Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
Unit Planner
CHAPTER
4:
V
ERBAL
M
ESSAGES
CONCEPTS OF THIS CHAPTER
· principles of verbal messages
· disconfirmation and confirmation
· principles for using verbal messages effectively
KNOWLEDGE OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should be able to:
· understand the nature of verbal messages
· identify and explain the principles governing verbal messages
SKILLS OBJECTIVES
After completing this chapter, students should:
·
use verbal messages more effectively in all their communication experiences
·
avoid language that might be considered sexist, heterosexist, or ageist, any of which would
likely have negative consequences
· avoid common pitfalls of language usage that can also distort thinking
INSTRUCTIONAL OUTLINE
I. Principles of Verbal Messages
Your messages occur in packages of verbal and nonverbal signals. This chapter will deal with the
verbal messages. Being an effective communicator requires more than knowing the rules of
grammar; it requires understanding how verbal messages work. These principles explain this
process:
· Message Meanings Are in People
–
In order to understand the meaning trying to be communicated by someone, you must
look into the person as well as the words. For example, the term “cancer” would mean
something very different to a parent of a child just diagnosed than to an oncologist.
–
Meanings also change as people change. We cannot assume the meanings of words
remain constant as our experiences and others’ experiences with those words change.
· Messages Are Denotative and Connotative
–
denotative meaning: word’s objective definition, the dictionary meaning
– connotative meaning: a word’s subjective or emotional meaning
–
snarl words and purr words: words, used to describe people, that are highly negative
(e.g., “idiot,” “loser”) or highly positive (e.g., “dream,” “sweetheart”)
· Messages Vary in Abstraction
–
General terms, such as “entertainment,” is an example of an abstraction, a highly abstract
word.
–
Specific terms, such as “Aunt Mary” are low in abstraction and are usually more effective
in guiding the images that come to your listeners’ minds
–
Generally, it is suggested to use abstractions sparingly, as more concrete words paint a
better picture in your listener’s heads.
· Messages Can Deceive
–
Lying refers to the act of sending messages with information you believe to be false.
– Lying is defined differently based on culture.
– There are four types of lies:
37
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
· Pro-social deception: to achieve some good
· Self-enhancement deception: to make yourself look good
· Selfish-deception: to protect yourself
· Antisocial deception: to harm someone
– Liars tend to exhibit these 4 behaviors:
· hold back and speak slower
· make less sense
· give more of a negative impression
· are more tense
· Messages Vary in Politeness
o
Politeness and directness: Direct messages tend to be less polite than indirect messages.
o
Indirect messages allow you to express a desire without insulting or offending anyone.
o
Politeness and gender: There are considerable gender differences in politeness:
Women are more polite and issue orders indirectly.
Men tend to be indirect when expressing a weakness, revealing a problem,
or admitting an error.
o
Politeness online: Netiquette refers to rules of etiquette for communicate online.
·
Messages Can Be Onymous or Anonymous
o
Onymous messages are signed messages where the author is clearly identified.
o
Anonymous messages are messages where the author is not identified.
o
The Internet has increased the availability of anonymous messages, such as ratings
websites.
o
Anonymous messages allow people to disclose inner feelings without reproach, but have
the possibility of letting it go to extremes.
· Messages Vary in Assertiveness
o
Assertiveness refers to the willingness to stand up for your own rights but with respect for
the rights of others.
o
Assertive people assert their rights, but unlike aggressive people, don’t hurt others.
o
Suggestions for communicating with assertiveness:
Describe the problem.
State how the problem affects you.
Propose workable solutions that allow the other person to save face.
Confirm understanding.
· Messages Are Influenced by Culture and Gender
•
Cultural Influences –
culture teaches us “acceptable” and “appropriate” ways to use
language. Some common contradictory cultural rules or principles include:
–
The principle of cooperation: an assumption that in communicating, people are
engaged in a cooperative effort to help each other understand each other.
–
The principle of peaceful relations: an assumption that keeping peace in a
relationship takes precedence over expressing disagreement.
–
The principle of self-denigration: an assumption that one should avoid taking credit
for accomplishments.
–
The principle of directness: levels of directness vary from culture to culture.
Generally, high levels of directness are valued and expected with U.S. culture.
Contrast this assumption with the following two principles related to Japanese
language:
–
Omoiyari: similar to empathy; an assumption that a listener has the responsibility to
understand a speaker without the speaker’s being direct or specific.
–
Sassuru: an assumption that a listener should anticipate a speaker’s meaning by
paying attention to subtle cues.
38
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
•
Gender Influences –
although studies on gender differences in regard to language use
tend to be contradictory, generally women use more polite language than men. Women
seek areas of agreement in conversations and in conflicts more often than men do.
II. Disconfirmation and Confirmation
Confirmation and disconfirmation refer to the extent to which you acknowledge another person.
Disconfirmation is a communication pattern in which you ignore someone’s presence as well as that
person’s communication – you deny a person’s significance; disconfirmation is not the same as
rejection, which entails acknowledgement of the other but an unwillingness to accept what he or she
says or does. Confirmation is the opposite communication pattern – you
acknowledge the
presence of
another and indicate your acceptance of this person, this person’s definition of self,
and your
relationship as defined (or viewed) by this other person.
You can gain insight into offensive language practices by viewing them as types of
disconfirmation – as language that alienates and separates:
–
Abelism
–
discrimination against people with disabilities (discussed throughout text.)
·
Racist Speech
– speech that puts down, minimizes, and marginalizes a person or group
because of race.
–
Individual racism takes the form of negative attitudes and beliefs that people hold about
specific races.
–
Institutional racism includes de facto school segregation and discriminatory practices in
lending, hiring, and promotion.
–
To examine your own language racism consider whether you do the following:
o
avoid using derogatory terms for members of a particular race
o
avoid basing your interactions with members of other races on stereotypes
perpetuated by the media
o
avoid mentioning race when it is irrelevant
o
avoid attributing individuals’ economic or social problems to race
·
Heterosexist Speech
-Heterosexism exists on both individual and institutional levels.
–
Individual heterosexism refers to attitudes, behaviors, and language that disparages
lesbians and gay men and is grounded in the belief that not being heterosexual is
unnatural and deserving of criticism and condemnation. Such beliefs and attitudes can
lead to gay bashing and violence against those perceived to be other than strictly
heterosexual.
–
Institutional heterosexism is evidenced in laws that discriminate against gay marriage and
gay adoption and company policies that exclude partner benefits to non-heterosexuals.
–
Heterosexist language
includes derogatory terms used for lesbians and gays, the use of
identity markers such as “lesbian doctor” or “gay athlete,” and using language that
assumes everyone is heterosexual. Suggestions for avoiding heterosexist language
include:
o
avoid offensive nonverbal mannerisms that parody stereotypes
o
avoid “complimenting” gay men and lesbians that they “don’t look it.”
o
avoid making the assumption that every gay or lesbian knows what every
other gay or lesbian is thinking
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
and against aging, but can refer to any age group. Ageism exists on both individual and
institutional levels.
–
Individual ageism refers to attitudes, behaviors, and language that shows disrespect for a
certain age groups (generally older people).
–
Institutional ageism is evidenced in mandatory retirement laws, discriminatory practices
in hiring and promotion, and negative portrayals of older people in media.
–
Popular language is replete with examples of linguistic ageism (e.g., “old hag” or “old
coot”).
–
Qualifying a description of someone in terms of age is also ageist (“quick-witted 75-year–
old”).
– Suggestions for avoiding ageism and ageist language include:
o
avoid talking down to someone because she or he is older
o
refrain from refreshing older people’s memory every time you see them
o
don’t assume older people are not interested in relationships
o
speak at normal volumes
o
engage older people in conversations as you would anyone else
·
Sexist Speech
– discrimination based on gender exists at the individual and institutional
level.
–
Individual sexism involves prejudicial attitudes and beliefs about men or women based on
rigid beliefs concerning gender roles (e.g., women should be caregivers, men should be
breadwinners).
–
Institutional sexism is evidenced in customs and practices that lead to discrimination
between the sexes (e.g., paying women less for the same work as a man, excluding
women from advancing to top management positions, and child custody laws that favor
mothers or fathers).
–
Sexist language
puts people down because of their gender. Examples include:
o
using the word “man” generically to denote all of humankind; emphasizes
“maleness” at the expense of “femaleness”
o
using of the masculine pronoun (he and his) to refer to any individual
regardless of sex
o
using sex-role stereotyping, that is assuming that certain roles or professions
belong to men and others belong to women
·
Cultural Identifiers
– preferred terms used in talking to and about members of different
cultures; language that is free of sexism, heterosexism, racism, or ageism. Preferred cultural
identifiers are not constant and to ensure language is neutral and not offensive one should use
cultural identifiers currently used by members of different groups.
–
Use inclusive language rather than exclusive language (“committed relationship” over
“marriage”; “house of worship” over “church”).
III.
Principles for Using Verbal Messages Effectively
– understanding
these general principles of
verbal messages is crucial to being an effective communicator:
·
Extensionalize: Avoid Intensional Orientation
: (the “s” is intentional) the tendency to
view people, objects, and events in the way they are talked about or labeled; similar to
creating a self–fulfilling prophecy, such as labeling someone as “boring” and then discovering
indeed he or she is boring. Intensional orientation can be avoided by using extensional
orientation (looking at the actual people, objects, and events first before applying labels).
·
See the Individual: Avoid Allness
: the tendency to decide we know everything about
something or someone based on limited interactions or perceptions. Allness can be avoided by
mindfully considering that to any statement an
et cetera
can be added – these is more to
know,
more to learn, more to say.
·
Distinguish Between Facts and Inferences: Avoid Fact-Inference Confusion
– effective
40
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
communicators work to distinguish between facts (descriptions of observable phenomenon)
and
inferences (conclusions drawn from observations.) Failure to do so leads to fact
inference
confusion.
·
Discriminate Among: Avoid Indiscrimination:
the failure to distinguish between similar
but different people, objects, or events; similar to stereotyping.
·
Talk About the Middle: Avoid Polarization:
the tendency to look at the world in terms of
opposites and describe it in extremes; not allowing the possibility of a middle ground.
·
Update Messages: Avoid Static Evaluation:
the tendency to retain an evaluation despite
changes in a person or thing; failing to recognize that the past does not necessarily dictate the
present or the future.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1.
What is the difference between denotative meaning and connotative meaning?
2.
Using the concepts in this chapter, explain why it is that two people, having chosen the same
word, will likely have two different connotative meanings for the same word.
Students should describe how two people could have different connotative meanings (subjective or
3. How is disconfirmation different from rejection?
4.
Have you ever been guilty of sexist, racist, heterosexist, or ageist language? What steps can you
take in the future to avoid such language?
5.
The text suggests one way to avoid sexist, racist, heterosexist, and ageist language is to examine
the preferred cultural identifiers to use in talking to and about members of different cultures. How do
cultural identifiers change based on context, situation, communicators, etc.?
Asking this question allows students to relate the information in the text to their own experiences.
41
6.
Give examples of your own use of intensional orientation and allness. How can you avoid the
use of such verbal messages?
7.
Give an example of your own use of indiscrimination and static evaluation. How can you avoid
the use of such verbal messages?
8. How good are you at distinguishing facts from inference?
ACTIVITIES FOR SKILL DEVELOPMENT
4.1 Climbing the Abstraction Ladder
Guidelines
: Have students first fill out a grid similar to the one below individually and then compare their
answers in pairs or groups. While this might seem a simple task, some students may have trouble
distinguishing levels of abstraction between the most abstract and the least abstract. This provides an
opportunity to discuss why more specific language is often preferable to less specific language and how
knowing how to decrease levels of abstraction is essential to being an effective communicator.
Level 1
Level 2
(more specific
than Level 1)
Level 3
(more specific
than Level 2)
Level 4
(more specific
than Level 3)
Level 5
(more specific
than Level 4)
Building
Entertainment
Communication
medium
Toy
Office building
Steel-and-glass
office building
Steel-and-glass
office skyscraper
Chicago’s Willis
Tower
42
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
Sport
4.2 Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming
Guidelines:
[from the Skill Development Experience on text p. 79]
First, ask students to individually
respond to the two situations with a statement of confirmation, rejection, and disconfirmation. In groups
or pairs, ask students to compare their answers and explain why each of their responses is confirming,
rejecting, or disconfirming. The instructor may wish to ask for volunteers to role-play each scenario and
then lead a discussion on why confirming messages are preferable to disconfirming or rejecting messages.
Students might also be encouraged to discuss times when they have used or been recipients of confirming,
disconfirming, or rejecting messages and how such messages affected the interaction in which they
occurred and subsequent interactions with the same person. An additional scenario to use with this
exercise is included below.
Additional Scenario for Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming Messages
Pat, who has been out of work for the past several weeks, tells her friend Chris, “I feel like such a failure;
I just can’t seem to find a job. I’ve been pounding the pavement for the last five weeks and still nothing.”
Chris responds:
With disconfirmation: _______
With rejection: ____________
With confirmation: _________
4.3 Thinking with E-Prime
Guidelines:
This exercise is designed to help students understand that overuse of the verb “to be” can
obscure or misrepresent the relationship between reality and verbal messages. Oftentimes using the verb
“to
be” renders a description of people, places, and things which does not take into account situational
and
contextual nuances. It may be helpful to lead students through the first example. One way to rewrite the first
statement is indicated below:
Normal
English
E-Prime
I’m not very
good at
making
friends.
I went to the first–
year student mixer,
but I didn’t really
connect with
anyone.
After students have completed the grid individually, have them compare their answers. Lead a discussion of
how “to be” statements can result in static evaluation, intensional orientation, fact-inference confusion,
stereotyping, and faulty evaluations of self and others.
Other statements that could be used for this exercise include:
· I’m a poor student.
· They are inconsiderate.
43
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
· Is this book meaningful?
· Is this valuable?
· Was the movie any good?
4.4 Recognizing Gender Differences
Description:
This exercise is designed to start students thinking about their own beliefs concerning
gender differences in verbal messages. Either on a handout or as part of your PowerPoint™ presentation,
present students with the following 10 statements about the “differences” between the speech of women
and
men. Have them indicate for each statement whether they think the statement describes women’s
speech,
men’s speech, or women’s and men’s speech equally.
___1. This speech is logical rather than emotional.
___2. This speech is vague.
___3. This speech is endless, less concise, and jumps from one idea to another.
___4. This speech is highly businesslike.
___5. This speech is more polite.
___6. This speech uses weaker forms (for example, weak intensifiers such as so and such) and fewer
exclamations.
___7. This speech contains more tag questions (for example, questions appended to statements that ask
for agreement, such as “Let’s meet at ten o’clock, okay?)
___8. This speech is more euphemistic (contains more polite words as substitutes for some taboo or
potentially offensive terms) and uses fewer swear terms.
___9. This speech is generally more effective.
___10. This speech is less forceful and less in control.
Guidelines:
After students have responded to the statements, have them compare their answers in pairs or
groups and consider the following: 1) On what evidence did they base their answers? 2) How strongly do they
believe their answers are correct? 3) What do they think might account for sex differences in verbal
behavior? 4) What effect might these language differences (individually or as a group) have on
communication (and relationships generally) between the sexes?
After students have had some time to discuss, reveal to them that research suggests none of these
statements represent actual differences in the speech of women and men but rather are based on
stereotypes. (The early research of Robin Lakoff suggested that women speak in powerless and polite
ways; later researchers have challenged this notion contending that power differences, context, situation,
age, ethnicity, and a variety of other variables contribute more to one’s verbal style than one’s gender.)
Have them reconsider their answers: Were they based on actual experience or popular beliefs and myths?
Remind students that even if their answers were based on actual experience, their experiences alone do
not
constitute all that can be said about supposed gender differences in verbal communication (otherwise
they are
guilty of allness).
4.5 Analyzing Assertiveness
Description:
The objective of this exercise is for students to reflect on behaviors that may lead others to
perceive them as passive, aggressive, or assertive and to practice being assertive. To prepare students for
this
exercise, provide them with the following information:
If you wish to confront someone or take issue with what someone has done or said and want to do so
44
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
assertively consider these steps:
·
Describe the problem: don’t evaluate or judge it. Example: “We’re all working on this advertising
project together. You’re missing half our meetings and you still haven’t produced your first
report.”
·
State how the problem affects you. Example: “My job depends on the success of this project and I
don’t think it’s fair that I have to do extra work to make up for what you’re not doing.”
·
Propose solutions that are workable and that allow the person to save face. Example: “If you can
get your report to the group by Tuesday, we’ll still be able to meet our deadline.”
·
Confirm understanding. Example: “Will you have the report to us by Tuesday?”
After providing students with the above information, present them with the following questions/scenarios to
consider either individually, in small groups, or as a class as a whole:
Questions:
How might an aggressive, a nonassertive, and an assertive person deal with each of the
following situations? What obstacles might a person anticipate if she or he chose to respond assertively?
What suggestions might you offer the person who wants to respond assertively but is having difficulty
doing so?
Scenarios:
·
Cheating on an exam. John and Barbara turn in examination papers that are too similar to be the
result of mere coincidence. The instructor accuses Barbara of allowing John, who sits behind her, to
copy her answers. Barbara was not aware that anyone saw her paper.
·
Decorating an apartment. Pat just redecorated an apartment, expending considerable time and
money in making it exactly right. Chris presents Pat with a house gift – the ugliest poster Pat has ever
seen – and insists Pat hang it over the fireplace in the living room.
·
Borrowing money. Blair borrows $30 from Casey and promises to pay it back tomorrow. But
tomorrow passes as do 20 other tomorrows, and still Casey has yet to see the money. Casey
knows Blair has forgotten about the loan, but also knows Blair has more than enough money to
pay it back.
·
Neighbor intrusions. Leslie’s neighbor has been playing a stereo at an extremely high volume
late at night. This makes it difficult for Leslie to sleep.
·
Sexual harassment. Drew’s supervisor has been coming on to Drew and has repeatedly asked for
a date. Drew has refused each time. Now the supervisor brushes up against, touches, and gives Drew
suggestive looks whenever possible. Drew has no romantic interest in this supervisor and simply
wants a comfortable work environment, free from this type of harassment.
Guidelines:
Split the class into groups of four. Direct each group to one of the five situations provided. Have
two members of each group create a passive response to the assigned situation and share this
response in the group. Have the other two members of the group create an aggressive response to the
situations and share this response in the group. Then, have the whole group create assertive responses to the
situation and share them with the rest if the class.
4.6 Let’s Apply the Concepts
Description:
Either alone or in groups, students should consider their responses to one or more of the
following scenarios. Relate their responses to concepts indicated in the brackets.
·
In introducing yourself to your class, you tell of your high grades, success in sports, and plans to
transfer to Harvard. The students following, however, all appear very modest. You quickly
realize that you misunderstood the culture of the classroom. What do you say? [Cultural Maxims]
·
You meet a friend who’s with someone you’ve never met before. You begin to swear and curse
your college experience – using even stronger language than normal – until your friend breaks in
45
Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank for Essentials of Human Communication, Eighth Edition
and introduces you to Professor Williams, your new major advisor. What do you say? [Politeness]
·
You’re bringing your college roommate home for the holidays; she’s an outspoken lesbian while
your family is extremely homophobic. You want to prepare your family and your roommate for
their holiday get-together. What do you say? To whom? Through what channel? [Homophobia]
·
During a conversation, your classmates all use negative self-reference terms. Trying to be one of
the group, you too use these terms and almost immediately realize that the linguistic privilege
allowing insiders to use [self] derogatory names, does not apply to outsiders. What do you say?
[Excuses]
·
One of your instructors persists in calling the female students “girls,” refers to gay man and
lesbians as “queers,” and uses racial terms that most people consider inappropriate. You want to
object to this type talk. What do you say? To whom? Through what channel? [Cultural
Identifiers]
AVAILABLE ASSETS ON MYCOMMUNICATIONLAB
“Verbal Communication”
“Using the Abstraction Ladder as a Creative Tool”
“‘Must Lie’ Situations”
“Please Don’t Lie to Me”
“Homecoming Party”
“Hey Roomie”
“Recognizing Gender Differences”
“You Shouldn’t Have to Deal with That”
“Identifying the Barriers to Communication”
“Sexist Language”
“Interpersonal Communication”
46