CHAPTER 24
Codependency and Enabling
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After studying this chapter, students should be able to:
•
24.1: Define and explain the concepts of codependency and enabling
•
24.3: Identify the connection typically drawn between codependency and
mental health
•
24.4: Understand the typical reactions to the concept of codependency
CHAPTER OUTLINE
Enabling
Codependency
Codependency Defined
The Relationship Between Enabling and Codependency
The Dynamics of Codependency
The Rules of Codependency
Are Codependents Born or Made?
Codependency and Self-Esteem
The Cycle of Codependency
Patterns of Codependency
The Relationship Between Codependency and Mental Health
Reactions to the Concept of Codependency
CHAPTER OVERVIEW
The purpose of this chapter is to explore the concepts of “codependency” and
“enabling.” Emphasis is placed on the controversy over whether “codependency” exists
or whether it is an extension of a disproven theory of the coalcoholic spouse first
advanced almost a half century ago. Attention is drawn to those who challenge the
theory of “codependency” because it disempowers the spouse (usually a woman) and to
the fact that family members are assumed to have a mental health problem on the basis
of the fact that they belong to a family with a member who has a substance use disorder.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Break-Out Discussion #1:
The limits of codependency: If we accept that the concept of codependency is valid, then we all
might be said to engage in codependent behaviors at one time or another. We all live in an
interpersonal environment and make choices about how to relate to others. To some degree,
we base our self-esteem on feedback from others. This is only a matter of degree, for healthy
people determine their own self-worth, using feedback from others only as a guide and not as
the sole determining factor in their determination.
Now imagine a child of perhaps 8-year old. Children of this age have the foundation for their
self-esteem, but are still quite dependent on feedback from others about their worth: Did I do a
good job? Do you like me enough to want to spend time with me? Does mom (or dad) spend
time with me? These situations help children learn who they are and help them build self-
esteem.
Since the concept of codependency was introduced in the 1970s, the term has moved into
common usage. An analogy might be the word “paranoid,” which is commonly used in incorrect
contexts. For example, a young man might say to a friend “I am so paranoid about my girlfriend”
as opposed to “I am so suspicious of my girlfriend.” In a similar manner, people now speak of
themselves as being “codependent” when in reality they are not, at least according to the exact
definition of the term. One reason for this confusion is that the definition of codependency is so
vague that virtually every person could be said to be codependent. However, if virtually
Questions
1. A person who is codependent is often described as one who is overly dependent on others for
his or her sense of self-worth. Where do you believe the boundary between a healthy and a
codependent relationship lies? What behaviors fall close to this boundary line?
2. Does codependency exist? Why or why not?
3. Based on the characteristics of a person with codependency discussed in your text, do you
have friends or acquaintances whom you could identify as codependent?
4. Could any of those behaviors be attributed to yourself, and if so, do you believe you are
codependent? Why or why not?
5. The concept of enabling is also a difficult one to understand, in part because (as with
codependency) it is so vague. For example, a friend who is on a diet to lose 50 pounds has a
or just being an understanding friend?
6. During prohibition, law enforcement officers were often bribed to call in sick to work on
certain days, thus clearing the way for smugglers to bring loads of liquor into this country from
overseas. Can this behavior be considered “enabling” when they have been financially rewarded
for so doing? Why or why not?
7. Let us look at yet another hypothetical example: You know that your cousin has an AUD and
frequently drinks away the family funds at the bars. The spouse of this cousin asks for a loan of
$1,500 to pay the monthly bills and put some food on the table. You know that this “loan” is
actually giving the money away, as you have honored such requests in the past without ever
having any of the money repaid. Should you provide the money, would you be acting as a
sympathetic family member or an enabler? What factors would influence your answer, and who
controls them? Where does normal caring end and “enabling” begin?
8. Imagine a hypothetical scene in a major city. A young man sits with his shirt off, his muscles
rippling under the sunlight. He has a sign beside him stating that he was just diagnosed with
AIDS, and there is a donation cup in front of the sign. The young man is in his early 20s, and
other than his self-professed affliction appears to be able to work. Should you donate money to
this person? Why or why not?
9. Let us look at yet another hypothetical example: A man sits in a wheelchair in the same major
city. He has one leg that apparently has been amputated. This man is in his late 50s, and the
cardboard sign in his lap says that he is a war veteran who lost his leg in combat, he is homeless,
and he needs money to pay for shelter and to buy something to eat. There is also a cup at the
base of the wheelchair for people to put money into. His clothes bespeak of much usage and
have not been washed for some time. Would you put any money into his cup? Is this
hypothetical case different from the first example, and if so, how?
KEY CONCEPTS AND TERMS
Enable: To knowingly behave in such a manner as to make it possible for another person to
continue to misuse chemicals, or in a manner that protects the person misusing substances from
having to suffer the natural consequences of his or her behavior
Enabler: Any person who acts to protect the person with an SUD from the full consequences of
her or his behavior
LO/STANDARDS CORRELATION CHART
A-head
LO
Standard—CACREP
Enabling
Codependency
24.1: Define and
explain the concepts of
codependency and
enabling
1a: history and philosophy of the
counseling profession and its
specialty areas
5a: theories and models of
counseling
Codependency
24.2: Explain the
connection between
codependency and
enabling and other
terms typically used
when codependency is
discussed
1a: history and philosophy of the
counseling profession and its
specialty areas
5a: theories and models of
counseling
Codependency
24.3: Identify the
connection typically
drawn between
codependency and
mental health
1a: history and philosophy of the
counseling profession and its
specialty areas
5a: theories and models of
counseling
Reactions to
the Concept of
Codependency
24.4: Understand the
typical reactions to the
concept of
codependency
1a: history and philosophy of the
counseling profession and its
specialty areas
5a: theories and models of
counseling