Chapter 08 – Achieving Emotional Control
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CHAPTER 08
Achieving Emotional Control
Learning Objective
After studying this chapter, students will be able to:
2. Explain the significance of emotional intelligence and how it compares with earlier
theories of measuring intelligence.
4. List ways to deal with anger.
6. Give examples of defensive behaviors and how they affect the workplace.
8. Explain why people fiplay games” in the workplace, and how to deal with games.
Key Terms
Assertiveness: Standing up for your rights without threatening the self-esteem of the
other person.
Aggressiveness: Hurting others and putting them on the defensive.
Defensive Behavior/Defensiveness: The inappropriate reaction to another’s behavior as
though it was an attack.
Eight intelligences: Eight separate areas in which people put their perceptiveness and
abilities to work.
First-, second-, and third-degree games: In transactional analysis, categories of games
based on intensity of play. First-degree games are relatively harmless; second-degree
games are moderately harmful; third-degree games are extremely damaging.
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Game: An encounter between two people that produces a fipayoff” for the one who starts
the game, at the expense of the other player.
Intelligence: Traditionally seen as reasoning ability, as measured by standardized tests.
Lecture Outline
I. The Eight Forms of Intelligence
For many years, people assumed that intelligence was a one-dimensional concept of just
reasoning ability, measured by standardized tests. Researchers, such as Psychologist
Howard Gardner, have discovered that there is more than one way to be smart; referring
to the eight intelligences—eight separate areas in which people put their perceptiveness
to work (Figure 8.1).
A. Language
People who have verbal intelligence are gifted writers, poets, songwriters, and
speakers. If a person loves language and is fascinated by its meanings, expressions,
B. Math and Logic
Scientists and mathematicians find pleasure in using the logical, reasoning parts of the
brain. If a person enjoys puzzles of logic or brain teasers, he or she is strong in this
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C. Music
Most people whose intelligence falls into this category have a relationship with
D. Spatial Reasoning
A person who excels in this area has a knack for seeing how elements fit together in
space. Spatial reasoning is physical and mechanical, and less tied to ideas and
concepts.
E. Movement
Most people probably haven’t thought of physical movement as a part of intelligence
because it is not part of the traditional definition, but the ability to use body or parts of
F. Interpersonal Intelligence
This area of intelligence deals with one’s ability to understand and deal with the world
of people. It is an essential skill in all aspects of life and is particularly important in
business. A person with interpersonal intelligence is usually in a position of power and
leadership, respected by others.
G. Intrapersonal Intelligence
Intrapersonal intelligence means knowledge of oneself. The person with this type of
intelligence is introspective, or able to examine his or her own life and experiences. A
person high in this type of intelligence knows his or her own strengths, weaknesses,
H. Naturalist Intelligence
The person who is high in this type of intelligence has an understanding of nature and
natural processes. This person becomes a part of the rhythms and cycles of nature. If
one is happiest outdoors and has a natural understanding of the natural world, he/she
has this strength.
A manager should watch for the type of intelligence each of the employees exhibits
and learn to use their abilities to the fullest capacity. Such knowledge can help to
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II. Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Another, more recent approach to intelligence is the concept of emotional intelligence,
also referred to as EI—the ability to see and control your own emotions and to
understand the emotional states of other people. Daniel Goleman, a prominent writer and
scholar, has stated that emotional intelligence is a much better predictor of success in
nearly every area of life, not always including academic success. According to Goleman,
people have fitwo minds”. First is the rational mind, which is aware of reality and which
According to Goleman, there are two types of emotional competence: personal
competence—the ability to be self-aware, motivated, and self-regulated—and social
competence—empathy for others combined with sensitivity and effective social skills.
Recent studies have isolated four different areas of emotional intelligence, which are
called ficlusters,” because they each contain a set of related EI skills. They are as follows:
• Self-awareness—the ability to understand the way one is ficoming off” to other
people; healthy self-awareness was defined as fithe ability to see yourself
realistically, without a great deal of difference between what you are and how you
III. Learning to Apply Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence can be learned and can improve over time, often as a lifelong
learning process. Motivation expert Richard Boyatzis says that the most common mistake
made by people wanting to improve their EI is thinking that knowing more about the
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A few practical approaches that people can take are:
• Review what you know about self-awareness.
• Carefully watch others whose social competence seems to be high, who have social
IV. Dealing with Anger
Anger is one of the most potentially harmful of all emotions. One of the most important
parts of emotional intelligence is the ability to deal with this important area of our
personality. Many psychologists say that anger comes more from how people process
events than the nature of the events themselves. Anger becomes what it is because of
fitrigger thoughts” about the things that happen around you. These trigger thoughts
usually come to the surface when at least one of the following two things has happened:
• One is convinced that other people are to blame for deliberately and unnecessarily
Anger produces three basic results that are negative and damaging:
• Anger blinds a person in several ways—it blinds the individual to other ways of
seeing reality; anger blinds the individual to his or her responsibility for what has
A. Five Steps for Dealing with Anger
Following are some simple steps that should help anyone who is dealing with the
control of anger:
• Examine your anger to find the inner causes—focus on what triggered anger in a
given situation.
• Learn to recognize your own fiflashpoints”—flashpoints might include fatigue,
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V. Assertiveness, Aggressiveness, and Anger
Assertiveness means standing up for one’s rights without threatening the self-esteem of
the other person. Aggressiveness involves hurting others and putting them on the
defensive. A working knowledge of these differences can help one avoid the excesses of
VI. Defensive Behaviors
Defensiveness is defined as the inappropriate reaction to another’s behavior as though it
was an attack. It can be seen as the body’s method of keeping one from being unduly
uncomfortable. It usually comes from two sources: low self-esteem and fear. When
people really like themselves and feel comfortable with their own value, avoiding
defensiveness is much easier than it is for an individual with low self-esteem.
Following is a list of the most common defensive reactions used in the workplace:
• Counterattack—when people feel under attack, the automatic response is to go into
the attack mode themselves; this is known as counterattack.
Ending the defensive cycle is actually not difficult for the person who is paying close
attention to what others are saying. Defensiveness is like putting on heavy armor, armor
that keeps you from functioning as you would normally. Once the armor is off the backs
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• Back off and cool down.
• Use fiI statements.”
VII. Scripts
Part of a school of psychology known as fitransactional analysis,” the concept of script
has been used to explain some important facts about one’s behavior as human beings.
Much of what one does and say in one’s daily lives is based on scripts that most people
heard repeatedly as children. A psychological script is very much like a movie or theater
script. Scripts can be divided into four basic categories:
• Cultural scripts—for example, Alaskans are tough, Americans are free and rich,
and New Englanders are traditional and intelligent.
VIII. Games People Play
A game can be defined as an encounter between two people that produces a fipayoff” for
the one who starts the game—at the expense of the other player. The concept of figames”
comes from transactional analysis. Negative game playing can hurt positive relationships.
The two characteristics that all games have in common are that they include:
• At least one insincere statement per game
• A payoff of some kind to at least one of the players
Games are usually emotion-based activities that allow one person to feel fione up” or
fione down” on someone. Some games are worse than others, in terms of intensity.
Although they sometimes seem to help one person gain something of value, games
A. fiWhy Don’t You … Yes, But”
The payoff for fiWhy don’t you . . . yes, but” is that the person (acting like a
sympathetic parent or adult) reassures both her or himself and the other individual:
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B. Wooden Leg
This game is also known as fiMy Excuses Are Better Than Yours.” Excuses are the
focus here. Real reasons for things going wrong exist in many situations, but this game
makes an art out of creating excuses. In the end, excuses take the place of a job well
done.
C. Harried (or Harried Executive)
This game is played by someone who uses being fitoo busy” as an excuse not to
interact with others. The reasons for this type of payoff are fairly complex. Nearly
always, though, the reason is related to low self-esteem. This may also be why they
want to be seen as working harder than others.
D. Now I’ve Got You
This is a game in which one person tries to trap the other in a mistake, a lie, or some
other type of negative situation.
These aren’t all of the game categories that exist. The entire experience known as office
politics can be seen as a large game that contains many combinations of these and other
games. If one learns these basic categories well, one’s knowledge of them should help
Review Questions
1. Briefly explain each of the fieight intelligences.” How are these categories more
helpful in understanding the whole idea of intelligence, specially as it impacts the
workplace?
Answer: Students’ answers may vary.
The eight intelligences are:
• Language—love for language and fascination by its meanings, expressions,
and rhythms.
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• Interpersonal intelligence—this area of intelligence deals with one’s ability to
2. What is emotional intelligence? How does this concept relate to the fieight
intelligences”? Explain the relationship among intrapersonal, interpersonal, and
emotional intelligence.
3. Briefly explore each of the four general areas (ficlusters”) of emotional intelligence.
Show how each area can be encouraged to develop.
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Copyright © 2014 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of
McGraw-Hill Education.
Self-management refers to the importance of self-control, that is, the ability to hold
oneself in check and not overreact when something is bothersome.
Relationship management enables an individual to communicate effectively and to
build meaningful interpersonal relationship both with individuals and with groups.
4. Explain why anger can be so damaging. What are the three major effects of anger?
5. What are the five steps for dealing with anger? Which of the five seems the most
effective for you personally? Why?
6. Briefly explain the process of defensiveness. List at least two of the four most
popular defensive reactions. Have you seen (or used) any of these in your own life?
7. What are the steps one can take to reduce defensiveness? Which of the five seems
the most important to you?
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Copyright © 2014 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of
McGraw-Hill Education.
• Learn to separate your work from who you are.
8. What specific steps can you take when you suspect that you are dealing with a game
player? What steps can you take to prevent yourself from initiating games?
Answer: The best way to become aware of games and of the people who play them
is to watch for conversations and events that happen repeatedly. People who are
major game players tend to play new episodes of the same game over and over again.
Critical Thinking Questions
9. How can a knowledge of emotional intelligence improve human relations in business
situations? How can it help you understand more about your interactions with others?
Answer: Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to see and control one’s own
emotions and to understand the emotional states of other people. Emotional
competence, which is an extremely important factor in understanding EI, is a learned
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10. Think of a conflict situation you were in recently. Define the terms assertiveness and
aggressiveness. Then answer these questions:
a. What role did aggressiveness or assertiveness play in the conflict?
b. Were you aggressive, assertive, or passive?
c. Did the situation work out the way you expected?
d. Would you act differently if you had to do it again?
Answer: Students’ answers will vary. Assertiveness means standing up for one’s
Case Studies
Case Study 8.1: Missing the Glory at Morning Glory
Siti Abdullah decides to bear the one hour stressful interaction with Marie, the owner of
the day care center where Siti is in charge of 12 day-care providers. When Marie
becomes an empty-nester, Siti finds Marie’s day-long presence and constant criticism too
much to handle. Siti gives notice and decides to open her own day care center.
Questions
1. Could Siti have kept this situation from ending the way it ended?
Suggested Answer: Students’ opinions will vary. Siti could have kept the situation
from ending the way it did by having taken steps to control her anger. Some of the
2. Briefly analyze this situation using what you have learned about emotional
intelligence.
3. What would you have done in Siti Abdullah’s place? Why?
Chapter 08 – Achieving Emotional Control
Case Study 8.2: The Never-Ending Game
Walter Langley, marketing vice president of Comfort Furniture, reminds his team of the
downward sales spiral and requests suggestions for a turnaround. Mr. Langley confronts
the suggestions forwarded by John Bettermore, Allen Avery, and Shirley Keener with
pertinent arguments. After two hours of discussions, Mr. Langley asks the team to revert
with better ideas for the next meeting.
Questions
1. Walter Langley is playing a repetitive game here. What is it called, and what are its
payoffs?
2. What can Langley’s team do to end this game? Be specific.
3. Specifically, what would you do if you were in one of Langley’s time-wasting
meetings?