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Chapter 12: Communication in Families
Key Concepts
conformity orientation
consensual family
conversation orientation
equity
laissez-faire families
pluralistic families
protective families
psychological responsibility
second shift
Chapter Outline
I.
Families today are very diverse and effective communication is more important
than ever.
A.
The most common forms consist of marriage and cohabitation.
B.
People have different reasons and goals for being part of a long-term relationship.
C.
Across cultures, views vary about family. Families have cultural diversity.
D.
Couples take a variety of paths to commitment.
a.
The first path involves a gradual progression toward commitment with a
number of ups and downs along the way.
b.
The second path is a rapid escalation toward marriage with no downturns or
serious conflict.
c.
The third path includes a medium-length courtship and progressive
intimacy, followed by a hesitation and rethinking of the relationship, then
marriage and strong commitment.
d.
The fourth path follows a prolonged courtship period with many ups and
downs and substantial, sometimes stormy, conflict.
II.
The communication that characterizes a family shapes the closeness, openness, and satisfaction of
family members.
A.
There are three key elements that influence satisfaction with long-term relationships: words,
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thoughts, and emotions.
a.
Words refer to how family members talk and behave with each other.
b.
Thoughts refer to how family members think about each other and family;
thoughts shape our emotions and words.
c.
Emotions are affected by words and thoughts; how we feel is affected by what we say to
others and what we communicate to ourselves through self-talk.
B.
Communication researchers have identified two key dimensions of communication that define a
family’s communication style.
a.
Conversation orientation refers to how open or closed communication is.
b.
Conformity orientation refers to the extent to which family members are expected to adhere
to a family hierarchy and conform in beliefs.
III.
The family cycle has patterns that are unique and different compared to friendships and
romantic relationships.
A.
Couples who do not have children would not engage in stages 2, 3, 4, and 5. They might
go through other stages in their family life cycles, but raising and launching children
would not be phases in their relationship.
a.
Stage 1: Establishing a family is where a couple settles into a marriage or
a cohabiting relationship and works out.
b.
Stage 2: Enlarging a family is one of the major changes in many families’
lives—the addition of children.
c.
Stage 3: Developing a family involves investing a great deal of time,
thought, and energy in raising the children.
d.
Stage 4: Encouraging independence is where children seek greater
autonomy from families.
e.
Stage 5: Launching children is a vital change for most families. It happens
when the last child leaves home to go to college, marry, or live on his or
her own.
f.
Stage 6: Postlaunching of children happens after the departure of children
from the home and spouses have to redefine their marriage.
e. Stage 7: Retirement being about further changes in family life, because it
can be either positive or negative.
IV.
Social media have changed family communication many ways.
A.
Social media allow people to consider a greater range of potential mates than was possible before
social media were woven into our lives.
B.
Social media increase the ways that family members can interact.
C.
Social media enable a degree of monitoring or tracking that parents did not have before the era of
information technologies.
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D.
Social media facilitate communication when family members no longer live together or even in close
proximity.
V.
There are four guidelines for effective communication in families.
A.
Maintain equity. One of the most important guidelines for sustaining healthy
families is to make fairness a high priority.
a.
Social exchange theory states that people apply economic
principles to evaluate their relationships.
b.
Equity is fairness, based on the perception that both people
involved in the relationship benefit similarly from their
investments.
B.
The second important guideline for communication that sustains families to be
aware that families are creative projects that reflect the choices people in them
make to enhance intimacy.
C.
For families to remain healthy and satisfying, family members need to
demonstrate continuously that they value and respect each other.
D.
It is also important to not sweat the small stuff.
Discussion Ideas
• Defining Families: Have students generate a list of movies and/or television shows from the
early years (prior to 1980s), the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s, depicting different types of
families. If they are having difficulty coming up with the early years, ask them to think
about shows on Nick at Nite. Lead a discussion on how the media presentations have
changed to reflect the changing nature of families in society. You might discuss how
communication behaviors have changed over the years.
• Relationship Types: In groups, ask students to develop a guidebook of what verbal,
nonverbal, listening, and relational climate behaviors are most common with each
relationship type (traditional, separates, independents). If all groups do all types, compare
and contrast the behaviors each group generates. This also works well as a comprehensive
essay question for a final exam. Ask the students to give real-life examples of famous
couples that fit each relationship type.
• Family Life Cycles: In groups, ask students to develop a guidebook of what verbal,
nonverbal, listening, and relational climate behaviors are most common with each family life
cycle. If all groups do all stages, compare and contrast the behaviors each group generates.
This also works well as a comprehensive essay question for a final exam. Ask the students to
give real- life examples that fit each stage of the family life cycle.
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• Communication and Satisfaction: Discuss how long-term commitments vary between
males and females. How are words, thoughts, and emotions perceived by males and females?
Are they perceived similarly or differently? What affected their answers?
Activities
Title
Individual
Partner/
Ethno
Group
Demonstration/
Whole Class
Internet/
InfoTrac
1. Identifying relationship types
X
2. Family life cycles
X
3. Equity
X
4. Family cultures
X
X = Marks type of activity H = Handout P = Preparation required for students/teacher
Identifying Relationship Types
This exercise increases students’ awareness of Fitzpatrick’s relationship types. Before class
starts, pair up your students. Then, select three special couples to either be a traditional couple,
separate couple, or independent couple. Tell these couples to act the part of that particular
couple. Have them mingle with other couples in the room, separately, then together at various
times.
Tell the rest of the students to mingle with other students in the room either in pairs or
separately. Also, tell them that there are three couples in the room. They must find the couple
(when the two individuals are together) and indicate which relationship type they are. The first
three individuals who discover each of the different relationship types win a prize.
Students should identify the reasons why they made their selections. The special couples should
illustrate what they did to portray their relationship type. Students might discuss what
characteristics are unique to each relationship type and some famous examples of each type.
Family Life Cycles
This exercise heightens students’ awareness of the different family life cycles.
Assign students to groups so that there is one group for each stage in the family life cycle
discussed in the textbook. Tell the groups that they will have 10 minutes to construct a 3-
minute dialogue to illustrate the family life cycle that their group is assigned. Encourage
students to refer to their textbook to identify particular communication behaviors that tend to
occur at each stage of the family life cycle.
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After all groups have presented their dialogues, summarize the activity by highlighting the role
of communication in family life cycles. Point out to students how communication becomes very
different at different stages of life.
Equity
This exercise illustrates the equity theory. In particular, it illustrates the differences among
equitable, underbenefited, and overbenefited relationships.
Ask for two individuals to play a couple. Ask the students to stand in front of the class and act
out the different types of equity in a relationship. Be sure to have the students act an equitable
relationship, an underbenefited relationship, and an overbenefited relationship.
Then, ask the other students in the class if each of these types were acted out accurately. Ask
how they might have acted each phase similarly or differently. In addition, discuss ways in
which males and females view each stage.
Family Cultures
The purpose of this activity is to analyze how family cultures are very different.
Before class, ask students to interview a foreign student about their family. In class, divide the
class into groups and give each group at least three things that they learned about a family
culture. Have each group look for similarities and differences among the family culture stories.
Lead a discussion about cultural scripts for how families differ in their communication behaviors
and culture. Ask students if the family cultures were different from their own family’s culture.
Ask them to explain what their perceptions were of each family.
Journal Items
• Watch a television show about a family. Describe how your family is different
from the television show that you watch. Try to relate terms that were discussed in
the book.
Responses will vary, but students should be able to identify and relate with concepts of
family talked about in the book. Students might discuss their communication behaviors and
the type of family culture that they experience.
• If you are in a romantic committed relationship, identify your relationship type and explain how
communication in it differs from the other romantic relationship type.
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Responses will vary, but characteristics of communication in different relationship types
might include ways of handling conflict, expectations of the relationship, autonomy, and
so on.
• Consider the four guidelines for effective communication in families. Discuss how
you have used or not used each of these guidelines in your family.
Responses will vary, but students should be able to integrate ways they make fairness a high
priority, enhance intimacy, respecting each other, and not sweating the small stuff.
• Consider each of the family life cycles. Do you think most couples today follow the
same cycle as those 20 years ago? Why or why not? How important is each stage?
Responses will vary, but students should be able to identify and illustrate their understanding of
each of the stages. They should be able to express their opinions of how important they think
each stage is or not.
Panel Ideas
Invite two entirely different families to talk about their relationships and especially the ways they
communicate. Ideally, the family should represent some diversity in structure (marriage
versus cohabitation), sexual orientation, and race. Invite each family to make opening
statements about the ways in which they communicate with each other and function. It is
important to highlight how family culture differences may affect each of the family members
differently.
Set up a panel that features a married couple with kids and another married couple who decided
not to have kids. In advance, ask the panelists to come prepared to discuss the challenges of
their relationship and the ways in which they use communication to meet those challenges.
You might also discuss reasons why they decided to start a family and why they did not start
a family.
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Media Resources
Websites
Name: Honesty Can Make or Break a Relationship
Developer: Barton Goldsmith/Psychology Today
Brief Description: This web page discusses the importance of being honest in romantic
relationships.
URL: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201411/honesty-can-make-or-break-
relationship
Name: 7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success
Developer: Preston Ni/Psychology Today
Brief Description: This web page provides tips on how to make committed
relationships work (communication is at the heart of the recommendations).
URL: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201210/7-keys-long-term-
relationship-success
Name: The Effects of Parental Divorce on Adult Relationships
Developer: Warren Bowles III
Brief Description: A scientific study of how divorce impacts children in their relationships as
adults.
URL: https://www.mckendree.edu/academics/scholars/issue6/bowles.htm
Name: Jewish Dating Revolutionized
Developer: Aish HaTorah
Brief Description: This site provides a series of articles, advice, and journal reflections about
dating from a Jewish perspective.
URL: http://aish.com/dating/
Name: Lesbian.com
Developer: Lesbian.com
Brief Description: A directory for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered community, the
site also includes links to sites based on “how we identify,” such as deaf lesbians, dykes with
disabilities, and lesbians of color.
URL: http://www.lesbian.com
Name: Gay.com
Developer: Gay.com
Brief Description: Available in several languages, this website includes information on
relationships, health, careers, travel, and entertainment for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and
transgendered community.
URL: http://www.gay.com
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Name: What Every Person in a Long-Distance Relationship Should Know
Developer: Britany Wong/Huffington Post
Brief Description: This site provides tips for negotiating long-distance relationships.
URL: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-survive-a-long-distance-
relationship_us_58c96c4ae4b0934e249cbed4
Name: Same-Sex Marriage: A Selective Bibliography
Developer: University of California
Brief Description: An extensive bibliography addressing all views on the issues, including
international debates and laws.
URL: http://library.ucmerced.edu/database/same-sex-marriage-selective-bibliography-legal-literature
Name: 11 Facts about Domestic/Dating Violence
Developer: DoSomething.org
Brief Description: This web page provides facts about domestic violence.
URL: https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-domestic-and-dating-
violence
Name: Lovestories.com
Developer: Lovestories.com
Brief Description: This commercial website includes poems, journals, and stories devoted to
love.
URL: http://www.lovestories.com
Name: 15 Ideas for Keeping Romance Alive Year-Round
Developer: Pscyhe Central
Brief Description: A web page helping people to keep romance alive by giving ideas and
techniques to inspire relationship stimulation.
URL: https://psychcentral.com/blog/15-ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round/
Film Ideas
The Kids are All Right is the story of a family consisting of two women in a committed
relationship and the two children they had by the same sperm donor. Family dynamics change
when the children decide to find their dad and he forms relationships with them and their
mothers.
Blue Valentine depicts a relationship over time. It provides insight into the ways that
relationships change and some of the reasons why. It also focuses on the issue of whether it’s
possible to recapture passion once it has faded.
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Print Resources
The following books are excellent candidates for students to critique based on the topics and
concepts discussed in the textbook and class.
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving
Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships by John Gray. Ask
students to discuss the differences in approach to the issue of gender/sex differences as discussed
in this book and the claims of a speech communities approach.
The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and
Sherrie Schneider. This book is a great way to illustrate the regulative and constitutive aspects of
relationship rules, as well as to analyze the gendered assumptions implicit within its suggestions.
Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and
Less Conflict by Jonathan Robinson. This book provides exercise and activities to transform the
quality of your relationship. The book helps guide couples to the loving relationship that they
desire.