipient.”
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b. The process starts when the helper sends a supportive message, after
which, two different pathways can occur depending on whether or not the
recipient is motivated and able to process the message.
2. Recipient motivation and ability to process:
a. In the first path, the recipient is unmotivated or unable to process the
message. Environmental cues include characteristics of the setting and
the helper.
3. Supportive message might help the recipient to reappraise the situation as less
distressing, since the only way to reduce someone’s distress is to change the
way she or he feels about the situation.
B. Invisible Support
1. People report better health when they have large social networks and perceive
that resources are available. Receiving social support on social media sites
may reduce the overload and stress produced by such sites.
2. Dark side of supportive communication:
a. Recipients may think people see them as weak or unskilled, and they may
worry about being judged by the helper.
3. Invisible support phenomenon: The invisible support phenomenon suggests
that support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are the “most effective
in reducing distress” and promoting good health.
4. Empathetic support seen as responsive: Responsiveness refers to the degree to
C. Person-Centered Messages
1. Responsive and high-quality support: Person-centered messages
acknowledge, elaborate on, and validate the feelings and concerns of the
distressed person.
2. Highly person-centered messages help distressed people gain a perspective on
their feelings and legitimize their feelings.
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3. Moderately person-centered messages: They acknowledge the distressed
person’s feelings but do not help the distressed person contextualize or
elaborate on the situation.
4. Messages low in person-centeredness: Position-centered messages implicitly
or explicitly deny the legitimacy of the distressed person’s feelings.
5. May have lasting effects:
a. One way is that the highly person-centered message is instantly evaluated
as supportive, leading the receiver to reappraise the situation and begin to
feel better.
D. Nonverbal Immediacy and Comfort
1. Combined with person-centeredness:
a. When distressed people interacted with someone who used high levels of
nonverbal immediacy and high levels of person-centeredness, they
reported feeling best.
b. When highly person-centered messages were paired with low levels of
nonverbal immediacy, or low person-centered messages with high levels
of nonverbal immediacy, overall comforting quality decreased.
c. Comforters who used low levels of nonverbal immediacy and low
person-centeredness were least effective at alleviating distress.
2. Providing high-quality comforting: Dolin and Booth-Butterfield asked
students how they would comfort a roommate who was distressed because of
a recent relational breakup. The seven most common behaviors overall were:
a. Hugs (41.9%): giving the person a whole-body hug or hugging him or her
around the shoulder.
b. Close proxemic distancing (40.9%): sitting down next to the person or
leaning closer.
c. Facial expression (38.7%): looking empathetic, sad, or concerned.
d. Attentiveness (37.7%): listening carefully and nodding as the person
talked about the distressing event.
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g. Eye contact (23.7%): looking directly at the distressed person,
particularly while the person was talking.
3. Comforters who plan support display more nonverbal immediacy in their
interaction, especially more vocal fluency, nonverbal concern behaviors send
more supportive communication than do nonplanners.
4. Tears perceived as warmer:
a. Some students described behaviors related to weeping, such as crying
with the distressed person or offering a “shoulder to cry on.”
5. Emotional distancing behavior:
a. Some people said that when providing comfort they would engage in
trying to remain uninvolved, getting comfortable, or fixing a cup of
coffee.
b. Presumably these strategies would keep the individual from experiencing
too much negative affect while talking to the distressed person.
6. Engaging in instrumental activities: Other students reported that they would
engage in getting the distressed person a tissue or something to eat or
showing concern through warm vocal tones and empathetic gestures.
7. Touch is a powerful mode:
a. Even accounting for these sex differences, touch is a particularly
powerful mode for communicating comfort and support.
VI. Sex Differences in the Experience and Expression of Closeness
A. Perceptions of Closeness
1. Men and women are similar: Both men and women believe that emotional
communication is more important for developing close relationships than are
instrumental or task-oriented skills.
2. Perhaps surprisingly, this appears to be true in male friendships, female
friendships, cross-sex friendships, and romantic relationships.
3. Identical reports of intimacy levels:
a. Emotional intimacy referred to how much individuals felt their partner
was there for them.
b. Social intimacy referred to how much people enjoyed spending time with
their partner.
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d. Recreational intimacy referred to how much they enjoyed doing activities
together.
4. Behavioral or cognitive closeness:
a. Men’s and women’s friendships are equally interdependent.
b. Women reported more trust, affection, and caring in their same-sex
friendships compared to men.
5. Closeness levels in female relationships: Some scholars have argued that the
finding that females have closer relationships than males may be due to the
fact that researchers have employed a “feminine” definition of closeness.
a. Because men’s relationships are somewhat lower in emotional expression
and self-disclosure, men were thought not to have very close
relationships.
B. Communication of Closeness
1. Expressive friendships: involve using emotionally charged nonverbal and
verbal communication during conversations, showing nonverbal affection,
talking about fears, and shopping.
a. Girls show more trust and loyalty, more dependence on friends, and a
greater tendency to discuss their relationships with friends than do boys.
2. Online messages and social media:
a. Women use more emotional nonverbal cues such as emoticons and
descriptions of nonverbal behaviors (e.g., typing in *sigh*) than men do
when providing social support via e-mail.
b. Women are more likely than men to use social media for relational
maintenance and intimacy, whereas men are more likely to use it to gain
information of a general nature.
3. Men and women are equally likely use social media to reconnect with a same-
sex friend with whom they had lost touch and are also similar in how they use
everyday talk to maintain relationships online.
4. Agentic friendships: focus on companionship and shared activities such as
adventures, telling stories, doing physical labor, working on a joint project,
taking a fishing trip, and serving in the army.
a. Males are more likely than females to develop closeness through shaking
hands, drinking together, and talking about sex.
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b. Action-oriented behaviors may be just as valid a path to high levels of
closeness as self-disclosure or emotional expression.
5. Distinction between friendships:
a. Distinction between expressive and agentic friendships does not mean
that women friends never do activities together, nor does it mean that
men never get together just to talk.
C. Preferences for Same-Sex Versus Cross-Sex Friendships
1. There is an implicit assumption that people’s closest friendships tend to be
with members of the same sex, on which research casts doubt.
a. College students were just as likely to prefer being close friends with
someone of the opposite sex as someone of the same sex.
b. Women’s same-sex friendships were generally perceived to be higher in
2. Differences disappeared or reversed:
a. Women who preferred cross-sex friendships reported that they were just
as interested in sharing activities as talking with their male friends.
b. These women also rated their friendships with men as more caring,
supportive, and trusting than their friendships with women.
3. This study suggests that the increased prevalence of cross-sex friendships
may be closing the gap between men’s and women’s communication styles.
a. Stereotypes of women as expressive and men as agentic may be relevant
primarily to those who hold a strong preference for same-sex friendship.