Chapter 5
Verbal Communication
CHAPTER OUTCOMES
• Explain the four defining features of language
• Learn strategies for creating understandable messages and taking responsibility for your
verbal communication choices
CHAPTER OUTLINE
THE NATURE OF VERBAL COMMUNICATION
Whenever you write, speak, sign, tweet, or text, you’re using language to convey meanings to
others. But the words you choose also communicate powerful messages about who you are in
relation to your listeners. Understanding how verbal communication works will help you use
language more competently, in every area of your life.
• Verbal communication is the use of spoken or written language to interact with others.
Language is the basis of verbal communication; therefore, understanding the nature of
language is the key to improving your verbal communication skills.
• Language has four defining features: it is symbolic, governed by rules, it conveys meaning,
and it is intertwined with culture.
LANGUAGE IS SYMBOLIC
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• Items used to represent other things are considered symbols.
LANGUAGE IS GOVERNED BY RULES
• Constitutive rules define words’ meanings and tell you what words “count as” what
objects.
• Regulative rules control how you use language and guide everything from spelling to
grammar to conversational structure.
LANGUAGE CONVEYS MEANING
• Denotative meanings are the literal meaning of your words, as agreed on by members of
your culture. Denotative meanings are those found in dictionaries.
• Connotative meanings are the meanings you associate with words based on your life
experiences.
LANGUAGE AND CULTURE ARE INTERTWINED
• Members of a culture use language to communicate their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and
values with one another and thereby reinforce their collective sense of cultural identity.
• Dialects develop when a large group of people within a particular culture who speak the
same language develop their own variations on that language.
○ Dialects may include unique phrases, words, and pronunciations.
○ Dialects reflect the shared history, experiences, and knowledge of people who live in a
particular geographic region, share a common socioeconomic status, or possess a
common ethnic or religious ancestry.
VERBAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Even though people use language all the time to verbally communicate, not everyone does so
skillfully. To communicate competently, you must know the difference between words that are
understandable, inclusive, and respectful and those that aren’t. And you need to know how to
put this knowledge into action when speaking with others.
CREATE UNDERSTANDABLE MESSAGES
• Tailor your messages so that others can understand you by using the cooperative principle,
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○ Being informative by presenting all of the information that is appropriate and important to
share and avoiding providing information that isn’t appropriate or important.
○ Being honest by not sharing information you’re uncertain about and not presenting
information as true when you know it’s false. Honesty is the single most important
○ Being clear by presenting information in a straightforward fashion rather than framing it
in vague or ambiguous terms while also tailoring the message to avoid brutal frankness or
offending someone.
○ Misunderstandings occur when one person misperceives the meaning of another’s verbal
communication; this can occur even when you use informative, honest, relevant, and
clear language. Misunderstandings often occur online due to the lack of nonverbal cues
that help clarify intended meaning.
• Use “I” and “we” Language
○ Avoid using “You” language, which places the focus of attention and blame on other
people. For example, “You let me down,” or “You make me so angry!”
○ Use “I” language—phrases that emphasize ownership of your feelings, opinions, and
beliefs and make it clear that you’re expressing your own perceptions rather than stating
○ Strive to build solidarity through “we” language with phrases that emphasize inclusion
and enhance feelings of connection and similarity.
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• Avoid gender-based presumptions by recognizing that research has found that men and
women are actually more similar than different when it comes to language.
○ Research has found that only about 1 percent of people’s verbal communication behavior
is related to gender, yet many believe that men and women have different verbal
communication preferences and practices: for example, women use and prefer “indirect”
and “flowery” language, whereas men use and prefer “direct, clear, and concise”
language.
• Be mindful of cultural differences by remembering that different cultures often have
different ideas about what constitutes competent verbal communication.
○ Consider whether the people you are communicating with are from a high– or low-
context culture, and consider what this cultural difference means for expressing
constructive criticism.
○ Adjust your verbal communication to match others’ speech rates and desired balance of
turn taking. Monitor any feedback while you’re conversing to see whether your
conversation partner wants you to continue or stop.
VERBAL COMMUNICATION CHALLENGES
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Nonsense. The words
you choose have the power to cause grievous injury to the emotions and esteem of others. But
PREJUDICED LANGUAGE
• Prejudice means presuming negative things about other people based on their group
affiliation; it is a negative form of stereotyping.
• Prejudiced language is used when speaking in ways that display contempt, dislike, or
disdain for a group or its members.
○ There are as many types of prejudiced language as there are groups. Examples include
sexist language, homophobic language, racist language, and ageist language.
○ Prejudiced language can also be less obvious, such as using unnecessary ethnic and
gender-based modifiers, and can be are hurtful and perpetuate negative stereotypes.
○ Consider the following suggestions when another person’s language is prejudiced and
offensive:
1. Determine the risk of confrontation. Is the person likely to be open to your point of
view? A friend, family member, or peer may be willing to listen. However, if it’s a
2. For a confrontation, avoid an approach that causes the person to lose face, creating
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4. Listen to and acknowledge what the person says in response. If necessary, reassert
your request that the prejudiced language be avoided.
VERBAL AGGRESSION
• Verbal aggression is the use of language to attack someone’s personal attributes, such as
their weight, looks, intelligence, or physical ability.
○ It is distinct from prejudiced language in three respects:
▪ The goal is to intentionally injure a particular person’s feelings.
• Cyberbullying is a type of verbal aggression that habitually attacks a person using the
Internet, interactive and digital technologies, or mobile phones.
• Verbal aggression is sometimes triggered by a temporary state of stress, anger, or
exhaustion; and at other times, it’s in reaction to real or perceived slights.
• To manage verbally aggressive individuals, consider these three suggestions:
1. Avoid communicating in ways that may trigger aggression in the first place, such as
teasing, baiting, or insulting others.
3. If you can’t avoid such interactions, try to remain polite and respectful during them.
Don’t interrupt the aggressive person. Stay calm, and acknowledge the other person’s
perspective if possible. Avoid retaliating with personal attacks of your own; they’ll only
escalate the aggression.
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DECEPTION
• Deception is the deliberate use of uninformative, untruthful, irrelevant, or vague language
to mislead others. Its forms may include the following:
○ Being overly vague or trying to “veil” the truth.
• Deception is especially commonplace online where people can easily hide and distort
information in chat or e-mail messages and where recipients of messages have little
opportunity to check accuracy.
○ Yet most people provide accurate information on social networking sites like Facebook
or Instagram because close friends will hold them accountable for what they post.
• Both face-to-face and online forms of deception are
○ Unethical because they deny others information that may be needed to make personal or
DEFAMATION
• Defamation is intentionally false communication that harms a person’s reputation. In
written form, defamation is called libel; in spoken form, it’s slander.
• Defamation can result in legal charges against the person who commits it. But whether such
charges will “stick” depends largely on whether the target of the defamation is a “public
figure” or a private citizen.
• When communicating with others, especially online (which is permanent) or in a speech
(which is public), don’t write or say anything that could harm a private citizen’s reputation.
CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Explain connotative meaning and give an example from your life of a
“misunderstanding” that can be attributed to different connotative meanings.
2. Why do you think honesty is considered the single most important characteristic of
competent communication?
• Students may find this statement hard to believe. To assist them, as you discuss the
3. Do you agree that sensitive material is best delivered face-to-face and not by e-mail
or text? Why or why not? Give an example to support your opinion.
• Students may prefer delivering unpleasant or sensitive messages through e-mail or text.
Help them realize that although it may be the “easiest” way to deliver the message,
4. Explain why you should avoid using statements like “that’s so gay” and “don’t act
like a girl.” Provide your own example of subtle prejudicial language.
• Many students will see nothing wrong with these types of statements and may use them
often. Students may also point out that members of a particular group, such as the
5. Why should we avoid “you” language? Write a short exchange that demonstrates
the negative effects of “you” language. Now rewrite the exchange using “I” and “we”
language.
• Encourage students to share their examples with the class. Point out how this simple
VIDEO SCENARIOS
HOW TO COMMUNICATE: DISAGREEMENT WITH FAMILY
This video feature shows students’ competent communication skills in action based on the
scenario following. The first video illustrates an ideal outcome, whereas the What if?
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The text suggests students use the following skills when trying to have a competent
conversation with their mom:
1. Schedule an offline encounter with your mom by sending her an e-mail or text, asking
when she can talk with you on the phone or meet with you in person. “I’d like to talk with
2. Express your opinion informatively and honestly, being careful to use “I” language to
take accountability for your feelings. “I know how excited everyone is about the trip,
especially you. But I just can’t take two weeks off from work. I need those hours to afford
3. Use “we” language to emphasize family inclusion, offering alternatives for a family
get-together. “Why don’t we invite Grandma and Grandpa to fly out and join us for the
4th of July? I have that weekend off, so we all can be together and reconnect as a family.”
Instructor note: Online, students will be asked a multiple-choice question after the first video.
For Chapter 5, it is as follows:
Why did Reynaldo suggest discussing the summer trip with his mom in person instead of via e-
mail?
A. To better utilize “I” language
B. To avoid misunderstandings*
[The * indicates the right answer. Depending whether the student answers the question right or
wrong, one of these two feedback options should appear:
Right answer: Congratulations, you are correct!
Wrong answer: Incorrect. By minimizing his dissent, Paul is acknowledging the collectivist
grade book and spend more class time discussing communication goals if needed.
WHAT IF?
This section challenges students to adapt their skills and communication plans when things
don’t work out as shown previously. Students will view two videos. In each video, the
encounter becomes challenging, and students must choose how they would respond based on
the open-ended question.
1. What would you say if your mom doesn’t want to talk in person and sends you an e-mail
that says, “I’m really busy with work right now—let’s just chat over e-mail”?
• Discuss with the students the possibility that your mom’s request to just discuss the
2. How would you handle your mom’s anger at your reluctance to go? For example, what
would you say if she states, “This may come as a shock to you, but the whole world
doesn’t revolve around you and your work schedule! You need to make a decision about
what’s more important—your work or your family.”
• By using your “I” language, you can remind her that your decision did not lessen your
love of and respect for the family. Remind her of your desire to find an alternate
summer plan that would be better for you but that also shows your attempt to be
CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES
1. Can You Draw What I Draw?
Goal: To demonstrate the challenges of conveying meaning through language
Time: 20 minutes
1. Split the class into pairs. They will need paper and pen to complete the exercise.
3. Explain that the pairs are going to try to draw the same picture by using effective
verbal communication. Have one student draw a picture. As he or she draws, they
4. Once the first student has completed the drawing, have them compare their pictures.
5. Discuss whether or not they were able to communicate effectively and whether the
2. How Would You Say It?
Goal: To demonstrate how important attempts at communication are often best
accomplished with face-to-face communication
Time: 20 minutes
1. Divide the class into four groups.
2. Assign each group one of the following messages:
a. You are dating someone else and need to let your longtime girlfriend or
boyfriend know that your relationship is over.
3. Ask each group to write a script for a text, an e-mail, and a face-to-face
communication to show how they would deliver the same message in each format.
5. Discuss with the class the importance of delivering high-stakes messages face-to-
face.
3. Understandable Messages Search
Goal: To help students identify messages that are informative, honest, relevant, and clear
Time: 30 minutes
2. With the selected materials, ask students to find examples of written communication
3. Ask each student to share both successful and unsuccessful examples with the class
and to explain their choices.
4. What Is Sexist Language?
Goal: To have students recognize what terms are sexist
Time: 30 minutes
1. Divide the class into two groups: males and females.
3. Have a representative from each group present their list to the class. Note if there are
any words that appear on both lists.
4. Discuss with the class whether they noticed any differences between the two groups’
lists. Help students identify why the terms they came up with might be considered
sexist and offensive, and provide suggestions for replacement terms.
Examples might include the following:
Mankind
Craftsman
Broad
Postman
Man hours
Man candy
Manhood
Male nurse
Male chauvinist pig
5. Celebrity Slander
Goal: To help students understand the harm caused by defaming someone’s reputation
Time: 15 minutes
1. Ask students to bring in information about a celebrity, politician, or famous athlete
who has been a victim of slander. The information should include the nature of the
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2. Ask students to share their findings with the class. Ask them to imagine what they
would have done in a similar situation. How easy would it be for a joke to turn into
slander?
MEDIA RESOURCES
1. How Language Transformed Humanity
This 20-minute video by biologist Mark Pagel uses biological evolution as the basis for a
2. Not What I Meant
This is an audio recording of an episode of This American Life that shares three stories
3. Frasier Episode, Season 10: Episode 12, “The Harassed”
4. Cross-Cultural Communication
This 5-minute video role-plays common cross-cultural communication problems by
following a British female engineer on assignment at a construction site in South
America. It provides a real-world example of how various cultures can clash in
5. Honest Communication
This 5-minute video discusses the importance of honest communication in personal