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Chapter 7
Developing and Maintaining Relationships
CHAPTER OUTCOMES
• Explain key aspects of interpersonal relationships
• Describe how and why we form relationships
LECTURE NOTES
• Interpersonal relationships are the interconnections and interdependence between two
individuals.
• Interpersonal communication is the exchange of verbal and nonverbal messages between
two people who have a relationship and are influenced by the partner’s messages.
• Types of Interpersonal Relationships focuses on family relationships, friendships, and
romantic partnerships as well as online relationships.
ƒ People have webs of relationships, or relational networks, that connect them to others.
ƒ Family is a small social group bound by ties of blood, civil contract, and a commitment to
care for and be responsible for one another.
ƒ Friendship
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Friendship is a close and caring relationship between two people that is perceived to
ƒ Romantic Relationships
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Romantic relationships define love as deep affection for others involving emotional
ties, commitment and intimacy, or closeness and understanding of a relational partner.
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The six categories of love include:
Ɠ Eros (erotic and sexual love)
Ɠ Ludus (playful, casual love)
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ƒ Online Relationships
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Social information processing theory argues that communicators use unique language
and stylistic cues in their online messages to develop relationships that are just as close
as those in face-to-face content.
• Why We Form Relationships examines the reasons why everyone forms relationships and
which factors influence the formation of particular relationships.
ƒ Functions of Relationships
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Companionship
Ɠ Relationships provide companionship and fulfill a need for inclusion.
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Stimulation
ƒ Interpersonal Attraction refers to the multiple influences on the likelihood of
establishing relationships.
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Proximity, or nearness, is an important reason for forming relationships. Proximity can
be physical or virtual.
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Physical attraction plays an important aspect in interpersonal attraction.
Communication has a large impact on perceptions of beauty.
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Attraction is often based on similarity.
Ɠ Attraction-similarity hypothesis says that we project ourselves onto other people
based on the attraction we feel to them.
Ɠ Matching hypothesis says we are attracted to those who have similar levels of
attractiveness.
Ɠ Genetic-similarity hypothesis says we tend to favor relationships with people who
appear genetically similar to ourselves.
• Managing Relationship Dynamics explores the dynamics of relationships on the
assumption that our connections to others are constantly changing, growing, and evolving
throughout our lives.
ƒ Reducing Uncertainty
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Uncertainty reduction theory argues that when people meet, their main focus is on
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Passive strategies involve observing others in communication situations without
actually interacting with them.
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Interactive strategies are used to obtain information through direct conversation with
a person you want to interact with.
ƒ Dialectical Tensions
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Relational dialectics theory says that dialectical tensions are contradictory feelings
we have in every relationship.
• Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships looks at the ways in which we choose to
divulge or withhold personal information and how those decisions affect relationships.
ƒ Social Penetration Theory (SPT) explains how people move from sharing superficial
information to sharing more intimate information.
ƒ Communication privacy management theory explains how people perceive
information about themselves and whether they will disclose or protect it. People control
their private information through boundaries.
ƒ Strategic Topic Avoidance involves maneuvering the conversation away from an
undesirable topic.
• Stages of a Relationship explores the common stages people experience in interpersonal
relationships.
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ƒ In the intensification stage, relational partners become more intimate and move their
communication toward personal self-disclosures. This may also include greater
understanding of nonverbal communication.
ƒ In the stable stage, partners feel comfortable understanding their preferences and goals
for each other. This includes two substages:
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Integrating occurs when partners join together in a stable bond and are seen as a pair.
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Bonding goes beyond integrating, with partners sharing formal symbolic messages
about the importance of their relationship.
ƒ In the declining stage, the relationship begins to come apart.
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Uncertainty events, such as competing relationships, leave the partners uncertain
about the relationship.
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Interference through obstacles can interfere with the growth of a relationship.
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Unmet expectations within the relationship can reduce relational satisfaction.
ƒ Relationship Repair may help a relationship that is in the declining stage.
ƒ Reconciliation is a repair strategy for rekindling an extinguished relationship. This can
happen through many ways, including:
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Spontaneous development
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Third-party mediation
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High affect
CLASS DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Has Skype or other face-to-face-mediated communication changed your interpersonal
relationships? If so, how?
2. What does it mean to have “friends” on Facebook? How do those “friends” differ from
the friends you interact with mostly F2F?
3. Genetic-similarity hypothesis suggests that we are more attracted to people from our own
ethnic group. Do you think this is changing? If so, why do you think that is?
4. When do you use passive strategies to gather information? When do you use active
strategies? What about interactive strategies? How do those three strategies work if you
are looking for information about a person with whom you are going to interview for a
job?
5. What are some things that interfere in a relationship with friends? With family? In a
romantic relationship?
• Examples include friends who suddenly become attached and that new attachment may
PERSONAL WRITING ASSIGNMENTS
1. Make Your Own Network
Make a map of people who you interact with on a daily basis. You can do this on an
online document or cut and paste with real glue and scissors! Make connections between
yourself and others with whom you interact. Try to make connections among your friends
as well. Who interacts with whom? You can color-code the connections to show how
2. What Is a Family?
Watch an episode of the TV show Modern Family and then watch an episode of The
Brady Bunch. How do the notions of family differ in each show? Go beyond diversity
(e.g., race, sexual orientation, etc.) and look at the rules of how a family communicates.
Who talks with whom? When? Where? About what? Summarize your findings in a one-
3. The LOVE Connection
Take the test on the following Web site:
www.okcupid.com/tests/the-love-styles-test-2
Was your love style surprising to you? What are some aspects that you think led to that
love style? Write a two-paragraph explanation for why a particular person is rated with a
particular love style. What kinds of questions lead to putting someone in a particular
category?
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4. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Write a two-page paper about topics that were taboo in your family when you were
growing up. What was talked about? What wasn’t? Why? What topics do you see as
generally taboo to talk about in the United States? How do these taboos affect different
aspects of our everyday lives? For example, people in the United States are uncomfortable
5. Stages in Film
Find examples in film and television of the different stages of a relationship and describe
CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES
1. Networks on a String
Goal: To see how networks are created and connected
Time Required: 10 minutes
Materials: Ball of yarn
Directions:
1. Bring a ball of yarn to class and have class members (and yourself) stand in a circle.
2. Start by announcing that the ball will be tossed to all the people in the circle who are
3. When the ball reaches the last person of the same gender, have that person choose
something he or she has in common with someone else and toss the ball to a person
2. The Roommate Connection
Goal: To understand expectations we have for an interpersonal relationship
Time Required: 10 minutes
Materials: None
Directions:
1. If students sign up for roommates on campus using a “matching” service, lead
students in a discussion of how this system works. If not, ask students what kinds of
things they would like to be matched on if they had such a service. Note: For both
scenarios, do students note any ways they want to be different from their roommate?
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2. Next, ask students if they met their roommates on Facebook or some other social
networking site before they met in person.
Debriefing: Ask students what kinds of information they disclosed online to their
roommate before they met. How did they decide what to disclose? What is appropriate to
3. It’s Not Real If It’s Not on Facebook
Goal: To understand appropriateness of interpersonal communication in a pseudo-public
setting
Time Required: 10 minutes
Materials: Romantic conversation that are posted in an online setting. (Note: Be sure
examples don’t include real names or other identifying information that are inappropriate
for a classroom setting.)
Directions: Read or display the samples of romantic conversations supplied by the
students.
Debriefing: Discuss whether or not these types of conversations are appropriate to have in
4. Does Beauty Matter?
Goal: To understand how physical appearance affects our interpersonal relationships
Time Required: 15 minutes
Materials: Clip from the film Shallow Hal displaying how Gwyneth Paltrow’s character is
5. He’s with HER?
Goal: To understand how matching hypothesis works
Time Required: 10 minutes
Materials: Photos of famous romantic couples. These may be from online, magazines, or
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Directions:
2. Lead students in a discussion about matching hypothesis in relation to these pictures.
Debriefing: If the couple is heterosexual, is it more acceptable for one gender to be less
attractive than the other? (Generally, it is less acceptable for women to be less attractive
than men.) Why do you think that’s the case?
6. The Great Grade Exchange
Goal: To understand how we adapt our communication based on our interpersonal
relationships
Time Required: 20 minutes
Materials: Two copies of the “Grade Exchange Cue Cards” found at the end of this
chapter. Cut out each scenario, for a total of 12 cards.
Directions:
1. Ask for pairs of volunteers to act out the situations on the cue cards.
3. Each pair should act out the scenario on their card in front of the class. Once the pair
has finished acting out their roles, lead the class in a discussion about social exchange
theory. What were the costs involved in the situation? What were the rewards? How
did the professor and the student adapt their interaction during the situation?
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
REVIEW QUESTIONS
1. Why do human beings form relationships?
2. How can people reduce uncertainty within relationships?
3. Why is self-disclosure important in relationships? What are the risks associated with self-
disclosure?
4. What are the stages of a relationship?
5. How are only relationships different from face-to-face relationships? Write a list of five
6. List the ways a relationship can be repaired.
7. List two dialectical tensions and explain them.
MEDIA
Little Miss Sunshine (Fox Searchlight Pictures, 2006)
A dysfunctional family manages to hold it together for a cross-country trip so that Olive,
Meet the Parents (Universal Pictures, 2000)
Greg (Ben Stiller) goes home with his girlfriend, Pam, to meet her parents and gain their
Unfaithful (Fox 2000 Pictures, 2002)
A seemingly happy marriage, dampened by the routines of affluence, is put to the test
when the wife has a fateful meeting with an intriguing stranger. As the students watch the
X-Men: First Class (Twentieth Century Fox, 2011)
In this film, the founder of the X-Men, Charles Xavier (James McAvoy), starts up a team
HANDOUTS
Grade Exchange Cue Cards
Use the following scenarios to complete the classroom activity The Great Grade Exchange.
1. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
2. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
3. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
4. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
one of the questions. You do not like your professor. Your professor is a pretty casual,
5. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
6. You took an exam and you believe you have a good argument for changing your grade on
one of the questions. You like your professor but you are not sure if your professor knows