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Chapter 2 Lecture Notes ● 7
Chapter 2 Additional Writing Improvement Exercises
AUDIENCE BENEFITS AND THE “YOU” VIEW
Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the “you” view.
1. To help us avoid fraudulent transactions and suffer potential losses, we encourage our
customers to frequently review their accounts and immediately report any suspicious activity.
2. Under a new policy, reimbursement of travel expenses will be restricted to those related to
work only.
7. Unfortunately, the computer and telephone systems will be down Thursday afternoon for
changes that will upgrade company operations.
8. As part of our company effort to be friendly to the environment, we are asking all employees
to reduce paper consumption by communicating by e-mail and avoiding printing.
CONVERSATIONAL BUT PROFESSIONAL
Revise the following to make the tone conversational yet professional.
9. As per your recent communication, the above-referenced items (copy paper and printer
toner) are being sent to your Glendale office, according to your e-mail of April 1.
10. Kindly inform the undersigned whether or not your representative will be making a
visitation in the near future.
Chapter 2 Lecture Notes ● 8
11. It’s totally awesome that we still got the contract, like, after the customer amped up his
demands, but our manager pushed back.
12. BTW, dude, we’ve had some slippage in the schedule but don’t have to dump everything
and start from ground zero.
POSITIVE AND COURTEOUS EXPRESSION
Revise the following statements to make them more positive.
15. Residents will not be able to use the community pool until repairs are made and it
complies with new pool safety regulations.
16. Titan Insurance Company will not process any claim not accompanied by documented
proof from a physician showing that the injuries were treated.
17. If you fail to comply with each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate.
BIAS-FREE LANGUAGE
Revise the following sentences to eliminate terms that are considered sexist or that suggest
stereotypes.
21. Our new medical facility will provide reception and examination rooms for each doctor
and his staff.
Chapter 2 Lecture Notes ● 9
22. Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.
23. All waiters and waitresses are covered under our new benefits package.
PLAIN LANGUAGE AND FAMILIAR WORDS
Revise the following sentences to use plain language and familiar words.
26. The condominium seller tried to obfuscate the issue by mentioning closing and other
costs.
27. You will find that our pay package is commensurate with other managers’ remuneration.
PRECISE, VIGOROUS WORDS
From the choices in parentheses, select the most precise, vigorous words.
31. Management is predicting a (change, difference, drop) in earnings after the first of the
year.
32. Experts (predict, hypothesize, state) that the economy will (change, moderate, stabilize)
by next year.
Chapter 2 Lecture Notes ● 10
Chapter 2 Additional Writing Improvement Exercises–Key
AUDIENCE BENEFITS AND THE “YOU” VIEW
1. To help you avoid fraudulent transactions and potential losses, we encourage you to
frequently review your accounts and immediately report any suspicious activity.
2. All your work-related travel expenses will be reimbursed under our new policy.
3. To prevent you from losing money in double-endorsed check transactions, our bank now
cashes only single-endorsed checks.
4. All you need to do is go to the campus student bookstore to purchase HP computers at
CONVERSATIONAL BUT PROFESSIONAL
9. As you requested, we are sending your copy paper and printer toner to your Glendale office.
10. Please tell me whether your representative will be visiting before June 1.
11. It’s impressive that we still got the contract after the customer increased his demands and our
manager responded strongly.
POSITIVE AND COURTEOUS EXPRESSION
15. Residents will be able to use the community pool once repairs are made and it complies with
new pool safety regulations.
16. We can process your claim when you send us a letter from your doctor showing that he or
she treated your injuries.
Chapter 2 Lecture Notes ● 11
BIAS-FREE LANGUAGE
21. Our new medical facility will provide reception and examination rooms for all doctors
and their staffs. OR Our new medical facility will provide reception and examination
rooms for each doctor and his or her staff.
22. Every employee is entitled to see his or her personnel file. OR: All employees are entitled
to see their personnel files.
PLAIN LANGUAGE AND FAMILIAR WORDS
26. The condominium seller tried to confuse the issue by mentioning closing and other costs.
27. You will find that our pay package is equal to other managers’ salaries.
PRECISE, VIGOROUS WORDS
31. Management is predicting a drop in earnings after the first of the year.
32. Experts predict that the economy will stabilize by next year.
33. We plan to applaud the work of outstanding employees.
