Chapter 6: Mindful Listening
Key Concepts
Ambushing
defensive listening
hearing
listening
listening for information
listening for pleasure
listening to support others
literal listening
mindfulness
minimal encouragers
monopolizing
paraphrasing
pseudolistening
remembering
responding
selective listening
Chapter Outline
I. Listening is a process that involves our ears, minds, and hearts; hearing is an activity that
involves sound waves stimulating our ear drums.
A. Being mindful involves paying complete attention to what is happening in an
interaction at that moment in time without imposing our own thoughts, feelings,
or judgments on others.
B. Hearing is when we physically receive the sound waves.
C. To listen, we also need to select and organize the many stimuli that are part of a
conversation.
D. Once we select, take in, and organize the stimuli, we attach meaning to or
interpret the messages.
II. There are two main categories of obstacles or barriers to effective listening as well as
examples of times when we do not listen at all.
A. Obstacles within the situation are external factors we cannot control.
1. Message overload occurs because we cannot take in all communication
2. Message complexity occurs when the messages are too detailed, use
3. Noise is any verbal or nonverbal stimuli in the environment that keep us
from being good listeners.
B. The other set of listening barriers are internal obstacles, which are those that we
as individuals can control.
1. Preoccupation happens when we are so caught up in what is happening
2. Prejudgment happens when we think we know what others are going to
3. Emotionally loaded language
negatively, and we end up tuning out the other person.
4. Because effective listening requires so much energy, there are times when
a lack of effort (time or energy) hinders us.
5. Sometimes we forget that different types of interactions call for different
types of listening; similarly, we sometimes forget that people with
different experiences have learned different speaking and listening styles.
C. In addition to barriers to listening, there are times when we engage in nonlistening
behaviors.
2. Monopolizing occurs when we are constantly trying to redirect the
3. Selective listening happens when we focus only on certain aspects of a
4. We engage in defensive listening when we assume a message has negative
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5. When we ambush another person, we listen only for information that will
6. Literal listening is ignoring the relational level of meaning.
III. In different situations, we listen to accomplish different communication goals.
A. Sometimes we are interested in the pleasure or enjoyment we receive from
listening to a particular type of communication.
B. To gather and evaluate information others provide we need to be mindful, control
obstacles, ask questions, and create devices to help us remember and organize
information.
C. Listening to support others requires that we are mindful, suspend judgment,
IV. Adapting listening to communication goals
A. Listen for Pleasure
B. Listen for Information
2. Control Obstacles
4. Use Aids to Recall
5. Organize Information
C. Listen to Support Others
1. Be Mindful
3.
4. Express Support
V. Three listening guidelines reinforce effective practices.
A. Being mindful involves listening fully to what is happening.
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B.
the individuals involved makes us better able to understand and respond
appropriately during and after the interaction.
Discussion Ideas
Obstacles to effective listening: Prior to the day when they are going to read this chapter,
ask students to make a list of reasons they tune people out (be sure they include what they are
doing/thinking about when they do this). During class, ask them to classify their reasons
Listening for a reason: Ask students to make a list of all the reasons why they listened to
other people yesterday. Now ask them how listening helped them or the person they were
listening to accomplish their goals. Responses might include for enjoyment/pleasure, for
information, and for support.
Creating messages to which people want to listen: Ask students to make a list of media
messages they tune out (usually these are commercials/ads). Now ask them to put on the hat
of the organization creating the message. What would they change to create a more effective
message to which people would listen? Responses could include parodying ineffective
messages, ironic messages, exploiting the use of silence, etc.
Paraphrasing: Have students practice paraphrasing with the following statements/questions.
Examples of paraphrasing are in parentheses after each statement/question.
(Do I hear you saying that you want to some more
space or time for yourself?)
I really like communication, but what could I do with a major it this field? (I get the sense that
Listening for support on-line: Visit the web site for Befrienders International
(http://www.befrienders.org/). This site features a comprehensive list of emotional help lines
and also offers e-mail support for people who are currently considering suicide. The people
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who staff the help lines and e-mail support called befrienders are volunteers who have been
specially trained not impose their own convictions on to a
who are looking for help.
Activities
Title Individual Partner/
Ethno
Group Demonstration/
Whole Class
Internet/
InfoTrac
1. Rumor Clinic X
4. Learning to Listen X X
6. Listening Quotations X X-P
7. Motivation to Listen X-P
X = Marks type of activity H = Handout P = Preparation required for students/teacher
Rumor Clinic
This activity demonstrates habits of ineffective listening and how they change the meaning of
messages in serial communication.
Ask five students to step outside of the classroom. When they have left, read this story to the
class.
Marvella had to get the courses she needed for graduation since this was her last term at
school. She was a premed major and the requirements were very numerous and specific
substitutions. She had already met most
After reading the story (read it only one time) to the class, invite one student from outside the
room to return. Select a member of the class and ask that person to repeat the story to the person
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who had been in the hall. When that has been done, have the student who heard the story repeat
Listening for Information
This is a fun a
information in messages to them. It is based on an exercise used in the Pennsylvania State
Test of
She Says/He Says
This activity gives students an experiential understanding of gendered communication cultures
and the different listening styles they foster.
Match students in dyads, preferably one man and one woman in each pair. Tell students that they
will be using two di
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This activity helps students develop skill in listening to others and paraphrasing what others say.
Place students in triads. Instruct students to spend five minutes discussing one of the topics listed
below or a topic that you generate. (Note: The topics should be controversial enough that
students are likely to have differing opinions and experiences related to the topics.)
Instruct the triads to discuss the issue they or you select. During discussion each student should
paraphrase the comments of the person who spoke before her or him prior to making a new
comment.
When ten minutes have elapsed, engage the class in a discussion of listening. Begin by asking
Learning to Listen
This exercise allows students to develop greater appreciation of ineffective and effective
listening behaviors.
Organize students into four discussion groups. Inform groups they will have twenty minutes to
develop a five-minute presentation to be given to the class. Assign two groups to develop
presentations that portray effective listening behaviors and two to develop presentations that
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Listening versus Hearing
This exercise will illustrate the difference between hearing and listening.
Ask for three volunteers. Have one person sit blindfolded in a chair facing the class. Tell the
person sitting in the chair to protect a newspaper which will be placed on their lap.
Instruct the
from the person sitting in the chair. The person sitting in the chair must try to hear the stealers. If
Listening Quotations
The purpose of this activity is to analyze how key concepts of listening are encapsulated in
quotations and how these quotations various cultural assumptions.
To prepare for this activity, visit the web site of the International Listening Association
(http://www.listen.org/pages/quotes.html). On this site, they display hundreds of quotations
about listening. Choose 10 or 15 of your favorite quotations and prepare a handout, such as:
2. Orange Pekoe
Tea Bag)
4.
In class, put students into groups of 4-5. Make a list of the key concepts from the class, such as
hearing versus listening, obstacles to effective listening (internal and external), forms of non–
listening, different types of listening, etc., and write these on the board (or a handout, an
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Motivation to Listen
Before class, find a newspaper article that is filled with lots of numbers and facts about
something very boring. Create 20 questions about the articles that the students will not likely
remember. When class starts, read the article to the entire class. Then, have the students take out
Journal Items
Go to a place on campus where students gather and talk. Find a spot where you can
unobtrusively observe and hear conversations between other students. Using the information
in Chapter 6 of the textbook, record ineffective listening behaviors that you notice. Record
effective listening behaviors that you notice. Analyze how the conversations you overheard
were supported or impeded by listening styles and behaviors.
Responses will vary, but ineffective listening behaviors include pseudolistening,
Ask students to reflect on a time when they wished they would have really listened. Ask them
how not listening effectively during that time affected their life. What did they learn from
that experience? Why was it important to listen in that situation?
Responses will vary. Students may disclose different experiences and talk about how it
affected their lives. They might also discuss why it was important to listen for information
and/or support.
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Common listening problems are also identified above in Journal Idea #1 in terms of
ineffective listening behaviors.
Analyze your own listening effectiveness. Using the textbook to guide you, analyze your
Make a list of phrases or quotations to which you are exposed that involve listening (visit
http://www.listen.org/pages/quotes.html for ideas). Analyze the cultural values and
assumptions implicit in each phrase.
Responses will vary, but examples of phrases and implicit values and assumptions could
Panel Idea
Most campuses and campus communities include a number of organizations that train peer–
counselors (e.g., rape crisis counseling, battered women shelters, academic counselors, etc.). Ask
one of the organizations to send a representative to your class to facilitate a workshop on
empathic listening skills. Someone with expertise in listening and in training others to listen can
give your students a powerful introduction to effective listening techniques.
Media Resources
Web Sites
Name: Listening Quotations
Developer: International Listening Association
Name: Befrienders International Online
Developer: Befrienders International
Brief Description: This site features a comprehensive list of emotional help lines and also offers
e-mail support for people who are currently considering suicide.
URL: http://www.befrienders.org/
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Name: TIPS on the Hiring Process: Listening Skills
Developer: The Ashley Group, LTD.
Name: Listening Test
Developer: Joe Zubrick, University of Maine at Presque Isle
Name: Guided Listening Activity
Developer: Management Centre Europe
Brief Description: This address provides a guided exercise and information on active listening.
URL: http://www.mce.be/wbt/feedback/comm.htm
Name: Listen Up! Enhancing Our Listening Skills
Developer: HealthQuest, Warren Shepell Consultants Corp.
Name: Listening Skills for Managers
Developer: Management-resources
Brief Description: Stresses the importance of listening for managers. Discusses listening
Name: Business Listening
Developer: Business Listening.com
Name: Listening Skills Evaluation
Developer: Steven & Catherine Martin
Name: Innerself
Developer: Rebecca Z. Shafir, M.A. CCC
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Name: Eliminate communication snafus in your practice
Developer: Sandra Lee Breisch
Brief Description: This site was a posted bulletin that offered a way to help
solve problems within their practices through mindful listening. The bulletin gives pointers on
Film Ideas
Ordinary People
Scenes between the parents of the child who died and between the mother and son who is living
are particularly compelling examples of how ineffective listening harms relationships.
Jerry McGuire
Print Resources
The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communication In The Age Of Distraction by Rebecca Z.
Shafir. How does the approach and guidelines for listening discussed in this book relate to those
discussed in the textbook?
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Handout: A Test of Discernment
Directions: Please do exactly as instructed. Follow the instructions for each statement fully. Ask
no questions and do not check to see what other students are doing. When you have finished, sit
quietly and do not speak.
1. Read all statements before doing anything else.
2. Proceed carefully.
3. Put your name in the upper right corner of this paper.
8. On the reverse side of this paper, divide 1589 by 15.
9. Write the answer to the problem in statement 8 here:
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Handout: Instrumental and Expressive Response Styles
Instructions: You and your partner will take turns being the person with the roommate problem
described below. When you are the responder, respond first by using instrumental or masculine
talk. Tell your partner what to do, how to solve the problem, etc. Then have your partner tell the
story again and this time use an expressive or feminine style of responding empathize with your
care how your partner is feeling).
You are having real troubles with your roommate. The person is a hopeless slob and you
like your room neat. To make matters worse, your roommate is a night person and you