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Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 1
CHAPTER 4 LECTURE NOTES
REVISING BUSINESS MESSAGES
Chapter Synopsis
Most students need to be convinced that revision and proofreading are important. They often
consider first drafts to be final. Good writers know, however, that the final stage of the writing
process, revising and proofreading, is the most important stage. This chapter teaches valuable
techniques for turning out business messages and presentations that are concise, clear, and
vigorous.
Revision of business writing means looking for ways to improve content and sentence
structure. It may include adding, cutting, recasting, reformatting, and redesigning. In this
Learning Objectives
1. Complete business messages by revising for conciseness, which includes eliminating
flabby expressions, long lead-ins, there is/are and it is/was fillers, redundancies, and
empty words, as well as condensing for microblogging.
2. Improve clarity in business messages by keeping the ideas simple, dumping trite business
phrases, dropping clichés, avoiding slang and buzzwords, rescuing buried verbs,
controlling exuberance, and choosing precise words.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 2
What’s New in This Chapter
The authors made the following changes and improvements:
• Positioned the revision process in the digital age, emphasizing that even in this hurry-up
culture taking the time to revise messages reduces confusion and increases the writer's
credibility.
• Revised many chapter illustrations and examples to reflect social media and digital
applications to connect traditional writing techniques with today's digital environment.
• Added coverage of writing concisely for microblogging on social media networks to guide
students in efficient and appropriate techniques.
Lecture Notes
I. Taking Time to Revise: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process (p. 90)
• Revising is the process of improving content and sentence structure. It may involve
adding, cutting, and recasting.
• Proofreading involves correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and
mechanics.
A. Eliminating Flabby Expressions
Instead of this Try this
We are of the opinion that We think
Please feel free to Please
Figure 4.1 Revising Digital and Print Documents
B. Limiting Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this Try this
This memo is to inform you that All employees meet today.
all employees meet today.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 3
I am writing this letter to say thanks Thanks to everyone who voted.
to everyone who voted.
C. Dropping Unnecessary There is/are and It is/was Fillers
Instead of this Try this
It was the customer who The customer identified the error.
identified the error.
D. Rejecting Redundancies
Instead of this Try this
We received advance warning. We received warning.
These files are exactly identical. These files are identical.
E. Purging Empty Words
Instead of this Try this
Except for the instance of Intel, most Except for Intel, most stocks dropped.
technology stocks dropped.
F. Writing Concisely for Microblogging and Posting on Social Media Networks
• Microblogging consists of short messages exchanged on social media networks such
II. Making Your Message Clear (p. 95)
A. Keep It Short and Simple
• Use the KISS formula to achieve clear writing.
• Use active-voice sentences that avoid indirect, pompous language.
Figure 4.2 Conciseness Aids Clarity in Understanding Drug Facts
B. Dumping Trite Business Phrases
Instead of this Try this
as per your request at your request
pursuant to your request at your request
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 4
C. Dropping Clichés
• Clichés are expressions that have become exhausted by overuse.
• Strive to expand your vocabulary so that you don’t need to rely on clichés.
Instead of this Try this
Last but not least, you should Finally, you should work diligently.
keep your nose to the grindstone.
D. Avoiding Slang and Buzzwords
• Slang is composed of informal words with arbitrary and extravagantly
changed meanings (tricked out, bling, deets (details), gnarly).
E. Rescuing Buried Verbs
• Buried verbs are ones that are needlessly converted to wordy noun expressions.
Instead of this Try this
The manager came to the realization that The manager realized that
A job seeker must make application A job seeker must apply
F. Controlling Exuberance
Instead of this Try this
The manager is actually quite pleased. The manager is pleased.
This awesome project is definitely workable. This project is workable.
G. Choosing Clear, Precise Words
Instead of this Try this
The man asked for a raise. Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent
III. Enhancing Readability Through Document Design (p. 98)
A. Employing White Space
• White space is the empty space on a page.
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 5
• Use white space, headings, bulleted or numbered lists, short paragraphs, and
effective margins
B. Understanding Margins and Text Alignment
• Use 1 to 1.5 inch side margins for business letters and memos.
• Left aligned – every line begins at the left margin
• Centered text – appropriate for headings
C. Choosing Appropriate Typefaces
• Serif typefaces are frequently used for body text in business messages and
longer documents.
• Sans serif typefaces are widely used for headings, signs, and material brief
messages.
Figure 4.3 – Typefaces With Different Personalities for Different Purposes
D. Capitalizing on Type Fonts and Sizes
E. Numbering and Bulleting Lists for Quick Comprehension
• Numbered lists: Number items in a sequence or reflect a numbering system.
• Bulleted lists: Use bullets for items that don’t show a chronology.
F. Adding Headings for Visual Impact
Advantages of headings:
• Highlight information
• Improve readability
• Separate major ideas from details
• Provide a quick review
Figure 4.4 Document Design Improves Readability
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 6
IV. Proofreading to Catch Errors (p. 103)
A. What to Watch for in Proofreading
• Spelling
• Grammar
B. How to Proofread Routine Documents
• Use the down arrow to move your cursor down line by line.
• Read for faults and use your spell-checker.
• To be absolutely safe, read from a printed copy.
C. How to Proofread Complex Documents
• Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
• Allow adequate time.
Figure 4.5 – Why Proofread?
Figure 4.6 -- Most Common Proofreading Marks
V. Evaluating the Effectiveness of Your Message (p. 105)
• Encourage feedback from the receiver so that you can determine whether your
communication achieved its goal.
• Welcome any advice from your instructor on how to improve your writing skills.
Critical Thinking Discussion Guide
11. In this digital age of rapid communication, how can you justify the time it takes to
stop and revise a message? (Objs. 1–5)
It doesn't matter how quickly a person responds or what medium is used for
communication. Taking the time to revise in order to deliver a careful message is
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 7
12. Assume you have started a new job in which you respond to customers by using
boilerplate (previously constructed) paragraphs. Some of them contain clichés such
as pursuant to your request and in accordance with your wishes. Other paragraphs
are wordy and violate the principle of using concise and clear writing that you have
learned. What should you do? (Obj. 2)
The best plan probably is to use the paragraphs until credibility with superiors has been
13. Because business writing should have high “skim value,” why not write everything in
bulleted lists? (Obj. 3)
Although listing items in bulleted or enumerated lists does improve readability, excessive
use of such lists thwarts other business writing goals. Business writing must be
14. Conciseness is valued in business. However, can messages be too short? (Obj. 1)
Of course, messages can be too short. Although conciseness is valued, messages must be
clear. If extra verbiage is needed to explain, then a message should be longer. Persuasive
15. What advice would you give in this ethical dilemma? Brittani is serving as interim
editor of the company newsletter. She receives an article written by the company
president describing, in abstract and pompous language, the company's goals for the
coming year. Brittani thinks the article will need considerable revising to make it
readable. Attached to the president's article are complimentary comments by two of
the company vice presidents. What action should Brittani take?
Brittani is in a difficult, sensitive position and needs to be cautious. All of her options
involve risk. She could publish the article with the errors, but that might reflect poorly on
Chapter 4 Lecture Notes ● 8
Activities
Note: The solution for Radical Rewrite 4.1 is located in the Solutions to Activities section of
the Instructor's Manual.
Communication Workshop: Technology (p. 117)
Revising and Editing Documents in MS Word
Using Word’s Track Changes and Comment Features to Edit and Revise Documents
• Use Highlight, Font Color, and Strikethrough when editing team members’ documents.
• Use Track Changes to suggest specific editing changes.
• Use Insert Comments to point out problems; ask or answer questions; and share ideas.
Figure 4.7 Track Changes and Comment Features Aid Revision Process
Career Application: Students form two-person teams. Each partner edits the Editing
Challenge document shown on page 116. Students may download the file from the premium
Workplace in Focus
Page 98
Communicators should avoid slang expressions and buzzwords whenever the situation or
context requires professionalism. Buzzwords—technical expressions that have become
