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3. Hearing and listening are basically synonymous. [II] F
5. To be a good listener you must always wait until the speaker has finished talking to respond.
[II] F
7. All interruptions are attempts to monopolize communication. [II] F
9. Literal listening is carefully gathering information that you can use to attack the speaker. [I]
F
10. Suspending judgment helps others from becoming defensive. [II]
7 // CREATING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES
I. Communication climate is the overall emotional tone of people interacting in a relationship.
A. Creating constructive communicative climates influences the effectiveness of
communication in all contexts.
B. Communication climates are basic to all settings and forms of interaction.
II. Communication climate is strongly influenced by the extent to which people feel confirmed
or disconfirmed. The essence of interpersonal confirmation is the expressed valuing of
another person.
A. Recognition is the most basic type of confirmation.
1. Recognition is communicated by verbal and/or nonverbal behaviors (a smile, a
handshake, saying “hello”) that affirm that a person exists.
2. Lack of recognition is communicated by verbal and/or nonverbal behaviors that
III. Specific kinds of communication can foster either defensive or supportive communication
C. Spontaneous communication, which is more open and non-manipulative, fosters a more
supportive climate than strategic communication that aims to manipulate by keeping
motives and intentions hidden.
D. Problem-oriented communication, which focuses on resolving tensions and problems,
fosters a more supportive climate than controlling communication that attempts to
dominate.
E. Empathic communication, which confirms the worth and concern of others, fosters a
more supportive climate than neutral communication that implies indifference.
F. Communication that expresses equality fosters an open climate through which interaction
flows freely while communication that expresses superiority creates a sense of
defensiveness.
IV. Conflict exists when individuals who depend on each other have different views, interests, or
goals and perceive their differences as incompatible.
A. Conflict is probably inevitable in all relationships.
1. Conflict is a sign that individuals are involved and interdependent.
2. Conflict does not necessarily indicate that a relationship is in trouble.
3. For the most part we have conflict only with people who matter to us.
4. The final component of conflict is the outcome. All conflict has one outcome or
another.
a. Conflict can result in a decision.
b. Conflict can have either a positive or negative impact on the relationship.
c. Conflict can have an impact on us as individuals by changing our opinion,
behavior, or goals.
V. There are times when you need a third party to resolve conflicts.
A. A mediator works with people who are in conflict to reach a decision.
1. Mediators work with the parties to create rules and an agenda for discussion.
2. Mediators then clarify each party’s views by paraphrasing and asking questions.
3. Mediators are most advisable when both parties have equal power and feel equally
able to speak.
B. An arbitrator facilitates discussion but also has the power to make decisions.
VI. Digital media are just as affected by communication climate as face-to-face interactions.
A. Websites, browsers, etc. use language and images to create a “feeling” or “tone.”
B. Confirmation and disconfirmation are influenced by the time lag between sending a
message via digital technology and receiving a response.
C. Reduced nonverbal cues complicate the creation of a communication climate when
communicating digitally.
c. Invite the flamer to continue the discussion through email or another less pubic
“space.”
KEY CONCEPTS
Acknowledgment
Arbitrator
Bracketing
Confirmation
Communication climate
Conflict
Covert conflict
Endorsement
Ethnocentrism
Flaming
Grace
Lose-lose
Mediator
Overt conflict
Recognition
Win-lose
Win-win
ACTIVITY: Rewriting Conflict Scripts
Purpose/Objective:
This exercise enlarges awareness of communication behaviors that promote destructive and
constructive conflict. Equally important, the exercise teaches students they can rewrite
unproductive scripts for managing conflict.
Instructions:
Ask two students to role-play romantic partners who are having an argument. Give each student
a copy of the dialogue below and tell students to begin with this dialogue and then improvise on
their own to demonstrate destructive methods of managing conflict. After the role-play, lead a
discussion of the negative conflict behaviors present in the scene just performed. Students should
be able to identify specific behaviors, based on their reading of the textbook. Next, ask students
to think about how the argument they just witnessed could be handled more productively. Tell
them the role-players are going to begin the dialogue again, and they are to interrupt to rewrite
the script so that the conflict is managed more effectively. In rewriting the script, students
suggest specific behaviors the text recommended for addressing conflict constructively. When
the script has been rewritten to create a productive conflict, close the discussion by emphasizing
that students can rewrite scripts for conflict in their own relationships.
Handout for Rewriting Conflict Scripts
A: You were really out of line tonight.
B: What do you mean “out of line?”
A: I mean you flirted with everyone there, that’s what.
B: (disinterested tone). Sounds to me like you have a problem, but I had a good time
tonight.
A: Yeah, you did it at my expense. You made me feel like I wasn’t there the way you kept
deserting me at the party.
B: Gimme a break! You’re supposed to mingle at a party. I wasn’t deserting you. You’re
just too sensitive.
A: I’m not too sensitive. It’s that you are totally insensitive! That’s the problem—you, not
me.
B: Well, if I’m such a problem, then maybe we shouldn’t see each other any more.
A: Is that a threat?
B: No. It’s a statement of fact. If you’re so jealous and insecure that you can’t let me have a
little fun, then maybe we don’t belong together.
A: Yeah, and what will this be—the hundredth relationship you’ve walked out on? Has it
ever occurred to you that something’s wrong with someone who can’t keep a relationship
going for more than a few months?
B: Nothing’s wrong with me, except perhaps my lack of judgment in choosing people to
have relationships with.
A: Yeah, well that makes two of us with that problem.
ACTIVITY: Transforming Defensive Communication into Supportive Communication
Purpose/Objective:
This exercise provides students with concrete examples of communication that cultivates
defensiveness and encourages them to transform communication that fosters defensive climates
into communication that is more likely to foster supportive climates.
Instructions:
Distribute the handout below. You may ask students to fill it out individually or to work in small
groups. Allow about 15 minutes and then proceed to a class discussion. Adaptation for Online
Learners: This exercise can be used as a discussion board question or a quiz to determine
students’ understanding of aggressive, assertive, and deferential forms of communication.
Handout for Transforming Defensive Communication Into Supportive Communication
Instructions:
Listed below are 6 statements using language that cultivates defensive communication climates.
Following each statement, write out an alternative statement that is more likely to build a
supportive communication climate. Follow directions for the type of supportive language to use.
Example: Change evaluation to description.
Evaluation: You are such a whiner.
Description: You seem to be making a lot of complaints lately.
1. Change certainty to provisionalism.
Certainty: The right thing to do is crystal clear.
Provisionalism:
2. Change strategy to spontaneity.
Strategy: Don’t you owe me a favor from when I typed that paper for you last term?
Spontaneity:
3. Change evaluation to description
Evaluation: You’re acting very immaturely.
Description:
4. Change control orientation to problem orientation.
Control Orientation: I think we should move where I have the good job offer since I’ll
make a bigger salary than you anyway.
Problem Orientation:
5. Change superiority to equality
Superiority: I can’t believe you got yourself into such a dumb predicament.
Equality:
6. Change neutrality to empathy.
Neutrality: I don’t want to get involved in your disagreement with your parents.
Empathy:
ACTIVITY: Distinguishing Aggressive, Assertive, and Deferential Forms of
Communication
Purpose/Objective:
This exercise helps students become aware of distinctions among aggressive, assertive, and
deferential styles of communicating.
Instructions:
Assign students to complete the handout below the class before you want to discuss it. Or they
can also work to complete it in class and then engage in a class discussion. Consider asking
students to role-play their responses. Adaptation for Online Learners: This exercise can be used as a
discussion board question or a quiz to determine students’ understanding of aggressive, assertive, and
deferential forms of communication.
Handout for Distinguishing Aggressive, Assertive, and Deferential Forms of Communication
Instructions:
For each scenario listed below, write an aggressive, an assertive, and a deferential statement
expressing your goal.
Example:
Scenario: You need to study for an examination, but your boyfriend/girlfriend really wants
to go out for dinner and a movie.
Aggressive response: I don’t care about your preferences. I’m not going out tonight.
Assertive response: I’d like to go out tomorrow or this weekend, but I have to study tonight.
Deferential response: I guess studying isn’t really that important; we can go out if you want.
Scenario 1: You think your roommate is angry with you, but you have no idea why and she/he
denied being angry when you stated your perception. But she/he is acting very distant and
unfriendly.
Scenario 2: One of your close friends asks to borrow your car. Normally, you wouldn’t mind
lending your car to a friend, but this person has a record of speeding and being careless
behind the wheel. You can’t afford to have your car wrecked.
Scenario 3: A close friend asks you about something very personal. You want to show that you
trust the friend, but you don’t want to discuss this topic—even with a close friend.
Scenario 4: Ten days ago you lent $20.00 to one of your co-workers with the agreement that he
would repay you within a week. He has not repaid the money, nor has he offered any
explanation. You need the loan repaid.
Scenario 5: One of the people in a group to which you belong tells racist and sexist jokes. You
find the jokes very offensive, but you don’t want to create tension in the group or make the
person who tells the jokes feel bad. You just want the jokes to stop.
JOURNAL ITEMS
PANEL IDEA
1. Invite volunteer or paid staff members from local dispute settlement centers (also called
mediation centers) to talk with your class. Ask the guests to identify common patterns
that they perceive in the conflict and communication styles of individuals who are unable
to resolve their differences. Also ask guests to explain their methods of reframing
conflict strategies. If the guests are willing, they could conduct a mini-workshop in which
students in the class participate in mediating conflicts.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Review the concept of “grace.” Can you recall an incident in which you could have
chosen to be graceful but were not? Why weren’t you? Would you do things differently,
if you had the chance? Has there been a time when you exhibited grace, although you
didn’t have to? Why did you choose that communication behavior?
2. E-mail a professional in the field of work you plan to enter or return to after completing
college. Ask your interviewee to describe the kind of climate that is most effective in his
or her work situation. Ask what specific kinds of communication foster and impede a
good working climate. How do your interviewee’s perceptions relate to material covered
in this chapter?
MOVIE—CHANGING LANES
In this film, Samuel L. Jackson and Ben Affleck play characters whose lives are dramatically
changed after they have an accident on the freeway. Both characters engage in questionable
actions in retribution of what the other has done. Over a period of time, both characters send
each other’s life into chaos. Ultimately, they begin to question their decisions and ultimately get
to a higher and more ethical ground. Students can see how acknowledgement, recognition, and
endorsement operate to influence the way we react to one another. The film also provides the
opportunity to explore the management of conflict.
COMMUNICATION SCENARIOS DVD
Andy and Martha married five years ago when both completed graduate school. Last week Andy
got the job offer of his dreams, with one problem—he would have to move 1,500 miles away.
Martha loves her current job and has no interest in moving or in living apart. Andy sees this job
as one that could really advance his career. For the past week they have talked and argued
continuously about the job offer. Tonight, while they are preparing dinner in their kitchen, they
have returned to the topic once again. We join them mid-way in their discussion, just as it is
ESSAY QUESTIONS
MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. The emotional tone of a relationship between people who are interacting is known as the
communication __________. [p. 131, I]
a. shape
e. all of the above are levels of confirmation or disconfirmation
3. During a heated discussion, Janet says to Scott, “There’s no point in talking about this any
further. I’m not going to change my mind.” This language is an example of __________.
[pp. 134–135, III]
e. C and D
4. A form of certainty language that assumes our culture and its norms are the only right ones is
__________. [p. 135, I]
e. stability
5. Signaling openness to other points of view while recognizing that people from different
cultures differ in thoughts, actions, and values is known as __________. [p. 135, I]
d. cultural absolutism
e. cultural fanaticism
6. Which one of the following types of communication promotes defensiveness? [pp. 135–136,
II]
a. description
7. “I really know a lot more about this than you do, so you should listen to me.” This comment
is an example of communication that __________. [pp. 136–137, III]
e. is focused on problem solving
8. Which of the following statement(s) is (are) accurate about conflict between people in
relationships? [pp. 137-140, II]
a. conflict indicates a relationship is in deep trouble
b. conflict is a sign that people are involved and matter to each other
9. Kimberly is irritated that Julia left and borrowed her sweater without asking. Kimberly then
plays the stereo loudly when Julia is trying to talk on the phone. This is an example of
__________. [p. 137, III]
a. offensive climate
10. Samantha says, “Arguments are terrible. I believe nobody can win when conflict breaks out.”
Samantha’s orientation to conflict is best described as __________. [p. 138, III]
e. winner takes all
11. Unlike Samantha, Shenika says, “I don’t like to lose arguments. The way I figure it, when
you have a disagreement there can be only one winner.” Shenika’s orientation to conflict is
best described as __________. [p. 139, III]
e. winner takes all
12. The response to conflict that involves staying committed to a relationship despite differences
is __________. [pp. 140, I]
e. ambush
13. Communication that expresses the speaker’s feelings without disparaging anyone else is
known as __________ communication. [p. 145, I]
e. disconfirming
14. Which of the following is a guideline for creating and sustaining healthy communication
climates? [pp. 144–146, II]
a. accepting and confirming others
15. Marking off peripheral issues for later discussion is called __________. [p. 146, I]
e. responding
16. Which of the following communication behaviors contributes to a disconfirming climate?
[pp. 132-133, II]
a. offering a pleasant greeting
17. “The other group members seemed alarmed when you knocked over your chair and began
cursing,” is an example of __________. [pp. 134, III]
e. strategic communication
18. Communication that aims at manipulating a person or group for the benefit of the person
manipulating is known as __________. [p. 135, I]
a. superiority
19. Which of the following is NOT a component of interpersonal conflict? [p. 138, I]
a. perceived incompatibility of goals or interests
b. interdependence
20. “I need this report today, but if you can’t get it done, that’s all right,” is an example of
__________. [p. 145, II]
a. supportive communication
TRUE/FALSE
2. Acknowledgement is the highest level of confirmation. [II] F
3. Descriptive communication fosters a more supportive climate than evaluative
communication. [II] T
8 // ADAPTING COMMUNICATION TO CULTURES AND SOCIAL COMMUNITIES
I. Communication is profoundly related to culture.
A. Effective communication demands adaptation to people of various cultures.
B. Effective communication demands adaptation to different cultural situations.
II. Communication and culture are closely linked for it is through communication that a culture
is expressed, sustained, and altered.
A. Culture is a way of life—a system of ideas, values, beliefs, customs and language that is
passed from one generation to another (Spencer 1982).
B. Cultures are systems; the interconnected parts of any culture affect one another and the
whole.
C. Multiple cultures may co-exist in a single culture.
a. The rules men and women learn through playing as children remain with many of
them as they grow older.
b. Women’s talk tends to be more expressive and focused on feelings; men’s talk
more instrumental and assertive.
c. Men tend to perceive activities as the foundation of relationships; women
perceive communication to be the foundation.
d. Women are more emotionally responsive while listening; men are more
instrumental in their talk than women.
III. We can understand culture and social communities by examining five key dimensions that
vary among cultures.
A. Individualism and collectivism refer to the extent to when members of a culture
understand themselves as part of and connected to their families, groups, and cultures.
1. Individualistic cultures regard each person as distinct from other people, groups, and
organizations.
2. Collectivist cultures regard people as deeply committed to each other.
3. Communication reflects the individualistic and collectivist values of cultures.
a. Individualistic cultures rely on a low-context communication style which is very
explicit, detailed, and precise.
b. Collectivistic cultures rely on a high-context communication style which is
G. Communication is a primary indication of culture.
1. Individualistic cultures generally rely on a low-context communication style which is
very direct, explicit, and detailed.
2. Collectivist cultures typically rely on a high context communication style which is
indirect and undetailed and which conveys meanings more implicitly than explicitly.
H. Communication expresses and sustains each unique culture.
1. Communication mirrors a culture’s values.
2. Communication is the primary means of perpetuating values.
I. Communication is a source of change in cultures.
1. Communication may propel change directly by naming things in ways that revise
understandings of what they are and what they mean.
2. Communication may instigate change indirectly by accompanying other sources of
change and defining what they mean.
IV. Digital media and cultures and social communities can promote bonds between people in
diverse areas. Unfortunately, digital media also allow individuals with common hatreds to
communicate in what is known as online hate groups.
V. There are four guidelines for adapting communication to diverse cultures and social
communities.
KEY CONCEPTS
Assimilation
Cultural relativism
Culture
Ethnocentrism
Hate groups
High-context communication style
Individualism/collectivism
Long-term/short-term orientation
Low-context communication style
Masculinity/femininity
MultilingualParticipation
Power distance
Resistance
Respect
Social communities
Standpoint
Standpoint theory
Tolerance
Uncertainty avoidance
Uncertainty reduction theory
Understanding
ACTIVITY: How Much Diversity in Your Life?
Purpose/Objective:
To help students assess the amount of diversity they encounter in their day-to-day interactions.
Instructions:
Begin this activity by asking your students how diverse their personal experiences are. In other
words, how often do they encounter people whose ethnicity is different from their own? Have
your students write the following terms on their own piece of paper:
Me
My best friend
My family
My neighbors
My teachers
Students in my classes
The people I work with
My physician
My dentist
My minister
My church congregation
The main character in my favorite
TV show
My favorite musical artist
Ask students to think about the person or persons in their own lives that represent each of those
terms. For each one, have them write the following symbols:
Ask students to look at how many different symbols are present on the sheet. If most of the
symbols on the sheet are the same as the symbol they used for themselves, then there isn’t much
diversity in their day-to-day experiences. If they see many different symbols on their paper, then
it’s an indication that their life experience involves people from diverse backgrounds.
ACTIVITY: Where Do You Stand?
Purpose/Objective:
To help students better understand standpoint theory and observe its practice.
Instructions:
Bring to class the children’s fairy tales, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, and Jack and the
Beanstalk. Briefly outline for students the main events of each tale. Break students into groups
of two or three, depending on class size. Assign each group to represent the “standpoint” of one
of the story’s characters appearing in the chart below and to re-write the fairy tale in a way that
reflects that character’s perceptions of the world. Adaptation for online classes: This exercise can be
used as a creative writing exercise. Provide students with written synopses of each story (or have them
check out children’s books at the library). Then have them re-write the story in 1-2 pages from a different
character’s perspective. Require a one paragraph follow-up explaining how this exercise corresponds
with what is discussed in Chapter 8.
Cinderella
Little Red Riding Hood
Jack and the Beanstalk
Mother/Stepmother
Sisters/Step-sisters
Cinderella
Godmother
Prince
Little Red Riding Hood
Wolf
Jack
Jack’s Mother
Giant
Giant’s Wife
ACTIVITY: Beyond “Live and Let Live”
Purpose/Objective:
To help students understand the escalating level of personal engagement and commitment
associated with adapting to diversity.
Instructions:
Ask students to brainstorm a list of co-cultures that exist in the United States. Push them to think
beyond the more obvious racial and ethnic cultures. Write their responses on the board and then
select four or five co-cultures from which to continue the activity. For each of the four or five
co-cultures selected from the larger list, ask students to write down how they imagine a person
not from that culture might behave, based on the following responses to diversity:
Resistance
Assimilation
Tolerance
Understanding
Respect
Participation
For example, students might identify “skateboarders” as a co-culture. They would then generate
possible responses/behaviors a person not from that culture would make if they were “resistant,”
if they expected “assimilation,” if they were “tolerant,” etc. toward such a co-culture. Ask
students to probe the degree of personal engagement and commitment that is associated with
each possible response to diversity.
JOURNAL ITEMS
1. Interview a person (student or not) who immigrated to the United States. Focus on the
individual’s perceptions of differences in communication in her or his country of origin
and the United States. In your journal, record what you learned about the other person’s
culture and your own culture from the interview.
2. Talk with one man and one woman who are at least sixty years old. Ask both to describe
what men and women were like when they were twenty years old. In your journal,
discuss differences between gender roles in the United States today and when your
interviewees were 20.
PANEL IDEA
1. African American Teach-In. This activity should enhance non-African American
students’ appreciation of the richness of communication styles used by many African
Americans. Ask four or five African Americans to lead a brief workshop in your class.
The African Americans may be from your school or from the community. Explain to the
guests that your goal is to make non-African American students aware of the drama, wit,
and style of African American communication. When the guests meet with your class,
they should first demonstrate African American communication practices using
themselves as examples. They may demonstrate practices such as signifying, rapping,
woofing, cracking (also called snapping), and calling out. [Don’t worry if you don’t
know what these are; you can learn in the workshop too!] Then workshop leaders should
get students in the class to try new communication practices. As an alternative, consider
a panel constituted by another cultural, religious, or ethnic group that is willing to share
its own communication styles with the class.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Visit the website of a controversial organization or group in order to gain a better sense of
how they see themselves. Does their website promote feelings of resistance from
“outsiders?” Is the website a useful communication tool for fostering tolerance?
Understanding? Respect? Participation? Why or why not?
2. Talk with two or three people of another ethnicity. Discuss what you learned about the
similarities and differences between the individuals that you talked to. How did these
interactions enlarge your perspective of each person?
MOVIE—THE SCHOOL OF ROCK
Dewey Finn (Jack Black) is a down-on-his-luck musician who takes a job as a 4th grade
substitute teacher to help pay some bills. He slowly begins to connect with his students and
ultimately teaches them to be “rockers.” It would be interesting to see if students can perceive
children as a culture that many adults have difficulty dealing with. This film can provide insights
into the four principles that we must use to effectively communicate with those from another
culture (even kids!).
COMMUNICATION SCENARIOS DVD
Mei-ying Yung is a senior who has majored in computer programming. Mei-ying's aptitude for
computer programming has earned her much attention at her college. She has developed and
installed complex new programs to make advising more efficient and to reduce the frustration
and errors in registration for courses. Although she has been in the United States for six years, in
ESSAY QUESTIONS
1. Define culture and discuss at least three ways in which communication and culture are
closely linked. Provide examples for each of the three ways.
2. Identify the five responses in the process of adapting to cultural diversity. Provide an
example of each response in the same communication context.
3. Discuss the four guidelines for adapting communication to diverse cultures and social
communities. Give examples for each.
MULTIPLE CHOICE
1. A system of ideas, values, beliefs, customs, and language that is passed from one generation
to the next and sustains a particular way of life is known as __________. [p. 154, I]
a. communication
2. The type of cultures in which people act relatively independent of others in the culture. [p.
e. cultural relativism
e. tends to have more competitive communication
4. The type of communication styles used by individualistic cultures which are very explicit,
detailed, and precise are __________. [p. 161, I]
5. The social, symbolic, and material practices of a social group that shape its members’
perspectives and communication processes are known as __________. [p.159, I]
a. understanding
6. The idea that any culture includes a number of social groups with distinct perceptions,
d. constructivism
e. systematic desensitization
7. Nonverbal communication expressions of the overall dominant European-American culture
heritage in the United States today is reflected __________. [pp. 155-156, III]
a. in a statue of Benjamin Franklin in front of the town library
8. Which of the communication cultures or co-cultures below tends to favor competitiveness in
interaction, limited emotional responsiveness, and a focus on accomplishing instrumental
goals? [p. 158-59, II]
9. In general, which of the following characteristics best describes a management style favored
by many women? [p. 159, II]
e. all of the above
10. Men who are socialized in masculine communities typically __________. [pp. 159, II]
a. are competitive
b. build friendships by doing things together
11. The tendency to regard our culture and our way of life as normal and superior to other people
and other ways of life is known as __________. [p. 165, I]
e. standpoint theory
12. Maggie is very nervous around devout Muslims. She thinks they don’t belong in the U.S.,
and never tries to make any conversation with Muslims she comes across. Maggie’s actions
are an example of __________. [p. 166-167, III]
a. ethnocentrism
