Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
Unit Planner
CHAPTER 8: MANAGING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT
CONCEPTS OF THIS CHAPTER
· preliminaries to interpersonal conflict
· principles of interpersonal conflict
· conflict management strategies
KNOWLEDGE OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should be able to:
· understand the nature and principles of interpersonal conflict
· identify the strategies that people use in conflict situations
SKILLS OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should:
·
engage in interpersonal conflicts so that they result in strengthening, not weakening
relationships
·
manage conflicts so that both parties emerge from the conflict reasonably satisfied
INSTRUCTIONAL OUTLINE
I. Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict
•
Definition of Interpersonal Conflict:
Interpersonal conflict is disagreement between or
among connected individuals (e.g., friends, co-workers, lovers, family members) who
perceive their goals as incompatible. More specifically, when the people:
· are interdependent—connected in some significant way
· are mutually aware that their goals are incompatible
· perceive each other as interfering with the attainment of their goals
The greater the interdependence, the greater:
· the number of issues around which the conflict can center
·
the impact of the conflict and the conflict management interaction on the individuals and
on the relationship.
• Interpersonal Conflict Issues
· One system classifies conflicts into four categories:
(2) the allocation of resources
(3) decisions to be made
(4) behaviors that are considered appropriate or desirable by one but inappropriate or
undesirable by another
·
Another approach (based on surveys of gay, lesbian, and heterosexual couples) find six
major issues:
(1) Intimacy issues
(2) Power issues
(3) Personal flaws (drinking, smoking)
(4) Personal distance issues
(5) Social issues (politics, social issues)
(6) Distrust (involving previous lovers or lying)
·
Workplace conflicts can have potential negative effects, and center on these issues:
o
Personality differences
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o
Ineffective leadership
o
Lack of openness
o
Physical and emotional stress
o
Differences in values and resulting clashes
·
Content and Relationship Conflict – content conflict centers on people, objects, and
events external to the parties involved (such as what movie to go to); relationship conflict
centers on the nature and meaning of a particular relationship. Relationship conflicts are
not centered on external objects, but on the relationship between the individuals.
·
Myths about Interpersonal Conflict
o
Conflict is best avoided.
o
If two people experience relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in
trouble.
o
Conflict damages an interpersonal relationship.
o
Conflict is destructive because it reveals our negative selves.
o
In any conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser.
II.
Principles of Interpersonal Conflict
– interpersonal conflict is complex. The following
principles may help clarify this difficult to understand process.
• Conflict Can Be Negative or Positive
o
Negative Aspects
– increased negative feelings about the other
– a closing off of open, honest communication
– seeking intimacy elsewhere that leads to further conflict
o
Positive Aspects
– chance to examine an issue that otherwise might be avoided
–
healthier, more satisfying relationship if proper conflict strategies are used
– opportunity to voice needs and stop potential resentment
• Conflict Is Influenced by Culture and Gender
o
Conflict and Culture
– Culture influences the issues people argue about as well as
perceptions of appropriate ways to handle conflict.
–
In collectivist cultures conflict tends to be avoided if possible; it often centers on
violations of collective group norms and values and generally ends in compromise
that
allows all parties to save face.
–
In individualistic cultures conflict tends to be viewed in terms of winners and losers
and conflict often centers on violations of individual needs or wants.
o
Conflict and Gender
– According to some studies, men may withdraw from conflict
more than women and women and men may differ in regard to the use of emotional and
logical arguments in conflict; however, studies of gender differences in conflict style and
strategies are contradictory and do not support stereotypes often perpetuated in mass
media representations.
•
Conflict Styles Have Consequences
– Blake and Mouton (1984) identify five basic styles of
engaging in conflict. They differ as to the amount of concern shown for self and the other
party.
o
Competing: I Win, You Lose
– shows greatest concern for own needs and desires and
little consideration of the wants and needs of others; people who use this style are usually
verbally aggressive; blame others
o
Avoiding: I Lose, You Lose
– shows little consideration of the wants and needs of self
or others; people who use this style avoid real communication, change topics when
problems arise, withdraw psychologically and physically
o
Accommodating: I Lose, You Win
– shows greatest concern for others’ needs and
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
desires and little consideration of the wants and needs of self; people who use this style
strive to maintain harmony and peace within a group or relationship by sacrificing own
desires
o
Collaborating: I Win, You Win
– shows concern is for own and others’ wants and
needs; often considered the ideal; takes time and willingness from both parties to
communicate and to listen
o
Compromising: I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose
– shows some concern is shown
for both parties; referred to as “meeting each other half–way”; may result in maintaining
peace; however, both parties may be dissatisfied because of inevitable losses
III.
Conflict Management Strategies
– strategies for managing conflict are influenced by a variety
of factors including:
o
goals (short-term and long-term): one might give up the fight to win the war
o
emotional state: being angry may result in a different strategy than being sad
o
cognitive assessment: strategy selection may influenced by perceptions of fairness,
perceptions of who is at fault, and perceptions of power differences
o
personality and communication competence: for example, perception of self as shy
may lead to conflict avoidance strategies
o
family history: people tend to repeat conflict patterns learned from parents unless
they learn new ones
Common conflict strategies and their possible destructive or productive effects include:
•
Avoidance and Fighting Actively
–
Avoidance (withdrawing psychologically and physically from conflict) denies the
possibility of resolving issues and solving problems; it may be useful as a “cooling
down” strategy but not as primary way of dealing with conflict; nonnegotiation is a form
of avoidance in which one refuses to discuss the conflict or listen to the arguments of
another.
–
Fighting actively means confronting issues and problems open and honestly, taking
responsibility for one’s own thoughts and feelings, and focusing on the present issue.
•
Force and Talk
–
Using either physical or emotional force to win arguments is one of the most serious
problems confronting relationships today; over 50 percent of couples report experiencing
some type of violence in their relationships.
o
The only real alternative to force is open, empathic, positive talk.
•
Defensiveness and Supportiveness
–
Although talk is preferred to force, not all talk is equally productive. Some types of talk
may lead to defensiveness; other types of talk may generate a climate of supportiveness.
Types of talk that tend to generate defensiveness include:
o
Evaluation
– judging another person or her actions through the use of you-messages
(e.g., “You make me so mad” “You do the stupidest things”); to try to build a feeling
of supportiveness, one can substitute descriptive I-messages for you-messages (e.g., “I
don’t understand why we are doing this. Can you help me understand?”).
o
Control
– ordering others to do this or that, making decisions for others without their
consent or input (e.g., “Your cell phone bill was over $400.00 this month because of
all the text messaging you do. I’m taking that cell phone away from you!”); to try to
build a feeling of supportiveness, one might use problem-oriented messages instead
(e.g., “Your cell phone bill was over $400.00 this month. This is a problem we need
to address. What do you think would be the best way to handle it?”).
o
Strategy
– being manipulative or concealing one’s true purposes (e.g., “buttering up”
someone before hitting him with some bad news; to try to build a feeling of
supportiveness, one might use spontaneity instead (e.g., simply prefacing bad news
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
by stating, “I have some bad news to share”).
o
Neutrality
– being indifferent, lacking empathy, not showing interest in the thoughts
and feelings of another. To try to build a feeling of supportiveness, one might use
empathic messages instead.
o
Superiority
– speaking as if one has authority over another or is better than another;
a superior attitude is a violation of the implicit equality contract that people in close
relationships have.
o
Certainty
– speaking as if one already knows the answers, leaving little or no room
for negotiation; an attitude of provisionalism (e.g., “There are lots of ways of solving
this dilemma; let’s work on finding the best solution together.”) is likely to be more
productive.
•
Face-Detracting and Face-Enhancing Strategies
– Face-detracting strategies involve treating others as incompetent or untrustworthy; using
“fighting words” (such as “stupid,” “liar”); and beltlining, hitting below the belt, or
bringing up issues that are demoralizing to the other.
–
Face-enhancing strategies include confirming the other’s definition of self, avoiding
attack and blame, and apologizing when appropriate.
– Any attempt to single out one factor, person, event, or interaction to blame for a conflict
is sure to fail.
– The best alternative to blame is possibly empathy and the use of affirmation.
•
Silencers and Facilitating Open Expression
– A wide variety of unproductive fighting techniques that may silence the other or inhibit
free expression exist.
o
crying
o
feigning extreme emotionalism
o
using power tactics (raising one’s voice; threatening physical force)
•
Gunnysacking and Present Focus
–
Gunnysacking refers to storing up grievances to unload at another time.
–
Present focus is more productive than gunnysacking and allows for confronting issues
and problems in the here and now.
•
Verbal Aggressiveness and Argumentativeness
–
Verbal Aggressiveness: winning an argument by inflicting psychological pain – by
attacking the other’s self–concept; often leads to violence
–
Argumentativeness: willingness to argue for a point of view; to speak one’s mind on
significant issues; preferred to verbal aggressiveness
–
Some Differences between Argumentative and Verbally Aggressive Messages
Argumentativeness
•
is constructive (outcomes are positive)
•
leads to relationship satisfaction
•
may prevent relationship violence
•
enhances organizational life
•
enhances parent-child communication
•
increases user’s credibility
•
increases user’s power of persuasion
Verbal Aggressiveness
•
is destructive
•
leads to relationship dissatisfaction
•
may lead to relationship violence
•
damages organizational life
•
prevents meaningful parent-child communication
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
•
decreases user’s credibility
•
decreases user’s power of persuasion
– Some Differences between Argumentative and Verbally Aggressive People
People scoring high in argumentativeness
•
tend to be confident and self-assured
•
have less communication apprehension than others
•
tend to state and defend their opinions
•
view arguing as exciting and intellectually challenging
•
view arguing as having a positive impact on self-concept
•
value the pragmatic outcomes of arguing
– Some Suggestions for Cultivating Argumentativeness
Treat disagreement as objectively as possible.
Center your arguments on issues rather than personalities.
Reaffirm the other person’s sense of competence.
Allow the other person to state a position fully without interruption.
Stress equality and the similarities to the person as well as areas of agreement.
Express interest in the other’s position, attitude, and point of view.
Avoid getting overemotional.
Allow people to save face.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1.
Before reading this text, what were your own views of conflict? How have those views changed?
2.
Briefly explain the conflict styles discussed in the text. Relate a situation when you or someone
you know has used each style. What were the effects in each case?
3.
What factors influence the conflict management strategies people choose? Relate these factors to
choices you have made in conflict management strategies in the past.
4.
What is the difference between you-messages and I-messages? Give an example of each.
5. What is argumentativeness? How argumentative are you?
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
ACTIVITIES FOR SKILL DEVELOPMENT
8.1 Generating Win-Win Solutions
Guidelines:
[from Skill Development Experience, text p. 162] Allow students time to generate
individually as many win-lose and win-win solutions as they can for each scenario. You may wish to use the
additional scenarios included below. After students have time to work on the scenarios individually,
allow
them share their solutions in groups of five or six. Lead a discussion that focuses on the idea that
win-win
solutions can be generated for most but not necessarily all conflict situations, that some
situations
allow for easier generation of win-win solutions than others, and that all conflict is not equal.
This exercise
also affords the opportunity to explore the differences among people’s perceptions of what
constitutes a
collaborative solution and what constitutes a compromise, the need to define terms in
conflict, and the
need to explore whether the conflict is over means or goals.
Additional Scenarios for Generating Win–Win Solutions
·
Pat and Chris recently adopted a young child. Pat thinks the child should be raised with strict
rules; Chris favors an extremely permissive atmosphere.
·
Workers at a local accounting office want a 20 percent raise to bring them into line with the
salaries of accountants at similar firms. The owner has repeatedly turned down their requests.
·
Logan owns an apartment building that must be painted every three years due to city codes.
Logan has been operating the building at a loss; therefore, he hires inept painters and uses cheap
paint. The tenants confront Logan asking for better service.
8.2 Managing Conflicts Early
Guidelines:
Ask students to write down five conflict situations they have experienced in that last three
8.3 Let’s Apply the Concepts
Description:
Either alone or in groups, students should consider their responses to one or more of the
following scenarios. Relate their responses to concepts indicated in the brackets.
·
You’ve just moved into a new apartment. Unfortunately, it is next to neighbors who play their
stereo loud and long into the night. You need to say something but just aren’t sure how to go
about it. What do you say? To whom? Through what channel? [Conflict Styles]
·
Your partner persists in being verbally aggressive whenever you have an argument. Regardless
of what the conflict is about, your self–concept is attacked. You’ve had enough and you want to stop
this kind of attack. What do you say? Through what channel? [Verbal Aggressiveness]
8.4 Developing Assertive Responses
Have students, either alone or in groups, formulate assertive responses to the following scenarios.
Answers can be in class discussion or as a journal/Wiki activity.
·
Your employee, Shirley, has been doing inferior work. You are wondering whether there is a
person/job mismatch and you want to discuss this with her. She sits in your office staring at the
floor.
Her only response to your questions is to cry and say, “What do you want from me?”
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·
You are at a restaurant with a business client. When you are seated, the client moves closes to
you, bodies touching, and says, “I think you and I will get along just fine. Profitable business
relationships are built on cooperation, don’t you agree?”
·
You are talking to an airline ticket agent when another customer cuts in front of you. The agent
diverts her attention to the other customer and lets you wait.
·
Your in-laws expect you and your family to continue their family tradition of spending the major
holidays at their house. Your past hints about wanting to celebrate some holidays at home have been
met with such statements as, “When your kids get married you just have to accept the fact
that
you’ve lost them. We just have to accept not being loved anymore.”
·
A co-worker walks by your office and says, “If your home is as messy as your desk, I’m glad I
don’t live with you.”
·
Your boss and co-workers are socializing after work. You find out through another co-worker
that your boss shared some of your confidential family problems and openly questioned whether
you
were capable of continuing to work.
·
You and your spouse are at a party, and one of the other guests asks what you do for a living. You
say, “I’m a student.” Your spouse adds, “ She’s not doing anything important enough to justify
neglecting me and the kids. One of these days I’m going to make her quit that nonsense.”
·
One of your employees never returns or responds to your e-mail, instead, saying he never
received it. How do you discuss the situation with him?
·
One of your fellow students is argumentative and domineering in your accounting class. She
succeeds in making every class about her anger toward the instructor and the assignments in the
class.
What should the students in the class do?
AVAILABLE ASSETS ON MYCOMMUNICATIONLAB
“Managing Conflict”
“Conflict”
“Time Troubles”
“Analyzing a Conflict Episode”
“Jim and Jack Joust”
“Conflict Strategies”
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