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156
Chapter 6: Understanding Gender
Instructor Resources
Objectives
• Describe what gender is and be able to distinguish it from other related concepts.
• Understand the ways we "do" gender in society.
• Describe the influences on gender roles and how we can move beyond gender stereotypes.
• Identify ways that gender shapes and is shaped by our communication and relationships
Discussion Questions
1. What’s one of the earliest gender roles your mother or father taught you?
• We learn early on from our parents about what gender roles girls and boys should
enact. Have students recall early memories about things their parents told them
2. What kinds of toys did your parents buy for you? Were these toys gender neutral or
did they fulfill gender role expectations?
• Discuss with students the idea that toys can be (and usually are) an early socializing
agent in terms of how girls and boys should enact their gender. Girls may talk about
3. What gender roles were imposed upon you by your peers and your school? Were there
particular places and spaces in your school that reinforced gender binaries?
• Institutions such as schools are great sites for witnessing gender binaries, where
© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
4. How has your understanding of your gender changed, if at all, as you’ve grown older?
Do you continue to adhere to the gender socialization of your youth? What has
changed? What has stayed the same?
5. In what ways has your gender shaped your career aspirations and choices?
6. What are some of the ways you perform or "do" your gender?
• West and Zimmerman note that gender is performative in the sense that how we act
is often tied to whether we are male or female. Have students look around the room
and take note of how males and females may act differently. For example, have
wider variety of terms to explain the color blue, for example.
7. What are some of the challenges that may still exist for a person who is
transgendered? Are there different challenges that exist at school? At work? At home?
© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
8. What kinds of pressures do women face today compared to women a decade ago? Do
young men face similar pressures that didn’t exist years ago?
9. What is benevolent sexism? In what ways have you or someone you know been on
the receiving end of benevolent sexism? How is benevolent sexism a problem?
• Start by explaining that benevolent sexism is often seen as harmless flattery or a
compliment, yet the compliment itself often implies that women are weak and
10. How have your own ideas about gender changed from reading Chapter 6? What do
you think is the most important thing for people to know about gender and gender
identity?
Think Pair Share
Think Pair Share prompts support the active engagement of students in the learning
experience. The prompts can be particularly useful in punctuating a lecture
presentation of chapter concepts.
1. Think of children you know today. How are they being socialized into their genders?
Is this socialization similar or different to your own experience with gender
socialization?
2. How do you see "gender" differing from "sex" and "sexuality"?
3. How do we best support nonbinary and gender-diverse individuals?
4. Why is it important to pay attention to pronoun use and how we address various
individuals?
5. Can men wear women’s clothing and can women wear men’s clothing? Is it more
permissible for one than the other?
6. What are some behaviors that you’ve witnessed that are permissible for men but not
for women? What behaviors are permissible for women but for not men?
7. What sports do you watch? In what ways might the types of sports you watch be tied
to gender expectations?
8. What are some ways we can fight against gender stereotypes?
9. Do you agree with the research that verbal communication among men and women is
more similar than different? Can you think of ways that men and women talk
differently? For example, what are some words that only women typically use? Words
only men use? Explain your answer.
Journal Prompts
1. What does it mean to say that we learn how to be boys and girls, men and women
through gender socialization? Give examples to support your claims.
2. What are some expectations our society has for men in terms of "doing" their gender?
What kinds of pressure do these expectations impose on men? How do our
expectations for women differ from those we have for men?
3. What are some gender stereotypes you have encountered in your life? Where did you
encounter these stereotypes? How did you respond to them? Would you respond
differently now that you’ve read the chapter?
4. What barriers do women face that may keep them from succeeding in business? Do
these barriers exist in the same ways for men? How are these barriers related to
dominant ideologies about women and men, femininity and masculinity?
5. Describe an instance where you believe society has achieved gender equality. How
does gender equality still need to be achieved?
6. How might gender stereotypes portrayed in popular culture (e.g., movies, advertising,
etc.) shape a person’s gender identity? Give examples to support your claims.
7. Complete the Self-Quiz: "Test Your Sexism" on LaunchPad. How did you rate on the
hostile sexism scale? How did you rate on the benevolent sexism scale? Do your
results surprise you at all? Why?
8. Why is it important to recognize nonbinary categories for gender? How does moving
away from binary ways of thinking help us interpret and understand others better?
9. How are schools handling the move away from gender polarization? Are schools
doing things right? How can schools do a better job teaching gender diversity?
10. How can parents encourage healthy gender development in boys and girls? How can
parents best support gender conforming and gender-nonconforming children?
Experiential Activities
Exercise: Examining Gender Binaries
Objective: To identify gender binaries and examine how our gender identity is socially
constructed.
• Divide students into small groups and ask them to write down (list) what it means to
be "male" and "female," "masculine and "feminine."
• Give small groups 10 to 15 minutes to discuss and list these components.
• Have everyone come together and share their ideas. Use the following questions to
guide discussion:
• Did everyone share similar ideas regarding being male and female? Were
there any disagreements?
• Did everyone share similar ideas regarding what it means to be masculine
and feminine? Were there any disagreements?
• Were there any differences among you regarding how you think about sex
and gender based on your cultural upbringing? For example, how might your
age, race, socioeconomic status, or religious identity shape your beliefs
about what it means to be male or female, masculine or feminine?
• What has been your experience with genderqueer or gender fluid peers?
How might the lists we’ve created about what it means to be male and
female, masculine and feminine shape their experiences in the world?
• In what ways can we rethink these gender binaries to be more inclusive of
others?
Exercise: Exploring Gender in the Media
Objective: To explore the role media play in shaping our values and beliefs about gender.
a. Have students skim through the pages of two magazines, one aimed at male readers and
one aimed at female readers. Examples of magazines for women may include Good
Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Day, Vogue, In Style, Bazaar, Marie Claire, and
Red Book. Magazines for men might include: Men’s Health, GQ, Esquire, Men’s
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Fitness, Maxim, and Forum.
b. Ask students to make a list of the values being promoted in each of these magazines.
Direct students to make observations from each of the magazines using the following
guide:
• What values are being promoted regarding gender in both magazines?
• Are there similarities in values across both types of magazines? Are there
different values being promoted?
• How are women portrayed in these magazines versus how men are portrayed?
Are these portrayals more similar or different?
• What other observations can you make about gender as it is represented in
these magazines? What are the primary topics in each? What issues, ideas, and
behaviors are promoted? Are these representations more similar or different
across both magazines?
c. Have students bring their observations to class and discuss their findings with the larger
group.
Exercise: Examining Gender Stereotypes
Objective: To explore the various stereotypes that exist for women and men.
a. Have students compete the Gender Perception Worksheet. This is also a nice ice-
breaker activity that can be done anytime you wish for students to get to know one
another better. Students will be required to move around the room and ask students
their names (if they do not already know one another well).
b. Once they have completed their forms, have students come together as a larger group
and discuss what they have found. Discuss their perceptions and ask why they choose
certain students for the various statements. Make sure to discuss gender stereotypes
and how these might factor into their answers.
Gender Perception Worksheet
For each statement, write in the name of one of your classmates who you believe has
participated or would participate in the following activities. Try to use everyone’s name at
least once.
2. Has hunted deer
4. Played a varsity sport in high school
6. Is a good cook
8. Knows how to French braid
10. Has rode a motorcycle
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© 2019 Macmillan Learning. All rights reserved.
11. Likes to work with his or her hands
12. Would like to have a large family
14. Had a lawn mowing job
16. Knows how to sew
18. Held a babysitting job
20. Has a messy bedroom
22. Is a great driver
24. Has shot a gun
26. Has gotten in a fight
28. Has cried extensively in public
30. Played with Barbie dolls
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Exercise: Learning About LGBTQ+ Individuals
Objective: To understand and appreciate the different types of gender identities that exist for
the LGBTQ+ community.
a. Have students fill out the “Key Terms: LGBTQ+” worksheet. This activity can be
done before or after reading Chapter 6: Understanding Gender.
b. After students have completed the worksheet, provide them with the correct answers
to assess students’ understanding of the various gender identities.
Correct Answers:
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Key Terms: LGBTQ+
Match each term on the left with its corresponding definition on the right.
1. Gay ______
2. Lesbian ______
3. Bisexual ______
4. Queer ______
5. Questioning ______
6. Transgender ______
7. Transsexual ______
8. Cross Dresser ______
9. Intersex ______
10. Genderqueer ______
11. Ally ______
a. A person who has changed, or is in the process of changing,
his or her physical sex to conform to his or her internal
sense of gender identity.
b. A person who identifies as a gender other than "man" or
"woman," or someone who identifies as neither, both, or
some combination thereof.
c. A person who is a member of the dominant or majority
group who works to end oppression in his or her personal
and professional life through support of, and as an advocate
for, the oppressed population.
d. A term or period where individuals re-assess (however
privately or openly) the orientation/identity that they have
either asserted for themselves, or been brought up as.
e. A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional
and/or spiritual attraction is to other women.
f. An individual who is physically, romantically, emotionally,
and/or spiritually attracted to men and women. These people
need not have had equal sexual experience with both men
and women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual
experience at all to identify this way.
g. An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or
gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at
birth.
h. Describing a person whose biological sex is ambiguous.
i. People who wear the clothing and/or accouterments that are
considered by society to correspond to the "opposite sex."
j. The adjective used to describe people whose enduring
physical, romantic, emotional, and/or spiritual attractions
are to people of the same sex— though in contemporary
contexts, the term is more commonly used to describe men.
k. Traditionally a pejorative term, it has been appropriated by
some LGBTQ+ people to describe themselves. Some value
the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of
the entire LGBTQ+ community.
Informed by the LGBT Resource Center at https://lgbtrc.usc.edu/education/activities
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Exercise: "Doing Gender"
Objective: To examine the various ways that we perform or "do" our gender.
a. Have students spend 30 minutes observing people in public spaces. Direct students to
observe both males and females. Students should take notes about what they are seeing,
hearing, and feeling.
b. Using their notes, have students answer the following questions:
• What were the processes by which different groups performed gender?
• How did you experience women (females) performing gender?
• How did you experience men (males) performing gender?
• Did you experience gender performances that did not adhere to the norms of
male and female? If so, explain.
c. Ask students to bring in their observation notes and answers to the above questions and
share them with the class.
d. Spend some time talking about gender performances and how students felt about
conforming and nonconforming gender performances. Were there some performances
that were more acceptable than others for males and females? Have students explain
their answers.
e. Finally, have students discuss how their own gender socialization has shaped their
feelings about conforming and nonconforming gender performances.
Video Recommendations
Killing Us Softly Series (1979–2010, 30–60 minutes). This documentary series is based on
Jean Kilbourne’s work on gender stereotypes in advertising and the effects these have on
women’s and girls’ self-esteem and identity. There are four films in the series: “Killing Us
Softly” (1979), “Still Killing Us Softly” (1987), “Killing Us Softly III” (2000), and “Killing
Us Softly IV” (2010).
Tough Guise (1999), Tough Guise 2 (2013). These documentary films explore images of
masculinity in American popular culture. Jackson Katz, scholar and social activist, created
and narrates this documentary. He argues that there is an epidemic of violent masculinity in
America, which is rooted in deep ideologies about what it means to be a man. This manhood
is often attached to toughness and violence. Tough Guise 2 was released in 2013 and
examines more contemporary examples of violent masculinity in the media.
Wonder Woman (2017, 141 minutes). Diana (Gal Gadot), also known as Wonder Woman,
leaves her home in a beautiful paradise in the Amazon to fight against evil forces set against
the backdrop of World War I. This film provides a deeper look at gender stereotypes and
what it means to be female, yet it breaks with stereotypical gender expectations with the main
character Wonder Woman who is beautiful, self-confident, and fully able to take care of
herself rather than needing protection or rescuing.
166
Hidden Figures (2016, 127 minutes). This film is based on the true story of a team of
African American women who served as mathematicians for NASA during the early years of
the space program. These women crossed both racial and gender lines during a time when
African Americans were openly segregated and discriminated against, and women were
thought best to be stay-at-home mothers. The film explores gender and racial stereotypes,
hostile and benevolent sexism, and offers insight into how men and women are expected to
perform or "do" gender.
Dallas Buyers Club (2013, 116 minutes). Ron Woodroof (Matthew McConaughey) is an
AIDS patient who is diagnosed in the mid-1980s during a time that HIV/AIDS was not well
understood or researched. The main character spends his time "working around the system"
to bring AIDS patients the medication they need when that medication isn’t available through
regular medical institutions. This film explores issues of gender, sexual orientation, and
gender conformity and nonconformity. Specifically, the film explores the deep
misunderstandings about who can and cannot get HIV/AIDS.
3 Generations (2017, 92 minutes). This film follows three generations of family members
living under one roof; there’s Ray (Elle Fanning); his single mother, Maggie (Naomi
Watts),;and his lesbian grandmother, Dolly (Susan Sarandon). Ray was born a girl but knows
that he is really a boy. Ray begins hormone replacement therapy as a teenager and must track
down his biological father to get permission to make the full transition from a girl to a boy.
The movie makes real the challenges faced by transgendered individuals and offers insight
into how we can learn about and accept those who do not conform to gender binaries.
Web Resources
Gender Spectrum
https://www.genderspectrum.org/resources/
This site offers resources to individuals, families, and work organizations to help create
gender-inclusive environments. The primary goal is to promote gender understanding and to
provide resources in a variety of contexts to include legal, medical, social services,
faith/spiritual, education, and parenting and family.
National Geographic’s Gender Revolution
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2017/01/
http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/gender-revolution-a-journey-with-katie-couric/
This website offers various resources related to the changing landscape of gender and how we
think about being male and female in today’s society. This site offers access to the National
Geographic’s January 2017 Special Issue on Gender, discussion guides for teachers and
parents, as well as links to videos and contemporary research on how science is helping us
better understand gender and its social construction.
Understanding Benevolent Sexism
https://www.facebook.com/benevolentsexism/
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This Facebook page is maintained by Dr. Peter Glick and is meant as a useful resource for
understanding all the ways that benevolent sexism occurs in our society.
Gender and Family Project, Ackerman Institute for the Family
www.ackerman.org/gfp
This website is produced by the Ackerman Institute for the Family and offers resources to
help youth, families, and communities understand, embrace, and create safe spaces for gender
nonconforming youth.
Rainbow Youth Alliance
www.rainbowyouthalliancemd.org
Rainbow Youth Alliance (RYA) provides support for LGBTQ youth. Their services include
adult-facilitated, peer-to-peer support groups and other community events to help create safe,
nurturing environments for the community of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex,
queer, and questioning teens and their allies.
Gender Odyssey
http://www.genderodyssey.org
Gender Odyssey is an international conference created to support and bring awareness to
transgender and gender diverse children, their families, educators, researchers, and other
professionals.
"This Isn’t an Act!" The Sociology of Gender Performances
http://sociologyinfocus.com/2015/04/this-isnt-an-act-the-sociology-of-gender-performances/
This article highlights the performative act of "doing gender." The author offers insight into
how we must disentangle gender from sex, and become aware that even if our gender
performance feels comfortable and automatic, it doesn’t mean it’s natural.
How We "Do Gender"
http://sociologyinfocus.com/2013/05/performing-gender/
This short article explores the concept of performing our gender and how gender
performances are "policed" through social means. Any deviation from appropriate gender
displays can (and often is) met with stigmatizing behavior or punishment.
What Does It Mean to be a Good Girl?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-705535d7-11fc-4065-848f-9e2e5d47d1d5
This site follows six teenage girls from all over the world, from Siberia to Syria, as they talk
about what their lives are "really like," and what it means to be a "good girl" in their culture.
What Does It Mean to Be “A Real Man"?
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behaviors. The article explores the "mask" that men so often must wear to hide their true
selves. Questions for student discussion are also provided.
Gender: Early Socialization
http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/gender-early-socialization/according-experts/role-
schools-early-socialization-gender-differences
This article examines schools as a primary socializing agent where teachers and peers
influence our understanding of gender roles. The article documents ways in which schools
contribute to gender differences and offers suggestions for reshaping gender attitudes.
The Impact of Socialization on Gender
https://study.com/academy/lesson/the-impact-of-socialization-on-gender.html
This video addresses how girls and boys are socialized into a particular gender from a very
early age. The film examines gender scripts we learn from our family and friends, as well as
the negative impact these rigid gender roles can have on our sense of personal and relational
identities.
Gender Pronoun Recourses
https://www.samuelmerritt.edu/pride/gender
This site serves as resource for faculty and students to learn how to be more gender inclusive.
The site addresses gender pronouns, what they are, why they are important, and how to use
them effectively and inclusively.
Genderqueer and Nonbinary Identities
http://genderqueerid.com/gq-links
The aim of this site is to provide awareness, information, and resources for individuals who
identify as genderqueer, nonbinary, questioning, and gender-nonconforming.
GLADD Media Institute
https://www.glaad.org/
GLAAD works to reshape the narrative about the LGBTQ community to bring about cultural
change. Specifically, this organization works through entertainment, news, and digital media
to bring awareness to the LGBTQ community and to address the tough issues facing this
community and our culture.
The Bechdel Test for women in movies
https://feministfrequency.com/video/the-bechdel-test-for-women-in-movies/
This website was created as a means to gauge the active presence of female characters in
Hollywood films. Visitors to the website can take the "Bechdel Test" to see how films in
Hollywood stack up when it comes to representing strong female characters and leads in
films.
169
MUSIC RECOMMENDATIONS
The following music examples have been included for illustrating interpersonal
communication concepts addressed in this chapter. It is recommended that the instructor
preview songs before using them, as some contain adult language. Each instructor must
decide what is appropriate for his or her class.
"Who Wears the Pants," performed by Soko
"For Today I Am a Boy," performed by Antony & The Johnsons
"Prince Johnny," performed by St. Vincent
"Can’t Be Tamed," performed by Miley Cyrus
"Body Was Made," performed by Ezra Furman
"Salt," performed by Bad Suns
“The Man,” performed by The Killers
170
Chapter 6: Understanding Gender
Lecture Outline
I. We are gradually moving away from a society in which "virtually every other aspect of
human experience" is connected to male-female sex distinctions, a concept known as
gender polarization.
A. This movement away from binary male/female categories can be seen in
individuals who discard binary understandings of gender and instead describe
themselves as gender fluid or genderqueer (not identifying at one end or the
other of the male-female spectrum).
1. This cultural shift is also reflected in our language and interpersonal
encounters, such as our use of the preferred pronouns they/them, she/her,
and he/him.
2. Public and professional communities also reflect this shift, as illustrated by
the American Psychological Association’s resolution on gender and sexual
orientation diversity for public schools.
B. Gender is distinct from sex and gender identity.
1. Our sex is the anatomical, biological distinctions each of us is born with; at
birth, we are assigned a "sex category" of male, female, or intersex.
2. Our gender identity consists of our internal self; our deeply felt sense of
being a boy, man, or male; a girl, woman, or female; or an alternative such
as genderqueer, gender-nonconforming, or gender-neutral.
a. Individuals may identify as transgender if their identity does not
correspond to their assigned sex category.
b. Others may identify as cisgender if their gender identity and gender
expression correspond to their assigned sex category.
C. Our gender encompasses the social, psychological, and behavioral attributes
that a particular culture associates with our biological sex.
1. These may include beliefs about individual characteristics, such as strength,
leadership, or emotionality.
2. They may also include beliefs about our roles in society, such as being a
parent, teacher, politician, or CEO.
D. Gender varies according to culture because different cultures have different
standards, or norms, for expected behaviors, roles, and gender expressions.
1. Many cultures expect males to display masculine behaviors and females to
display feminine behaviors.
2. Our (U.S.) society, for example, often associates attributes such as beauty
with females, or femininity, rather than with males, or masculinity.
3. We also may describe the same attribute by using different words when the
attribute is possessed by a male compared to a female, such as characterizing
a boy baby as "handsome" rather than "beautiful."
II. Gender is both learned and socially constructed.
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A. Gender is learned from a variety of sources, all of which contribute to lifelong
gender socialization.
1. This socialization process begins even before a child is born and occurs
through parents selecting masculine or feminine baby names, baby clothing,
toys, nursery decorations, or even hosting a "gender-reveal party."
2. Gender socialization continues and escalates as children grow; parents
encourage and discourage behaviors they deem as "appropriate" or
"inappropriate." This encourages gender conformity rather than
nonconformity.
3. As children grow older they take on more active roles in learning about
gender.
B. A central aspect of learning gender is learning the norms and standards that your
society associates with the sex categories; in other words, our understanding of
gender is socially constructed.
1. Gender is socially constructed through our interactions with other people in
2. As societies change over time, so do our conceptions of gender.
III. To truly understand how gender is socially constructed, we need to explore how we "do
gender" in our society.
A. Gender is not a "singular thing"; instead, it is something we achieve and are held
accountable for every day. This assumes that:
1. Gender is not static
3. It is interactional
B. Our understanding of the expected behaviors in a social setting, and the people
with whom we are interacting, both influence how we do gender.
C. People expect our gender expression to coincide with our sex, such that girls and
women are expected to enact more feminine roles, and boys and men are
expected to enact more masculine roles.
D. Resources for doing gender also teach us how to "do gender." These take the
form of institutional resources such as public restrooms that separate the sexes
and instill the idea of innate or natural differences between girls and boys, and
women and men.
1. There are many other rich resources society has created for doing gender
according to a binary system in which "male" and "female" are the
primary—and polarized—options, such as "pink" for women, "Lady
Doritos," and McDonald’s Happy Meals for boys and girls.
2. We are socialized to believe that we should adhere to these societal
expectations and different resources—possibly for fear of being teased or
reprimanded.
IV. Gender Roles are shared societal expectations for conduct and behaviors that are
deemed appropriate for girls or women and boys or men.
172
A. We are taught gender roles from a very early age, and as such, these impact our
aspirations for the future; for example, research shows 6-year-old girls were less
likely than boys to believe that girls are "really, really smart," which may reduce
the range of career options that girls consider.
B. Girls and boys across the world also encounter unequal gender expectations.
1. Boys are encouraged to be tough, strong, and brave and to demonstrate
heterosexual prowess; boys are taught to be independent.
2. Girls are taught to be nice, polite, and submissive and to accentuate their
3. These inequities are enforced by parents as well as peers, who sanction or
2. While girls experience more tolerance when they bend prescriptive gender
norms (i.e., acting like a "tomboy"), boys who act more feminine are
mocked or bullied.
3. Moreover, girls may leave school early, become pregnant, experience
depression, or be victims of violence, whereas boys are more prone to
suicide, substance abuse, and have shorter life expectancy compared to
women.
4. Researchers note that these differences are "socially, not biologically"
determined and call for fostering gender equality.
V. Focus on Culture: Gender Equity and Health
A. Gender inequality is damaging to the physical and mental health of girls and
women, and boys and men around the world.
1. Differential benefits such as access to resources, power, and control
typically favor men.
2. Girls and women have reduced access to education, medical care, and
nutrition; are more likely to occupy lower-wage jobs; and are less likely to
be decision or policy makers, and lack control over their own sexual and
reproductive health.
B. Focusing on how we socially construct gender and socialize gender roles, as
well as toppling existing structural inequities, is necessary to improve the health
of girls and women, and boys and men. We can do this by:
1. Understanding how we socially construct women as primary caregivers,
rather than men.
2. Enacting legislation and other structural improvements to enhance the health
of girls and women, and boys and men.
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A. Some scholars focus on the differences between women’s and men’s verbal
communication, stating that they have different styles, purposes, or goals in
their communication.
1. For example, some scholars suggest that "women focus on intimacy" and
"want to be understood,” whereas "men focus on status and independence,"
and "want to solve problems."
2. This research has been reinforced by popular culture through books and
other media content.
B. Other research, however, suggests that women and men are more similar than
different in their communication behaviors; when differences do emerge they
likely are due to situational factors rather than gender differences in
communication.
1. Whether you believe that women and men are more alike or different in their
verbal communication depends on your personal experiences, along with
what you have been socialized to believe about gender.
2. When we focus on the science of gender and verbal communication, rather
than what people think about differences, we learn that there is a lack of
gender differences in verbal communication.
C. Nonverbal communication also shapes how we "do gender."
1. The ways we use our bodies, voices, facial expressiveness, and personal
space; how we choose our clothing, accessories, and personal objects; and
how we convey our emotions are all key aspects of how we "do" gender.
a. For example, one of the ways boys and men do gender is by stifling
their emotional displays, or donning a "mask," such that they learn early
in their lives not to cry.
b. Women tend to be more facially expressive than men; we must ask
ourselves if this behavioral difference is truly because women are "more
emotional" than men, or because women are allowed, or even expected,
to be more facially expressive.
VII. Our circle of friends, and eventually our romantic partners, play a key role in helping us
do gender as well.
A. Our choice of same-sex friends is connected to the many institutional structures
with which we interact daily, such as school systems, workplaces, and family
homes.
1. Institutions such as school settings are replete with instances of sex
segregation, such that girls interact together in places and spaces separate
from boys, leading us to believe that boys and girls are fundamentally
different.
2. Focusing on these differences, however, can lead to overlooking similarities.
a. Research shows that both men and women define intimacy and
communicate it in a variety of ways in their same-sex friendships.
b. Additionally, both men and women desire similar things from their
same-sex friends, such as friends who are genuine, trustworthy, and
loyal.
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c. Research also shows that men’s same-sex friendships "are becoming
more emotionally nuanced and intimate," evidencing a shift in
masculine socialization.
B. Gender assumptions also underlie our beliefs and choices about romantic
relationships.
1. We often adhere to gender assumptions regarding romantic relationships,
such as men prefer to be the "pursuers" in romantic relationships and women
should wait to be pursued.
2. A heterosexual bias also permeates much of our culture regarding sexual
orientation and romantic relationships.
a. That is, we assume that boys and girls are romantically and/or sexually
attracted only to opposite-sex partners, rather than same-sex (lesbian
and gay relationships) or both opposite- and same-sex partners (bisexual
relationships).
b. Current research, however, reveals more similarities than differences in
same-sex and opposite-sex romantic relationships, especially regarding
overall perceptions of relationship quality and satisfaction.
3. Both scientific data on current gender roles and popular culture messages
match earlier gender assumptions regarding romantic relationships dating
back to 1949.
a. That is, boys are still expected to demonstrate heterosexual prowess and
girls are expected to be submissive and polite.
b. Contemporary relationship advice books also depict women and men as
completely different, where these differences are presumed to be in-
born and stable across their lifespans.
c. Also presumed is men and women are homogenous groups; that is, all
women and men are perceived to be the same in how they view
romantic love and sex.
4. Rather than homing in on gender as the causal factor behind every
relationship challenge and experience, we should consider human character
as the source of friction in relationships.
VIII. Ways we can move beyond restrictive gender roles and promote gender equity include:
A. Examining our attitudes and beliefs we have about women and men and gender
differences.
1. Researchers found that people with more sexist beliefs also believed there
were larger differences between males and females.
2. Hostile sexism (hostility towards women) and benevolent sexism
2. Reflecting on the media we choose to consume, including music, print, and
3. Reflecting on the words we use and understanding how they may impact
others with different identities and beliefs
4. Recalling if and when we’ve spoken out against unfair, unjust, or restrictive
gender stereotypes, expectations, or roles; and looking for future
opportunities to do so.
IX. Making Relationship Choices: Supporting a Gender-Nonconforming Friend
A. People who don’t neatly fit into established gender categories often experience
extreme pressure to conform to socially approved gender norms.
B. Imagine your friends, Derek and Daniel, who are brothers, don’t see eye to eye in
terms of how to perform their gender. Derek embodies the tough masculine persona
while Daniel expresses his gender in a softer, gentler manner. Derek has always been
upset with his younger brother, calling him a "sissy" and other names because Daniel
would rather choose fashion, theater, and art over sports. Now that they are older,
Daniel has decided to leave home because he sees Derek as making his life "a living
hell." You have just encountered Daniel leaving in a hurry and now must face Derek,
who is standing on his porch looking angry and sad.
C. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings as well as those of Derek (and Daniel).
D. Determine the optimal outcome in this situation and locate the roadblocks to
achieving the outcome.
E. Use the concepts of gender identify and expression, gender polarization, gender roles,
"masks," and resources for doing gender to plan a course of action.
