Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
Unit Planner
CHAPTER 7: INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
CONCEPTS OF THIS CHAPTER
· advantages and disadvantages of interpersonal relationships
· stages of interpersonal relationships
· interpersonal relationships types
· theories of interpersonal communication and relationships
KNOWLEDGE OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should be able to:
·
explain the characteristics of interpersonal relationships (friendship, romance, family, and
work) more effectively
·
identify and explain major types and theories of interpersonal relationships
·
explain cultural, technological, and workplace influences on interpersonal relationships
SKILLS OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should learn to:
·
communicate in relationships (friendship, romance, family, and work) more effectively
·
access and manage your own relationships in light of research and theory
·
communicate more effectively in different cultural and technological contexts
INSTRUCTIONAL OUTLINE
I.
Advantages and Disadvantages of Interpersonal Relationships
•
Advantages:
o
Lessens loneliness
o
Learn about yourself and others from different perspectives and roles
o
Contributes to physical and emotional health
o
Maximizes pleasure and minimizes pain
o
Human contact secures stimulation
•
Disadvantages
o
Puts pressure on you to reveal yourself and expose your vulnerabilities
o
Increases obligations to other people
o
Can lead you to abandon other relationships
o
Can be emotionally difficult to dissolve
o
You may get your heart broken
II.
The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships
– relationship generally develop gradually through six
stages.
•
Contact
– the initial stage includes perceptual contact (seeing, hearing, perhaps smelling)
another person and interactional contact (exchanging basic information that is preliminary to any
more intense interaction).
•
Involvement
– developing a sense of mutuality or connection, experimenting and trying to learn
more about the other person, following the person on social media.
•
Intimacy
– making a further commitment to the other; face–to-face or online. Usually divided
into two stages: interpersonal commitment (private commitment) and social bonding (announcing
the commitment to others; updating relationship status on Facebook).
•
Deterioration –
weakening of the bonds between friends or lovers; begins with intrapersonal
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
dissatisfaction (viewing one’s partner more negatively) and progresses to interpersonal
deterioration (withdrawing, growing apart, little or no communication).
•
Repair
occurs in two phases: intrapersonal repair (analyzing what went wrong and considering
ways to fix the relationship) and interpersonal repair (discussing problems with the other and
negotiating new agreements and new behaviors). Couples can try to fix relationships themselves
or
seek advice of friends, family, or therapists.
•
Dissolution
– cutting the bonds; usually first takes the form of interpersonal separation (moving
apart; leading separate lives) and then social or public separation (avoidance of each other and
return to “single” status).
III.
Interpersonal Relationship Types
– each relationship is unique; however, research has identified
some general types of relationships:
• Friendship may be described as:
· Friendship of reciprocity: the ideal type; based on equality
·
Friendship of receptivity
: an imbalance in giving and receiving exists using due to a
difference in status or power; however, each person gains something from the relationship
·
Friendship of association
: transitory, often based on proximity rather than loyalty, trust,
mutual giving, and receiving
•
Love
comes in different styles as well. Below are the six primary types of love:
· eros: seeks beauty, sensuality, and physical attractiveness
· ludic: seeks entertainment; sees love as a game
· storge: sees love as growing out of friendship, not passion
· pragma: sees social qualifications of the other as important
· manic: obsessive love
· agape: compassionate, selfless love
o
Men tend to prefer eros and ludic love, where women tend to prefer manic, pragmatic,
and storge love.
•
Family Relationships:
Families come in various configurations and are undergoing major
changes (Table 7.1 on text p. 144 provides findings from the U.S. Census).
·
A primary relationship is a relationship between two people that the partners view as their
most important interpersonal relationship.
There are three basic types of primary
relationships:
o
traditional couples
who do little separately and view the relationship as a blending of
two people into a single couple; generally people in traditional couples adhere to specific
roles within the relationship
o
independents
stress their individuality and personal identity
o
separates
live together but view relationship as matter of convenience rather than a result
of mutual love and closeness
·
Families are looked at in terms of conformity-orientation and conversation-orientation
o
conformity-orientation:
the degree to which family members express similar or
dissimilar attitudes, values, and beliefs.
o
conversation-orientation:
the degree to which the family members can speak their mind.
·
With these dimensions in mind, there are four types of families:
o
consensual families –
high in conversation and high in conformity
o
protective families –
high in conformity and low in conversation
o
pluralistic families —
low in conversation and high in conformity
o
laissez-faire families —
low in conversation and low in conformity
• Work Relationships
·
Networking Relationships:
the process of “using” other people to help you solve your
problems. Not just for finding jobs, often seen as mutually beneficial relationships.
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
·
Mentoring Relationships:
relationships where an experienced individual (mentor) helps
someone who is less experienced (the protégée) learn to achieve his or her goals. Often
conducted online.
· Workplace Romance: opinions vary widely
o
Mutual interests, already spend considerable time together
o
May cause problems for management
o
Problems dealing with normal stresses of work
•
Bullying:
abusive acts repeatedly committed by one person (or group). In the workplace,
often verbal.
Cyberbullying takes place online; is especially problematic because it can
occur any time and spread quickly.
•
Online-only Relationships
· Tweeting
o
Leave room for retweets.
o
Avoid “fast following” tools.
o
Tweets items of interest (but keep followers in mind).
o
Tweet in moderation.
o
Tweet positively.
o
Create a complete profile.
o
Limit promotional materials.
o
Retweet if you wish to be retweeted.
· Blogging
o
Offer syndication.
o
Be consistent in style and format.
o
Build your blog around a theme.
o
Reply to comments.
o
Tracks statistics.
o
Create attractive titles.
· Social/Workplace Networking
o
Be careful of uploading photos that will reflect negatively upon you.
o
Be positive about your current position.
o
Avoid revealing negative work habits.
o
Use friends lists or Google+ to distinguish who gets what information.
o
Give your social network profile the attention you would dressing for an important date.
o
Avoid commercial posts.
o
Poke and tag in moderation.
o
Avoid asking to be friends with anyone who may have a problem with your seeing their
personal side.
IV. Theories of Interpersonal Communication and Relationships
•
Attraction theory
holds that people form relationship because of attraction to another based on
factors that include:
–
Physical attractiveness and personality:
Generally, people tend to like physically attractive
people more than physically unattractive people as well as feeling a greater sense of
familiarity with attractive people (i.e., think they have met them before); a pleasant
personality also contributes to perceptions of attractiveness, although what constitutes a
pleasant personality differs among people.
–
Similarity:
People tend to be attracted to people similar to themselves in nationality, race,
abilities, physical characteristics, intelligence, and attitudes, although some people are
attracted to their opposites in a pattern called complementarity (e.g., someone who is
dominant may be attracted to someone who is submissive).
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
–
Proximity:
Closeness because of where one lives or works may figure into who one finds
attractive (e.g., people tend to become friends with people they can easily interact with
because of proximity).
–
Reinforcement:
Being granted rewards or favors may figure into attraction, as might the
ability to grant rewards or favors.
–
Reciprocity of liking:
You tend to be attracted to people you think are attracted to you; you
come to like those you think like you.
•
Relationship Rules Theory:
The general assumption of
rules theory
is that relationships are
held together by adherence to certain rules that help communicators to clarify aspects of the
relationship (e.g., the difference between successful and destructive behavior, ways to repair the
relationships, what can be said, what should remain unsaid, etc.). These rules differ from
relationship to relationship and from culture to culture.
–
Friendship Rules
: According to rules theory, maintaining a friendship depends on knowing
the rules of the friendship (e.g., standing up for a friend in her absence, being tolerant of a
friend’s other friends, keeping confidences, demonstrating emotional support in times of
need, celebrating successes, etc.) and having the ability to apply appropriate interpersonal
skills.
–
Romance Rules
: Leslie Baxter (1986) has identified eight major relationship rules that keep
romantic partners together:
o
acknowledge each other’s individual identities and lives beyond the relationship
o
express similar attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests
o
enhance each other’s self-worth and self-esteem
o
be open, genuine, and authentic with each other
o
remain loyal and faithful to each other
o
have substantial shared time together
o
reap rewards commensurate with investments relative to the other party
o
experience a mysterious and inexplicable “magic” in each other’s presence
–
Family Rules:
tell you which behaviors in a family will be rewarded and which will be
punished
o
What can you talk about?
o
How can you talk about something?
o
To whom can you talk?
–
Workplace Rules:
are determined by the corporate culture, and may include:
o
Work very hard.
o
Be cooperative in teams.
o
Don’t reveal company policies and plans to employees at competing companies.
o
Don’t form romantic relationships with other workers.
o
Avoid even the hint of sexual harassment.
•
Social Exchange and Equity Theory
–
Social exchange theory holds that people develop relationships that enable them to maximize
their profits (Profits = Rewards – Costs).
Rewards are things that would incur costs to obtain (e.g., money, status, love,
information, goods, services).
Costs are things people generally try to avoid (e.g., working overtime, washing
dishes).
According to social exchange theory, people seek relationships in which their
rewards are significantly greater than their costs.
–
Equity theory follows from social exchange theory and holds that people develop and
maintain relationships in which the ratio of their rewards relative to their costs is
approximately equal to that of one’s partner; i.e., in satisfactory relationships each person
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
reaps rewards that are proportional to her or his costs. If both parties are reaping equal
rewards but one person perceives the other as incurring less costs, an imbalance in equity is
present and the person incurring more costs is likely to be less satisfied with the relationship
(e.g., both people work, but only one does housework – the person doing the housework will
probably be dissatisfied with the relationship because of the lack of equity).
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1.
The six stages of relational development are contact, involvement, intimacy, deterioration, repair,
and dissolution. Using the example of Pat and Chris, indicate something one of them would say
during each of the stages.
2. What are the types of love identified in the chapter?
3.
Identify the phases of relationship deterioration and the communication patterns that accompany
each stage of the relationship process. Relate this information to a personal experience of
breaking up a friendship or a romance.
4.
Using the theory of friendship, give an example of each type of friendship. Describe the typical
type of behavior that may be exhibited in each.
Friendships of reciprocity are characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection, and
5.
Consider the information presented in the text concerning attraction theory. Relate this
information to your own experiences in forming relationships.
6.
Using the information about online only relationships, discuss the best suggestions for creating an
honest and open relationship online.
7. How does culture impact relationships?
8. What are the advantages and disadvantages of online relationships?
9. What are the advantages and disadvantages of office romances?
ACTIVITIES FOR SKILL DEVELOPMENT
7.1 Considering Your Relationship History
Description:
This exercise is designed to give students the opportunity to relate theories of interpersonal
communication and relationships to their own experiences. Assign the writing of students’ relationship
histories as out-of-class work, using the guidelines below. After students have completed their histories,
have them share in groups of five or six. After students share in groups, ask for volunteers from each
group to share one example of a notable relationship experience they have had and what they learned
from this experience. Relate the information back to information in the text concerning theories of
interpersonal communication and relationships including attraction factors, relationship rules, social
exchange theory, and equity theory.
Guidelines:
List your three most notable relationship experiences (friendships or romantic involvements)
and identify what you learned about yourself (e.g., What attracts you to other people? What do you
consider costs in relationships? What do you consider rewards?), as well as what you expect from others
in relationships (What communication rules were established in the relationships? What were acceptable
topics? What were forbidden topics? How much did you reveal about yourself? How much did the other
reveal about her/himself?).
7.2 Friendship Behavior
Description
: This exercise is designed to help students explore their own perceptions of what constitutes
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appropriate friendship behavior and the assumptions that guide these perceptions. First have students
individually consider one or all of the following situations. For each situation they should: 1) indicate how
a good friend should respond to the situation by marking the appropriate statement with an “X” or writing a
different response if they don’t agree with any of the ones offered; 2) complete the sentence,
“This would be
the appropriate response because a good friend should ______.”
·
Friendship and Money.
Your closest friend has just gotten into serious debt through misjudgment.
You have saved $5,000 over the past few years and plan to buy a car when you graduate from college.
Your
friend asks to borrow the money, which could not be repaid for at least four or five years.
Although
you do not need the car for work or for any other necessity, you have been looking forward to the day
when you could get one. You’ve worked hard for it and feel you deserve the car, but you are also
concerned about the plight of your friend, who would be in serious trouble without the $5,000 loan. You
wonder what you should do.
______ Lend your friend the money.
______
Tell your friend that you have been planning to buy the car for the last few years and that you
cannot lend him or her the money.
______
Give the friend the money and tell him or her there is no need to pay you back; after all, your
friend
has enough problems without having to worry about paying money back.
______ Lie. Tell you friend that you already gave the money to your brother but that you would certainly have
lent him or her the money if you still had it.
_______ Other. Write your own response _______________________
This would be the appropriate response because a good friend should ______
·
Friendship and Advice
.
Two friends, Pat and Chris, have been dating for the past several months.
They will soon enter into a more permanent relationship after graduation from college. Pat is now
having second thoughts and is currently having an affair with another friend, Lee. Chris tells you that there
is probably an affair going on (which you know to be true) and seeks your advice. You are the only one
who is friendly with all three parties. You wonder what you should do.
______ Tell Chris everything you know.
______ Tell Pat to be honest with Chris.
______ Say nothing; don’t get involved.
______
Suggest to Chris that the more permanent relationship should be reconsidered, but don’t be
specific.
_______ Other. Write your own response _______________________
This would be the appropriate response because a good friend should ______
·
Friendship and Cheating
.
Your anthropology instructor is giving a midterm and is grading it on a
curve. Your close friend somehow manages to secure a copy of the exam a few days before it is
scheduled to be given. Because you are a close friend, the exam copy is offered to you as well. You
refuse to look at it. The exam turns out to be more difficult than you had anticipated, the highest
grade given being a 68 (except for your friend’s, which was a 96). According to the system of
curving used by this instructor, each grade will be raised by 4 points. But this means the highest
grade (except for your friend’s) will be a 72, or a C-. A few students will receive a C-, about 30 to 40
percent will receive a D, and the rest (more than 50 present) will receive an F. Although only you
and your friend know what happened, you know that the instructor and the entire class wonder why
this one student, never particularly outstanding, did so well. After curving, your grade is a 70 (C-).
You wonder what to do.
______ Tell your friend to confess or you will tell the instructor yourself.
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
______ Tell the instructor what happened.
______ Say nothing; don’t get involved.
______ Other. Write your own response _______________________
This would be the appropriate response because a good friend should ______
Guidelines
: After students have had a chance to consider each scenario individually, have them compare
their answers and reasons for their answers in groups of five or six. Lead the class in a discussion that
incorporates the following questions: 1) What values, standards, and models did you use in selecting your
answers? 2) With which situation did you experience the most difficulty deciding what to do? Why? 3)
Does friendship necessarily entail the willingness to make sacrifices? 4) How do you define “friend”?
7.3 Interpersonal Relationships and Songs and Greeting Cards
2) to provide a stimulus for considering significant concepts and theories in interpersonal relationships.
Ask students to bring to class the recording or lyrics of one song or a greeting card that expresses a
sentiment that is significant to the study of interpersonal relationships for any one of the following
reasons:
·
It expresses a sentiment that can assist us in understanding interpersonal relationships.
·
It illustrates a concept or theory that is important in the study of interpersonal relationships.
· It suggests a useful question concerning interpersonal relationships.
· It illustrates a popular relational problem or difficulty.
·
It illustrates a method for dealing with some kind of relationships problem or difficulty.
Guidelines:
Explain to students that they will have the opportunity to share the song or card they select
with
the rest of the class and that they should be prepared to discuss the relevance of their artifact to one
of the
specific concepts covered in the text.
7.4 Let’s Apply the Concepts
Description:
Either alone or in groups, students should consider their responses to one or more of the
following scenarios. Relate their responses to concepts indicated in the brackets.
·
A student in one of your classes has asked you for a date for the last three weekends. You don’t
want to go, so each time you made an excuse. But, you realize that this can’t go on and you want
to end these embarrassing requests and refusals. What do you say? Through what channel?
·
Your partner gives you a gift that contradicts your perceived relationship stage. The gift is much
too intimate and too expensive for the casual relationship you believe your relationship is. What
do
you say? Through what channel? [Relationship Stage]
·
You realize that your six-month relationship is going nowhere and you want to break it off. It’s
just not exciting and not taking you where you want to go. What do you say? Through what
channel? [Relationship Dissolution]
·
Although you’ve been mostly honest in your two-month Internet relationship, you’ve padded
your relationship resume – lopped off a few years and pounds and made your temporary job seem
like the executive fast-track. You now what to come clean. What do you say? [Relationship
Stages]
·
Your roommate just made the dean’s list and as a reward received a new Lexus from a rich uncle.
Your roommate is ecstatic and runs to you to share the news. You want to demonstrate empathy
but you’re annoyed that some people get just about everything. What do you say? [Relationship
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Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
Rules]
·
A coworker you’ve worked with for years was recently named employee of the year for an
extraordinary sales record and comes to you with the news. What do you say? [Relationship
7.5 Relationships from the Media
Students can complete this activity either in groups or working alone. Have students construct the
“perfect relationship” using different characters from different movies or TV programs. They can pick
characters from their favorite TV shows or movies, but the characters they choose should not all be from the
same TV show or movie. Have them describe the relationship based on the following:
· How did the two characters come together? (Contact stage?)
· What common interests do they have?
·
How did their relationship move from involvement to intimacy? What types of love do you feel
are expressed in this relationship? What scenes/lines from the movie or program make you feel
this way?
·
What are the major disagreements over in this relationship? How are they handled?
This allows students an opportunity to put together a relationship based on characters and apply the
different stages of relationships to the activity.
AVAILABLE ASSETS ON MYCOMMUNICATIONLAB
“Relationships”
“Analyzing Stage Talk”
“Learning to Hear Stage Talk”
“Coming Clean”
“Giving Repair Advice”
”What Type of Relationship Do You Prefer?”
“Power Moment”
“Mate Preferences: I Prefer Someone Who…”
“Juggling Act”
“Please Don’t Lie to Me”
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