2013, January Guffey Newsletter
Bonus Case Study
Confusing Office Move Message
The following message, which originated in an international technology company, was intended
to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different office location. But its
stream-of-conscious thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver confused as to what
is expected and how to respond.
Your Task. Study the complete message. Then revise it with (a) a clear introduction that states
the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced lists, and (c) a conclusion that
______________________________________________________________________________
Hello everyone,
We’ll be moving new team members into a new location next week so there are things we need
you to do to be ready for the move. For one thing, let me know which Friday you want your
personal items moved. The possibilities are November 9 and 16. Also, if you have an ergonomic
desk or chair you want moved, let me know. By the way, we’ll be sending boxes, labels, tape
and a move map four or five days before the move date you choose, so let me know if this
timeframe allows you enough time to pack your belongings. And if you are bringing office
equipment from your current team to the new team, let me know. Remember that company
Possible Solution
New team members,
The office move to your new location will take place on either November 9 or November 16.
The movers will arrive between 4 p.m. and midnight. Your responses to the following questions
Please answer the following questions:
1. Move requests for your personal items will be arranged on 11/9 or 11/16 (Fridays);
which of those days is better for you?
2. Do you have an ergonomic desk or chair (or other large furniture) that you want moved
to your new office location? If so, please list those items.
Please complete the following tasks:
1. Use foam pads to box up fragile and valuable items: IT plaques, glass, or anniversary
Please email me your responses to the above questions by Friday, October 26, so we’ll have
two weeks’ notice to make the move as smooth as possible for you. We look forward to having
you on the team and greeting you in your new office!
Regards,