Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 1
CHAPTER 8 SOLUTIONS
Writing Improvement Exercise
16. Indirect 21. Indirect
8.1 Radical Rewrite
Weak Persuasive Request Inviting Small Planet Speaker
Weaknesses
a. Fails to open with an attention-getting technique or an appeal to the reader.
b. Focuses primarily on “I” and “we” statements instead of framing the request from the
reader’s perspective.
Revision
Current date
Ms. Anna Lappé
418 North Jay Street
Brooklyn, NY 11212
Dear Ms. Lappé:
You have written that this country’s food sector is both a central culprit in global warming and a
key part of solving the crisis. As a well-known voice in the sustainability movement and a
founding principal of the Small Planet Institute, you are a change agent whose vision we share.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 2
depth research, commentary, and analysis—all of which we deliver online, by e-mail, and in
person to Northwest policy champions.
Our board would be honored to have you address members and guests at our March 14
conference in Seattle. We’re hoping that you can connect the dots between the food on our plate
and global climate change. We have heard that you bring inspiring stories of farmers and food
activists from around the world. Our members would be excited to learn how we can feed the
world and cool the planet by standing with sustainable farmers here and across the globe.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 3
8.2 Radical Rewrite
Claim Letter From Seriously Displeased Customer
Weaknesses
a. Fails to open with a compliment, point of agreement, statement of the problem, or brief
review of action taken to resolve the problem.
b. Sounds angry, hostile, and accusatory.
c. Does not appeal to the receiver’s sense of fairness or responsibility.
d. Fails to emphasize benefits to the reader (saving the receiver’s money, retaining a
Revision
Current date
Mr. Trenton Khalifa
VIP Copier Specialists
1532 Nashville Pike
Gallatin, TN 37012
Dear Mr. Khalifa:
The four BizStar C500 photocopiers that we purchased three months ago are inadequate for our
volume of copying.
Although we told your salesperson, Carol Finley, that we average 3,000 copies a day, she
recommended the BizStar C500. This model appears to have been the wrong choice for our
heavy use, and we are disappointed in its performance. Therefore, we would like to trade in our
four C500 copiers (which cost about $2,300 each, as shown on the enclosed invoice) for two
BizStar C1000 models ($12,500 each).
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 4
• Your service technicians will save time by making fewer trips to repair our overworked
C500 machines.
We purchased the BizStar C500 copies in good faith on the recommendation of your salesperson.
We feel that it is your responsibility to help us secure the proper model for our needs.
8.3 Radical Rewrite
Poor Persuasive E-Mail Flowing Upward—Miserable Meetings
Weaknesses
a. Fails to develop a logical, persuasive argument.
b. Sounds flippant, accusatory, and exasperated rather than helpful.
c. Should capture attention by describing the problem from the viewpoint of the
organization.
d. Complains but doesn’t fully relate the problem to savings for the organization if meetings
were more efficient.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 5
8.3 Revision
To: Randolph Williams <rwilliams@fisherinc>
From: Karissa Kuhn<kkuhn@fisherinc>
Subject: Improving Productivity and Morale With Better Meetings
Cc:
Bcc:
Mr. Williams,
This past week I attended five in-house meetings and participated in three conference call
meetings. Some were well run and necessary; others were poorly run and wasted my time. Some
meetings were actually socializing classified as work, and others merely rehashed decisions that
had already been made. One meeting was called to announce information that could have been
sent in an e-mail. I noticed that many participants were as frustrated as I was.
I suggest that our division develop a policy that outlines effective meeting procedures. Here are a
few examples:
• Meetings should be called only if decisions need to be made, and only key people should
be invited.
• Each meeting should have a purpose and an agenda.
• Leaders should start on time and state the objective to be accomplished.
These are just a few ideas for improving our division meetings. Clearly, our division could
improve productivity by eliminating or reducing drawn-out meetings. With your approval, I
would be happy to work with a committee to develop a policy with tips for running meetings
efficiently.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 6
8.4 Radical Rewrite
Favor Request—Facebook Flub?
Weaknesses
a. May have chosen the wrong channel to communicate with a professor to request a favor.
b. Fails to state a clearly desired action in the opening.
c. Does not provide relevant information to help the reader comply even if he were inclined
Possible Facebook Message:
To: Al Grayson
Subject: Requesting Letter of Recommendation for MBA Application
Message: Dear Professor Grayson:
A message via Facebook may be a bit informal, but I would like to ask you for a
letter of recommendation. After all, you always discussed the latest technology with
us in the Business Writing 201 class in fall 2012 and how it has changed business
communication.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 7
8.4 Possible E-Mail Version:
To: agrayson@wisocki-college.edu
From: btanaka@student.wisocki-college.edu
Subject: Letter of Recommendation
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Professor Grayson:
Your Business Writing 201 course in fall 2012 has really improved my communication skills,
although I got a B, not an A. It was a tough class, but I use what I learned from you in my job
and in school every day. Imagine, I will finally graduate next May.
However, to wait out the bad economy, I have decided to enter an MBA program. From what
I’ve been reading and hearing, it seems to be a good investment, likely to make me more
competitive in a tight job market. To be considered, I will need three letters of recommendation.
I look forward to catching up with you as well, and I promise not to take too much of your time.
I have been wondering whether you still enjoy sailing and travel to Asia a lot.
You will have over two weeks to write the letter if you agree to do it. The deadline for the letter
is not until November 15. If for any reason you need to talk to me sooner than next week, you
can reach me on my cell phone at (201) 442-8559.
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 8
Activities and Cases
8.5 Analyzing Tweets: Identify Persuasive Techniques
in Micromessages
Students will find that calls for action and attention getters are the types of persuasive tweets
used most often, followed by testimonials and appeals that create urgency. As for effectiveness,
it is worth noting that in the social media, individuals seek out the products, brands, and niches
that satisfy their needs. Therefore, the likelihood that they will interact with their favorite brands
Persuasive Techniques
a. Call for action, incentive
b. Emotional appeal
c. Attention getter
d. Creating urgency
8.6 Analyzing a Persuasive Appeal: From the Zappos Family
to Yours
The online shoe and apparel seller Zappos is known for its zany culture and quirky online
presence. The Amazon.com–owned company is also among the “100 best companies to work
for,” currently ranked 11th by Fortune magazine. This appeal is primarily an emotional one
addressing the consumer rather boldly and irreverently as “family” (“It wouldn’t be the holidays
without you!,” “you are very special,” “handy–dandy coupon code,” “Can’t wait to see you,” and
“XOXO”). Reinforcing this presumably close connection is the signature “The Zappos Family.”
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 9
8.7 Persuasive Request: Please Write Me a Letter
of Recommendation
To: [Professor’s e-mail address]
From: [Your Name, your e-mail address]
Subject: Letter of Recommendation Request
Cc:
Bcc:
Dear Professor [Last Name]:
Your credentials have always been intriguing to me. In particular, your position as the head of
the campus Diversity Matters club demonstrates your commitment to supporting minorities.
Also, your experience and knowledge of how to communicate clearly and concisely make you
my obvious choice for a letter of recommendation. I know that a letter from you commenting on
my character and performance in your classroom would be perceived positively by any
admissions committee. This is the sort of competitive advantage I am seeking.
Your letter of recommendation would be the centerpiece of my law school admission file. I have
moved up to the final round of the admission cycle at numerous prestigious law schools. This is a
common process of weeding out that top law schools use to make more informed decisions about
“potentials.”
during your office hours next week. I look forward to seeing you.
Sincerely,
Your Name
[Full contact information]
Solutions – Chapter 8 ⚫ 10
8.8 Persuasive Request: Seeking Dumps for TV Makeovers
Current date
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Homeowner:
Would you be interested in participating in a new cable TV show in which two areas of your
home would be renovated?
How do you feel about your home? If you’re not fully pleased with its appearance, this is an
opportunity to take advantage of a team of expert designers and contractors who could contribute
up to $20,000 worth of improvements to make your home a showplace in your neighborhood. In
addition, you would be featured on a national TV show.