181
Chapter 12: Communication in Families
Key Concepts
equity
psychological responsibility
second shift
social exchange theory
Chapter Outline
I. Families have changed a great deal over the years. Communicating effectively is
important in families. Families today are very diverse.
A. The most common forms consist of marriage and cohabitation
B. People have different reasons and goals for being part of a long-term relationship.
C. Across cultures, views vary about family. Families have cultural diversity.
D. Couples take a variety of paths to commitment.
a. The first path involves a gradual progression toward commitment with a
number of ups and downs along the way.
b. The second path is a rapid escalation toward marriage with no downturns or
serious conflict.
II. Many couples have long-term commitments with each other.
A. There are many reasons why some people choose not to marry.
a. Many individuals cohabit for various reasons, such as a permanent
alternative, heterosexual cohabitation is less restrictive than marriage, or
lesbian and gay cohabitation.
b. Although the number of cohabitating couples has increased, marriage is
the most popular form of long-term commitment.
c. These relationship types include:
182
2. Total marriage: similar to vital, but they are not continuously
together
4. Devitalized marriage : bored with the relationship
5. Conflict habituated marriage: incompatibles
d. Mary Ann Fitzpatrick identified three distinct relationship types
1. Independents hold less conventional views of marriage and family
3. Separates are highly autonomous.
B. Communication and satisfaction in long-term commitments are very special.
a. Words impact a relationship. How partners talk and behave towards each
-esteem and feelings about the relationship.
b. Thoughts refers to how partners think about each other and the marriage.
c. Emotions refers to how we feel based on what we say to others and what
we communicate to ourselves through self-talk.
III. The family cycle has patterns that are unique and different compared to friendships and
romantic relationships.
A. Couples who do not have children would not engage in stages 2, 3, 4, and 5. They might
go through other stages in their family life cycles, but raising and launching children
would not be phases in their relationship.
a. Stage 1: Establishing a Family is where a couple settles into a marriage or
a cohabiting relationship and works out.
b.
lives is the addition of children.
c. Stage 3: Developing a family involves investing a great deal of time,
thought, and energy in raising the children.
183
IV. There are four guidelines for effective communication in families.
A. Maintain equity. One of the most important guidelines for sustaining healthy
families is to make fairness a high priority.
a. Social exchange theory states that people apply economic
B. The second important guideline for communication that sustains families to be
aware that families are creative projects that reflects the choices people in them
make to enhance intimacy.
Discussion Ideas
Defining families: Have students generate a list of movies and/or television shows from the
early years (prior to 1980s), the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s depicting different types of
families. If they are having difficulty coming up with the early years, ask them to think
Relationship types: In groups, ask students to develop a guidebook of what verbal,
nonverbal, listening, and relational climate behaviors are most common with each
relationship type (traditional, separates, independents). If all groups do all types, compare
Family life cycles: In groups, ask students to develop a guidebook of what verbal, nonverbal,
listening, and relational climate behaviors are most common with each family life cycle. If
184
Communication and satisfaction: Discuss how long term commitments vary between males
and females. How are words, thoughts, and emotions perceived by males and females? Are
they perceived similarly or differently? What affected their answers?
Activities
Title Individual Partner/
Ethno
Group Demonstration/
Whole Class
Internet/
InfoTrac
1. Identifying Relationship Types X
3. Equity X
Identifying Relationship Types
starts, pair up your students. Then, select three special couples to either be a traditional couple,
separate couple, or independent couple. Tell these couples to act the part of that particular
couple. Have them mingle with other couples in the room, separately, then together at various
times.
Tell the rest of the students to mingle with other students in the room either in pairs or
Family Life Cycles
Assign students to groups so that there is one group for each stage in the family life cycle
discussed in the textbook. Tell the groups they will have 10 minutes to construct a 3-minute
dialogue to illustrate that family life cycle that their group is assigned. Encourage students to
refer to their textbook to identify particular communication behaviors that tend to occur at each
stage of the family life cycle.
185
After all groups have presented their dialogues, summarize the activity by highlighting the role
of communication in family life cycles. Point out to students how communication becomes very
different at different stages of life.
Equity
This exercise illustrates the equity theory. In particular, it illustrates the differences among
equitable, underbenefited, and overbenefited relationships.
Ask for two individuals to play a couple. Ask the students to stand in front of the class and act
Family Cultures
The purpose of this activity is to analyze how family cultures are very different.
Before class, ask students to interview a foreign student about their family. In class, divide the
class into groups and give each group at least three things that they learned about a family
Journal Items
Watch a television show about a family. Describe how your family is different from the
television show that you watch. Try to relate terms that were discussed in the book.
Responses will vary, but students should be able to identify and relate with concepts of
If you are in a romantic committed relationship, identify your relationship type and explain how
communication in it differs from the other romantic relationship type.
186
Consider the four guidelines for effective communication in families. Discuss how you have
used or not used each of these guidelines in your family.
Consider each of the family life cycles. Do you think most couples today follow the same cycle
as those 20 years ago? Why or why not? How important is each stage?
Panel Ideas
Invite two entirely different families to talk about their relationships and especially the ways they
communicate. Ideally, the family should represent some diversity in structure (marriage
versus cohabitation), sexual orientation, and race. Invite each family to make opening
statements about the ways in which they communicate with each other and function. It is
important to highlight how family culture differences may affect each of the family members
differently.
Set up a panel that features a married couple with kids and another married couple who decided
Media Resources
Web Sites
Name: All Acts of Love and Pleasure: Promiscuity, Romance, and Respect
Developer: Col
Brief Description: This web page discusses the importance of being honest about what we are
seeking in romantic relationships.
URL: http://apocalypse.org/pub/u/hilda/lnpart.html
187
Name: Making Committed Relationships Work
Developer: Institute of Agriculture and Natural Resources
Name: La Chaise Longue
Developer: Queendom.com
Name: The Effects Of Parental Divorce
Developer: Hope College Psychology Department
Name: Jewish Dating Revolutionized
Developer: Aish HaTorah
Name: Lesbian.com
Developer: Lesbian.com
Brief Description: A directory for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered community, the
Name: Gay.com
Developer: Gay.com
Brief Description: Available in several languages, this website includes information on
Name: Long Distance Relationships
Developer: Geraldine Voost
188
Name: Same Sex Marriage: A Selective Bibliography
Developer: Paul Axel-Lute, Rutgers Law Library, Newark
Name: Domestic/Dating Violence
Name: Lovestories.com
Developer: Lovestories.com
Name: Romantic Relationships
Developer: Romantic Relationships
Film Ideas
Cheaper by the Dozen depicts a family culture with many individuals involved. It provides
insight into the different ways in which families coordinate and fashion their communication
styles
The Brady Bunch is another film that depicts family culture. This film can be used to teach
about how communication differs from family to family.
189
Print Resources
The following books are excellent candidates for students to critique based on the topics and
concepts discussed in the textbook and class.
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving
Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships by John Gray. Ask
students to discuss the differences in approach to the issue of gender/sex differences as discussed
in this book and the claims of a speech communities approach.
190
Sample Test Items
This section of the manual provides sample examination questions for testing comprehension of
material covered in the textbook. The purpose of this section is not to present a comprehensive
test bank. Rather, it provides examples of appropriate quest
comprehension and retention of material covered in Interpersonal Communication: Everyday
Encounters.
The sample test items should be useful to most instructors, regardless of their preferred testing
methods and regardless of the sequence in which they assign chapters in the textbook. Instructors
have diverse preferences for testing methods and students vary in how well they respond to
testing methods. You will find multiple-choice, true-false, identification, and essay questions
Also, questions include rejoinders, or brief statements that explain why a particular answer is
correct and/or what instructors can look out for in student responses. Rejoinders are provided for
most questions, but not for those that that ask for straight-forward information; for these, only
page numbers whe .
Rejoinders can be found at the end of each chapter.