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1
Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
Chapter 9
Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Study Objectives
After studying the material in this chapter, students should be able to accomplish the following
objectives.
1. Identify and describe the benefits and challenges of intercultural relationships.
2. Understand the role that similarities and differences play in intercultural relationships.
3. Identify cultural differences in relational communication.
4. Identify and describe issues in intercultural friendships, intercultural romantic
relationships, and gay relationships.
5. Describe how computer-mediated communication (CMC) can both facilitate and hinder
intercultural relationships.
6. Understand how society influences intercultural relationships.
Key Terms
• Complementarity
• Compromise style
• Consensus style
• Contact hypothesis
• Friendships
• Gay relationships
• Intercultural dating
• Intercultural relationships
• Intimacy
• Obliteration style
• Physical attraction
• Romantic relationships
• Similarity principle
• Submission style
• Transgender relationships
Detailed Chapter Outline
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
I. Benefits of Intercultural Relationships
• Most people have a variety of intercultural relationships that span differences in age,
physical ability, gender, ethnicity, class, religion, race, and nationality.
• The key to these relationships is often an interesting balance of differences and similarities.
• The benefits of such relationships include the following:
o Learning about the world
o Breaking stereotypes
o Acquiring new skills
• In intercultural relationships, people learn specific information about unfamiliar cultural
patterns and language.
• People may also learn more about what it really means to belong to a different culture.
• People may learn something about history. This is a kind of “relational learning,” learning
that comes from a particular relationship but generalizes to other contexts.
• Finally, the Internet can also be an important influence in helping new arrivals establish
friendships in their new country.
II. Challenges in Intercultural Relationships
A. Motivation
• Perhaps the most fundamental challenge in intercultural relationships is motivation.
o In order to build relationships across cultural boundaries, there has to be a desire.
• There are increasing opportunities to meet people from other cultures through the
Internet, and increasing cultural diversity in many schools and workplaces, and yet a
recent survey shows that today’s first-year college students have less interest in meeting
people who are different from them.
B. Differences in Communication Styles, Values, and Perceptions
• A second challenge is that intercultural relationships, by definition, are often
characterized by cultural differences in communication styles, values, and perceptions.
o These dissimilarities probably are most noticeable in the early stages of the
relationship, before people get to know each other on a more personal, individual
level.
• However, once some commonality is established, these cultural differences may have
less effect because all relationships become more individualized as they move to more
intimate stages.
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
• There is an interplay of both differences and similarities in intercultural relationships.
o The differences may be more obvious but the challenge is to discover and build on
the similarities in intercultural relationships.
C. Negative Stereotypes
• Stereotypes are a way of categorizing and processing information, but they are
particularly detrimental when they are negative and held rigidly.
• These mainstream ideas and stereotypes can be powerful and persistent.
• It takes conscious effort to detect the stereotypes we hold in everyday life and to find
information that counteracts them.
D. Anxiety
• A fourth challenge in intercultural relationships involves overcoming the increased
anxiety commonly found in the early stages of the relationship. (Some anxiety always
exists in the early stages of any relationship.)
o This anxiety stems from fears about possible negative consequences of one’s
actions. A person may be afraid that he or she will look stupid or will offend
someone because the individual is unfamiliar with that person’s language or
culture.
• Differences of age are not usually cause for discomfort, but relationships that span
differences in physical ability, class, or race may engender more anxiety.
• People face a kind of “hurdle” in developing intercultural relationships, and once they
pass that hurdle, it’s much easier to develop other intercultural relationships.
• The level of anxiety may be higher if people have negative expectations based on
previous interaction or on stereotypes.
E. Affirming Another Person’s Cultural Identity
• A fifth challenge in intercultural relationships is affirming the other person’s cultural
identity. This means that people need not only to recognize that the other person might
have different beliefs, perceptions and attitudes, but also to accept those characteristics
as an important part of the other’s identity.
o There is often a tendency for members of the majority culture to assume their
attitudes, beliefs and behaviors are the norm and that the minority member should
adapt to them.
F. The Need for Explanations
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
• Intercultural relationships can be more work than in-group relationships. A lot of the
work has to do with explaining.
• First, in some way, consciously or unconsciously, people ask themselves what it means
to be friends with someone who is not like the them.
• Second, people explain things to each other. This process of mutual clarification is one
of the healthiest characteristics of intercultural relationships.
o It should be noted that usually the biggest obstacles to boundary-crossing
friendships come not from minority communities but from majority communities.
▪ This is because, those in the majority, such as Whites, have the most to gain
by maintaining social inequality and are less likely to initiate boundary-
crossing friendships.
▪ By contrast, minority groups have more to gain. Developing intercultural
relationships can help them survive and succeed, particularly economically
and professionally.
• Overall, intercultural friendships add a special richness to people’s lives.
III. Foundations of Intercultural Relationships
• Some relationships develop because of circumstances—for example, when students work
together on a course project.
• Some relationships develop because people come into contact with each other on a
frequent basis: for example, neighbors in dorms or apartments.
• Others develop because of a strong physical attraction or because of similar interests,
attitudes, or personality traits.
• And sometimes relationships develop between dissimilar people simply because they are
different.
A. Similarities and Differences
• According to the similarity principle, people tend to be attracted to people whom they
perceive to hold attitudes similar to theirs in terms of politics, religion, personality, and
so on.
o Finding people who agree with one’s own beliefs confirms those beliefs.
• But one may also seek out people who have different personality traits and therefore
provide balance, or complementarity, in the relationship.
• Some individuals are attracted to people simply because they have different cultural
backgrounds.
o Although people may be attracted initially by differences, some common ground
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
or similarity must be established if the relationship is to develop, flourish, and be
mutually satisfying over time.
B. Cultural Differences in Relationships
• How are friendships—personal, nonromantic relationships with culture-specific
overtones—formed? What are the characteristics of a friend? How do these notions vary
across cultures?
• The term friend may have different meanings for different cultural groups.
• For example, in the United States, the term applies to many different kinds of
relationships. In contrast, in India and in many other countries, the concept is defined
more narrowly.
• What most people in the world consider simply a friend is what U.S. Americans would
consider a “close friend.”
• Europeans are often amazed at the openness and informality of Americans and how
quickly they can form friendships.
• The upshot is that Americans often come across as forward, intrusive, and overbearing.
• It might be better for Americans to give their European acquaintances more time to
open up and initiate intimacy, and they should be careful not to interpret European
reserve as lack of warmth.
o For example, international students in the United States often remark that U.S.
American students seem superficial.
o That is, they welcome interactions with strangers and share information of a
superficial nature—for example, when chatting at a party. When some
international students experience these types of interactions, they assume that they
have become “close” friends.
• The differences in the openness and informality of Americans compared to Europeans
may have something to do with the different histories and geography.
• There are also both similarities and differences between Japanese and U.S. American
students with regard to friendships.
o In general, young people in both countries seem to be attracted to people who are
similar to them in some way, and they use the same words to describe
characteristics of a friend: trust, respect, understanding, and sincerity. However,
they give these characteristics different priority.
o The Japanese value relational harmony and collectivism, whereas the U.S.
Americans value honesty and individuality.
• Hispanic, Asian American, African American, and Anglo American students hold
similar notions about two important characteristics of close friendship: trust and
acceptance.
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
• However, whereas Latino/a, Asian American, and African American students report that
it takes, on average, about a year to develop a close friendship, Anglo Americans report
that it takes only a few months. And each group may emphasize a slightly different
aspect of friendship.
o For example, Latinos/as emphasize relational support; Asian Americans
emphasize a caring, positive exchange of ideas; African Americans emphasize
respect and acceptance; and Anglo Americans emphasize recognizing the needs of
individuals.
• There are also similarities and differences in how romantic relationships are viewed in
different cultures.
• In general, most cultures stress the importance of some degree of openness,
involvement, shared nonverbal meanings, and relationship assessment in romantic
relationships.
• There are differences between cultures, such as:
o In general, U.S. American students emphasize the importance of physical
attraction, passion, love, and autonomy, reflecting a more individualistic
orientation.
o But many other cultural groups emphasize the acceptance of the potential partner
by family members as more important than romantic or passionate love, reflecting
a more collectivist orientation.
• The U.S. American emphasis on individual autonomy in relationships can be
problematic. Trying to balance the needs of two “separate” individuals is not easy, and
extreme individualism makes it difficult for either partner to justify sacrificing or giving
more than he or she is receiving.
o All this leads to fundamental conflicts as partners try to reconcile the need for
personal freedom with marital obligations.
• There is far more information about heterosexual friendships and romantic relationships
than about gay relationships, and even less about transgender relationships.
• Homosexuality has existed in every society and in every era. And while in the United
States people tend to have fairly rigid categories (“heterosexual,” “bisexual,”
“homosexual,” and so on), cross-cultural and historical studies show a great deal of
variety in how intimate human relations are carried on.
• Gay relationships may be intracultural and intercultural. Although there are many
similarities between gay and straight relationships, they also differ in at least four ways:
their views on intimacy, the role of sexuality, conflict management strategies, and the
importance of close friendships.
o First, U.S. gay males tend to seek emotional support from same-sex friendships,
whereas straight males, socialized toward less self-expression and emotional
intimacy, turn to women for emotional support—often a wife or female romantic
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
partner, rather than a same-sex friend.
o Second, the role of sexuality also may differ in heterosexual relationships and in
gay friendships. In heterosexual relationships, friendship and sexual involvement
typically are mutually exclusive; the sex thing always seems to “get in the way.”
Friendships between straight men and women can be ambiguous because of the
sex thing.
• Close friendships may be more important for gay people than for straight people. Gay
people often suffer discrimination and hostility from the straight world.
o In addition, they often have strained relationships with families.
o For these reasons, the social support they receive from friends in the gay
community can play a special role.
• By the time the United States legalized same-sex marriage nationwide, about 20
countries had already done so, including Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, France,
the Netherlands, South Africa, Spain, and Uruguay.
• In countries where same-sex marriage is not legal, some offer other kinds of
recognition, including “domestic partnerships” and “civil unions.”
o In Cameroon, homosexuality is a crime, and there have been a number of arrests
of gay men. In that country, gay men risk a prison term of five years, as same-sex
activities are unlawful.
o Even more repressive than Cameroon is ISIS which has reportedly killed more
than 25 men suspected of being gay.
o Under these conditions, same-sex relationships are undertaken with great risk,
because the anti-gay attitudes are institutionalized under the law.
IV. Relationships Across Differences
A. Communicating in Intercultural Relationships
• Intercultural relationships among people from different cultures may be similar to
intracultural relationships in many ways.
• But some unique themes related to issues of competence, similarity, involvement, and
turning points can guide people’s thinking about communicating in intercultural
relationships.
• There are four levels of intercultural communication competence.
o Unconscious incompetence reflects a “be yourself” approach in which an
individual is not conscious of cultural differences and does not see a need to act in
any particular way.
▪ Sometimes this works. However, being oneself works best in interactions
with people who are very similar to one. In intercultural contexts, being
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
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oneself often means that one is not very effective and one doesn’t realize
one’s ineptness.
o At the level of conscious incompetence, people realize things may not be going
very well in the interaction, but they’re not sure why.
o As instructors of intercultural communication, they teach at a conscious,
intentional level. Their instruction focuses on analytic thinking and learning. This
describes the level of conscious competence.
o Unconscious competence is the level at which communication goes smoothly but
is not a conscious process.
• While dissimilarity may account for an initial attraction between two people, it is very
important to find and develop some similarity that transcends the cultural differences.
• All relationships take time to develop, but it is especially important to make time in
intercultural relationships. This is one aspect of involvement.
• Intimacy of interaction is another element of involvement, as are shared friendship
networks.
• There are often significant events that relate to perceived changes in the relationship—
turning points that move the relationship forward or backward.
B. Intercultural Dating
• Intercultural dating involves the pursuit of an intercultural romantic relationship.
• The reasons people give for dating within and outside their own ethnic group are very
similar: they are attracted to the other person, physically or sexually.
• However, the reasons people give for not dating someone within or outside their own
ethnic group are often very different.
o One reason for not dating someone within the ethnic group is lack of attraction;
reasons given for not dating outside the ethnic group include not having an
opportunity and not having thought about it.
o People are more likely to date someone from another cultural group if they have
contact with people from different cultures—if their neighborhood, schools, and
churches are culturally diverse.
o However, even more important is the diversity of friendship network, a fourth
influence.
o That is, it isn’t enough just to be around people who are culturally different—one
must form friendships in order to develop romantic relationships.
▪ Most people, by the time they reach adolescence, have been taught that it is
better to date within their own ethnic and racial group.
▪ A very recent national survey found that young White and Black students
who dated interculturally were likely to encounter disapproval, ranging from
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
very subtle to overt hostility from their peers—often from students of the
same race.
o Another influence on the decision to date interculturally is the ethnic diversity of
parents’ friends.
▪ It’s possible that the initial decision to date interculturally may depend on
one’s friends.
▪ However, the decision to continue dating probably depends on the attitudes
and, more important, on the behavior of one’s parents.
C. Intercultural Marriage
• There is increasing acceptance of interracial marriages, but Whites continue to be the
least accepting with 84 percent approving, compared with 96 percent of Blacks who
approve of interracial marriage.
• What are the major concerns of couples who marry interculturally? Their concerns, like
those of dating couples, often involve dealing with pressures from their families and
from society.
o In addition, intercultural couples face the issue of raising children. Sometimes
these concerns are closely related.
• Of course, every husband and wife develop their own idiosyncratic way of relating to
each other, but intercultural marriage poses consistent challenges.
o Most couples have their own systems for working out the power balance in their
relationships, for deciding who gives and who takes.
• Couples may adopt different styles depending on the context.
o The submission style, the most common style, occurs when one partner accepts
the culture of the other partner, abandoning or denying his or her own.
o With the compromise style, each partner gives up some parts of his or her
culturally bound habits and beliefs to accommodate the other.
o With the obliteration style, both partners deal with differences by attempting to
erase their individual cultures.
o The style that is the most desirable, not surprisingly, is the consensus style, one
based on agreement and negotiation.
• Couples who are considering permanent intercultural relationships should prepare
carefully for the commitment by living together, spending extended time with the
partner’s family, learning the partner’s language, studying the partner’s religion, and
learning the partner’s cuisine.
D. Online Relationships
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
• More and more people are using new technologies to communicate.
• The most important impact of new communication technologies, particularly for young
people, is the opportunities they provide for developing and maintaining relationships.
• Through social networking sites (SNSs) like Facebook, e-mail, instant messaging (IM),
and Twitter, we can stay in touch with old friends, maintain almost constant contact
with current friends, and find new friends.
• These new media technologies present us with enormous opportunities to communicate
and develop relationships with people who are very different from each other. One can
communicate with people in other countries as easily as talking to one’s next-door
neighbors.
• Social media and social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter are a world-wide
phenomenon. Facebook reports that “approximately 84.2 percent of our daily active
users are outside the U.S. and Canada.”
o Whatever the particular audience, they present endless opportunities to develop
and maintain intercultural relationships.
• In addition, it appears that communication technologies like the Internet and social
media both facilitate and inhibit the development of intercultural relationships.
• Another way that intercultural communication may be facilitated online—the
asynchronicity of some new media formats (email, text messaging, twitter)—allows
nonnative speakers more time to compose a message and to decode and respond than in
true face-to-face interaction.
• Language differences can lead to possible misunderstanding of specific words and
phrases and humor online can often be misunderstood—thus inhibiting intercultural
communication.
• Understanding humor in a language often requires a sophisticated understanding of
subtle nuances: irony, sarcasm, and cynicism in online communication across cultures
should be approached with great caution.
V. Society and Intercultural Relationships
• It is important to consider how society views and influences intercultural relationships.
o The census indicates that many people are marrying outside their cultural group.
o 61 percent of American Indian females and 54 percent of American Indian males
marry outside of their group, while only 7 percent of Whites do.
• Despite what those in the marriage think, society will tend to view them as unequal, as the
stereotypes and attitudes are not equal. This phenomenon is reflected in who marries
whom.
o In 2013, Black men were much more likely than Black women to marry outside their
group with 25 percent of Black men marrying outside versus 12 percent of Black
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
women.
o In contrast, 37 percent of Asian women married a non-Asian, while only 16 percent
of Asian men did so.
• Contact hypothesis is the notion that only under very specific conditions do intercultural
contacts result in positive and tolerant attitudes toward the other groups.
Discussion Questions
1. How do you meet people who are different from you? What are the greatest obstacles in
starting a conversation with someone who is culturally different from yourself?
2. Should gay relationships be treated separately from romantic straight relationships as they
are in this chapter? What issues might have affected the authors’ decision to do so?
3. Are your intercultural relationships different from those that you have with members of
your own culture? How? Are they similar? In what ways are they similar?
4. Why would it be important to affirm another person’s cultural identity?
5. Why do some people marry outside their group?
6. Why don’t African American women or Asian American men marry outside their group as
often as others?
7. What are some of the benefits of intercultural relationships?
8. What are some of the challenges for people involved in intercultural relationships?
9. How are gay relationships different from and similar to heterosexual relationships?
10. What opportunities do SNSs provide for developing and maintaining relationships?
11. How does the asynchronicity of some new media formats facilitate intercultural
communication in e-mail, text messaging, and Twitter?
12. Do you know anyone in an intercultural romantic relationship or marriage? If so, what
style of interaction does he or she seem to have adopted?
13. Find or create examples of the four levels of intercultural communication competence.
14. What kinds of turning points might facilitate the development of intercultural
relationships? Give a few examples of turning points that might hinder the development of
intercultural relationships.
15. How does society influence intercultural relationships?
Classroom Exercises and Chapter Activities
1. Relationship Formation Exercise: The purpose of this exercise is to help students explore
how and with whom they tend to form relationships. Form groups of four to six students,
and ask them to record their responses to the following questions:
• Why do we develop relationships with other people?
• How do we get to know our friends and romantic partners?
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
• How do we form relationships with people with whom we want to become friends?
• How do we get to know people who are different from us? Are these relationships
different from those characterized by similarity?
• What are some of the criteria we use to determine who we want to form friendships
with and with whom we don’t want to be associated?
Students should keep track of their answers. After fifteen minutes, instruct each group to
report back to the class.
2. Defining Friendship Exercise: This exercise helps students explore the characteristics of
friendship. Have students form groups of four to six and come up with a definition of
friendship. Explain to them that this definition needs to be specific enough to distinguish a
friendship from an acquaintanceship. Suggest that before they frame their definition, they
should identify differences between friendships and acquaintanceships and generate a list
of characteristics found in friendships. After the students have completed their definitions,
they should share them with other groups. This may stimulate a class discussion on
characteristics important to friendships and how these might change across cultures.
3. Physical Attraction Exercise: The object of this exercise is to encourage students to explore
what characteristics constitute physical attractiveness and where their notions of physical
attractiveness come from. You will need six to eight pictures of males and females from
magazines or catalogues for each group. Divide your students into groups of four to six
(males and females). Give each group a set of pictures, and ask them to work as a group to
rate the attractiveness of each person on a scale of 1 to 10. Then, have them explain their
rating by listing the characteristics of the person they consider attractive or unattractive.
Instruct the students to think about these characteristics and where they got the idea that
these characteristics are positive or negative. At the end of the activity, lead a class
discussion exploring the following questions:
• Did everyone in the group agree about what characteristics were attractive? If there
were differences or similarities, why do you think they existed?
• Did male and female members of the group have the same ideas about what
characteristics made men and women attractive?
• From where do we learn our notions of attractiveness?
4. Cultural Variations in Relationships Assignment: The purpose of this assignment is to
encourage students to become familiar with relationship differences in a specific culture.
The assignment may be modified to serve as a term or chapter assignment depending on
the number of issues you assign students to investigate; it could also be given as a group
project. Have students choose a national or cultural group that they are interested in
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
studying. Then suggest that they investigate the following questions about relationships in
the culture:
• What constitutes friendship in the culture? How are they formed? What can you rely
on a friend to do for you? How long do friendships last?
• What are the cultural norms and taboos regarding meeting and dating people of the
opposite sex?
• How are marriage proposals conducted in the culture? Is it between the man and the
woman? Is parental permission required? Do parents or a 3rd party or a “go-between”
arrange the marriage?
• What is a typical wedding like in the culture? What are the reasons for the rites and
rituals associated with it? How much variations can there be in the types of
ceremonies couples have?
• How do members of the culture view divorce?
• If divorce occurs, what are the rights of each partner? What is its emotional impact?
• What is the general cultural attitude toward homosexuality? What legal rights or
protection do gays and lesbians have? Can they marry? Can they adopt?
• How are the general perspectives of this culture the same as or different from yours
regarding gender roles? How does this vary with regard to class, education, urban
and rural settings, and generational changes?
Be sure they use multiple sources for their information. Have them view current films and
news footage or explore news stories from or about the culture. Conduct interviews with
someone from that culture if possible and/or someone who has visited.
5. Intercultural Relationships Interview Assignment: This assignment focuses on exploring
the challenges of forming intercultural relationships. Assign students to interview someone
from their own culture who has lived for an extended period of time (a minimum of three
months) in a foreign country or someone from another country who is currently living in
the United States. Advise them to follow the suggestions and guidelines below, and have
them answer the following questions by writing an essay or journal entry.
• How did you feel about meeting the members of that culture for the first time?
• Before you met the members of that culture, what did you expect them to be like?
• Did you encounter any surprises when you began interacting with them?
• How would you describe the experience of forming relationships with members of
that culture? Was your experience different from or similar to what you’ve
experienced when forming relationships with members of your own culture?
• Did you notice differences from, or similarities to, your own culture in how
friendships were formed with members of the opposite sex?
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• Did you notice differences from, or similarities to, your own culture in the
expectations and norms for friendships with members of the same sex?
• What advice would you give to people who are unfamiliar with the culture about
forming relationships with members of that culture?
The following suggestions may help students set up and conduct their interview:
Preparing for the Interview
• Plan the interview numerous weeks prior to the due date.
• Decide the person you want to interview.
• Consider a suitable location to conduct the interview (one in which both you and the
interviewee will be comfortable and will have few distractions).
• Fix a date for the interview. When you call him or her, be sure to clarify the purpose
of the interview. Ask if he or she is ready to help. If the person agrees, fix the date,
time, and place for the interview. Give him or her an idea of how much time it will
take, and request permission to take notes or tape-record the interview.
• Formulate your questions so that you are comfortable with the language and are sure
that they are clear and simple to comprehend. Short questions work better than
comprehensive questions. Avoid using clichés or slang in the questions.
• Prepare any note-taking equipment. (Remember to take extra batteries for a tape
recorder if you are using one and that the interviewee agrees to be tape-recorded.)
During the Interview
• Be professional. Dress comfortably but agreeably to show respect for the
interviewee. Ask ethical and considerate questions that show your sensitivity to
cultural matters and your respect for him or her.
• Before beginning the interview, build rapport with your interviewee by talking about
yourself, the class, or other issues that will create a friendly atmosphere.
• Start the interview by elaborating its purpose and by checking if the person is
comfortable with the method you have chosen for recording the information.
• As you ask the questions you have organized, be sure to attend carefully to the
answers and to ask follow-up questions if the interviewee does not provide the
information you are looking for or goes off track. Be flexible in asking the questions,
but try to keep the interviewee from going off track.
• Stick to the stipulated time limit unless the interviewee seems upset that the time is
too little. Avoid being hasty in ending the interview, but at the same time be
respectful of the interviewee’s plan.
• When the interview has ended, thank the interviewee for his or her time and help. It
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Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
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is also suitable to send a thank-you note.
6. Intercultural Relationships Interview Assignment Variation: This assignment is similar to
the previous two in that it focuses on the challenges of intercultural relationships.
However, in this assignment, students should interview a person who is in an intercultural
romantic relationship (marriage, going steady, or in some other form of a committed
relationship). Encourage the students to view “intercultural” broadly to include persons of
different religions, different social class or economic groups, different ability levels,
different sexual orientations, and so on. Have the students summarize the interview data in
a paper or journal entry. Advise them to follow the suggestions and guidelines given
previously and to use the following questions as a basis for the interview:
• What cultures and religions are represented in their relationship?
• How did they meet?
• How long have they been in the relationship?
• What attracted them to each other?
• What role did culture or religion play in their attraction to each other, if any?
• What are the strengths of their relationship?
• What are the challenges of their relationship?
• Do they see the strengths and challenges as different from those in same-culture
relationships?
• How have friends and family displayed their support or lack of support for the
relationship?
7. Intercultural Relationships Video Assignment: The goal of this assignment is to encourage
students to explore the unique challenges and rewards of intercultural relationships. In
small groups, have students view a film or video about an interracial or intercultural
relationship. Students can choose from a list of popular videos that highlight intercultural
relationships. Have the groups do a short (10–15 minute) presentation where they use short
clips from the video to demonstrate concepts about intercultural relationships discussed in
the text. What value and relationship conflicts arise? How are they managed? What are the
results? Some suggested videos include Jungle Fever, Fools Rush In, Mississippi Masala,
The Joy Luck Club, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Suggested Videos
1. Halmoni (Distributed by California Newsreel, Chicago, 1988, 30 minutes)
This video tells the story of a Korean grandmother who comes to the United States to visit
her daughter, American son-in-law, and granddaughter. It recounts the generational and
cultural differences she encounters.
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
2. Hot Water: Intercultural Issues Between Women and Men (Distributed by NAFSA
Association of International Educators, Washington, DC, 1996, 27 minutes)
This video examines cultural differences in the relationships between women and men.
Cultural variations discussed in the video include perceptions of dating, intercultural
marriage, and homosexual relationships, as well as nonverbal differences. The video also
suggests some safety issues for men and women who sojourn in other countries.
3. The Politics of Love in Black and White (Distributed by California Newsreel, San
Francisco, 1993, 32 minutes)
In this documentary video, college students discuss interracial relationships and their
experiences and feelings on interracial dating and marriage.
4. In My Country: An International Perspective on Gender (Distributed by Utah Valley State
College, Behavioral Science Department)
This two-part video explores dating, marriage, and other relationship issues and cultural
influences.
5. Naturally Native (Directed by Jennifer Wynne Farmer, Valerie Red-Horse Mohl. Produced
by The Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation in conjunction with Red-Horse Native
Productions, 1999, 109 minutes, visit www.naturallynative.com)
This video deals with issues relevant to urban Native Americans. Three Native American
sisters (named Red-Horse, Bedard, and Geurrero) start their own cosmetic business despite
encountering obstacles both at home and in the business world.
6. Doubles: Japanese and America’s Intercultural Children (Produced by Regge Life.
Distributed by Global FilmNetwork, 1999, 58 minutes)
This film shows that many “interculturals”—mixed race children in Japan—are the result
of the U. S. occupation after WWII, although it does not refute the presence of interracial
descendants (White, Black, Hispanic, and Native American) who are questioned as adults
for this film.
7. Mississippi Masala (Starring Denzel Washington, 1991, 118 minutes)
In this film, an Indian family is ousted from Uganda when Idi Amin comes to control.
They relocate to Mississippi. The daughter who is Indian falls in love with a black man,
and their families have to deal with it.
8. http://lgbt-families.eu/invisible-parents/
17
Chapter 9: Intercultural Relationships in Everyday Life
Martin, Experiencing Intercultural Communication, 6e
9. Links related to relationships:
• http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/04/world/asia/in-china-sun-protection-can-include-
a-mask.html
• http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/two-washington-post-reporters-
head-to-alaska-to-find-romance/2012/06/26/gJQAW9Hh6V_story.html
• http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/two-washington-post-reporters-
head-to-alaska-to-find-romance/2012/06/26/gJQAW9Hh6V_story.html
• http://www.statemaster.com/graph/peo_sex_rat-people-sex-ratio
• http://www.census.gov/prod/cen2010/briefs/c2010br-03.pdf
• http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/21/us/it-s-a-long-lonely-search-for-men-looking-
for-love-in-alaska.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaiHBOQ2gDE (Brit shopping in U.S.)
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywCX6znxUWQ&feature=related (American
food section Berlin)
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0InXG0ln4Y (White men, Asian women)
• https://www.theguardian.com/music/2010/feb/11/john-mayer-playboy-interview
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf6_R559Rwg
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EinACxyI7k4&feature=related (Creeping out
Japanese women)
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9PW4lWYVeA&feature=relmfu (Gaijin
moment)
