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176
Chapter 7: Listening Actively
Instructor Resources
OBJECTIVES
• Identify and explain the five stages of the listening process.
• Understand the many functions of listening.
• Describe the advantages and disadvantages of different listening styles.
• Identify and take steps to avoid incompetent listening.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What are some situations where listening can be especially challenging for you? Let’s
examine a few of them. How does understanding the five stages of listening help you
interpret or understand the nature of each challenge you face?
2. The textbook identifies responding as a stage of listening. What are some examples of
clichéd responses that can “kill a conversation”? How do these responses impact a
speaker and a relationship?
• Prompt students to describe particular listening situations in which responses can
become clichés, such as
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© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
• responding to a distressed friend (“Don’t worry,” “You’ll get over it,” “Everybody
goes through that,” “If you think you have problems, listen to this,” etc.)
• responding to a conversation that we do not find stimulating (“Oh, that’s
interesting,” “Yeah, OK—hey, did I tell you that I asked out my Pilates instructor?”
“Whatever,” prolonged silence, etc.)
• responding when we’re preoccupied or busy (“Oh, that’s interesting,” “Uh huh,”
“Yeah, OK,” “What’d you say?”)
• These responses undermine the speaker’s self-esteem and diminish the speaker’s
motivation to seek us for help in the future. The relational consequences include
limited trust and a decrease in self-disclosure.
3. Given the five listening purposes, which is most important to you in the type of work you
do, or plan to do eventually? What are some examples?
• While all five listening purposes are likely part of any job, primary purposes
predominate in certain professions:
4. What are some advantages and disadvantages of each of the four listening styles in
professional or work settings?
• Action-oriented: Advantages include the pursuit of clear objectives/goals; the
achievement of results; and the clarification of responsibilities. Disadvantages include
© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
5. The textbook presents research findings on gender differences and listening styles. Given
your experiences, are these distinctions generally true? What kinds of impressions do we
form of men who exhibit people-oriented and content-oriented styles of listening? What
about women who display time-oriented and action-oriented styles of listening?
6. What is your experience with selective listening during conflict? How would you
describe the relationship between selective listening and aggressive listening?
7. The use of cell phones in public places has become widespread. How many of you have
stood behind someone in a grocery-store line and heard every detail of that person’s
conversation? The text presents eavesdropping as a type of incompetent listening. Does
unavoidably hearing another person’s cell phone conversation constitute eavesdropping?
Since eavesdropping deals with questions of ethics and appropriateness, how do these
two concepts apply in this commonplace situation?
• The occurrence does not constitute eavesdropping, which is defined as systematically
© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
8. What are some instances when pseudo-listening might be appropriate? When does it
become inappropriate and unethical? What alternative do we have in these
circumstances?
• Pseudo-listening may be polite if we do not want to offend the speaker. It could also
THINK PAIR SHARE
Think Pair Share prompts support the active engagement of students in the learning
experience. The prompts can be particularly useful in punctuating the lecture presentation of
chapter concepts.
1. Use the five stages of listening to explain the expression “in one ear and out the other.”
2. What similarity is there between the stages of listening and the stages of perception?
What is the difference?
3. Think back to your first hour of being awake this morning. What did you hear? With
whom did you talk? Which of the five listening purposes were needed?
4. List three people in your life. How would you describe the listening style of each of these
people? Provide examples.
5. Describe a mnemonic device you have used to remember a fact or a series of facts.
6. How might selective listening affect a student in the classroom?
7. Is it ever appropriate to eavesdrop?
8. Rank order the five types of ineffective listening from 1 (This is my biggest problem) to 5
(This is rarely a problem for me). Explain your reasoning.
___Selective Listening
___Eavesdropping
___Pseudo-Listening
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___Aggressive Listening
___Narcissistic Listening
JOURNAL PROMPTS
1. Identify a recent situation when your listening suffered. Apply the five-stage model to
examine the nature of the problems that affected your listening.
2. Whom in your life do you consider an effective listener? What qualities do they possess?
What key chapter concepts are most important in helping you understand why the person
is effective?
3. What is one situation, relationship, or subject in your life when you are prone to
incompetent listening? What is one idea from the chapter that you can apply to prevent or
overcome your incompetent listening in this particular circumstance?
4. Complete the Self-Quiz: “Multitasking and Attention” in LaunchPad. How well did you
think you paid attention when online before taking the quiz? How did that impression
change after taking the quiz? What can you do to minimize your multitasking online?
5. Think of a conversation in which you described something you felt was important, only
to receive negative feedback from the listener. Perhaps someone “shot down” a
suggestion, or made fun of you for believing you could achieve a particular goal. What is
the impact of negative feedback? Have you ever given unwarranted negative feedback in
order to be hurtful? Can negative feedback ever be constructive?
6. Describe a recent situation in which you listened with the incorrect purpose; for example,
a friend needed you to listen to support but you listened to analyze. Discuss why you
think this happened, and explore the results. Finally, how can you apply the idea of
different listening purposes to improve your listening in the future?
7. Complete the Self-Quiz: “Discover Your Listening Styles” in LaunchPad. How do your
results compare with the research findings about men’s and women’s style preferences?
What do you conclude from the comparison? How can you use these results to develop
your listening abilities?
8. Our attributions of others can have an effect on our listening and cause us to be selective
listeners. Think of a recent situation in which you have tuned out a communication
partner—or paid attention to only certain things that person said—because of your
perception of him or her. How could you have avoided this selective listening behavior?
9. Access the “Tips on Effective Listening” page of clinical psychologist and marriage/family
therapist Dr. Larry Alan Nadig’s website (http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm). Scroll
down to the section titled “Sources of Difficulty by the Listener.” Provide an example of
how at least three of these sources have provided difficulty for you, and provide
suggestions for how you might overcome these barriers.
10. Author H. Jackson Brown Jr. once said the following: “Everyone you meet knows
something you don’t know but need to know. Listen and learn from them.” Provide an
example from your own life that applies to this sentiment.
EXPERIENTIAL ACTIVITIES
Exercise: Paraphrasing and Asking Questions
Objective: To practice paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions when listening.
a. Complete the Paraphrasing and Asking Questions Response Practice Worksheet.
b. Debrief responses in small groups or as a class:
1. What makes for an effective question?
2. What makes for an effective paraphrase?
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Paraphrasing and Asking Questions Worksheet
Directions: Read each of the statements below. First write a clarifying question and then
write a paraphrase that you would actually produce if you were listening to the person.
Terry: “They turned down my proposal. I can’t believe it. I spent the better part of two
weeks developing it. I have no clue what they really want; it’s like a moving target.”
Clarifying Question:
Paraphrase:
Marta: “I’ve been so busy with work and school. Sometimes Jorge understands, but every
time I’m working on homework, he starts complaining that I’m ignoring him. Then I get
angry, and we end up fighting. I should probably just quit school.”
Clarifying Question:
Paraphrase:
Sandi: “I’m getting a lot of pressure from my mom to go to my stepdad’s fiftieth birthday
party next month. I don’t really care too much for him. He didn’t attend my graduation two
years ago because of a scheduled business trip. And I don’t really have the money to travel
home for it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Clarifying Question:
Paraphrase:
James: “Take those boxes that came in on the truck this morning and stack them in the back
of the warehouse, but don’t stack them too high.”
Clarifying Question:
Paraphrase:
Jeremiah: “Coach Lopez called this morning and offered me a three-quarters scholarship to
the university. He said that if his starting shortstop gets drafted, there’s a good chance that I
could start next year. I’m stoked!”
Clarifying Question:
Paraphrase:
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Exercise: Now I Hear You—Now I Don’t
Objective: To experience forms of supportive and unsupportive responses when listening.
a. Have students form pairs and have the members of each pair choose roles: a speaker and a
listener.
b. Distribute the “Now I Hear You—Now I Don’t” Activity Sheet.
c. Speakers should choose one of the topics from the activity sheet to discuss this topic for
about five minutes. (Advise students that they need not reveal deeply personal information
unless they wish to do so; for instance, students uncomfortable disclosing their “most”
embarrassing moments can substitute less embarrassing moments.)
d. During the first two and a half minutes of the speakers’ remarks, listeners should produce
only supportive responses similar to the examples on the activity sheet. After two and a
half minutes, listeners should interrupt the speakers, producing only unsupportive
responses.
e. Debrief the activity by considering the following questions:
• What happened to the conversation?
• How did the speakers feel during the first half of the conversation? What about during
the second half?
• How did the listener feel when producing the unsupportive responses?
• How does this exercise translate to real-world experiences?
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“Now I Hear You—Now I Don’t” Activity Sheet
Choose one of the topics to discuss with your partner.
• My most embarrassing moment was . . .
• A present decision that I’m facing is . . .
• My ideal life partner would . . .
• My best/worst class was . . .
• The person I most admire is . . .
As you listen to your partner, produce responses similar to the ones below.
Examples of Supportive Responses
Examples of Unsupportive Responses
• Encouraging nonverbals (eye contact,
head nodding, facial responsiveness)
• Discouraging nonverbals (avoiding eye
contact, fidgeting, turning away)
• “I see.”
• “What else happened?”
• “What do you mean by that?”
• “How did that make you feel?”
• “That’s (fantastic, great, wonderful).”
• “That must’ve been (horrible, sad,
embarrassing).”
• “That’s crazy.”
• “I don’t see why that made you (upset,
angry, disappointed).”
• “If you think that’s bad, listen to this.”
• “You think you’re the only person who
has had that problem?”
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VIDEO RECOMMENDATIONS
I Can Only Imagine (2018, 110 minutes). This film is based on the true story of a young man
who reconciles with an abusive father (Dennis Quad), after his father is diagnosed with a
terminal illness. The film title I Can Only Imagine comes from the band Mercy Me’s song of
the same name, and focuses on forgiveness and reconciliation. Concepts such as aggressive
and narcissistic listening can be found throughout the film, along with various depictions of
listening styles.
Book Club (2018, 104 minutes). This film revolves around four older women who meet for a
monthly book club. After reading the popular book Fifty Shades of Gray, the women decide
it’s time to rekindle their own romantic endeavors, some with current husbands and others
with new relationships. This movie is perfect for assessing listening styles and functions of
listening as the women try to navigate new relationships, reignite existing ones, and deal with
family members unwilling to listen closely enough to the women and their relationship needs.
The Edge of Seventeen (2016, 104 minutes). This film is about the difficult and often
awkward teenage years as the main character, Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld), a 17-year-old girl,
tries to navigate the loss of her father, teen sex, friendship drama, and more. Communication
is the focus of this film as it opens the door for thought-provoking discussions for parents and
teens as they learn to listen to one another.
The Aviator (2004, 169 minutes). Martin Scorsese’s film about the life of Howard Hughes
(played by Leonardo DiCaprio) features a scene in which Hughes has dinner with the
blueblood family of actress Katherine Hepburn (played by Cate Blanchett). Throughout the
scene, the family exhibits aggressive listening, snobbishly disparaging Howard’s “new
money.”
Brave (2012, 100 minutes). Princess Merida is determined to make her own path in life. She
defies many customs that bring chaos to her kingdom. After defying her parents, she makes a
reckless choice and must rely on her bravery and archery skills to undo a curse. This
animated film is useful for examining listening styles.
The Devil Wears Prada (2006, 109 minutes). A demanding fashion magazine editor,
Miranda Priestly (played by Meryl Streep), interviews recent college grad Andy Sachs (Anne
Hathaway) for a coveted job as Miranda’s assistant. Miranda pseudo-listens to Andrea, then
becomes an aggressive listener when Andy tries her best to win the job.
In Treatment (2008–2010). In this HBO series, Gabriel Byrne plays a caring therapist who
treats a variety of patients. Any episode could be used to illustrate the concepts of listening
discussed in this chapter, especially the importance of listening response styles.
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Sideways (2004, 123 minutes). This Oscar-winning movie follows two men, Miles and Jack
(played by Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church), on a weeklong road trip through
California wine country preceding Jack’s wedding. The men become involved with two
women, Stephanie and Maya (played by Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen). As the foursome
becomes acquainted, viewers can observe the listening behaviors of both men. While Jack is
essentially a narcissistic listener, the melancholy and preoccupied Miles initially pseudo-
listens. Later, when he is alone with Maya, he listens deeply and attentively as she describes
her interest in horticulture and wine.
This Is 40 (2012, 138 minutes) follows the lives of middle-aged married couple Pete (Paul
Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) as they each turn 40. Many stressors challenge their
marriage: their kids, failing businesses, and home foreclosure. This film is useful for
examining listening styles, communicating emotions, and relationship maintenance.
Web Therapy (2012, TV series) features Fiona Wallace (Lisa Kudrow), an affluent and self-
absorbed finance expert who quits her job to try her hand at therapy. She decides to offer
three-minute Web therapy sessions over the Internet. Fiona is lacking in requisite
interpersonal skills to be a therapist, especially listening. In every episode, Fiona
demonstrates that she is an insensitive, nonempathic, and defensive listener. This show would
be useful for demonstrating poor listening skills.
WEB RESOURCES
10 Steps to Effective Listening
https://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-
listening/#1a3868fe3891
This article from Forbes magazine offers 10 tips to effective (active) listening in an effort to
build relationships and careers.
Become a Better Listener: Active Listening
https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/
This web page by PsychCentral outlines 13 tips for effective listening. The site also explores
several communication blockers that inhibit conversations, and offer tips for asking good
questions.
What Great Listeners Do
https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do
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This article from the Harvard Business Review explores the key traits of good listeners and
posits six levels of listening that make up the “hallmarks of great listening.”
“If All Doctors Had More Time to Listen”
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/07/health/07health.html?_r=1&
This article from the New York Times makes the point that patient care would be improved if
doctors took the time to listen.
International Listening Association
www.listen.org
This is the website for a professional organization of educators, scholars, and trainers who are
dedicated to learning more about the impact that listening has on all human activity.
Mnemonics
www.eudesign.com/mnems/_mnframe.htm
This index lists mnemonics by discipline, including history, biology, literature and language,
religion, and sports.
Memory Improvement Techniques
www.mindtools.com/memory.html
This career skills resource offers articles on how to remember a simple list, how to use
concept maps, how to remember people’s names, and much more.
“11 Sounds That Your Kids Have Probably Never Heard”
http://mentalfloss.com/article/29230/11-sounds-your-kids-have-probably-never-heard
This is an interesting article about noises that are on the verge of becoming extinct.
“Listening to Color”
http://www.cnn.com/videos/tech/2014/09/02/spc-make-create-innovate-neil-harbisson-
cyborg.cnn
This CNN video shows a young man who was born colorblind but has the ability to perceive
color through hearing.
“It’s Not about the Nail”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
This video offers a humorous look at how men and women listen differently.
188
“5 Ways to Listen Better”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSohjlYQI2A
In this TED talk, Julian Treasure shares five ways to improve our listening skills.
MUSIC RECOMMENDATIONS
The following music examples have been included for illustrating interpersonal
communication concepts addressed in this chapter. It is recommended that the instructor
preview songs before using them, as some contain adult language. Each instructor must
decide what is appropriate for his or her class.
“Does Anybody Hear Her,” performed by Casting Crowns
“Thanks for Listening,” performed by Chris Thile
“If No One Will Listen,” performed by Kelly Clarkson
“Listen to the Man,” performed by George Ezra
“I Will Listen,” performed by Twila Paris
“Listen,” performed by Beyoncé
“Nobody’s Listening,” performed by Linkin Park
“Listen to Your Heart,” performed by DHT
“Not Listening,” performed by Papa Roach
“Paris (You Never Listen to Me),” performed by Kate Nash
“I Can’t Hear You No More,” performed by Carole King
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Chapter 7: Listening Actively
Lecture Outline
I. Listening actively requires us to focus attention, train memory, adapt our listening
styles, and avoid incompetent listening.
A. Listening is defined as a primary skill because it is the first communication skill
developed, as well as the most frequently used communication skill in adult life.
B. Listening can be improved to serve our interests and to better our relationships with
others.
II. The listening process unfolds over time and consists of five related stages:
A. Receiving, the first stage of listening, combines the physiological processes of
seeing (acquiring visual information) and hearing (acquiring auditory information).
1. Receiving is impacted by environmental, psychological, and noise pollution.
Sources of noise pollution include crowds, music, cell phone alerts, and traffic.
2. Becoming aware of noise and taking necessary steps to control or eliminate it can
enhance receiving. Failing to limit noise pollution can lead to hearing
impairment, the restricted ability to receive sound input.
B. Attending consists of devoting attention to the information you’ve received.
1. The extent to which you attend to received information is determined by its
salience—the degree to which the information seems noticeable and significant.
2. Information that is visually or audibly stimulating, unexpected, or personally
important invites our attention.
3. You can improve your attention in two ways: limiting multitasking online and
elevating attention.
a. Multitasking online involves using multiple forms of technology at once.
i. Our minds adapt to our behaviors because of brain plasticity.
ii. Since multitasking reduces attention span, reducing the amount of time
you spend multitasking will train your brain to sustain attention.
b. Elevate your attention with the following steps:
i. Monitor how your attention naturally waxes and wanes due to various
factors, such as fatigue, stress, or hunger.
ii. Take note of encounters in which you should listen carefully but that
seem to trigger low levels of attention.
iii. Consider the optimal level of attention required for adequate listening
during these encounters.
iv. Compare the level of attention you observed in yourself versus the level
of attention that is required—the “attention gap” that needs to be
bridged.
v. Elevate your level of attention to bridge the gap.
4. If your mind wanders, practice mental bracketing, systematically putting
aside thoughts that are not relevant to the interaction at hand.
C. Understanding is interpreting the meaning of another person’s communication by
comparing newly received information against our past knowledge.
1. Short-term memory is the part of your mind that temporarily houses information
while you seek to understand its meaning.
2. Long-term memory is the part of your mind devoted to permanent information
storage.
3. These two memory systems work together to affect our understanding of
information that we have attended to and received.
4. We each display different abilities to temporarily dock and permanently store
information.
D. Responding consists of clearly and constructively providing feedback to the
speaker.
1. Feedback communicates attention and understanding while others are talking. It
can be either positive or negative. Positive feedback supports a speaker’s
confidence, whereas negative feedback disrupts communication.
2. Back-channel cues, a form of positive feedback, comprise verbal and nonverbal
behaviors that signal you’re paying attention and understanding specific
comments.
3. Behaviors that convey negative feedback include avoiding eye contact, turning
your body away, looking bored or distracted, using digital devices, and avoiding
use of back-channel cues.
4. Another form of positive feedback is paraphrasing: summarizing others’
comments after they have finished speaking.
a. Clarifying the speaker’s points communicates your desire to understand the
other person, but paraphrasing can lead to conversational lapses.
E. Recalling is remembering information after you’ve received, attended to,
understood, and responded to the information.
1. Accurate recall depends on the quality of the early stages of listening as well as
the situation in which the information is conveyed.
2. Recall can be improved by using mnemonics, devices that aid memory by
focusing on particular sensory cues that will trigger our memory of the encounter.
3. To increase your recall accuracy, try to use all five senses when listening: write
detailed notes, draw diagrams, or reduce complex information to simple sayings
or symbols.
III. Interpersonal situations are usually characterized by five different listening functions.
A. When listening to comprehend, you try to accurately interpret and store the
information received so that you can correctly recall it later.
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B. When listening to discern, you focus on distinguishing specific sounds from each
other to help you decipher something.
C. When listening to analyze, you carefully evaluate a message in order to judge it.
D. When listening to appreciate, your goal is to enjoy and respond to sounds.
E. When listening to support, you aim to provide comfort to a conversational partner.
F. Your listening purposes may change within the same encounter.
G. To listen effectively, you must adapt your listening purposes to the changing
demands of interpersonal encounters.
IV. Your listening style is a habitual pattern of listening behaviors that reflects your
attitudes, beliefs, and predispositions regarding the listening process.
A. Different situations require different listening styles.
B. There are four listening styles.
1. Action-oriented listeners want brief, accurate messages from others—
information the listeners can use to make decisions or initiate courses of action.
3. People-oriented listeners view listening as an opportunity to establish
commonalities between themselves and others.
4. Content-oriented listeners prefer to be intellectually challenged by messages
and enjoy receiving complex and provocative information.
C. Our listening styles are learned early in life and are informed by our observations
and interactions with parents and caregivers, through gender socialization, and our
cultural values.
D. Although most of us use only one or two listening styles in all of our interpersonal
interactions, we can become active listeners by strategically using each of the four
different listening styles with different people and types of interpersonal encounters.
E. Women and men consistently differ in their preferences for and use of listening
styles.
1. Women are more likely to use people-oriented and content-oriented listening
styles.
2. Men are more likely to use time-oriented and action-oriented listening styles.
F. Culture also powerfully shapes how we listen and how we think about listening.
Those from individualistic cultures are often action- and time-oriented listeners,
whereas those from collectivistic cultures are often content- and people-oriented
listeners.
G. Focus on Culture: Men Just Don’t Listen! Differences in listening styles between
men and women are a matter of scholarly debate.
1. Linguist Deborah Tannen (1990) argues that differences between the sexes in
2. Other scholars, like Daniel Hoyer (2011) found only small differences between
men and women in their listening and claim that Tannen’s argument is not well
supported by evidence.
V. An effective active listener avoids the five incompetent types of listening.
A. Selective listening means taking in only bits of information (those that are
immediately salient) during an interpersonal encounter and dismissing the rest.
1. Selective listening is the natural result of fluctuating attention.
2. Selective listening is overcome by learning to slowly and steadily broaden the
range of information you can actively attend to during encounters.
B. When people intentionally and systematically set up situations so they can listen to
other people’s private conversations, they are eavesdropping.
2. Eavesdropping can be personally, professionally, and relationally damaging.
C. Pseudo-listening occurs when you behave as if you’re paying attention though
you’re really not doing so.
D. Aggressive listening (also called ambushing) is focusing on what conversational
partners say for the sole purpose of identifying opportunities to attack them.
1. Aggressive listening is related to verbal aggression and chronic hostility.
2. You can minimize your aggressive listening by discovering and dealing with the
root causes of your aggression.
3. People who engage in aggressive listening online are known as provocateurs,
people who post messages to provoke others and then attack the responses.
E. Narcissistic listening is self-absorbed listening: The individual ignores what others
have to say and redirects the conversation to his or her own interests.
VI. Making Relationship Choices: Listening When You Don’t Want To.
A. Some of the most difficult listening situations are those in which you feel obligated
to listen to information that makes you uncomfortable.
B. Imagine that you have suspected your sister of being in a romantic relationship with
a close friend, yet you’ve avoided talking with her about the situation. Upon
eavesdropping on a phone conversation between your sister and her friend, you
learn that not only are they romantically involved, but they plan to move in together.
You must decide what to do in this situation. Do you tell your sister you know the
truth even though it will reveal your own unethical behavior? Do you attack her
decisions? Or do you offer support and be ready to listen?
C. Reflect on yourself and your partner. What are you thinking about in this situation,
and what is your partner’s experience of the situation?
D. Identify the optimal outcome and roadblocks to achieving it.
E. Chart your course. How might you use analytical listening, feedback, and people-
oriented listening to handle this situation effectively? How can you avoid aggressive
and narcissistic listening?
