Communications Chapter 10 Homework Functional Families Find Ways Acknowledge Death Normal And appropriate Topic

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Chapter 10:

Communication and Family Developmental Stresses

Chapter Preview

• Developmental Stage and Life-Course Approaches

• Family Stages and Life-Course Interactions

• Transitions between Life Stages

Chapter Outline

I. Introduction

a. Developmental changes: Positive and negative alterations experienced at certain life

stages, unexpected circumstances, or societal changes

i. Natural change (vs. catastrophic change); can be positive or negative

ii. Communication is at the center of family development and change

II. Developmental Stage and Life-Course Approaches

a. Change in families happens over different developmental stages, which are critical

periods of change, or life stages, from birth until death

b. Developmental stage frameworks provide broad categories that cannot always

account for the experience of individual families that follow a different set of patterns

c. Important to consider a non-linear approach to family development; equifinality is in

play and there is no one accepted or normal family experience

d. Life-course approach focuses on different trajectories and transitions influenced by

the ways that families develop and change at various times in history

i. The influences of digital media, economic uncertainties, environmental

concerns, globalization, new reproductive technologies, and terrorism all

influence how a given family interacts with those inside and outside of the

family

ii. Trajectories and transitions and the historical circumstances that contextualize

them are often referred to as “macro level” structures

iii. The experiences of a given family and the persons in it reflect what we would

e. Sources of family stress: A family life cycle model

i. Stressors reflect two time dimensions

1. Vertical stressors bring past and present issues to bear on the family;

unique family patterns of relating that are transmitted across

III. Family Stages and Life-Course Interactions

a. Independent life stage: Young adulthood or emerging adulthood; normally occurs

when child leaves home for the first time

i. Face developmental tasks in areas of education, work, career, and/or

relationships

ii. An age of identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between, and

possibilities

iii. Establishing the “self” as separate while simultaneously maintaining their

family of origin relationships

b. Partnering: Some young people move quickly into a cohabiting or marital relationship,

others remain single or cohabit serially, a small number stay single

i. The couple negotiates a new relational definition within many other

subsystems: parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces, nephews, and friends

ii. Long-term couples address 3 developmental challenges in early stages:

1. Commitment: Make other the primary partner and less ties to parents,

siblings, and friends

2. Power: Resolve tensions between full self-determination and the

sharing of decision-making and influence with partner to strengthen

iii. Commitment model includes intimacy-oriented relationship behaviors: self-

disclosure, frequency of interaction, diversity of interaction, impact of

interaction, and sexual intimacy

1. Negotiate a variety of issues (e.g., changes in time for friends,

independent activities, desires for children, sexual needs, career goals,

educational plans, religious participation, money management,

housing, in-laws, acceptable conflict behaviors)

2. Conflict can emerge in early married years; negotiating new

relationships requires thoughtful communication

vi. In some cultures, the task of separating from one’s family of origin occurs

differently or does not occur at all

transition to parenthood

c. Families with children

i. Opportunities for relational growth and closeness, and also challenges

ii. Parents grow and change as a result of their new roles, while their children

learn and grow from interactions with their parents

iii. Families with first children

1. Three factors influence couples during the transition to parenthood:

views on parental responsibilities and restrictions, gratification child

rearing holds for them as a couple, and their own marital intimacy and

stability

2. Mothers tend to experience a dramatic transition after child’s birth;

fathers experience a more dramatic transition after the first six months

7. Many changes occur:

(a) Family tasks at home increase

(b) Alters the identity of each of the parents, yet it also changes the

couple’s relationship as well

8. Parents set the stage for positive interpersonal development by

verbally and nonverbally communicating to a child the feeling of being

recognized and loved

iv. Families with small children

v. Families with school-aged children

1. The family system overlaps continuously with other social systems—

educational, religious, and community-based groups

2. Outside influences can be positive or negative

3. Children spend increasing time away from parent’s influence

(a) Can enhance children’s lives and development

(b) Can compete for family’s time and financial resources

4. Negotiation and priority-setting become important aspects of child-

vi. Families with adolescents

1. Some parents send the message, “hurry up and grow up,” promoting

this agenda by allowing early dating, relaxed curfews, and dressing

like adults.

2. Other parents send the message “you’re only young once; enjoy it.”

3. Adolescents experience physical, sexual, and emotional changes

(a) Teenagers establish strong boundaries with their parents

around certain topics

(b) Teenagers who view their parents positively are more likely to

be open in their communication

6. Management of the relational contradictions of closeness and distance

is challenging for parents and adolescents

7. Struggles in coping with individuation, sexuality, identity, autonomy

and friendships

(a) Personal decision-making provides autonomy for teenagers

(b) Parents struggle with teen’s newfound sexuality; many avoid

talking about it

d. Launching children and midlife

i. Midlife experiences include at least five adaptations in the family system

1. Transition of parent-child relationships to adult-adult relationships

ii. Parents move from being responsible for their children to a sense of mutual

responsibility between caring adults

1. Specific conversational topics involve managing money, negotiating

living space, making career decisions, maintaining good health habits,

or staying in contact

2. Frequent contact with parents and siblings via cell phones, texts, e-

mails, or visits maintains family ties

iii. High cost of living, underemployment, or unemployment make leaving home

difficult

iv. Parental support of grown children is, including listening and emotional

support, advice, childcare, and financial assistance

v. Adults at midlife experience other anticipated and unforeseen stresses

e. Families later in life

i. Older family members face self-identity issues related to retirement, health

concerns, decreasing physical strength, changes in living arrangements and

alterations in interpersonal needs

ii. “Re–entry” problems: When one or both retire, the couple must negotiate

issues (e.g., increased togetherness, autonomy, use of space, privacy)

iii. Later years can serve as a time of rejuvenation; time to enjoy each other and

enjoy hobbies and travel

iv. Family relationships are emotionally important even if there is limited face-to–

1. Functional families find ways to acknowledge death as a normal and

appropriate topic throughout life

2. Death of an elderly relative frequently forces family members to

communicate and make decisions about end-of-life issues

3. After a death, partners must learn to live solo again, renegotiate roles,

boundaries, and interpersonal ties

IV. Transitions Between Life Stages

a. The borders between life stages are not always clear ones, as we or other members of

our family may move back and forth between stages

V. Discussion Questions:

a. Reflecting on your own family or one you know well, how have the traditional stages

of family development by affected by life-course issues? How well has your family

(or the one you know well) communicated to navigate unexpected life events?

b. When thinking families who may have different cultural backgrounds than your own,

how does your experience seem to be similar and different to the experience of

versus off time family stages influence your decisions to partner and to have children

some day?

e. What key qualities or patterns characterized your family communication during the

period when one or more adolescents were living in household? How similarly would

the parents and the adolescents in your family describe the same issues? Explain.

f. How might communication be affected by the departure of young adults during the

launching stage in either two-parent or single-parent systems?

VI. Case Study Questions

Activities

Think Pair Share: Working together supports the active engagement of students in the learning

experience. Using these prompts, or discussion questions above, can help punctuate the lecture

presentation of concepts. Students should first reflect individually, then pair up to discuss their

ideas with a peer, then share outwardly with the class.

• The role of rituals: Discuss with a partner a particular transition ritual you have witnessed,

such as a bat mitzvah, quinceañera, wedding anniversary celebration, etc. Discuss the

function the ritual seemed to play for the key individuals and for the family or friends.

Note the function and power of communication in the process, such as storytelling, toasts,

self-disclosures, etc.

What is “On Time” for Launching Children and Becoming Independent? Use one of the

following news articles on Boomerang kids or “cutting the cord” to promote discussion on “on

time” vs. “off time” for moving through the launching stage. What is the role of parents in

encouraging the “launch”? How have our conceptions of “on time” launching changed over

Parent Visit: Invite the parents of young children to talk with the class about changes in

communication as the system moved from a two-person adult type to one with three (or more)

due to the addition of a child or children. Ask them to focus specifically on these

communication-related issues: (1) renegotiating roles, (2) transmitting culture, (3) establishing a

community of experiences, and (4) developing a child’s communicative competence. You could

also have the parents discuss what stages they have found most stressful (positive and negative).

Three-Generation Interview: Have students interview an older person who has grandchildren

The Egg Responsibility: This exercise is often used in teaching the marriage/family lifestyle

courses (and in high schools) in which students form partnerships for a term and as part of the

assignment have to care for something fragile as they simulate new parents. Students need to pair

off into parental pairs (can be same- or opposite-sex pairs). They are informed that they are

“expecting” and should think about how they will care for and name their “bundle.” Each couple

is then given a raw egg that they must care for during the week. The couple must treat it as if it

were a real baby—take it home, carry it to meals, take it with a partner or arrange for “egg care.”

At no time may the egg be unattended. Broken or lost eggs should be accounted for. Students

should journal during their week with their egg. As a class, discuss how students arranged for

egg care, how they negotiated with each other, and how they felt about the constant

responsibility. What new stresses did it introduce? How did it affect their communication or

relationship with their partner?

Personal Reflections: In small groups discuss the following questions.

Passing Down Wisdom: Give students the following directions. Relying on your insights after

completing a life transition of your own, write a letter to a real or imagined child or younger

sibling, telling that person what it was you wished you had known or paid attention to before you

went through that transition. Try to emphasize communication demands of managing the

transition effectively.

What I Learned From My Life Situation: Have students read the following section from an

essay “Reflections of a Stepmother” and ask them to create a set of “learnings” (5-10 insights)

from a family position they have held (twin, step grandfather, cohabiting partner, etc.) The list

should be introduced by a paragraph of reflection.

Reflections of a Stepmother – Pamela Cooper

…If I am honest, I think I’ve become a pretty good stepmother. I believe I “was there” for

Jenifer, from the suicide of her close friend at age 17, to just the two of us taking trips

together, through the tragic as well as the mundane day to day struggle of living together.

Generally, as she was growing up (I was a custodial stepmother which is unusual) I was

her confidant, the person she came to with her fears and problems. Interestingly these

times of closeness lulled me into thinking I could be “Number 1Mother.” But, alas, I

never was. In reality I always was and will be “Number Two–A Stepmother.” It is not

much fun to be second best. I have never been the type of person that says, “Wow, I want