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2013, Fall Guffey Newsletter
Bonus Case Study
Negative Message: Poor Claim Request
Your Task. The following e-mail message suffers from many writing faults. List its weaknesses
and then revise to remedy them.
Current date
Mr. John Lear
Regional General Manager
Apex Car Rentals
4510 Cyprus Street
Denver, CO 80246
Dear Mr. Lear:
We are asking you to help us retrieve $60 from your Colorado Springs Airport location. This
amount covers taxes and surcharges that were omitted from a recent refund of $180 to our
corporate account. We have had difficulty reaching the local manager, apparently the only one
who could authorize such transactions.
On August 15 a colleague and I received a free navigation device with our car rental because
we were forced to wait for an hour before being assigned a car. Unfortunately, the GPS was
defective, causing us further delay until a replacement was located.
Weaknesses
1. Fails to address the receiver appropriately and misspells John Lear’s name.
2. Opens with an angry statement instead of summarizing a desired action.
3. Uses an argumentative, belligerent, and unprofessional tone.
