Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
Lecture Notes
Chapter 6: Revealing and Hiding Ourselves: Self-Disclosure and Privacy
Chapter Outline
I. Self-Disclosure
A. Dimensions of Self-Disclosure
1. Depth and Breadth
a. Depth refers to how personal or deep the communication is whereas
breadth captures how many topics a person feels free to discuss.
b. Self-disclosure process seen as onion: An onion has a rather thin and
flimsy outer layer, but as you peel through the various layers, they get
harder, with the core of the onion very tightly bound.
c. Basic layers of self-disclosure:
i. At the superficial layer, people reveal commonplace facts about
themselves that are not threatening in any way.
ii. At the social or personal level, people typically reveal more about
their likes and dislikes and hopes and fears, but they still keep their
deepest hopes and fears secret.
iii. Within the core layer are people’s most secret, intimate feelings.
2. Frequency and Duration
a. The next two dimensions focus on frequency (how often people self-
disclose) and duration (how long people self-disclose).
b. Encounters characterized differently: Frequent self-disclosure can lead to
liking and relationship development.
c. Limited frequency of the interaction allows you to confidently engage in
self-disclosure that is high in both depth and duration, including online
interaction, in which rejection may be easier to handle.
d. Duration of face-to-face interaction is more strongly related to closeness
in friendships than is the frequency of interaction.
i. Friendships regarded as especially close and intimate tend to be
characterized by high levels of in-depth communication.
ii. Friends do not need frequent contact to stay close as long as they
periodically have long, in-depth conversations.
3. Valence and Veracity
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
a. Valence refers to the positive or negative “charge” of the self-disclosure.
Valence is a crucial dimension of self-disclosure because it helps
determine how people feel about one another.
b. The key is to limit the number of negatively valenced disclosures relative
to the number of more positively valenced disclosures.
c. Veracity refers to how honest or deceptive self-disclosure is.
i. True self-disclosure is honest in that it reveals something real about
oneself to others.
d. A growing body of research has examined how self-disclosure operates
in mediated contexts by looking at the dimensions of depth, breadth, and
frequency.
B. Self-Disclosure and Liking
1. Conveys both trust and closeness: Self-disclosure also helps people uncover
similarities and reduce uncertainty about one another.
2. Collins and Miller tested the disclosure-liking hypothesis, which predicts
4. Scholars have identified several circumstances that affect whether self-
disclosure leads to liking or disliking.
5. The Timing of Self Disclosure
a. Violating normative expectations: Sometimes people disclose too much
information too quickly or disclose negative information that leads others
to dislike them.
b. Quick negative disclosure inhibits liking: As Derlega and colleagues
6. Personalistic Versus Nondirected Disclosure
a. Personalistic disclosure: Self-disclosure is valuable to the extent that
people think that it is directed at them because they are trustworthy and
have a close relationship (or its potential) with the sender.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
b. People are especially likely to feel increased liking and closeness toward
an online partner when they believe that disclosure was prompted by
something special about them or their relationship.
7. The Channel
a. People disclose more personal information in mediated contexts—such as
social networking sites and blogs—than in face-to-face contexts,
especially when they are first getting to know one another.
b. Hyperpersonal model: People develop stronger impressions of one
another in mediated contexts compared to face-to-face contexts because
they over-rely on the limited, mostly verbal, information.
8. The Receiver’s Response
a. Scholars have also noted that “disclosure will not lead to liking if it is
responded to in a negative manner.”
b. If a sender discloses sensitive information, which the receiver dismisses
or responds in an unkind or critical manner, both sender and receiver are
likely to feel negatively about the interaction and about each other.
C. Reciprocity of Self-Disclosure
1. Jourard believed that reciprocal self-disclosure, which he termed the dyadic
effect, occurs when a person reveals information and the partner responds by
offering information that is at a similar level of intimacy.
2. People usually feel a pull toward matching the level of intimacy and intensity
present in their conversational partner’s self-disclosure. Individuals who
violate this norm are perceived as cold, incompetent, unfriendly, and
untrustworthy.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
3. When people took turns asking questions and disclosing across two
interactions, they reported more liking, which shows that having shorter turns
while disclosing reciprocally is important within initial interactions.
D. Risks Associated With Self-Disclosure
1. When we tell other people our innermost thoughts and feelings, we become
vulnerable and open ourselves up to criticism.
2. The vulnerability associated with self-disclosure may be stronger in face-to–
face contexts, where people risk receiving immediate negative feedback and
are less able to control their communication.
3. Overall tendency not to disclose: People who would rather disclose online
than in a face-to-face context may generally not like to disclose much
personal information, regardless of the context.
4. Fear of Exposure or Rejection
a. Studies of students with dyslexia: Students who told their instructors
about their learning disability were often met with skepticism or were
treated as if they were bound to do poorly in the class.
b. Insecurities and self-doubts cause abandonment:
i. When a charming young European woman had insecurities and self-
doubts, she put on a bright, charming facade in order to fit the
perfect image that people had of her.
5. Fear of Retaliation or Angry Attacks
a. People also worry that their partners might become angry or use what
they disclose against them.
b. In other cases, people use the intimate information we share with them as
ammunition against us.
c. Disclosure decisions about health:
i. Studies of disclosure decisions about health revealed ostracism,
discrimination, and family abandonment as common outcomes.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
6. Fear of Loss of Control
a. People also worry that if they engage in too much self-disclosure, they
will lose control of their thoughts and feelings or the thoughts and
feelings of others.
b. People may also fear losing control of information, especially if they
7. Fear of Losing Individuality
a. Most primitive fears of intimacy: Some people fear losing their personal
identity and being engulfed by the relationship.
b. This fear represents the push and pull that many people feel between the
competing forces of wanting to be closely connected to others and
wanting to be independent and self-sufficient.
c. The idea here is that if we tell people too much about ourselves, we risk
losing our uniqueness and mysteriousness.
II. Privacy
• As the risks associated with self-disclosure suggest, there are times when people do
not want to disclose personal information.
• Communication privacy management (CPM) theory helps explain how individuals
maintain privacy boundaries.
• The theory is rooted in the assumption that people set up boundary structures as a
way to control the risks inherent in disclosing private information.
• Private information is considered “any information that makes people feel some level
of vulnerability.”
A. Privacy Ownership
1. According to CPM, our private information is first and foremost ours, which
means we have privacy ownership.
2. We should be able to decide with whom we share that information, if anyone,
3. Authorized co-owners or boundary insiders:
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
a. When we decide to share our private information with others, those
people become authorized co-owners or “boundary insiders.”
b. Their responsibility is supposed to maintain that exclusive ownership
unless granted permission to do otherwise.
4. More private information is co-owned.
a. Issue of ownership and co-ownership is increasingly important because
an increasing percentage of our private information is now co-owned and
B. Privacy Control
1. Engine of CPM: This principle speaks to the idea that people feel strongly
about having control over their own private information.
2. Apart from allowing anyone to co-own our private information, we also want
to be able to control what aspects of that information (if any) they are allowed
to share with others and how the information is framed.
C. Privacy Turbulence
1. Privacy turbulence occurs when new events force renewed boundary
management.
2. There are situations in which old boundary structures may need to be either
fortified or renegotiated.
3. When the boundary expectations held by the original owner of the
information are violated, confidentiality is considered to have been
compromised.
D. The Influence of Culture on Privacy Management
1. Shaping people’s perceptions of privacy: One specific dimension that seems
to separate cultures on privacy is communal-individual norms.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
2. In communal cultures, individuals play a secondary role to the good and
rights of the community. In contrast, individualistic cultures generally
prioritize individuals over community members.
3. Privacy maintenance in living contexts: Privacy may also be difficult to
maintain in cultures that are highly communal because of the realities of
living contexts.
E. Negotiating Privacy in Relationships: Challenges and Violations
1. Information ownership issues: The central feature of CPM is its recognition
that we cherish our rights to privacy and our ability to control information.
2. Real-world privacy right advocates: Physicians in the United States are often
uncomfortable giving information to someone other than the patient. Most
advocates put the patient’s health needs over their privacy needs.
a. Advocates sometimes worry that the information they receive could
depress or worry the patient and undermine the treatment.
3. Cultural differences are especially striking: The United States values
individual rights to health information and has laws that enforce those values.
a. Other countries put more of the decision about the disclosure of health
information in the hands of the health-care team and family members.
b. Conversations with patients in India reveal a preference that physicians
prioritize overall care for the patient’s mental and physical well-being in
decisions about disclosures, instead of using individual rights approach.
4. Different contexts and relationships: Privacy struggles occur with some
frequency in families with teenage children. Boundary coordination rules in
families can be complex, and their negotiation can be very difficult.
a. In general, though, these privacy struggles decrease once children “leave
the nest.”
III. Topic Avoidance and Secret Keeping
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
• Topic avoidance simply reflects cases where someone intentionally avoids discussing
a particular topic. Secret keeping, in contrast, involves intentional efforts to keep
information away from others.
• Baxter and Wilmot found that over 95% of the college students in their study could
name at least one topic that they considered to be “taboo” or off limits in their
friendships or dating relationships.
• Relatedly, most studies of secret keeping have found that nearly everyone keeps at
least some information secret from partners, family members, or friends.
• Given the similarities between topic avoidance and secret keeping, the research in the
two domains is reviewed together although we periodically focus on each separately,
as appropriate.
A. Topics Commonly Avoided or Kept Secret
1. Guerrero and Afifi’s six general topics commonly avoided in close
relationships: relationship issues, negative experiences or failures, romantic
relationship experiences, sexual experiences, friendships, and dangerous
behavior.
2. Golish and Caughlin’s study of avoidance between parents and their children
led to the addition of six more topics: everyday activities, other family
members, money, deep conversations, drinking or drugs, and religion.
3. Studies also mostly reflect White, middle-class populations, thereby
underrepresenting topics that may be more salient to communities of color or
to individuals belonging in other socioeconomic groups.
4. Mostly negative information kept secret:
a. People reported keeping crushes and negative romantic outlook secret
(from the person they were crushing on or the person they were in a
relationship with) and negative.
5. Families are a common secret-keeping context:
a. First form of secrets is whole-family secrets, which are held by the
entire family and kept from outsiders.
b. Second form of secrets, intrafamily secrets, occurs when some family
members have information they keep from other members.
B. Reasons for Topic Avoidance and Secret Keeping
1. Relationship-Based Motivations
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
a. Baxter and Wilmot found that the desire for relationship protection was
the single biggest motivator leading to avoidance of a particular issue
with a relational partner.
b. Friends and family members also withhold information that could harm
their relationships. Although important to avoid disclosure, relationship
protection seems especially relevant to some close relationships.
2. Individual-Based Motivations
a. One of the main reasons people avoid discussing certain issues is that
disclosure on certain topics may make them “look bad,” a motivation
labeled by Afifi and Guerrero as identity management.
b. Avoiding topics to maintain privacy, termed as privacy maintenance, is
rooted in individual’s need for privacy and autonomy.
3. Information-Based Motivations
a. People may choose to avoid disclosure because they suspect the other
person will find the disclosure trivial, not respond in a helpful way, or
lack the requisite knowledge to respond, a motivation labeled as partner
unresponsiveness.
b. People also engage in topic avoidance or secret keeping when they
C. How People Engage in Topic Avoidance
1. Examples of avoidance tactics perceived as direct and impolite include
abruptly saying something like “you should go” or simply leaving the
conversation when a topic comes up.
2. Using a cliché to avoid expressing true feelings or giving a hesitant response
D. Topic Avoidance During Relationship Transitions
1. Sometimes topic avoidance is embedded in a relationship, such as spouses
avoiding talking about politics because they know they cannot change each
other’s minds and will only argue.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
2. Perhaps you are in a bad mood and don’t want to talk about something, but
later you end up sharing everything with your partner.
3. Even though topic avoidance can occur at any time, there appear to be certain
transition points in relationships, and two in particular, that are marked by
higher overall levels of topic avoidance.
4. Topic Avoidance in Escalating Romantic Relationships
a. People are most likely to fear that discussing a topic will harm the
relationship, make them look bad, or have other negative consequences
when a relationship is shifting from casual to serious.
5. Topic Avoidance During Family Transitions
a. Mid-adolescence is a time when teens try to separate themselves from
their parents, and keeping information private from parents is an
important way for teens to develop a unique sense of self.
b. Children from divorced families are more likely to avoid issues with their
E. Consequences of Topic Avoidance
1. Lower satisfaction across relationships: Dailey and Palomares found lower
satisfaction across dating relationships, mother–child relationships, and
father–child relationships when individuals avoided discussing their concerns.
2. Not associated to personal failures: Importantly, though, avoidance on
F. Consequences of Secret Keeping
1. Negative Consequences of Secret Keeping
a. Hyperaccessibility: Several subsequent studies have confirmed that the
desire to suppress a thought does the exact opposite, bringing it to the
forefront of our thoughts and thus making it hyperaccessible.
Guerrero, Close Encounters, 6e
SAGE Publishing, 2021
b. Hyperaccessibility of the suppressed thought decreases over time if one
removes oneself from contact with the relevant information or secret, a
triggering of thoughts so suppressed called as the rebound effect.
c. Split loyalty pattern: Secret keepers are often put in a bind of having to
choose between being loyal to other secret holders or being loyal to
friends or family members who may be hurt by not knowing the secret.
2. Positive Consequences of Secret Keeping
a. Some types of secret keeping may be developmentally advantageous for
children at this stage.
b. Secrets kept by a whole family, spouses, dating partners, friends, or
members of a group may bring the secret holders closer together because
of the bond of trust they share.
G. Consequences of Revealing Secrets
1. Positive Consequences of Revealing Secrets
a. People might want to consider revealing secrets if it reduces
psychological or physical problems or leads to resolution of secrets.
b. Disclosing the secret frees the secret keeper from having to suppress it
2. Negative Consequences of Revealing Secrets
a. People might consider keeping a secret if revelation would elicit a
negative reaction from the listener, help a person maintain a privacy
boundary, or be seen as a betrayal by others.