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Chapter 6 LECTURE NOTES
Revising Business Messages
CHAPTER SYNOPSIS
Students often resist the work of significant, substantial revision in favor of proofreading, so you
may wish to spend enough time on this chapter to emphasize that all three—editing,
proofreading, and evaluating—are important. They must operate in concert for any written
communication to be successful. Writing requires greater precision than speaking because a
speaker can get instant feedback and correct misunderstandings. Writers do not have the luxury
of instant feedback and reply.
To help students understand that individuals at all levels of an organization need to be clear and
precise when writing, allow them to critique actual business messages. Also, encourage students
to make a habit of proofreading each other’s papers. Psychologically, we don’t want to find
errors in our own work, but we can often find errors in someone else’s work. Because we are
certain of our intended meanings, we fail to see how a message actually does read. On the job,
businesspersons have only one opportunity to help their company make a good first impression.
The first impression made by their correspondence can either help their organization make
money or lose money, earn goodwill or lose it. Writers need to commit the time it takes to make
this first impression a positive one.
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
1. Complete business messages by revising for conciseness, which includes eliminating flabby
expressions, long lead-ins, there is/are and it is/was fillers, redundancies, and empty words, as
well as condensing for microblogging.
2. Improve clarity in business messages by keeping the ideas simple, dumping trite business
phrases, dropping clichés, avoiding slang and buzzwords, rescuing buried verbs, and
controlling exuberance.
WHAT’S NEW IN THIS CHAPTER
• Updated the Taco Bell opening case scenario to show how the company rescued itself from
bad publicity, providing readers with a context for a relevant chapter-ending application
assignment.
70 Chapter 6 Lecture Notes
• Addressed the importance of the revision process in the digital age, emphasizing that even in
this hurry-up culture, taking the time to revise messages reduces confusion and increases the
writer’s credibility.
LECTURE OUTLINE
I. Taking Time to Revise: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process (p. 177)
• The final phase of the 3-x-3 writing process focuses on editing, proofreading, and
evaluating.
II. Tightening Your Message by Revising for Conciseness (p. 178)
• Use the fewest words possible to make your message easy to understand and to save
the reader’s valuable time.
A. Eliminating Flabby Expressions
Figure 6.1 Revising Digital and Print Documents
PowerPoint slide 4
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 71
PowerPoint slide 6
D. Rejecting Redundancies
PowerPoint slide 7
E. Purging Empty Words
Figure 6.2 Live Chat Connects Service Reps and Customers
PowerPoint slide 8
F. Writing Concisely for Microblogging on Social Media Networks
III. Making Your Message Clear (p. 183)
• Clear messages are immediately understood, simple, and conversational.
Figure 6.3 Conciseness Improves Clarity in Understanding Drug Facts
A. Keep It Short and Simple
• Apply the Kiss formula: Keep It Short and Simple!
B. Dumping Trite Business Phrases
Instead of this Try this
every effort will be made we’ll try
in accordance with your wishes as you wish
72 Chapter 6 Lecture Notes
PowerPoint slide 13
C. Dropping Clichés
D. Avoiding Slang and Buzzwords
• To sound professional, avoid slang and buzzwords. Slang is composed of
informal words and arbitrary and extravagantly changed meanings (snarky,
E. Rescuing Buried Verbs
• Buried verbs are those that are needlessly converted to word noun expressions.
Instead of this Try this
take action on act
perform an analysis of analyze
PowerPoint slide 15
F. Controlling Exuberance
IV. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design (p. 186)
A. Employing White Space
• White space is the empty space on a page.
• Increase white space with headings, bulleted or numbered lists, and effective
margins.
PowerPoint slides 17, 18
B. Understanding Margins and Text Alignment
• Business letters and memos usually have side margins of 1 to 1 ½ inches.
PowerPoint slides 19, 20
C. Choosing Appropriate Typefaces
• Serif typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes.
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 73
• Sans serif typefaces are widely used for headings and signs.
E. Numbering and Bulleting Lists for Quick Comprehension
• High-visibility numbered or bulleted lists improve readability and skim value.
PowerPoint slides 23, 24
V. Proofreading to Catch Errors (p. 191)
Definition: Proofreading involves correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format,
and mechanics.
PowerPoint slides 27, 28
A. What to Watch for in Proofreading
• Spelling
• Grammar
• Punctuation
• Names and numbers
• Format
Figure 6.6 Why Proofread? In Business, Accuracy Matters
B. How to Proofread Routine Documents
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C. How to Proofread Complex Documents
PowerPoint slides 30-35
VI. Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Message (p. 193)
Definition: Evaluating is the process of analyzing whether your message achieved its purpose.
PowerPoint slide 36, 37
VII. Checklist: Editing, Proofreading, and Evaluating
• Eliminate flabby expressions.
• Avoid opening fillers and long lead-ins.
• Shun redundancies.
• Tighten your writing.
• Write concisely for microblogging.
Answers to Chapter Review Questions
1. What’s involved in the revision process? Is revision still necessary in a digital age when
workplace messages fly back and forth in split seconds? (Obj. 1)
Revision consists of improving the content and sentence structure of a message. Revision is
2. What’s wrong with a message that begins, I am writing this announcement to let everyone
know that . . . ? (Obj. 1)
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 75
3. What is microblogging, and why is conciseness especially important in microblogging
messages? (Obj. 1)
Microblogging consists of short messages exchanged on social media networks such as
4. Why would a good writer avoid this sentence? When I received your message, I read your
message and am now replying. (Obj. 1)
This sentence says the obvious and wastes the reader’s time. The fact that the writer is
5. What’s wrong with familiar business phrases such as as per your request and enclosed
please find? (Obj. 2)
6. Why should writers avoid expressions such as first and foremost and think outside the
box? (Obj. 2)
7. What are buried verbs and zombie nouns? Give an original example showing each. Why
should they be avoided? (Obj. 2)
A buried verb is one that has been converted to a noun expression, such as provide an
8. What is white space and why is it important for readability? (Obj. 3)
White space on a page is empty space. Pages that are crammed full of text or graphics appear
9. How do bulleted and numbered lists improve readability? (Obj. 3)
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10. Should headings be used in correspondence such as e-mail, memos, and letters?
(Obj. 3)
11. What is the difference between serif and sans serif typefaces? What is the preferred use
for each? (Obj. 3)
Serif typefaces have small features at the ends of strokes. Sans serif are clean fonts without
12. What are five specific items to check in proofreading. Be ready to discuss methods you
find useful in spotting these errors. (Obj. 4)
13. In proofreading, why is it difficult to find your own errors? How can you overcome this
barrier? (Obj. 4)
Many writers struggle with proofreading because they read what they thought they wrote. In
14. List four or more effective techniques for proofreading complex documents. (Obj. 4)
Following are techniques for proofreading complex documents:
15. How can you overcome defensiveness when your writing is criticized constructively?
(Obj. 5)
It’s natural to be defensive. But try to consider this criticism valuable advice. Look upon
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 77
Answers to Critical Thinking Questions
1. In this digital age of rapid communication, how can you justify the time it takes to stop
and revise a message? (Objs. 1–5)
It doesn’t matter how quickly a person responds or what medium is used for communication.
2. Assume you have started a new job in which you respond to customers by using
boilerplate (previously constructed) paragraphs. Some of them contain clichés such as
pursuant to your request or in accordance with your wishes. Other paragraphs are wordy
and violate the principle of using concise and clear writing that you have learned. What
should you do? (Obj. 2)
The best plan probably is to use the paragraphs until credibility with superiors has been
more concise and readable.
3. Because business writing should have high “skim value,” why not write everything in
bulleted lists? (Obj. 3)
Although listing items in bulleted or enumerated lists does improve readability, excessive use
4. Conciseness is valued in business. However, can messages be too short? (Obj. 1)
Of course, messages can be too short. Although conciseness is valued, messages must be
78 Chapter 6 Lecture Notes
5. Ethical Issue: What advice would you give in this ethical dilemma? Brittani is
serving as interim editor of the company newsletter. She receives an article written
by the company president describing, in abstract and pompous language, the
company’s goals for the coming year. Brittani thinks the article will need
considerable revising to make it readable. Attached to the president’s article are
complimentary comments by two of the company vice presidents. What action
should Brittani take?
Brittani is in a difficult, sensitive position and needs to be cautious about handling this
ZOOMING IN
Taco Bell and Doritos: A Marriage Made in “Belly-Busting Heaven”
Critical Thinking
⚫ Assume that a recently hired culinary product manager is charged with generating and
implementing new menu suggestions. What role does communication skill play in this
person’s effectiveness in completing this task?
Even if someone has excellent creative ideas for a new product or strategy, those ideas will
⚫ Do you think a culinary product manager would make an oral or a written presentation
of new menu ideas?
A Taco Bell culinary product manager would probably write a report that would be
⚫ Why is a writing process helpful in developing a presentation of new ideas?
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 79
ZOOMING IN
Your Turn: Applying Your Skills at Taco Bell
Date: Current
To: Taco Bell Management Council
From: Ross Navarro, Culinary Product Manager
Subject: Fast-Food Trends and New Menu Options
As you requested, I am submitting the following ideas based on my observation and
research about eating trends in fast-food restaurants. Below is a rough outline of possible
concepts to upgrade Taco Bell’s menu. This memo summarizes the findings to be presented
at your next Management Council meeting.
First, I will focus on upscale menu items with sophisticated flavors and fresh ingredients.
However, I know that the items must also meet Taco Bell’s strict criteria: high-quality
flavor, portability, and ease of production. In a depressed economy, our restaurant can and
should offer value as well as tasty food. From my firsthand experience as a chef and from
current research, I have observed numerous eating trends.
Current Eating Trends
• Low-fat, healthful choices. With as many as one in five U.S. consumers on a diet, our
menu should reflect low-calorie, healthful options that still taste good.
• Spices. Consumers are appreciating more highly spiced foods and hot sauces. Spicy
New Menu Concepts
• Spicy grilled items. Selections might include chicken marinated in lime juice, chipotle-
rubbed ahi tuna served with cranberry-mango salsa, and Volcano Beef Burrito served
with Lava sauce.
80 Chapter 6 Lecture Notes
• Fresco menu. I suggest that we offer an entire menu of ten or more items that cater to
dieters and health-conscious customers. The Fresco menu might include Crunchy Beef
Taco, Grilled Steak Taco, Blazing Bean Burrito, and Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
Ethics Check Solutions
Ethics Check, Page 189
Costly Writing
Bad writing can be expensive: A Philadelphia lawyer was charged with malpractice to the
tune of $6.6 million for drafting a poor commercial lease. The judge in Los Angeles said the
draft was “inartfully written and done so in a confusing fashion, which lends itself to
ambiguities and disagreements.” Can you think of other situations when writing can be
deliberately or accidentally misleading and cost money?
Students may come up with examples involving the small print in contracts and agreements.
Ethics Check, Page 192
Overly Helpful
Students may visit writing centers where they receive useful advice and help. However,
some well-meaning tutors take over, revising documents until they don’t resemble the
original student work. Instructors worry that the resulting documents amount to cheating.
Yet in the workplace today, writers must collaborate, and drafts go through multiple
revisions. Individual authorship is often not relevant. How much revision is acceptable in a
college setting? How much in the workplace?
The line must be drawn at rewriting the original copy. Well-trained tutors know the difference
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 81
Photo Essay Solution
Photo Essay, Page 182
When microblogging for business, writers should craft concise messages that do not stray far
from conventional spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Posts should use short descriptive words
Photo Essay, Page 188
While designers seek creative typefaces that enhance branding for logos and packaging, business
writers should stick to fonts that use all-purpose sans serif and traditional serif typefaces.
Business documents should use a 10- to 12-point type for body text and allow enough white
space to make reading easy on the eyes. Documents prepared for computer scanning software
have unique needs. When sending resumes, for example, writers should not place contact
typefaces.