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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
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communication. Also, just because a word is short doesn’t mean it’s “unprofessional.” For
instance, “we are considering your suggestion” is a shorter way of saying “the proposed
enhancement is under consideration.” The former still sounds professional, while the latter sounds
stuffy and awkward.
2. “It is important to use business clichés like best practices and leveraging our strengths to
sound professional.” Discuss. (LO2)
3. “Because technical language typically consists of acronyms and long, hard words, it
contributes to miscommunication. The best policy is to avoid such terms in business
communication.” Discuss. (LO3)
4. List synonyms (words with similar meanings) for each of the following terms. Then explain
the differences in their shades of meaning. (LO4)
Some synonyms are listed below. They can differ in terms of formality, positive or negative
connotations, the specific contexts they invoke, or other ways.
5. Explain what’s wrong with this sentence: “This procedure is different than the one we use.”
What kind of error is this? Can you come up with other examples besides those provided in
the chapter? (LO5)
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
“This procedure” needs to be clarified and defined as does “the one we use.” Naming the new and
current procedures and explaining how they differ would go a long way toward specificity.
6. Define and give examples of active and passive voice. Explain when each should be used.
(LO6)
7. Take a look at this thank-you message to a new customer. Using the advice in this chapter,
how would you revise it to make it more effective? (LO1–LO6)
Dear [new customer],
You are welcomed as a new customer and thanked for your business.
It will be seen that we have a lot of wonderful products that have gained us notoriety in our
industry. Plus, our CRM is second to none. If you ever have a complaint, our customer-
service girls will take care of it ASAP.
We are anxious to serve you further and look forward to a harmonious and mutually
profitable collaborative experience.
8. Discuss this comment: “Long sentences tend to be difficult to understand. Therefore, the
shorter the sentence, the better.” (LO7)
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9. Discuss ways to give ideas more or less emphasis in your sentences. Illustrate with examples.
(LO8)
10. What are the principal causes of lack of unity in sentences? (LO9)
11. Style experts advise against monotonous-sounding writing—that is, writing that has a
droning, “blah–blah” effect when read aloud. What advice in this chapter might help you
avoid this kind of style? (LO1–LO9)
12. This chapter discusses several kinds of illogical wording in sentences. Give an example of
each, explain the problem, and correct it. (LO10)
13. Analyze the use of paragraph breaks in several different types of business writing (e.g., a
sales letter, blog post, business article, report). In what ways do these examples use
paragraph breaks differently? Can you think of reasons the paragraphs would be longer in
one type of document than in another? (LO11)
14. “Topic sentences are useful for reports and letters, but email messages don’t need them.”
Discuss. (LO12)
15. Describe and illustrate the three main transitional devices. (LO13)
16. “Fill in a says/does chart for a sample blog post, email message, or letter. What role does
each paragraph seem intended to play in the overall communication strategy? Could any of
the paragraphs do a better job of playing its role? (LO14)
Skills-Building Exercises
Using Familiar, Short Words (LO1)
Assume that your readers have about a tenth-grade education. Revise these sentences for easy
communication to this audience.
1. We must terminate all deficit financing.
2. We must endeavor to correct this problem by expediting delivery.
3. A proportionate tax consumes a determinate apportionment of one’s monetary assets.
4. Many people believe that business has an inordinate influence on governmental operations.
5. It is imperative that the survey recipients be unrestrained in indicating their preferences.
6. Can we ascertain the types of customers that have a predisposition to utilize our instant-
credit offer?
7. The preponderance of the advisory personnel we consulted envisioned signs of improvement
8. The company must desist from its deficit financing immediately.
Using Slang and Popular Clichés with Caution (LO2)
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
Revise the following sentences to eliminate slang and annoyingly popular expressions. Would any of
them be acceptable under the right circumstances? If so, which and when?
1. We need a marketing strategy that will move us beyond the low-hanging fruit.
2. He doesn’t have the bandwidth right now to take on another project.
He isn’t available to take on another project.
4. We are reaching out to you today to tell you about our new line of training products.
5. We should synergize our efforts to enhance our customer service.
7. Why don’t you two take this discussion offline and bring a possible solution to the next
meeting?
8. I would rank Tom Jenkins at the top of our list of candidates because he is crazy smart.
Using Technical Words and Acronyms Appropriately (LO3)
1. Select a paragraph from one of your textbooks that would be difficult for a student with no
background in the subject matter to understand. Rewrite the paragraph so that this student
can understand it easily.
2. Using examples other than those in the book, identify some business-related terms that
would probably need to be defined for those outside the area of business in which these
terms are used.
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
Selecting Concrete, Specific Words (LO4)
Revise these sentences to make them more precise and informative.
1. We are currently recruiting young people for internships.
2. She has a strong employment record as an accountant.
4. If we don’t receive the goods soon, we will cancel our order.
5. The cost of the online subscription was reasonable.
6. There is only a little time left on our copier’s warranty.
7. The findings show that a lot of our employees are in favor of working from home one day a
week.
8. Please donate your clothing to Dress for Success.
Avoiding the Use of Incorrect Similar Words (LO5)
Some of the following sentences are correct, and some are not. Indicate the correct sentences and correct
the problem sentences.
3. He is not adverse to your suggestion; he simply wants more information. (Incorrect)
5. Please except my apologies. (Incorrect)
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
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6. A complementary breakfast is included. (Incorrect)
Correct: A complimentary breakfast is included.
7. Write in such a way that you elicit the response you want. (Incorrect)
Correct: Write in such a way that you solicit the response you want.
Using Two-Word Expressions Correctly (LO5)
These sentences misuse two-word expressions. Make the changes you think are necessary.
3. This strike was different than the one in 2000.
5. She is an authority about mutual funds.
7. The service truck collided against the wall.
“collided with”
8. We have been in search for a qualified supervisor since August.
“been searching for”
Limiting Use of Passive Voice and Dummy Subjects (LO6)
Revise the following sentences to give them action verbs.
2. It is believed by the typical union member that his or her welfare is not considered to be
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3. There is interest among our customers in a less-expensive version.
Our customers are interested in a less-expensive version.
5. The union was represented by Cecil Chambers.
Cecil Chambers represented the union.
7. If more information is needed, the customer service department can be contacted.
8. There are many obligations that we must meet.
Avoiding Camouflaged Verbs (LO6)
Revise the following to eliminate camouflaged verbs.
2. Harold made a recommendation that we apply for a grant.
Harold recommended that we apply for a grant.
5. Will you please make an adjustment on this invoice?
7. Approval of all orders must be made by the chief.
The chief must approve all orders.
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
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9. Verification of the amount is made daily by the auditor.
The auditor verifies the amount daily.
10. The president tried to effect a reconciliation of the two groups.
The president tried to reconcile the two groups.
Making Sentences Economical (LO7)
Revise the following sentences for more economical wording.
1. Due to the fact that we financed the experiment, we received a share of the profits.
We received some of the profits because we financed the experiment.
3. I will talk to him with regard to the new policy.
I will talk to him about the new policy.
5. It is essential that we take the actions that are necessary to correct the problem.
We must correct the problem.
7. In all probability, we are likely to suffer a loss this quarter.
We will probably lose money this quarter.
Managing Sentence Content (LO7–LO9)
Make these sentences more readable, and the main points more clear, by breaking them up, tightening the
wording, and/or restructuring them.
1. Records were set Wednesday by both the New York Stock Exchange Composite Index, which
closed at 8,001.40, up 27.08 points, topping its previous high of 7,986.50, and Standard &
Poor’s 500 Index, which finished at 1,264.03, up 6.90, setting a five-day high.
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2. Reserving this property requires a $500 security deposit, which will be refunded unless there
is damage to the property or evidence that there has been smoking in the cottage or a pet on
the premises or if the reservation is canceled within 30 days prior to the rental period.
3. The Consumer Education Committee is assigned the duties of keeping informed of the
qualities of all consumer goods and services, especially of their strengths and shortcomings, of
gathering all pertinent information on dealers’ sales practices, with emphasis on practices
involving honest and reasonable fairness, and of publicizing any of the information collected
that may be helpful in educating the consumer.
4. As you will not get this part of Medicare automatically, even if you are covered by Social
Security, you must sign up for it and pay $88.50 per month, which the government will match,
if you want your physician’s bills to be covered.
5. Given our discussion yesterday, I have decided that you may choose either to take the final
exam or to have the paper for which you received your highest grade count as an additional
15 percent of your course grade, but you must let me know in writing by May 1 which of these
options you prefer or else the exam will be mandatory.
6. Although we have not definitely determined the causes for the decline in sales volume for the
month, we know that during this period construction on the street adjacent to the store
severely limited traffic flow and that because of resignations in the advertising department,
our promotion efforts dropped well below normal.
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
Wording Sentences Logically (LO10)
Revise the following to eliminate illogical and awkward wording.
1. Because the Swift Company has a service-oriented culture is the reason it supports all forms
of volunteerism.
2. Our staff is among the best as we strive for the highest level of customer service.
3. Thank you for your feedback that will help us continue to improve.
Thank you for your feedback. It will help us maintain our high standard of . . . .
4. The meeting room you have reserved has a projector, Internet access, and will enable your
attendees to hear the trainer easily.
6. Upon review of the facts, the problem was a short in the wiring.
7. This streamlined process will save us so much money.
8. Depending on how you phrase your request will determine how the boss will respond.
9. In order to accommodate your request, please make your reservation by the end of October.
So we can accommodate your request, please make your reservation by the end of October.
10. On behalf of the management team, I appreciate your extra work on the project.
11. We need to know how many will attend, and please indicate their choice of entrée.
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Chapter 5: Crafting Effective Sentences and Paragraphs
13. As far as phone-call monitoring, I believe we should try other methods first.
14. Through our research of three local charities we feel that each one would be a good one to
sponsor.
15. Each department will now have access to update your section of the website.
16. It is such a worthy cause, but I fear the organization’s website will not attract many donors.
17. This is an important message, but by placing it in a long paragraph, it is unlikely that many
people will read it.
18. As a 501(c)(3) organization, donations are tax deductible.
20. From the results of the survey, it is clear that viewers preferred the second design.
Managing Emphasis, Focus, and Flow (LO8, LO12, LO13)
Write a topic sentence for each of the following, and reword any of the other sentences as needed to
create a smooth, clear paragraph.
1. Jennifer has a good knowledge of office procedures. She works hard. She has performed her
job well. She is pleasant most of the time, but she has a bad temper, which has led to many
personal problems with the work group. I cannot recommend her for promotion. I approve a
5 percent raise for her.
2. Last year our sales increased 7 percent in California and 9 percent in Arizona. Nevada had
the highest increase, with 14 percent. Although all states in the western region enjoyed
increases, Oregon recorded only a 2 percent gain. Sales in Washington increased 3 percent.
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3. I majored in marketing at Darden University and received a B.S. degree in 2011. Among the
marketing courses I took were marketing strategy, promotion, marketing research,
marketing management, and consumer behavior. These and other courses prepared me
specifically for a career in retailing. I completed a one-semester internship in retailing with
Macy’s Department Stores.
4. Our records show that Penn motors cost more than Oslo motors. The Penns have less
breakdown time. They cost more to repair. I recommend that we buy Penn motors the next
time we replace worn-out motors. The longer working life offsets Penn’s cost disadvantage. So
does its better record for breakdown.
5. Recently China ordered a large quantity of wheat from the United States. Likewise, Germany
ordered a large quantity. Other countries continued to order heavily, resulting in a dramatic
improvement in the outlook for wheat farming. Increased demand by Eastern European
countries also contributed to the improved outlook.
Managing Information in Sentences and Paragraphs (LO8–LO13)
Assume that you are the assistant manager of a hotel and are describing your hotel’s meeting room
to a prospective customer who is thinking of holding a seminar there. Turn the following pieces of
information into coherent writing, making paragraph breaks where you think appropriate. Be
ready to explain why you grouped the information and managed the emphasis the way you did. You
may need to add some words or information to make the facts flow smoothly.
We have a meeting room. It will be available on the date you request. It can seat 100 people. The
seating can be arranged to your specifications. It is quiet. It is on the ground floor. It is not near the
guest rooms. The lounge has live music on occasion. The lounge is at the opposite end of the hotel
from the meeting room. The meeting room has a lectern. It has a projector. It has a screen. It has a
laptop hookup. We can rent additional equipment. We can rent it at no charge to you. The charge
for the room is $300. This is the charge for one day.
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One possible solution: