CASE STUDIES OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION
CASE STUDY A
BLENDING RELATIONSHIPS: MANAGING COMPETING LOYALTIES
(Adapted from Rachel Ruan & Courtney Waite, Northwestern University)
Students may analyze the following case from a communication perspective. Suggest they pay
careful attention to concepts such as gender, roles, family-of-origin, cultural norms, rituals and
patterns:
Washington University was a good distance from both Aaron and Helene’s families and as a
result, neither had a chance to visit each other’s home or spend more than a few hours at a time
with each other’s parents. The only time spent with family was an occasional dinner out when
their families would come to visit for a big football game or Parents Weekend. The family
dinners always went smoothly and were not at all unpleasant. Helene shared a particularly warm
relationship with Aaron’s father, Ed. Ed always went out of his way to make Helene feel
accepted and at ease. He showed a strong interest in her pursuits and was always eager to hear
stories about what was going on in her life. Conversely, it wasn’t unusual for some tension to
arise between Helene and Aaron’s mother, Jill. Helene consistently felt as though Jill was very
controlling of Aaron and could be overbearing with her opinions at times. Jill had very strong
opinions as to what she expected for her son and was uninhibited when it came to sharing those
opinions. Helene noticed this behavior and it became something that she disliked about Jill.
However, when Helene voiced her concerns to Aaron, he often discounted them and claimed, “If
you could spend more time with my mother you would see that she has very good intentions and
is very fond of you.” After some reassurance from Aaron, Helene would conclude that Aaron
was right; Helene had only spent a handful of nights with Jill and maybe just did not understand
her personality yet. Besides, Jill usually refrained from sharing negative opinions regarding
Helene.
During these conversations, Aaron remains very neutral. He says he understands how
Helene feels and that maybe his mother should not have said some of the things she said, but
insists that she “means very well and would never intentionally say or do anything to
intentionally hurt you.” Aaron also points out that his mother has three brothers and was the only
girl in her family and now has two sons of her own and no daughters. Aaron defends his mom
saying that she does not have any experience with girls and has always put up a tough exterior as
a way to better relate to the males in her life.
their own lives and new traditions. Jill replied, “I hate Thanksgiving. You can have them then. I
get every Christmas.” Luckily Ed changed the subject for the time being, but Christmas plans
were never resolved between Helene and Aaron. Aaron kept telling Helene they would worry
about it later. Aaron knows that Christmas is Helene’s favorite holiday and it would be very
difficult for her to spend it away from her family, especially every year. He knows that he will
have to work out a compromise between Helene and Jill, but is reluctant to go against his
mother’s wishes and realizes that his mother will lay on a terrible guilt trip at a mere mention of
the possibility that Aaron and Helene may not be at his home for Christmas.
As the wedding date draws closer, Jill repeatedly reminds Helene and her family of how
instrumental she was in planning Aaron’s older brother’s wedding and hopes she will be just as
big of a part in Aaron’s wedding. She says that it is okay “if she does not have that role” in
Aaron and Helene’s wedding but it is clear she truly expects to be a part of all of the planning.
and Aaron were planning to have a string quartet and had already made the necessary
arrangements. At this point, the argument escalated:
JILL: Aaron, is this true? I thought that you and I were on the same page and thought it would be
best to have family involved in the wedding. Maybe you two should just go to a Justice of the
Peace.
AARON: I think that family should be there and I told you that Cousin Christie’s singing is very
nice but a string quartet would be great too…
(Helene then storms out of the room leaving Jill and Aaron together.)
JILL: Is that how she always reacts to a little disagreement?
AARON: Mom, I think that she is very stressed and has a lot on her mind right now. Don’t take
it personally; she just has a lot on her plate. I’m going to go talk to her and smooth things out.
(Aaron leaves to go find Helene.)
CASE STUDY B
TUMBLING DOWN THE CASCADE
(Adapted from Courtney Waite, Rachel Ruan, Northwestern University)
Gottman, J. M. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. New York: Simon & Schuster.
Jack Vaughn and Sydney Greene, both 25, have been married for almost two years. The couple
began dating in college and married shortly after graduation. Most of their time is spent lovingly
challenging each other’s political views, joking or discussing their various activities. Jack
participated in several intramural sports in college and continues to enjoy playing pick-up
basketball games with friends in his limited free time. He also enjoys hiking, fishing and other
outdoor activities. Sydney never considered herself much of an athlete and prefers more
intellectual activities such as reading, debating or playing the piano. She has played the piano
since kindergarten and often plays for events or community musicals.
Jack is a first year law student and has always been an overachiever. He has his sights set on
earning high enough grades to automatically make law review this year.
Needless to say, he spends most of his waking hours at the library. He often has his meals while
studying in order to complete his assigned readings on time and adequately prepare for class.
Sydney, a systems analyst for a large consulting firm, enjoys her job, but works long hours and
often feels under a lot of pressure to bill enough hours each week.
SYDNEY: It upset me when I came home from work last night and the clothes were still wet in
the washer. Yesterday we agreed that you would put them in the dryer when you returned from
class.
JACK: You know I can be forgetful sometimes.
SYDNEY: It just upsets me. It would be great to have the clothes dry when I come home so that
I can put another load of wash in before I go to bed. JACK: (Raising his voice) I just forgot.
JACK: Wouldn’t want that—especially if you’re not earning overtime (smiling). And, you may
be right about one thing…I never forget to do the things that I want to do (Jack kisses Sydney on
the top of her head).
Jack, however, did not seem as excited. Although he loved Sydney and used to really enjoy her
company, he had become used to a quiet apartment to study in and was afraid she would distract
him from his studies. Jack also disliked how many arguments he and Sydney had been having
recently. It was okay when they had their usual arguments and they had so much fun making up,
but the recent arguments were different. They used to make up quickly knowing that Sydney had
a plane to catch Sunday night and they did not want to spoil the entire weekend together over an
insignificant issue. Now that Sydney was around all of the time, neither Sydney nor Jack seemed
to want to make up quickly and their arguments were lasting so much longer!
In particular, Sydney’s frequent attempts at conversation really annoyed Jack when he had a
large assignment to do. Jack could not understand why Sydney would bother him when she knew
how much work he had to do. He just did not have time to listen to every detail of her day! When
he told Sydney that he did not have time to talk, she was very upset and they often argued
bitterly:
SYDNEY: You’re ignoring me again. You never listen to me anymore! You’re so preoccupied
with yourself and your precious law review. Did you hear anything I just said? What did I just
say?
JACK: If you hadn’t noticed, I have books in front of me and am trying to study. What makes
you so blind to the fact that I have my own priorities? You’re the one who doesn’t listen. If you
listened to me, you would know how much I have to do and how important law review is to me.
argument was never about just one thing anymore. One argument involved nine or ten issues and
many of the issues were things they had fought about before:
JACK: I’m sorry that I have a small, but limited life outside of my studies. If it were up to you,
I’d just run your errands all day!
SYDNEY: Last I checked, I’m the one who is bringing home the paycheck! Who again pays for
those books your nose is always in?
JACK: Who is going to pay the bills while you stay home with our kids? It’s like you’ve
completely disregarded the fact that we planned it out this way.
Unsurprisingly, the fights lasted much longer and both Jack and Sydney had trouble putting the
issues behind them. Sydney used to take comfort in their usual habit of making up after fighting.
They never went to bed angry before and now that is the norm. Recently, Jack started storming
out of their arguments, leaving Sydney devastated. To Sydney, it seemed that Jack could just
forget about their fights quickly and was able to go study right away. While Jack was away,
Sydney stewed about their argument and became more and more upset. In reality, the fights were
anything but insignificant to Jack. He often felt that Sydney unfairly attacked him and did not
understand his point of view. He knew he didn’t deserve to be treated the way she treated him—
her hostility often came out of nowhere. He typically became so upset and agitated that he had to
leave. He wished Sydney would allow him to quit fighting, but she continued to try to get him to
respond until he actually left the room. Most of the time, he had to leave the apartment
altogether:
SAMPLE QUESTIONS FOR CASE STUDY
1. Which of Gottman’s couple types best describes the relationship between Sydney and Jack?
Explain.
5. How do Sydney and Jack exhibit contempt for one another? Cite specific examples from their
interactions and reference common signs of contempt within their interactions.
6. How do Sydney and Jack exhibit defensiveness? Cite specific examples from their interactions
and reference common types of defensive behavior within their interactions.
7. Do Sydney and Jack exhibit the Fourth Horseman? Please explain.
8. Which of Jack and Sydney’s private thoughts are particularly distressing to their relationship?
9. What are the two primary explanations for the physiological differences between the sexes?
Do Sydney and Jack exhibit these physiological differences?
10. On page 150, Gottman identifies the most common gender-related problems found in
marriages. Do any of these problems apply to Sydney and Jack?
11. What gender-specific advice would Gottman give to Sydney and Jack to help improve their
SAMPLE RESPONSES
1. Jack and Sydney are a volatile couple. They argue frequently over insignificant issues and
occasionally, major issues. In the beginning, they were usually able to reach some type of
agreement for most arguments and their arguments did not involve criticism, contempt,
2. Although the first interaction depicts a disagreement between Jack and Sydney, the magic 5:1
ratio of positivity to negativity is apparent. Sydney and Jack are able to make-up without letting
the argument become destructive and show their affection for one another at the culmination of
the interaction. Additionally, in the first interaction Sydney airs a complaint, while the second
interaction involves criticism and contempt directed personally at Jack. Both individuals employ
3. In the beginning, Sydney and Jack spent most of their time enjoying each other’s company and
the passion between them. They argued frequently, but enjoyed many positive interactions that
balanced the negative instances they experienced. They likely exhibited the magic 5:1 ratio.
However, negative interactions became much more common and the number of positive
4. Some of the first indications of trouble between Sydney and Jack include Sydney’s reliance
upon criticism to express herself to Jack. Her use of personal attacks during arguments and
avoidance of general complaints is a warning sign of their marital discord. Both Sydney and Jack
show contempt for one another through the use of body language and nonverbal communication.
5. Both Sydney and Jack exhibit contempt for each other. Jack rolls his eyes at Sydney several
times, and mocks her when she says she works long hours and mocks her for not wanting to go
to a movie because they cannot talk during the movie. Sydney mocks Jack’s school work and
6. According to Gottman, when an individual is bombarded with insults, the natural inclination is
to defend oneself from attack. Often individuals do not see anything wrong with such defensive
behavior despite its destructive effects and propensity to escalate conflict further. Sydney and
Jack both employ defensive behaviors during conflict episodes. For example, Sydney and Jack
7. Yes, one interaction depicts Jack storming out on the argument he and Sydney are having. The
case study says Jack frequently stonewalls Sydney in this way.
8. According to Gottman, inner thoughts hold the key to what happens between spouses. Thus,
because people tend to act in accordance with what they are thinking and feeling, those
individuals who have a negative internal script are likely to act out negatively against their
partner. Some of Jack and Sydney’s negative private thoughts are particularly distressing to their
relationship. For instance, Jack is not enthusiastic about having Sydney home on weeknights. He
internalizes her presence as an annoyance and a disruption as opposed to recognizing her desire
an effort to change their inner scripts.
9. Two explanations: 1) Males’ autonomic nervous system may be more sensitive than females
and takes longer to recover from emotional upsets; 2) Males may be more reactive because after
withdrawing from argument, they tend to repeat negative thoughts that keep them upset. Jack
10. Sydney and Jack appear to be affected by several of the gender-related problems identified
by Gottman. For instance, in accordance with Gottman’s findings that women are more likely
than men to complain about and criticize their spouse, Sydney often instigates conflict by
criticizing Jack. In addition, as is typical of males, Jack neglects to recognize when an issue has
an emotional cause and solution. For example, when Sydney was angered by Jack’s invitation to
11. Gottman would suggest that Jack embrace Sydney’s anger — meaning that he should not try
to avoid conflict with her. Jack should realize that Sydney needs to talk about what is bothering
12. Sydney and Jack appear to be in a cycle of negativity, wherein frequent unpleasantness and
reciprocal attacks have begun to interfere with the communication and stability within their
marriage. Their first interaction clearly demonstrates the predominance of positivity in the
relationship and the presence of complaining as opposed to criticism. However, as evidenced by
the second interaction, the couple began to criticize one another, and demonstrated acts of
and must be corrected. Gottman suggests that couples who experience distress-maintaining
thoughts need to be made aware that they experience destructive thought patterns and should
make an effort to change their inner script. By avoiding the tendency to rehearse hurtful or
vengeful comments, and by reducing thoughts that demean one’s partner, individuals can
approach conflict more productively and successfully, and diminish the likelihood of destructive
13. First Gottman suggests that couples calm down. Both Sydney and Jack need to make an
effort to say calm during conflicts. Jack needs to realize when he is feeling overwhelmed so that
he does not become flooded during arguments. Jack could try Gottman’s suggestions of taking
his pulse during arguments. Sydney should agree to allow him to use this strategy. Both should
call a time-out if necessary and allow each other the time needed to calm down. Second,
Gottman advises couples to speak non-defensively. Both Sydney and Jack could “short–circuit”
14. Sydney and Jack may benefit from several pieces of advice offered by Gottman. For instance,
they could both attempt to replace thoughtless complaints and criticism with more thoughtful
remarks that would indicate their sincere and positive appreciation for one another. Specifically,
instead of attacking things that are distasteful, Sydney and Jack could try to focus on what they
15. Sydney and Jack could benefit from structuring their fights, non-defensive communication
and soothing each other. Because Sydney and Jack’s fights started to veer out of control,
structuring their arguments should keep their fights on topic and away from criticism, contempt
and defensiveness. Both Sydney and Jack were exhibiting high levels of defensiveness and
should work to avoid being defensive. For example, Sydney sometimes repeats her points over
and over in an argument. Instead, she should try to summarize Jack’s perspective. Both also
should work to soothe each other during fights. For example, if Sydney notices Jack becoming
flooded, she should call a “stop action.” Jack could also try “editing” by only responding to the
constructive comments Sydney makes. Both could also try “gatekeeping” and “getting back on
beam” to make sure that their discussion go in the right direction and stay on topic. This is likely
to avoid their tendency to personally attack each other and “kitchen sink.”
CASE STUDY C
FAMILY ROLE PLAY: SUMMER VACATION DECISION MAKING
(Adapted from Carma L. Bylund)
Divide class into 5 “families” of 5-6 people each. Assign them specific persons in the family
giving them nametags if you’d like. Give the students the scenarios and hand out the individual
preferences for the family member each is role playing. The students should use the individual
preferences to help guide their discussion as the particular family member. Allow the groups to
work on making the decision. After they have made the all four decisions, give them the
following list of questions.
• Which type (or types) pf decision-making processes did you use: consensus,
accommodation, de facto? What role did each family member play in each of these
• How did each of the following affect your decision-making process?
o The role of children
o Gender roles
o Individual investment and resources
o Outside influences
Debrief: Each group share with the class who they are, what decision they made and some of the
answers to their questions.
Andrews Family:
The Andrews family is a “blended” family. Bob (divorced from his first wife) and Louise (a
widow) are the married couple and have been married for 2 years. Bob brought two children into
the marriage, Peter, age 14, and Hannah, age 11. (He has primary custody of the children).
Louise also has two children. Jessica, age 17, and Mary, age 13. As a family, you need to plan a
family vacation. Questions that need to be answered include:
• Where are you going?
Louise – Your primary concern is family togetherness. It is important to you that everyone get
along and really enjoy being a family together. This will be the first real vacation you have taken
as a family, and you want it to be perfect.
Jessica – You have a boyfriend, Josh, who you are seriously dating. You really don’t want to be
away from him for very long (if at all). If you have to go on the vacation, you want to make sure
it is somewhere where you can have easy access to the internet so you can keep in touch with
Josh on a daily basis. You also hate long car rides; you get car sick easily.
Peter – You have never flown in an airplane and you are pretty scared to do so. You also hate
shopping and love sports. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be to drive from city to
city going to different major league baseball games.
Nelson Family:
The Nelson Family is an extended family. Grandma and Grandpa Nelson live next door to their
son, Nate, his wife, Christie, and their twin daughters Ashley and Emma, age
10. Their cousin, Alexandria, age 12, is living with Grandma and Grandpa Nelson for the
Christie – Your primary concern about this vacation is how much it will cost. You’ve just taken
out a second mortgage on your house for renovations, which is stretching your budget. Your idea
of an ideal family vacation would be a week of camping, fishing and hiking.
Nate – You are worried about being away from work for too long. You’ve got several important
clients for whom you’re doing big projects this summer. You want to make sure that wherever
you go, you have easy access to phone and internet on a daily basis.
Ashley – You don’t like any activities that involve “roughing it” in anyway, e.g., no camping,
fishing, hiking, etc. For that matter, you don’t even like outside activities, such as the zoo or
amusement parks. Your ideal vacation would be at the Mall of America.
Jacobsen Family:
The Jacobsen family is a biological family, with dual career parents. The father, Dylan is an
architect. The mother, Kathryn, is a paleontologist, working at the local university. Marla, age
19, attends the local university, but still lives at home. Kyle, age 17 and Nicholas, age 14, also
live at home. As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be
answered include:
• Where are you going?
• For how long?
Dylan – Your primary concern about this vacation is how much it will cost. With one child in
college and one about to start, you are constantly worried about money. Your idea of an ideal
family vacation would be a week of camping, fishing and hiking.
Kathryn – Your primary concern is family togetherness. It is important to you that everyone get
along and really enjoy being a family together. This will be the first real vacation you have taken
as a family in about 5 years, and you realize it might be the last, so you want it to be perfect.
Marla – You have a boyfriend, Josh, who you are seriously dating. You really don’t want to be
away from him for very long (if at all). If you have to go on the vacation, you want to make sure
it is somewhere where you can have easy access to the internet so you can keep in touch with
Josh on a daily basis. You also hate long car rides; you get car sick easily.
Stover Family:
The Stover family is a biological family. The father, Nate, owns his own consulting firm. The
mother, Laura, stays at home with their son, Chris, age 14, and daughters Emma and Allison,
ages 12 and 10. As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be
answered include:
• Where are you going?
Laura – Your primary concern about this vacation is how much it will cost. As a stay at home
mom, you live on a restricted budget. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be a week of
camping, fishing and hiking.
Nate – You are worried about being away from work for too long. You’ve got several important
clients for whom you’re doing big projects this summer. You want to make sure that wherever
you go, you have easy access to phone and internet on a daily basis.
Chris – You have never flown in an airplane and you are pretty scared to do so. You also hate
shopping and love sports. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be to drive from city to
city going to different major league baseball games.
Landers Family:
The Landers family is a single parent family. The father left 2 years ago and has no contact. The
mother, Julie, started working full time after her husband left, as a legal secretary in a prestigious
law firm. Her four children are: Brad, age 18, Melinda, age 16, Kellie, age 14, and Melanie, age
11. As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered:
• Where are you going?
• For how long?
• How will you get there?
it is somewhere where you can have easy access to the internet so you can keep in touch with
Paula on a daily basis. You also hate long car rides; you get car sick easily.
Melinda- You can’t wait to get away and hope the vacation lasts a long time. Your mom has
been making you work all summer, taking care of your sisters and doing things around the house
and the yard, and you’re sick of it. You are a real history buff and your idea of an ideal vacation
would to be to go to Washington DC and spend time touring all of the national monuments,
federal buildings, and Smithsonian museums.