Chapter 7: Becoming Gendered: The Early Years
I. Gendering Communication in the Family
A. Unconscious Processes: Identification and Internalization
a. Psychoanalytic theory posits identity formation as a largely unconscious process
through identification and internalization.
i. Freud wrote that “anatomy is destiny,” which meant that the sex of a child
determined with which parent a child would identify and how the child’s
psyche would develop.
ii. Later theorists rejected the Freud’s notion of “destiny” but still focused on
family dynamics as crucial in the formation of gendered identities.
b. Initial identification occurs within the primary caregiver-child relationship,
though different developmental paths ensue for male and female infants.
i. Mothers recognize and emphasize similarity between themselves and their
daughters, leading to stronger identification of daughters with mothers.
ii. In contrast, sons must separate and differentiate from mothers.
iii. These different early family relationships for boys and girls result in
different roles internalized by male and female children.
1. Girls tend to develop a feminine identity within relationships,
which leads to an emphasis on closeness and personal
communication. Focus on continuing relationships encourages
girls to become more nurturing and relationally oriented.
2. Boys tend to form a masculine identity by distancing
themselves from mothers, preferring interactions with activity-
specific groups with changing members. Therefore, they learn
to define themselves relatively independently of others.
iv. Children in single-parent families may have trouble finding available
models of both genders.
1. Ego boundaries represent an intrapsychic structure that defines where an individual
stops and the rest of the world begins.
a. Feminine individuals tend to emphasize connection with others and have
2. Parents communicate about gender to their children in numerous ways.
a. Parents label and respond to their infants according to gendered stereotypes
within hours of birth.
b. Parents foster gendered behaviors by encouraging independence, competitiveness,
and aggression in sons and more emotional expressiveness and gentleness in
3. Parental modeling of masculinity and femininity influences children’s
understanding of gender.
a. Heterosexual parents who adhere to traditional sex roles provide models for
4. The Personal Side of the Gender Drama: Gender and personal identity is influenced by
other factors as we interact with others over time.
a. Growing up masculine in the United States includes six major elements.
i. Don’t be female is a strong directive for African American and European
American men. Males are socialized not to show sensitivity or
vi. A more recent, contradictory theme is to “embody and transcend
traditional views of masculinity.” Men are expected to embody the
traditional masculine traits above, yet be sensitive and egalitarian.
vii. Some counselors believe that striving to live up to social ideals of
masculinity is responsible for widespread male depression, which society
is unwilling to acknowledge since it contradicts social prescriptions for
masculinity.
b. Growing up feminine in the United States includes two distinct versions of
femininity. One version suggests that women “have it all” since they have new
professional opportunities and egalitarian marriages. On the other hand, statistics
show that women are unlikely to advance to the highest professional levels, career
women still do the majority of the housework and childcare, and crimes against
women are rising. Five major themes of femininity are examined.
i. The first theme is appearance counts. Women are evaluated by their
looks and encouraged to meet cultural ideas of attractiveness and
slenderness. Cultural ideals of feminine beauty reflect white standards.
ii. The second theme is to be sensitive and caring, conforming to
expectations of women as caregivers.
iii. Being feminine also involves being treated negatively by others, both
culturally and physically. Females may internalize these cultural views.
Journal Entries
1. Thinking about the early years in your family, recall an incident or the messages that were
given to you by your family that told you what it meant to be a boy or a girl. Reflect on
how these messages helped shape your gender identity.
2. How would your life be different if you woke up tomorrow and were a member of the other
sex?
3. How permeable are your ego boundaries? If you have more permeable ego boundaries,
how do these enrich your life and relationships? How might they constrain and restrict
you? If you have more rigid ego boundaries, how do these enrich your life and
relationships? How might they constrain and restrict you?
4. Have you felt the pressures to be feminine or masculine as the book describes them? How
so? Were there any aspects of being masculine or feminine that have not been part of your
experience of gender socialization? Explain.
5. Reflect on the ways your parent(s) or guardian(s) modeled their gender(s). Were they
traditional in their gender expressions or did they defy gender norms? Or, were they
traditional in some ways but nontraditional in others? Next, consider how your parent(s)’
or guardian(s)’ gender expression influenced your own gender identity. Do you
perform/express your gender in ways that are similar to or different from them?
InfoTrac Activities
1. Choose the Advanced Search option using InfoTrac College Edition. Select title and type
“Gender labeling starts in diaperhood” by Steve Sonsky. Note, as Sonsky does, the
gendered assumptions that are happening continuously throughout the daily, lived
experience of raising his daughter. To what extent, and in what ways, do these subtle
expectations and assumptions contribute to gendered socialization?
2. Choose the Advanced Search option using InfoTrac College Edition. Select title and type
“The 1990s: Gender differences in parenting roles” by Diane E. Wille. What are some of
the biggest differences that Wille notes? Are these reflective of your own experiences
growing up?
Suggested Activities
1. Pinks and Blues: Watch and discuss the film The Pinks and the Blues. Though the film is
several years old, the socialization processes illustrated and the research discussed are just
as relevant today as when the film was made.
2. Family Communication and Gender Role: Allow students to discuss the socialization
processes they experienced in their families. Divide the class into groups of two or three
students to allow discussion that is more in-depth, and perhaps more personal. Use the
exercise “Family Communication and Gender Role” included with this section to guide
students’ reflections. Hand out the exercise the class period before you intend to use it to
allow students time to reflect on their experiences. Because many of the examples and
experiences shared may be of a personal nature, you may want to debrief the class after
their interactions, rather than conduct a formal discussion. In debriefing the activity, share
some representative examples that you heard being discussed across the groups;
additionally, students will often offer their experiences to supplement your observations.
You may want to include some of your experiences growing up to represent issues you feel
are relevant to the exercise and the class.
3. Examining Ego Boundaries: The book Boundaries in the Mind (Hartmann, 1991)
examines the concept of ego boundaries. You may wish to use an instrument that
Hartmann designed, the Boundary Questionnaire, to allow class members to measure their
4. Gendering through Childhood Stories: Have students bring in a book that they enjoyed
as a young child. (You may need to announce this activity in advance so that students have
time to obtain a copy of the book.) Suggest that they visit the local library if they do not
have a copy of the book. Have them examine the books in small groups to see what
messages the storybooks teach about gender. Ask them to recall how they were first
introduced to the text (did someone give it to them, did they discover it on their own?) and
5. Letter to Your Former Self: Ask students to recall what they were like around the time
they started puberty (middle school years). Then, ask them to think about how they have
matured and learned about themselves since them. Ask the students to write a letter to the
younger version of themselves, giving the adolescent advice about masculinity, femininity,
gender, sexuality, etc. In other words, what have they learned about gender that they could
teach their younger, more naïve selves? They may say things like, “It’s actually okay to
6. A Genderless Childhood: In January 2011, a baby named Storm was born. The only
people who know Storm’s sex are the baby’s parents, Kathy Witterick and David Stocker,
the midwives who helped deliver the child, and the child’s older siblings. ABC News
reports that “Storm’s parents decided not to share the child’s sex . . . because they want to
allow the baby to develop without the constraints of gender stereotypes.”
(http://abcnews.go.com/Health/genderless-baby-tribute-liberty-conscript-war-sex-
roles/story?id=13716165). Discuss the case with the class. Is it possible to raise a
“genderless” child? What might be some of the implications for Storm? Ask students to
FAMILY COMMUNICATION AND GENDER ROLE
This exercise will allow you to examine how family communication influences gender role
by guiding your discussion with a few classmates. The goal is for you to apply research we’ve
read and discussed to your personal life. Before the small group discussions, please think about
gender messages in your own family, and how these influenced the sense of gender identity and
ego boundaries that you formed. Consider especially the formative, early years of your
development. Following are some questions designed to prompt your thinking about gender
messages in your family. Think about all of them, though in your group you may choose to
focus on only several.
1. Think about your parents or guardians as gender role models. How did your mother
figure enact her gender? How did your father figure enact his gender? How consistent
with traditional sex-role stereotypes were your parents or guardians? How do you reflect
their modeling? If you grew up in a single parent or guardian home, how did the parent
or guardian you lived with enact her or his gender? Do you think having a single parent
or guardian influenced your sense of your own gender?
2. Think about the kinds of things your guardian(s) required you to do—chores or
responsibilities expected of you. Were you expected to do housework, yard work, etc.?
To what extent did chores expected of you reflect gender roles?
3. How did praise and discipline reflect your guardian(s’) ideas about your gender? What
kinds of activities, feelings, goals, etc. earned praise for you? What sorts of behaviors,
attitudes, and feelings led to scolding from your guardian(s)?
4. What did you do with your guardian(s)? Did you engage in different activities with your
father figure and/or mother figure?
5. Did material things your guardian(s) got for you carry messages about “appropriate”
gender role? Think about the kinds of clothes, toys, etc. you were given.
6. If you have (or had) siblings of the other sex, what differences were there in how you
and your sibling(s) were treated? Did your guardian(s) act and talk in distinct ways with
you and your siblings? What lessons did you draw from any differences you
experienced?
7. How did your guardian(s) respond to statements you made about “what I’m going to be
when I grow up”? Toward what adult goals/careers did your guardian(s) encourage you?
Were you discouraged from any of your ambitions?
8. During your childhood years, how much time did you spend in independent activities?
How much of your time was spent with others? How constantly were you supervised
growing up?