Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 9
Chapter 4 Additional Writing Improvement Exercises
Flabby Expressions
Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby phrases.
1. We are reviewing options at this point in time with a desire to increase our social
media marketing in view of the fact that traditional marketing may not reach plugged–
in audiences.
2. To make sales, companies as a general rule must make connections despite the fact the
market is increasingly fragmented.
Long Lead-Ins
Revise the following to eliminate long lead-ins.
6. This is an announcement to tell you that parking permits are available in the office.
7. We are sending this memo to notify everyone that anyone who wants to apply for
telecommuting may submit an application immediately.
8. I am writing this letter to inform you that your new account executive is Edward Ho.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 10
There Is/Are and It Is/Was Fillers
Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/are and it is/was fillers.
10. There is a password-checker that can evaluate your password’s strength automatically.
11. It is careless or uninformed individuals who are the most vulnerable to computer
hackers.
Redundancies
Revise the following to avoid redundancies.
14. Because her smartphone was small in size, she misplaced it frequently.
Empty Words
Revise to eliminate empty words.
18. Are you aware of the fact that social media can drive brand awareness and
customer loyalty?
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 11
Condensing for Microblogging
Read the following Twitter business messages and write a reply to each with less than 140
characters. Be selective in what you include. Your instructor may show you possible
responses.
23. @OfftheGrid842 sent the following message to Nike Support: “how long u gona be down
cant use my app snz I loggd out lastnyt. Cnt change setting because my email is being
used by anotr acc.” Prepare a response acknowledging that Nike knows that some Nike+
FuelBand App users are complaining about not being able to sync and see their data. You’re
working on the problem, and you’ve got all hands on deck to resolve this malfunction as
quickly as possible.
Trite Business Phrases
Revise the following sentences to eliminate trite business phrases.
28. Pursuant to your request, we will no longer send you e-mail offers.
29. Thank you in advance for considering our plea for community support.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 12
Clichés, Slang, Buzzwords, and Wordiness
Revise the following sentences to avoid confusing clichés, slang, buzzwords, and wordiness.
32. Because our last trade show presentation blew the budget, we must think outside of the
box to cut costs for future trade shows.
Buried Verbs
Revise the following to unbury the verbs.
36. Our management council made a recommendation to give consideration to the contract
at its next meeting.
37. The potential home buyer made a decision to have an inspector conduct an
examination of the distressed property.
Lists, Bullets, and Headings
Revise the following sentences and paragraphs using techniques presented in this chapter.
Improve parallel construction and reduce wordiness if necessary.
42. Skippy® Natural Peanut Butter Spread
• Is all natural
• Contains no hydrogenated oil
• There’s no need to stir
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 13
43. Revise the following by incorporating a numbered list.
When writing to customers granting approval for loans, you should follow four steps
44. Revise the following by incorporating a bulleted list.
The American Automobile Association makes a provision of the following tips for safe
45. Revise the following by incorporating bulleted items with category headings.
Our attorney made a recommendation that we consider several things to avoid
litigation in regard to sexual harassment. The first thing he suggested was that we
should take steps regarding the establishment of an unequivocal written policy
Key to Chapter 4 Additional Writing Improvement Exercises
Flabby Expressions
1. We are now reviewing options to increase our social media marketing because
traditional marketing may not reach plugged-in audiences.
2. To make sales, companies generally must make connections although the market is
increasingly fragmented.
Long Lead-Ins
6. Parking permits are available in the office.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 14
system for classroom use.
7. Anyone who wants to apply for telecommuting may submit an application
immediately.
8. Your new account executive is Edward Ho.
9. Cyber criminals use sophisticated tools to decipher passwords rapidly.
There Is/Are and It Is/Was Fillers
10. A password-checker can evaluate your password’s strength automatically.
Redundancies
14. Because her smartphone was small, she misplaced it frequently.
15. A fundamental of computer safety is to avoid storing your password on a file in your
Empty Words
18. Are you aware that social media can drive brand awareness and customer loyalty? OR:
Did you know that social media can drive brand awareness and customer loyalty?
19. Except for MySpace, social networking sites are booming.
Condensing for Microblogging
Note: Answers may vary considerably.
23. We’re aware some Nike+ FuelBand App users are having issues with syncing and
seeing data. We’ve got all hands on deck to fix this.
24. Definitely understandable! Do you have an order # so we can look into that for you?
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 15
Trite Business Phrases
28. As you request, we will no longer send you e-mail offers.
29. Thank you for considering our plea for community support.
Clichés, Slang, Buzzwords, and Wordiness
32. Because our last trade show presentation exceeded the budget, we must be more
creative in cutting costs for future trade shows.
33. Mark proposed a creative idea, but he experienced considerable resistance because he
failed to build consensus and win approval from his team.
34. It’s amazing that we weren’t fired after such a poor sales year.
35. If you will refer to the initial proposal, you will see provisions for preventing excessive
use of our capital.
Buried Verbs
36. Our management council recommended considering the contract at its next meeting.
37. The potential home buyer decided to have an inspector examine the distressed
property.
Lists, Bullets, and Headings
42. Skippy® Natural Peanut Butter Spread
• Is all natural
• Contains no hydrogenated oil
• Requires no stirring
43. When granting loans to customers, follow these steps:
1. Announce approval of the loan.
2. Specify the loan’s terms and limits.
3. Discuss the importance of timely payments.
4. Provide a phone number for assistance.
44. The American Automobile Association offers the following tips for safe driving:
• Start your drive well rested.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 16
45. Our attorney recommends the following to avoid sexual harassment litigation:
Written policy. Establish an unequivocal [or clear] written policy prohibiting sexual
harassment within our organization.