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CHAPTER
3
FAMILY
THEORIES
Chapter 3 explains the family as a system in detail with a focus on communication.
After describing the elements of a system, system characteristics are applied to the
family including: interdependence, wholeness, punctuation, patterns/self-regulation,
interactive complexity, openness, complex relationships, and equifinality. The chapter
concludes with a discussion of narrative theory and communication privacy
management theory.
KEY TERMS
Boundary rule formation Dialectical struggles
ASSIGNMENTS/EXERCISES
1. Interdependence and Transactional Communication
This exercise is based on a workshop by Virginia Satir and on behaviors and roles
described in The New Peoplemaking. She discusses placating, blaming, super-
reasonable, and irrelevant behaviors. Behaviors include:
Placating: Insists on credit for all that goes wrong; dedicates life to stopping all
troubles; gives time, money, and effort to right wrongs; believes that “if you are
deserving you will receive things without asking for them“; typical verbal pattern: “I’m
sorry.” “I do try.” “Excuse me.” “It’s my fault.” “I always foul things up.”
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Divide the class into four to six-person groups. (If more than four, give two the same
role.) Ask the groups to determine what kind of family they will be (natural, blended,
single-parent, extended) and who will assume the position of what family member of the
family.
2. Family System Building
(This exercise is adapted from a demonstration presented by Virginia Satir at a
workshop. It is intended to be used early in a course to concretely portray the building
and reshaping of family systems. The exercise frequently serves as a touchstone for
points made across many content areas during the course.)
After you have established that the three persons could hold the position for a long
period if necessary, add another individual to the group, giving the group similar
directions. Finally, add a fifth person. By this point, you should see a five person
sculpture with individuals who have reworked themselves so that each person is
comfortable and touching everyone else. Let them hold the pose for a few moments;
and ask the observers to hold a mental picture of the group.
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You may pose the following questions to observers and to participants:
To Participants: How did you feel when you entered the system? Were you
welcomed? Did you feel you had to fit into the “mold?” Did you deliberately
attempt to force the system to shift to accommodate you?
When a person left the system, did the system adjust to the loss or did the remaining
members leave a gap which tended to represent the missing person?
3. Therapist Interview
Invite a family therapist to talk to the class on the family as a system. Ask him or her to
4. Family Comparison
Ask students to pair off and share their experiences that give family meaning to four of
the following: wasting money, wasting time, eating together, being sick, relaxing,
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the lecture on Chapter 2.
5. Dialectical Struggles
Ask students to choose a particular point in their lives (e.g. adolescence, early marriage)
and reflect on their experience of managing two of their dialectical tensions with
another family member. Then ask them to talk in pairs or small groups about how they
managed the tensions then and how they reflect on in now.
6. Boundary Coordination
Ask students to identify the ways that privacy boundaries operate in their own families.
Divide students into smaller groups and give each group a separate scenario including
private or sensitive information (e.g. Dad/Mom gets a promotion at work,
Grandma/Grandpa has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, Sister/Brother fails a semester
in college, etc.). Independently in their groups, students should write down the answers
to the following questions about how that information would be handled in their own
family:
1. Who in your family would be linked into this boundary? How many people would
have “insider” access to this information?
7. Interactive Complexity Exercise
Using the example from the chapter of the demand-withdraw cycle or the parents-
daughter diagram, divide students into small groups and ask them to create their own
8. Symbolic Interaction Scenes
Divide class into groups and have each group create and act out a scene in which
symbolic interaction plays a central role. Perhaps a pair of opposite-sex friends go to
dinner and one calls it a “date” and the other doesn’t. Or best friends bicker about
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9. Family Storytelling
Ask students to audio-record a family member telling a beloved family story. Then,
after listening to the recording a few times, ask them to write a journal entry about how
10. Boundary Coordination of Friends
Have students watch the episode of Friends: “The One Where Everybody Finds Out.”
Ask them to identify all the instances of privacy boundary coordination, privacy rules,
boundary turbulence, and privacy dilemmas.