Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 1
CHAPTER 7 SOLUTIONS
Writing Improvement Exercises
Passive-Voice Verbs (Obj. 3)
16. Free shipping is unavailable for orders under $100. OR: Free shipping is available on all
orders over $100.
17. Patients cannot be admitted until after their insurance coverage is verified. OR: Patients
can be admitted after verification of their insurance coverage.
Subordinating Bad News (Obj. 3)
21. Although your complete order cannot be shipped at this time, two corner workstations
should arrive within five days.
22. Although flowers could not be shipped the week before Mother’s Day, we apologize and
invite you to try again with free shipping for the next week.
Implying Bad News (Obj. 3)
26. All our present funds are needed to lease equipment and offices for our new branch in
Hartford. However, we hope to be able to support this commendable endeavor in the
future.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 2
7.1 Radical Rewrite
Request Refusal—Bitter Taste of the Beach
Weaknesses
a. Fails to develop a positive tone with a gracious opening and closing.
b. Instead of opening bluntly, the writer should have started with positive remarks about the
popularity of this recurring summer event and his enjoyment at past participation.
c. Emphasizes the refusal instead of softening it throughout and suggesting an alternate
benefit.
Revision
Current date
Ms. Diane Hinchcliffe
Taste of the Beach
310 Ocean Avenue, Suite 304
Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA 93521
Dear Ms. Hinchcliffe:
Taste of the Beach has always been a popular summer charity event here in Carmel-by-the-Sea.
I’m glad to hear that this year’s event will combine new and established food, wine, music, and
artistic offerings from prized vintners, renowned chefs, and performing artists.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 3
7.2 Radical Rewrite
Bad News to Customers—Hackers Hijack E-Mail Addresses
Weaknesses
a. Begins weakly with a general statement leaving receivers wondering why the message was
written.
b. Includes a long lead-in (This is just to let you know that).
c. Fails to explain exactly what happened and when the security breach took place.
d. Places the promise to guard privacy in the first paragraph when it would be more logical in the
last paragraph.
Revision
To: Kara Khalial [kkhalial@coastal.net]
From: Justin Small [jsmall@princetonpayment.org]
Subject: Customer Security Incident at Princeton Payment Systems
Cc:
Bcc:
You are receiving this e-mail because of a recent incident at Princeton Payment Systems
resulting in the release of some customer e-mail addresses.
On November 12 we learned that computer hackers had maliciously exploited a function
designed to make our log-in process faster. The hackers deliberately went to great lengths to
extract customer e-mail addresses. However, within hours we had disabled the mechanism and
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 4
7.3 Radical Rewrite
Claim Denial—Warranty Does Not Mean a New Device
Weaknesses
a. Begins with a long lead-in (This letter is being sent to you to inform you that).
b. Delivers the bad news bluntly with no effort to soften the blow.
c. Heaps blame on the customer and chastises her for not handling the smartphone properly.
Revision
Current date
Ms. Haley Tranquillo
501 Westhampton Way
Richmond, VA 23173
Dear Ms. Tranquillo:
Many of our customers purchase the Peace of Mind Plan to insure their valuable smartphones
against theft, loss, and malfunction as you have done. The low fee of $5.99 a month is a wise
investment in protecting your expensive device.
Although fairly sturdy, today’s smartphones are very sophisticated electronic gadgets that require
proper care and handling. The Peace of Mind Plan is designed for the most common incidents
smartphone owners’ experience, such as when their devices are stolen, lost, or defective. In
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 5
Activities and Cases
7.4 Request Refusal: Advocating for Abused Children
Current date
Mrs. Paulina Ramirez
4382 Congress Avenue
Austin, TX 78701
Dear Mrs. Ramirez:
Let me commend you on the fine work you are doing as a volunteer with CASA. Its programs to
recruit, train, and support volunteers to work with abused children deserve the high praise it
receives from local and national communities. My heart goes out to those children who have
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 6
7.5 Request Refusal: Pink Dragons Sink Application
To: Josephine Rosa <jrosa@pinkdragons.org>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Request for Adobe Sponsorship
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Josephine:
We enjoyed learning about the fascinating sport of dragon boat racing and about the role it plays
in the lives of many active breast cancer survivors. Your team is to be commended for its
competitive spirit and positive attitude.
Our company supports a variety of great causes, breast cancer among them. We receive requests
for sponsorships daily; therefore, we have decided to streamline the application process by
asking that proposals be submitted on our website (the link is listed below). Although we would
like to accommodate every request, our sponsorship funds are finite. We must evaluate each
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 7
7.6 Request Refusal: No Favors for Jamba Juice
Current date
Mr. Joe Wong, Vice President
Product Development
Jamba Inc.
450 Golden Gate Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94102
Dear Joe:
It’s good to learn that Jamba Inc. is expanding its menu with drinks that are more substantial and
could substitute for a meal. In today’s fast-paced world, people have less time for sit-down
meals, and a hearty, healthful smoothie would be perfect for nutrition-conscious folks on the
move.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 8
7.7 Request Refusal: Loud Music Bothers Tenant Neighbor
Current date
Mr. Manuel Quinones, CPA
Suite 300, Two Buckhead Plaza
3050 Peachtree Road, NW
Atlanta, GA 30305
Dear Mr. Quinones:
Subject: Your Recent Inquiry About a Neighboring Tenant
Thank you for bringing up your concerns about the loud music coming from Mr. Eslan’s office. I
can understand how frustrating the noise must be, especially when you are conducting business
with clients.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 9
7.8 Claim Denial: Lost in Flight
Current date
Ms. Genna Frymoyer-Morris
1805 Panorama Drive
Bakersfield, CA 93305
Dear Ms. Frymoyer-Morris:
We can imagine that the loss of your glasses on our flight from Washington, DC, to Los Angeles
with a stopover at Denver International Airport must be truly frustrating.
Our flight attendants are instructed to remind passengers that the cabins will be cleaned during
brief layovers. Most passengers leave the plane and do not return because they are catching
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 10
7.9 Claim Denial: Going Ape After Botched Gorilla Party
To: Paul Littleton <plittleton@outlook.com>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Gorilla Costume Inquiry
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Mr. Littleton:
Thank you for telling us of the late arrival of your Gorilla Blinky Eye With Chest costume. Like
you, we are disappointed that it did not arrive in time for your Halloween party.
In checking our records, we note that your order arrived five days before Halloween. This is the
busiest time of the year for us, and our staff grows from 60 core employees to over 300 during
this season. We were, nevertheless, able to ship your order the next day, which is our promise to
all customers. We shipped your order according to the option you noted: Standard Shipping. This
option requires three to six business days for arrival. Because the package was traveling from
Wisconsin to Buffalo, New York, that apparently was not enough time.
We understand how disappointed you were at not having the gorilla costume for your Halloween
party. Although the costs of the party cannot be reimbursed, we will be happy to allow you to
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 11
7.10 Claim Denial: Raising a Stink About a Charge for Smoking
in the Room
Current date
Mr. Trevor H. Taylor
580 Lottie Street
Bellingham, WA 98225
Dear Mr. Taylor:
Metropol Grand Hotel is committed to providing an attractive setting and comfortable
surroundings for every guest’s visit. We realize that our guests have high expectations, and to
meet or exceed those expectations we recently completed a two-year plan to refurbish many
rooms with new carpets, upholstery, finishes, and draperies.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 12
7.11 Customer Bad News: Putting the Brakes on Bakery Deliveries
Current date
Mr. Emil Broussard
Café Broussard
2013 West Lee Drive
Baton Rouge, LA 70820
Dear Mr. Broussard:
We appreciate that you have been a loyal La Boulangerie customer since we opened our bakery
almost ten years ago. It has been a pleasure dealing with you and your staff at Café Broussard.
To ensure that your customers receive only the best products, we import high-quality ingredients
from around the world. The increasing costs of wheat, sugar, and other ingredients have meant
that many of our suppliers have had to increase their prices. As a result, our production costs
have grown over 20 percent in the last six months.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 13
7.12 Customer Bad News: Blunder in Scheduling Fairytale
Cottage Wedding
In a memo students should outline a course of action, such as the following:
• Call each bride-to-be, describe the problem, and apologize.
• Explain why the problem occurred, what you are doing to resolve it, and how you will
Assume that Julie Brehm was able to switch her wedding date to June 4. The following might
serve as a follow-up message.
Current date
Ms. Julie Brehm
240 Lakeview Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30305
Dear Ms. Brehm:
Please accept our sincere apology for the disruption of your wedding plans here at Sea Island.
We realize how distressing it is to change plans for such an important event in your life.
Normally, I personally schedule all Sea Island weddings. However, while I was gone for two
weeks last fall, two weddings were inadvertently scheduled for June 14. I can assure you that this
will not happen again as I have installed a new scheduling app that prevents double booking.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 14
7.13 Customer Bad News: Which Elliptical for Commercial Gym?
To: Rudy Cardenas <rcardenas@24hourfitness.com>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Order for 24-Hour Fitness Equipment
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Mr. Cardenas:
Thank you for your order! Your new Olympic Benches, Stamina Power Towers, and Premier
Dumbbells have been shipped and should arrive on May 17 via UPS.
The Titanic 20 Elliptical, which you ordered, is a favorite of many of our home customers. It
offers an enjoyable aerobic workout without the harmful impact of running or walking.
However, most fitness centers purchase our Titanic 90 because it is larger, safer, and specifically
designed for the heavy use and varying needs of fitness customers.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 15
7.14 Employee Bad News: Rising Tuition? You’re on Your Own
To: Sabrina Sparks <ssparks@firstfederalbank.com>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Inquiry Regarding Tuition Reimbursement
Cc:
Bcc:
Sabrina,
We appreciate your thoughtful message requesting that First Federal Bank establish a program to
reimburse the costs of college expenses such as tuition and books.
You’re smart, Sabrina, in striving to further your education by returning to school to take
additional courses that improve your career skills. Thriving companies are able to offer tuition
reimbursement to selected employees when they return to school. These programs are expensive
to organizations because they involve not only the actual cost of tuition and books but also the
cost of program administration.
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 16
7.15 Employee Bad News: Only Employees Can Play
To: Staff Members
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Nonemployees on Intramural Sports Teams
Cc:
Bcc:
Several employees recently requested that friends and family members be invited to participate
in Portland Paper Company sports teams. Our intramural sports teams are a popular employee
social activity that we hope to continue.
Currently, our intramural teams are open to all employees of Portland. The company has eight
volleyball, tennis, and softball teams, with over 100 employees participating. Because most team
Solutions – Chapter 7 ⚫ 17
7.16 Employee Bad News: Nixing Facebook at Work
To: Staff Members
From: Darcy M. Diamond <dmdiamond@marketingmatters.com>
Subject: Avoiding the Perils of Facebook
Cc:
Bcc:
Most of us would probably agree that sharing information on Facebook can lead to professional
networking opportunities. Social media and Web-based collaboration tools such as wikis can
increase productivity and create digitally savvy workers. However, by now most workers know
that overexposure or inappropriate behavior online can lead to privacy breaches and have very
negative consequences, including job loss.
Despite the obvious advantages and even fun aspects of social media such as Facebook, we are
highly concerned about the risk of confidential or privileged information leaking via social