Chapter 5: Interpersonal Communication
Chapter Objectives and Integrator Guide
After reading and thinking about this chapter, students should be able to:
Objective
Resources
1. Define interpersonal
relationships and
interpersonal
communication.
Key Terms: Interpersonal
communication, interpersonal
relationships, and
interdependence.
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 75-77
Table 5.1: Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Study Question 1 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 1: Analyzing Interpersonal Relationships
Activity 5.1: Characteristics of a Close Relationship
Activity 5.2: Communicating Friendship
Activity 5.3: Communicative Behaviors
2. Describe the changing
nature of interpersonal
relationships.
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 77-79
Connecting Globally: How Comfortable Are You With Mattel’s
New “Hello Barbie”? (p. 78)
Study Question 2 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 2: Evolving Interpersonal Relationships
Activity 5.4: Interpersonal Relationships in Pop Culture
3. Name and explain the three
stages of interpersonal
relationships.
Key Terms: Initiating stage,
proximity, attractiveness,
responsiveness, similarity,
complementarity, experimentation
stage, intensifying stage, self-
disclosure, integrating stage,
bonding, relational maintenance,
defensiveness, differentiating
stage, circumscribing stage,
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 79-86
Figure 5.1: Knapp’s Relational Model for the Stages of Coming
Together
Figure 5.2: Knapp’s Relational Model for the Stages of Coming
Apart
Figure 5.3: Behaviors that Encourage Defensiveness
Table 5.2: Creating and Reducing Defensiveness
Study Question 3 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 3: Linear Progression of Knapp’s Stages
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stagnation stage, avoidance stage,
and termination.
4. Explain the dark side of
relationships.
Key Terms: Codependency.
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 86-88
Skill Builder: Learn How to Decrease Defensiveness (p. 87)
Study Question 4 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 4: Understanding Negative Interpersonal
Relationships
Activity 5.7: You Talk Too Much
5. Name strategies for
improving your interpersonal
communication behaviors.
Key Terms: Influence,
compliance-gaining, compliance-
resisting, bargaining, behavioral
flexibility, and androgynous.
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 88-92
Study Question 5 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 5: What Feels Like Supportive
Communication?
Activity 5.8: Group Bragging
Activity 5.9: Sexual Stereotypes
6. Describe the components of
a healthy interpersonal
relationship.
In the Text:
Page Reference: pages 92–94
Challenge Yourself: As I explore new relationships in college,
how do I talk about sex with potential partners? (p. 94)
Study Question 6 (p. 95)
IM Resources:
Discussion Starter 6: Developing Healthy Levels of
Dependency
Activity 5.10: Improving Conversational Skills
Activity 5.11: Family Stories
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Chapter Outline
I. What is Interpersonal Communication?
Using a message centered framework, three primary factors distinguish
interpersonal communication:
Interpersonal relationships are the associations between at least two people who
are interdependent, who use consistent patterns of interaction, and who have
interacted for an extended period of time.
D. Elements of the Definition of Interpersonal Relationships:
a. Interpersonal relationships frequently consist of just two people, a
dating couple, a single parent and a child, two close friends, or two
co-workers.
E. Five Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
e. It begins with the self: your culture, language, attitudes, and
experiences all come into play during interpersonal exchanges.
f. It is transactional: conversations in interpersonal relationships move
quickly as participants serve simultaneously as listeners and
speakers.
g. It has both content and relationship dimensions: the content of
conversations in interpersonal relationships are just as important as
what the messages also implicitly say about the relationship.
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II. The Changing Nature of Interpersonal Relationships
A. Social media has expanded and complicated understanding of who is a
III. The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships
A. Relational Development Stages
i. Initiating stage: this is the first stage of relational development. It
begins with the first impressions that you have of a potential
partner. You are more or less likely to initiate relationships
because of five factors:
1. Proximity, or the distance between people, is the first factor
2. Attractiveness, which encompasses how desirable a person
3. Responsiveness, which involves how positive interest others
demonstrate in interacting with us.
5. Complementarity means that we sometimes bond with
people who provide something unique in terms of qualities or
characteristics.
ii. Experimentation stage: in this stage people make an effort to find
some common ground, including background, interests, attitudes,
or values.
iii. Intensifying stage:
1. In this stage, communication between two people deepens.
2. People begin to self-disclose, or make intentional revelations
about themselves that others would be unlikely to know.
The revelations made to others generally constitute private,
sensitive, or confidential information.
iv. Integration stage: in this stage people strengthen their commitment
to one another and begin to merge their lives.
v. Bonding stage: in the final relational initiation stage, the course
communicates their relationship to others.
B. Relational Maintenance
When people begin to establish strategies for keeping the relationship
together they are engaging in relational maintenance.
i. Dialectical theory: suggests that relationships include contrary
tendencies or opposing values, such as tension between:
2. Novelty and predictability: wanting to predict events in a
relationship and also yearning for the original and new.
ii. Turning points: a way of charting changes in relationships by
examining the transformative events that alter the relationship in
some way. For example, expanding the family and having kids is a
turning point.
C. Relational Deterioration
i. Factors that contribute to the demise of interpersonal relationships
1. Hurtful messages which create emotional pain or make
2. Deceptive communication, or the practice of deliberately
3. Aggressiveness occurs when people stand up for their rights
4. Argumentativeness is the predisposition to recognize
5. Defensiveness occurs when a person feels attacked. The
following behaviors relate to the level of defensiveness in a
relationship:
a. Evaluation vs. Description involves making a
judgment about another person or their behavior
ii. Stages of Relational Deterioration
1. Differentiating stage: in this stage differences are
emphasized, as opposed to commonalities.
2. Circumscribing stage: in this stage the people pull back and
4. Avoidance stage: partners actively avoid each other, desiring
separation from one another.
5. Termination: this final stage occurs when the relationship
stops completely.
IV. The Dark Side of Interpersonal Relationships
Negative relationships include qualities like obsession, jealousy,
misunderstanding, gossip, conflict, or abuse.
A. Codependency is the tendency to depend on the needs, or the control, by
another person. Codependency can lead to harmful results, such as
sexual, physical, mental, or emotional abuse.
B. Bullying and cyber-bulling are both more common today and can also be
very painful and difficult for people to know how to deal with overall.
C. Enlist the assistance and support of family, friends, counselors, or social
agencies like the national domestic violence hotline if you are in an
abusive relationship.
V. Improve Your Interpersonal Communication Behaviors
A. Using Affectionate and Supportive Communication
B. Influencing Others
Influence is the power a person has to affect other people’s thinking or
actions.
i. Compliance-gaining is when targets attempt to persuade another
person to do something he or she might not ordinarily do.
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C. Bargaining occurs when two or more parties attempt to reach an
agreement on what each should give and receive in the relationship.
D. Maintaining Behavioral Flexibility
i. Interpersonal communication can be improved through behavioral
flexibility, which is the ability to adapt to new situations and relate in
new ways when necessary.
ii. Androgynous is when someone possess both stereotypically male
and stereotypically female traits.
1. Androgynous people are more successful in their interaction
2. Flexibility in general roles help in effectively responding to
situations where traditionally masculine behaviors to those
that have been considered feminine may be more or less
appropriate.
VI. The Healthy Interpersonal Relationship
Healthy interpersonal relationships reflect several characteristics and qualities.
A. Healthy dependency with others
B. Consistent interaction patterns and predictability across time
C. An understanding that relationships will probably last some time
D. An acknowledgement that healthy communication requires self-
responsibility
E. Work from the transactional model of communication
F. An understanding that communication reflects content and relational
dimensions
G. People who are careful in their disclosures and remarks
H. The ability to adapt and respond to living in times of great change
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Discussion Starters
1. Analyzing Interpersonal Relationships: Consider your most fulfilling interpersonal
relationships. What qualities make these relationships so rewarding in terms of your
2. Evolving Interpersonal Relationships: Consider how the recent trends in
interpersonal relationships discussed in the chapter impact how you maintain
relationships today. Are the relationships that you only use social media to maintain
3. Linear Progression of Knapp’s Stages: Knapp’s stages of relational development
suggest five ways that relationships progress to where we decide we have enough
invested in them to continue to maintain them into the future of our lives. Can you
4. Understanding Negative Interpersonal Relationships: Have you known anyone
who has been involved in cyber-bulling or cyber-stalking? How did the person deal
5. What Feels Like Supportive Communication: Reflect on a time that a friend has
been supportive in their communication with you during a difficult time. What are the
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6. Developing Healthy Levels of Dependency: Healthy interpersonal relationships
are characterized by forming some level of dependency on others. Do you know
people who have a hard time allowing others to help them or know their
vulnerabilities? What do you think are factors that sometimes contribute to people’s
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Activities
ACTIVITY 5.1 CHARACTERISTICS OF A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
Purpose: Students should be able to recognize the elements that constitute an effective
interpersonal relationship; to discuss how empathic and active listening affect a
relationship; to describe the role of communication in a relationship; and to indicate how
the self, openness, and the satisfaction of needs help to establish intimacy.
Procedure: Each student should bring to class a list of twenty characteristics of an
intimate relationship. To facilitate thinking about this project, ask the students, “How do
you know when you have an intimate relationship with someone? What is there in your
behavior, in the other person’s behavior, and in your attitudes, feelings, and
communication that indicates that you are close friends?”
The group lists usually contain some common elements—for example, “trust,” “can
discuss any subject,” “listens to me,” and “there can be long silences without being
uncomfortable.” Have the students identify the common items and relate them to self–
Debriefing: This activity makes students aware of the ideal picture they have of an
intimate relationship. Often an intimate relationship is the standard by which other
relationships are judged. The students should realize the importance of communication
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ACTIVITY 5.2 COMMUNICATING FRIENDSHIP
Purpose: Students should be able to understand how they communicate friendship to
others; and to identify areas of friendship communication they would like to improve.
Procedure: Duplicate and distribute to students the “Communicating Friendship” scale
that follows. Ask them to complete it before the next class period and write a five–
paragraph essay answering the questions at the bottom of the scale.
COMMUNITCATING FRIENDSHIP
Do you communicate your friendship to others? Would others agree that you are a good friend?
Write down the names of three or four friends in the left-hand column. Rate yourself on a scale
from 1 = superior, 2 = excellent, 3 = good, 4 = fair, to 5 = poor for each of the characteristics in
terms of how well you believe you demonstrate that particular quality of friendship to others. If
you wish, you can contact the friends whose names you listed and check your perceptions with
them. How closely do your perceptions agree?
Friend’s
Availability
Shared
Honesty
Confi-
Loyalty
Under-
Empathy
Name
Activities
dentiality
standing
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Are you surprised by any of the responses? When you analyze the way you
communicate your friendship to others, do you reach any new conclusions? Do you find
that there are general areas of friendship that you do not communicate to those persons
whom you identify as friends? Can you make improvements in your communication
patterns to your friends? Why do you feel you are able to communicate some of these
qualities and not others? Do your friends reciprocate your behavior? In other words, if
Debriefing: This activity promotes self-improvement and can be related to the material
on self-awareness. This activity also draws from skills learned in previous chapters.
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ACTIVITY 5.3 COMMUNICATIVE BEHAVIORS
Purpose: Students should be able to recognize the different communicative behaviors
within a family structure.
Procedure: Divide the class into groups of four or five students. Have each group
develop a group definition of family gathered from their own experiences and
observations. Ask that they set criteria for what constitutes a family and how they would
determine if a family was functioning positively or negatively. Then have them view a
videotape of a family sitcom (Modern Family is a very good example), and have them
look for their group-established criteria for family. After viewing the video, the groups
should reconvene and discuss how the family depicted in the video enacted or
contradicted some of the criteria developed in the preliminary discussion.
Debriefing: This activity increases the students’ awareness of communicative
behaviors and looks at how our definition of family influences our satisfaction within the
family structure. Also related to this activity would be self-concept, perception,
nonverbal communication, and communication networks.
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ACTIVITY 5.4 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS IN POP CULTURE
Purpose: Students should be able to observe and integrate the principles that lead to
becoming an effective interpersonal communicator.
Procedure: Discuss how popular culture and films portray interpersonal relationships.
Some suggestions could include Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Twelve Angry
Men, Romeo and Juliet, or The Breakfast Club. As students view each movie, they
should note any of the relevant principles that were discussed in the text. For instance,
Encourage all students to take part in this discussion. Many films and sitcoms are
excellent sources for application information. Discussion should emphasize the utility of
engaging in the more competent interpersonal communication behavior/skills that lead
to quality relationships. The instructor should facilitate a discussion on student
experiences that may parallel events in the movie.
Debriefing: Witnessing pragmatic examples of information from this chapter provides
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ACTIVITY 5.5 JOHARI WINDOW
Purpose: Students should be able to identify the concepts of the Johari window model
Procedure: One way to understand the influence of others on our self-concept is
through the Johari window. It is a model of self-disclosure that indicates the proportion
of information about ourselves that is known and/or unknown to ourselves, to others, or
to both. The Johari window is a square divided into four areas or quadrants:
Known to self Not known to self
Known to
others
Open self
Blind self
Not
known
to others
Hidden self
Unknown self
In the Johari window, the open self in the first quadrant represents information about
yourself known both to you and to others. Included in this quadrant might be your name,
nickname, gender, age, and religious affiliation or membership.
The second quadrant, the blind self, consists of information known to others but not
known to you. Included here would be your behaviors of which you are unaware, such
as blinking frequently when you feel threatened, interrupting others when they talk to
you, or bragging about your grade point average. Also included in this quadrant are
occurrences no one has told you about—you were adopted, you nearly died in infancy,
or your grandfather was a thief.
The unknown self in the fourth quadrant includes information that no one—neither you
nor anyone else—knows. Many traditional college students do not know if they will
marry or if they will have children in the future. People who win the lottery in the future
don’t know that they will be rich, and some people who are wealthy today don’t know
that they will die poor. Grandma Moses became a famous painter even though she did
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not begin painting until she was older than most people are when they retire. Our lives
are a script with characters and plot changes of which we are unaware. Until they are
played out, these potentialities remain part of our unknown selves.
After discussing the Johari window and ascertaining that the students understand the
meaning of each quadrant, have each student write numbers from 1 to 5 on a piece of
paper. The students should leave enough room by each number to draw a Johari
window model for each of the following relationships:
2. Father
4. Best female friend
5. Father while you were in high school
When the students have finished drawing a separate Johari window for each
relationship, have them compare the hidden areas with the open areas in each
relationship. By a show of hands, determine how many students have a larger open
area than hidden area for each of the five persons on the list. Also, compare the open
areas between persons; for example, mother versus father, best male friend versus best
female friend, father now versus father in high school. Put all of the tallies on the board
so that the comparisons are easy to visualize.
Debriefing: This activity demonstrates the factors that hamper or facilitate self–
disclosure, for example, sex, length of the relationship, intimacy of the relationship, and