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Social media connect us in so many different ways, expanding our human interactions beyond
the limits of meeting in person. As noted in Chapter 2, social media include any blogs,
collaborative projects, content communities, social networking sites, virtual game worlds, and
virtual social worlds that expand our social horizons. But while social media connect us, they
disconnect us in other ways, taking up time where we might experience real physical connection
and replacing it with short, highly mediated messages. With social media, we are both the media
and the subject, and we create the online version of ourselves.
For at least some of us, the social-mediated version of ourselves becomes the predominant
way we experience the world. As Time magazine noted in 2014, “experiences don’t feel fully
real” until you have “tweeted them or tumbled them or YouTubed them—and the world has
congratulated you for doing so.”1 The flip side of promoting our own experiences on social
media as the most awesome happenings ever (with the added subtext of “too bad you aren’t
here”) is the social anxiety associated with reading about other people’s experiences and the
accompanying realization that you are not actually there.
The problem is called Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), and one report defines it as “the uneasy
and sometimes all-consuming feeling that you’re missing out—that your peers are doing, in the
know about or in possession of more or something better than you.”2 This fear was around long
before social media was invented. Photos, postcards, holiday family letters, and plain old
bragging have usually put the most positive spin on people’s lives. But social media and mobile
technology make being exposed to the interactions you missed a 24/7 phenomenon. Exposure to
a hypothetical better experience or better life is potentially constant.
According to a report in Computers in Human Behavior, with FOMO there is a “desire to
stay continually connected with what others are doing,” so the person suffering from the anxiety