Business Communication Chapter 5 Completing Business Messages Completing Business Messages Summary This Addresses

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CHAPTER 5: Completing Business Messages

CHAPTER SUMMARY

This chapter addresses completing business messages, the third step of the three-step writing

process. This last step includes the tasks of revising, producing, and proofreading business

messages. To be effective, a message must be both clear and concise. Students will learn how to

apply a variety of techniques for improving clarity and conciseness. This chapter highlights

readability issues such as varying sentence length, keeping paragraphs short, using lists and

CHAPTER OUTLINE

Revising Your Message: Evaluating Your First Draft

Evaluating Your Content, Organization, and Tone

Evaluating, Editing, and Revising the Work of Other Writers

Revising to Improve Readability

Varying Sentence Length

Keeping Your Paragraphs Short

Using Lists and Bullets to Clarify and Emphasize

Adding Headings and Subheadings

Editing for Clarity and Conciseness

Editing for Clarity

Editing for Conciseness

Producing Your Message

Designing for Readability

White Space

Margins and Line Justification

Typefaces

Type Styles

Designing Messages for Mobile Devices

Proofreading Your Message

Distributing Your Message

The Future of Communication: Telepathic Communication

Chapter Review and Activities

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TEACHING NOTES

Revising Your Message: Evaluating the First Draft

Careful revision can mean the difference between a rambling, unfocused message and a lively,

direct message that gets results. It also sends a strong signal to your readers that you respect their

time and care about their opinions.

To evaluate content, ask the following:

• Is the information accurate?

• Is the information relevant to your audience’s needs?

• Is the information complete?

To review organization, ask the following:

• Are all your points covered in the most logical order?

• Do the most important ideas occupy the most space and greatest emphasis?

• Are any points repeated unnecessarily?

• Are details grouped together logically rather than scattered through the document?

Ask whether you have achieved the right style and tone for your audience.

• Is your writing formal enough to meet the audience’s expectations without being too

formal or academic?

• Is it too casual for a serious subject?

Give the beginning and ending of your message extra attention because they have the greatest

impact on your audience.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is the purpose of this document or message?

• Who is the target audience?

• What information do they need?

• Are there any special circumstances or sensitive issues that need to be considered?

• Does the document provide this information in a well-organized way?

• Does the writing demonstrate the “you” attitude toward the audience?

• Is the tone of the writing appropriate for the audience?

• Can the readability be improved?

• Is the writing clear? If not, how can it be improved?

• Is the writing as concise as it could be?

• Does the design support the intended message?

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Revising to Improve Readability

Varying sentence length is an effective way to assist readers:

• Short sentences (up to 15 words) are quickly processed.

• Medium sentences (15−25 words) are useful for showing the relationship among ideas.

Too many short sentences in a row can make your writing choppy and disconnected. Medium

sentences lack the punch of short sentences and the informative power of long sentences. Long

sentence are usually harder to understand.

Keeping paragraphs short is another way to assist readers. Short paragraphs have the advantage

of being easy to read. But don’t go overboard with short paragraphs at the expense of

maintaining a smooth and clear flow of information.

Adding headings and subheadings also assists readers by telling them the content of the

upcoming section. Headings and subheadings help in three important ways: they show readers at

a glance how the material is organized, they call attention to important points, and they highlight

connections and transitions between ideas.

Editing for Clarity and Conciseness

The chapter illustrates many ways to edit for clarity:

• Break up overly long sentences.

• Rewrite hedging sentences.

• Impose parallelism.

• Correct dangling modifiers.

Break up overly long sentences—they could be a sign that you’re trying to make a sentence do

too much work.

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Impose parallelism by using the same grammatical structure to indicate to your audience that the

ideas are related, are of similar importance, and are on the same level of generality.

Correct dangling modifiers by making sure that modifier phrases are really connected to the

subject of the sentence.

When multiple nouns are strung together as modifiers, the resulting sentence can be hard to read.

See if a single, well-chosen word will do the job.

To help readers follow your meaning more easily, clarify sentence structure; that is, keep the

subject and predicate of a sentence as close together as possible so that readers don’t have to read

the sentence twice to figure out who did what. Similarly, adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional

phrases usually make the most sense when they’re placed as closely as possible to the words they

modify.

Clarify awkward references by avoiding expressions such as the former, the latter, and

respectively. Readers tend to become confused when they have to jump from point to point.

Editing for conciseness involves these strategies:

• Delete unnecessary words and phrases.

Producing Your Message

Once a message is revised and refined, you are ready to deal with the production quality of your

message—the total effect of page design, graphical elements, typography, and screen presence.

Effective design requires paying careful attention to:

• Consistency (in margins, typeface, spacing, and other elements)

• Balance

• Restraint (it is best to strive for simplicity)

• Detail

To design for readability, consider the following elements:

• White space: any space free of text or visuals is considered white space; provide adequate

white space to provide visual contrast for the reader.

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subheadings.

• Flush right, ragged-left type is rarely used.

Typefaces:

Serif typefaces have small crosslines (called serifs) at the ends of each letter stroke. Sans serif

typefaces lack these serifs. For years, the standard advice was to use serif fonts for the body of a

Limit the number of typefaces within a document (usually to no more than two). Using more can

make a document look cluttered and amateurish.

Type style refers to any modification that lends contrast or emphasis to type and includes:

• Boldface

Use any type style in moderation as they can interfere with readers’ abilities to recognize the

shapes of words; improperly placed boldface or italicized type can slow down your reader.

For most business messages, use a type size of 10 to 12 points for regular text and 12 to 18

points for headings and subheadings.

To improve readability for messages viewed on mobile devices, follow these tips:

• Think in small chunks.

Proofreading Your Message

Proofreading is an essential step in completing your message because it is your last chance to

ensure the quality of your documents—and to protect or enhance your reputation as a thinker and

writer.

Look for two types of problems when proofreading:

Professionals recommend the following steps for proofreading:

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• Make multiple passes over the document, focusing on something different each time.

• Use perceptual tricks, such as reading backward, to catch things you might miss.

• Focus on high-priority items such as the spelling of names, accuracy of dates, and any

Distributing Your Message

When distributing your message consider the following factors:

• Cost to reproduce the document.

The Future of Communication: Telepathic Communication

Some rudimentary experiments in technology-enabled telepathy show at least a hint of promise

that telepathy could add an intriguing element to business communication in the future. If the

technology has practical applications, it is years away from being ready for the market. The

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OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES STUDENTS OFTEN FACE

Many students will resist the final rewriting and editing tasks. They usually understand that they

need to proofread for grammar, punctuation, and spelling, but this effort may be the extent of

their editing attempts. Remind students of the three-step process and the planning and writing

Since most students have done little or no business writing, they will need to focus on the issues

of clarity addressed in the chapter. Review the illustrations in the text, add other examples, and

provide opportunities for students to practice each of these techniques to improve a message’s

Students often write hedging sentences partly because of their limited business experience and

partly because of their hesitance to take a stand. Stress how hedging clutters information and

confuses the reader. Give an example by using hedging sentences in an assignment you distribute

to the class. Students should readily see the problems that can result from the use of hedging

sentences.

Some writers in the class will repeatedly fall back on favorite openings, such as This letter is to

inform you that or I am writing this letter to inform you that. These unnecessary phrases are good

examples to use during your discussion of eliminating wordiness. In addition to the phrases listed

in the text, students should be able to contribute other wordy phrases to the class discussion.

Some class members will rely heavily on sentences that begin with It is or There is. Emphasize

the benefits of rewriting to get shorter, clearer sentences. Provide drills to help students eliminate

these unclear openings.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the document templates available in word-

processing software. Students may have many bad habits related to formatting. Emphasize

audience expectations and the need to project a professional, competent image of their company.

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For many students, proofreading involves reviewing only the grammar, punctuation, and spelling

of a document, plus a quick check of format. Most will approach this task quickly and from top

to bottom. In your discussion, expand the list of items that should be checked during

proofreading. Encourage students to proofread using hard copies, since that approach is usually

more effective than working on screen. Illustrate how a variety of proofreading techniques such

as multiple passes, perceptual tricks, distancing, and focus can result in more effective written

messages.

SUGGESTED CLASSROOM EXERCISES

1. Application Exercises. This chapter lends itself to many short exercises that require rewriting

individual sentences. The exercises at the end of the chapter (Practice Your Skills) will help

2. Critiquing Written Messages. Collect some memos and letters before covering this chapter.

3. Revision Strategies. Invite other faculty members or administrators to discuss with the class

how they apply revision techniques on the job. Someone who prepares materials for the

4. Proofreading Marks. Provide students with a sample document and ask them to edit it using

standard proofreading marks. When checking the exercise, project a correctly marked version

5. Proofreading Skills. Select a message that is missing materials and that contains many errors

in format, grammar, usage, punctuation, spelling, and type appearance. Provide the message

6. Revising and Editing. Provide students the opportunity to revise and edit complete messages.

7. Team Writing. Discuss the strengths of team writing. Be sure to include the additional

challenges that team writing presents during rewriting and editing, producing, and

8. Collaborative Writing Using the Internet. Ask students to revise and improve a piece of

writing you provide by emailing it to each other. Group students in class and provide the

TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE

5-1. The four main tasks in completing a business message are to revise your message to

5-3. Headings show readers at a glance how the material is organized, they call attention to

5-4. Answers to starred discussion items not provided.

5-5. To format content for mobile devices: think in small chunks, make generous use of white

5-6. Proofreading is an essential step in completing your message because it is your last chance

5-7. Distributing your message effectively requires that you take several factors into

APPLY YOUR KNOWLEDGE

5-9. If you try to edit or revise without knowing what the writer hoped to accomplish, you run

5-10. Overusing a style like boldface reduces its effectiveness and can make the text harder to

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read as follows:

5-37. A generous contribution to Mildred Cook’s retirement party would be appreciated. (LO

5-38. Generally reliable sources in Washington report today that the White House will soon

5-39. According to the rule, we cannot work overtime without permission. (LO 5.3; AACSB

5-40. Mr. Hill is expected to lecture three days a week, counsel two days a week, and write for

5-42. Both applicants were in their thirties, had families, were college graduates, and had

Revising Messages: Awkward References. Here are the sentences with the awkward pointers

removed:

5-44. The vice president in charge of sales is responsible for funding the demo unit program and

5-45. The vice president in charge of sales is responsible for funding the demo unit program and

5-46. The budgets for the demo unit program and the loaner unit program were both increased 10

percent this year. (LO 5.3; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

Revising Messages: Dangling Modifiers. These versions have the modifiers in the right place:

5-63. The board of directors recommended that Mr. Ronson be assigned to a new division. (LO

ACTIVITIES

5-64. Students’ responses should reflect the chapter’s advice involving evaluating, editing, and

revising the work of others. For example, they should outline the apparent purpose of the

5-65. As students collaborate on evaluating and revising the document, they should review

guidelines from the chapter related to content, organization, style, and tone. To evaluate

content, they should check for accuracy, relevance to audience needs, and completeness.

5-66. Even though your company does not sell products in the local area, you still have an ethical

obligation to add the information to the website. The construction delays alone could

compromise your company’s relationship with the community, and withholding information

about the delays would almost certainly tarnish the organization’s image. Doing all you can

5-67. Here’s one example of how students might revise the paragraph for improved readability by

removing wordiness, shortening some sentences for clarity and others to vary tempo, and

eliminating extraneous information to shorten the paragraph overall:

5-68. Students should comment on the use of typefaces, white space, headings, and other design

5-69. In their revisions, students should address the design elements that contribute to

EXPAND YOUR SKILLS

Critique the Professionals: Students’ assessment of the website should focus on the following

design principles: consistency (in terms of margins, typeface, type size, spacing, color, lines, and

position); balance (specifically, whether or not it is too rigid or not rigid enough for the given

message); restraint (avoiding clutter in the message that results from too many design elements,

colors, or decorative touches); and detail (particularly in terms of elements affecting design and

readability). (LO 5.4; AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)

IMPROVE YOUR GRAMMAR, MECHANICS, AND USAGE

Level 1: Self-Assessment—Adverbs

5-72. sick (AACSB Tag: Written and oral communication)