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APPENDIX C
CASE STUDIES OF FAMILY COMMUNICATION
CASE STUDY A
A BLENDING RELATIONSHIPS: MANAGING COMPETING LOYALTIES
(Adapted from Rachel Ruan & Courtney Waite, Northwestern University)
Students may analyze the following case from a communication perspective. Suggest
they pay careful attention to concepts such as gender, roles, family-of-origin, cultural
norms, rituals and patterns:
Washington University was a good distance from both Aaron and Helene’s families and
as a result, neither had a chance to visit each other’s home or spend more than a few
hours at a time with each other’s parents. The only time spent with family was an
occasional dinner out when their families would come to visit for a big football game or
Parents Weekend. The family dinners always went smoothly and were not at all
unpleasant. Helene shared a particularly warm relationship with Aaron’s father, Ed. Ed
always went out of his way to make Helene feel accepted and at ease. He showed a
strong interest in her pursuits and was always eager to hear stories about what was
going on in her life. Conversely, it wasn’t unusual for some tension to arise between
Helene and Aaron’s mother, Jill. Helene consistently felt as though Jill was very
controlling of Aaron and could be overbearing with her opinions at times. Jill had very
strong opinions as to what she expected for her son and was uninhibited when it came
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that she has had a difficult time forgiving Jill for implying that she did not have the
intelligence to pursue her goals. When Helene tried to discuss this comment with
Aaron, Aaron brushed off the remark saying, “It was only a joke – you cannot take
anything my mom says too seriously.” Still, Helene could not get over the hurt of this
comment or the fact that Aaron was not more willing to stick up for her when Jill upset
her. After all, Helene was on the Dean’s List.
Since Helene and Aaron became engaged, Helene’s negative feelings toward Jill have
only intensified. When Helene and Aaron were only dating, Jill’s controlling behavior
was aimed solely at Aaron. Now Jill is trying to control many aspects of the wedding
plans and Helene and Aaron’s plans for the future.
For example, one week after Aaron and Helene announced their engagement, Helene’s
parents invited Aaron’s parents to a dinner party to celebrate Aaron and Helene’s
engagement. Ten minutes into the evening, Jill announced that Helene and Aaron would
be evenly splitting holidays with their families and that Helene’s family should not
expect Aaron and Helene this Christmas. Helene was very embarrassed by Jill’s
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mention of the possibility that Aaron and Helene may not be at his home for Christmas.
As the wedding date draws closer, Jill repeatedly reminds Helene and her family of how
instrumental she was in planning Aaron’s older brother’s wedding and hopes she will
be just as big of a part in Aaron’s wedding. She says that it is okay “if she does not have
that role” in Aaron and Helene’s wedding but it is clear she truly expects to be a part of
JILL: Since I knew that you wanted an intimate family wedding, I assumed that you
might actually want to include your new family.
HELENE: Yes, I want my family and new family all in attendance, but I have certain
expectations for the ceremony and they don’t include a novice opera singer who I have
yet to meet. Besides, Aaron and I discussed how special and lovely a string quartet
would be.
(Helene then storms out of the room leaving Jill and Aaron together.) JILL: Is that how
she always reacts to a little disagreement?
AARON: Mom, I think that she is very stressed and has a lot on her mind right now.
Don’t take it personally; she just has a lot on her plate. I’m going to go talk to her and
smooth things out.
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AARON: Well, what do you want me to say? Do you really want me to have my Mom
go to Christie and tell her that she is no longer in the wedding? I don’t know if I can do
that. I want to make you happy but I think that you are overreacting.
CASE STUDY B
TUMBLING DOWN THE CASCADE
(Adapted from Courtney Waite, Rachel Ruan, Northwestern University)
This case study is designed for 300-level courses in family communication or
interpersonal conflict. It assumes that students have read Gottman (1994). It can be used
at a less sophisticated level with students who have read about Gottman’s work and
have a general sense of marital interaction. This case study may be assigned as an in-
class or out-of-class activity to complement reading of Gottman’s. The case study
depicts a young couple with whom upper-level students are likely to identify.
Jack is a first year law student and has always been an overachiever. He has his
sights set on earning high enough grades to automatically make law review this year.
Needless to say, he spends most of his waking hours at the library. He often has his
meals while studying in order to complete his assigned readings on time and adequately
prepare for class. Sydney, a systems analyst for a large consulting firm, enjoys her job,
but works long hours and often feels under a lot of pressure to bill enough hours each
week.
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SYDNEY: It upset me when I came home from work last night and the clothes were still
wet in the washer. Yesterday we agreed that you would put them in the dryer when you
returned from class.
Don’t read so much into it. I’m not a system for you to analyze.
SYDNEY: You’re right—I don’t want to be working during my off time (laughing).
JACK: Wouldn’t want that–especially if you’re not earning overtime (smiling). And,
you may be right about one thing…I never forget to do the things that I want to do (Jack
kisses Sydney on the top of her head).
Jack, however, did not seem as excited. Although he loved Sydney and used to really
enjoy her company, he had become used to a quiet apartment to study in and was afraid
she would distract him from his studies. Jack also disliked how many arguments he and
Sydney had been having recently. It was okay when they had their usual arguments and
they had so much fun making up, but the recent arguments were different. They used to
make up quickly knowing that Sydney had a plane to catch Sunday night and they did
not want to spoil the entire weekend together over an insignificant issue. Now that
Sydney was around all of the time, neither Sydney nor Jack seemed to want to make up
quickly and their arguments were lasting so much longer!
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SYDNEY: Now you’re going to try to blame this on me?
JACK: Wasn’t I sitting here peacefully studying until you came along? (Jack rolls his
eyes at Sydney.)
SYDNEY: Yes, but you don’t listen to me. If you had listened to me, I would have gone
away and left you studying peacefully. You never listen.
SYDNEY: Did you pick up our dry cleaning on the way home? JACK: No, did you?
SYDNEY: Of course I didn’t. You know I have to work late and the dry cleaner closes
at 7pm. (Sydney pastes a fake smile on her face and speaks through clenched jaws.)
JACK: I work late too. Just because I don’t have an office doesn’t meant I don’t work as
hard as you. (Jack rolls his eyes at Sydney.)
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JACK: Who is going to pay the bills while you stay home with our kids? It’s like you’ve
completely disregarded the fact that we planned it out this way.
Unsurprisingly, the fights lasted much longer and both Jack and Sydney had trouble
putting the issues behind them. Sydney used to take comfort in their usual habit of
making up after fighting. They never went to bed angry before and now that is the
norm.
JACK: Do you want to go out to a movie? SYDNEY: Sure that sounds like a lot of fun.
JACK: Great. Grab a paper and we’ll see what’s playing.
SYDNEY: Lately, you aren’t a person that I would choose to do anything with! I can’t
think of one thing that we could have fun doing together. You’re so self-centered. It is
always about what you want to do. You want to study. You want to play basketball. You
want to see a movie. I can’t remember, are you married? Aren’t you ever supposed to
consider what I want to do?
SAMPLE QUESTIONS FOR CASE STUDY
1. Which of Gottman’s couple types best describes the relationship between Sydney
and Jack? Explain.
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2. How does the first interaction between Sydney and Jack differ from their second
interaction?
5. How do Sydney and Jack exhibit contempt for one another? Cite specific examples
from their interactions and reference common signs of contempt within their
interactions.
6. How do Sydney and Jack exhibit defensiveness? Cite specific examples from their
interactions and reference common types of defensive behavior within their
interactions.
10. On page 150, Gottman identifies the most common gender-related problems found
in marriages. Do any of these problems apply to Sydney and Jack?
11. What gender-specific advice would Gottman give to Sydney and Jack to help
improve their relationship?
15. Which pieces of Gottman’s advice for productive disagreements would be
particularly useful for Sydney and Jack? Explain.
SAMPLE RESPONSES
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1. Jack and Sydney are a volatile couple. They argue frequently over insignificant
issues and occasionally, major issues. In the beginning, they were usually able to
reach some type of agreement for most arguments and their arguments did not
2. Although the first interaction depicts a disagreement between Jack and Sydney, the
magic 5:1 ratio of positivity to negativity is apparent. Sydney and Jack are able to
make-up without letting the argument become destructive and show their affection
for one another at the culmination of the interaction. Additionally, in the first
3. In the beginning, Sydney and Jack spent most of their time enjoying each other’s
company and the passion between them. They argued frequently, but enjoyed many
positive interactions that balanced the negative instances they experienced. They
likely exhibited the magic 5:1 ratio. However, negative interactions became much
more common and the number of positive experiences declined. There were not
enough positive interactions to keep the 5:1 ratio in balance. To add positive
4. Some of the first indications of trouble between Sydney and Jack include Sydney’s
reliance upon criticism to express herself to Jack. Her use of personal attacks during
arguments and avoidance of general complaints is a warning sign of their marital
discord. Both Sydney and Jack show contempt for one another through the use of
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body language and nonverbal communication. When Jack does not lift his head
from his text books while criticizing Sydney, and defending his own behavior, it
5. Both Sydney and Jack exhibit contempt for each other. Jack rolls his eyes at Sydney
several times, and mocks her when she says she works long hours and mocks her for
6. According to Gottman, when an individual is bombarded with insults, the natural
inclination is to defend oneself from attack. Often individuals do not see anything
wrong with such defensive behavior despite its destructive effects and propensity to
escalate conflict further. Sydney and Jack both employ defensive behaviors during
7. Yes, one interaction depicts Jack storming out on the argument he and Sydney are
having. The case study says Jack frequently stonewalls Sydney in this way.
8. According to Gottman, inner thoughts hold the key to what happens between
spouses. Thus, because people tend to act in accordance with what they are thinking
and feeling, those individuals who have a negative internal script are likely to act
out negatively against their partner. Some of Jack and Sydney’s negative private
thoughts are particularly distressing to their relationship. For instance, Jack is not
9. Two explanations: 1) Males’ autonomic nervous system may be more sensitive than
females and takes longer to recover from emotional upsets; 2) Males may be more
reactive because after withdrawing from argument, they tend to repeat negative
10. Sydney and Jack appear to be affected by several of the gender-related problems
identified by Gottman. For instance, in accordance with Gottman’s findings that
women are more likely than men to complain about and criticize their spouse,
Sydney often instigates conflict by criticizing Jack. In addition, as is typical of
11. Gottman would suggest that Jack embrace Sydney’s anger — meaning that he should
not try to avoid conflict with her. Jack should realize that Sydney needs to talk about
what is bothering her and that he should not take what she says personally. Jack
12. Sydney and Jack appear to be in a cycle of negativity, wherein frequent
unpleasantness and reciprocal attacks have begun to interfere with the
communication and stability within their marriage. Their first interaction clearly
demonstrates the predominance of positivity in the relationship and the presence of
complaining as opposed to criticism. However, as evidenced by the second
interaction, the couple began to criticize one another, and demonstrated acts of
arguments and is able to easily leave a heated disagreement to pursue other interests.
Such dysfunctional thinking is detrimental to a marriage and must be corrected.
Gottman suggests that couples who experience distress-maintaining thoughts need
to be made aware that they experience destructive thought patterns and should make
an effort to change their inner script. By avoiding the tendency to rehearse hurtful or
vengeful comments, and by reducing thoughts that demean one’s partner,
individuals can approach conflict more productively and successfully, and diminish
the likelihood of destructive conflict escalation.
13. First Gottman suggests that couples calm down. Both Sydney and Jack need to
make an effort to say calm during conflicts. Jack needs to realize when he is feeling
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overwhelmed so that he does not become flooded during arguments. Jack could try
Gottman’s suggestions of taking his pulse during arguments. Sydney should agree to
allow him to use this strategy. Both should call a time-out if necessary and allow
each other the time needed to calm down. Second, Gottman advises couples to speak
non-defensively. Both Sydney and Jack could “short-circuit” defensive
14. Sydney and Jack may benefit from several pieces of advice offered by Gottman. For
instance, they could both attempt to replace thoughtless complaints and criticism
with more thoughtful remarks that would indicate their sincere and positive
appreciation for one another. Specifically, instead of attacking things that are
distasteful, Sydney and Jack could try to focus on what they believe the other
15. Sydney and Jack could benefit from structuring their fights, non-defensive
communication and soothing each other. Because Sydney and Jack’s fights started
to veer out of control, structuring their arguments should keep their fights on topic
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and away from criticism, contempt and defensiveness. Both Sydney and Jack were
exhibiting high levels of defensiveness and should work to avoid being defensive.
CASE STUDY C
FAMILY ROLE PLAY: SUMMER VACATION DECISION MAKING
(Adapted from Carma L. Bylund)
Divide class into 5 “families” of 5-6 people each. Assign them specific persons in the
family giving them nametags if you’d like. Give the students the scenarios and handout
the individual preferences for the family member each is role playing. The students
should use the individual preferences to help guide their discussion as the particular
family member. Allow the groups to work on making the decision. After they have
made the all four decisions, give them the following list of questions.
xWhich type (or types) pf decision-making processes did you use: consensus,
accommodation, de facto? What role did each family member play in each of
these decisions?
xWhich of the three styles of decision-making (zero-sum, rules, and
principles) did your family use in making your decisions about summer
Debrief: Each group share with the class who they are, what decision they made and
some of the answers to their questions.
Andrews Family:
The Andrews family is a “blended” family. Bob (divorced from his first wife) and
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Louise (a widow) are the married couple and have been married for 2 years. Bob
brought two children into the marriage, Peter, age 14, and Hannah, age 11. (He has
primary custody of the children). Louise also has two children. Jessica, age 17, and
Mary, age 13.
As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered
include:
xWhere are you going?
xFor how long?
xHow will you get there?
xWhat will you do (some specific activities)?
Hannah – You really wants to go to Disneyworld. You’ve wanted to do this for a long
time, and your father has continually promised you that someday you would go.
Jessica – You have a boyfriend, Josh, who you are seriously dating. You really don’t
want to be away from him for very long (if at all). If you have to go on the vacation,
you want to make sure it is somewhere where you can have easy access to the internet
so you can keep in touch with Josh on a daily basis. You also hate long car rides; you
get car sick easily.
Nelson Family:
The Nelson Family is an extended family. Grandma and Grandpa Nelson live next door
to their son, Nate, his wife, Christie, and their twin daughters Ashley and Emma, age
10. Their cousin, Alexandria, age 12, is living with Grandma and Grandpa Nelson for
the summer because her parents recently divorced.
As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered
include:
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xWhere are you going?
xFor how long?
xHow will you get there?
xWhat will you do (some specific activities)?
Grandma Nelson – Your primary concern is family togetherness. It is important to you
that everyone get along and really enjoy being a family together, especially for
Alexandria’s sake. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be a cruise.
Grandpa Nelson – Your primary concern is that the vacation is not too strenuous on you
or your wife, who both suffer health problems. You would prefer a vacation that would
not involve too much driving, as you tend to get car sick.
Alexandria – You have never flown in an airplane and you are pretty scared to do so.
You also hate shopping and love sports. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be
to drive from city to city going to different major league baseball games.
Jacobsen Family:
The Jacobsen family is a biological family, with dual career parents. The father, Dylan
is an architect. The mother, Kathryn, is a paleontologist, working at the local university.
Marla, age 19, attends the local university, but still lives at home. Kyle, age 17 and
Nicholas, age 14, also live at home.
As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered
include:
xWhere are you going?
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Dylan – Your primary concern about this vacation is how much it will cost. With one
child in college and one about to start, you are constantly worried about money. Your
idea of an ideal family vacation would be a week of camping, fishing and hiking.
Kyle – You can’t wait to get away and hope the vacation lasts a long time. Your dad has
been putting you to work all summer doing things around the house and the yard, and
you’re sick of it.
Stover Family:
The Stover family is a biological family. The father, Nate, owns his own consulting
firm. The mother, Laura, stays at home with their son, Chris, age 14, and daughters
Emma and Allison, ages 12 and 10.
As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered
include:
xWhere are you going?
xFor how long?
xHow will you get there?
xWhat will you do (some specific activities)?
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sure that wherever you go, you have easy access to phone and internet on a daily basis.
Chris – You have never flown in an airplane and you are pretty scared to do so. You also
hate shopping and love sports. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be to drive
from city to city going to different major league baseball games.
Landers Family
The Landers family is a single parent family. The father left 2 years ago and has no
contact. The mother, Julie, started working full time after her husband left, as a legal
secretary in a prestigious law firm. Her four children are: Brad, age 18, Melinda, age 16,
Kellie, age 14, and Melanie, age 11.
As a family, you need to plan a family vacation. Questions that need to be answered:
xWhere are you going?
xFor how long?
xHow will you get there?
xWhat will you do (some specific activities)?
Julie- Your primary concern about this vacation is how much it will cost. As a single
mom, you live on a restricted budget. Your idea of an ideal family vacation would be a
week of camping, fishing and hiking.
Kellie- You don’t like any activities that involve “roughing it” in anyway, e.g., no
camping, fishing, hiking, etc. For that matter, you don’t even like outside activities, such
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