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12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-1
[LO-2] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.1. Message Strategies: Requests for Action
Note: This is a moderately complicated request that needs to come across as being in the company’s best
interest and not the complaint of a single employee who is tired of noise. The best solution is to take the
indirect approach and focus on the benefits of the proposal without complaining about the noise.
[subject line] An opportunity to improve staff productivity
Hello Jeri,
Any visitor who steps into our open-plan offices would surely note the high level of energy everyone here
While that buzz indicates a high level of energy and activity, I think most people would also agree that a
beehive would be a pretty terrible place to think. Unfortunately, our offices have become just that, and
Attempting to impose quiet on the main work areas would be a mistake, but I do see a solution. I propose
that we convert the second-floor conference room to a “quiet zone,” much like the study spaces in a
Maintaining the appropriate level of silence could be accomplished through a combination of human and
technological solutions. On the people side, we would simply explain the need for and purpose of the
quiet zone and emphasize that it is not a place for conversations or meetings. On the technology side, with
the ubiquity of mobile phones in the workplace, we could ask people to silence their phones, but I don’t
I’ve done an informal survey among my colleagues, and support for this idea is unanimous. The minimal
I would be happy to take the lead in investigating the cost of converting the conference room and working
[LO-2] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.2. Message Strategies: Requests for Action
Note: Take advantage of the fact that Sparks has already expressed an interest in finding promising
investment opportunities. Open with a statement that indicates you heard her comments at the luncheon,
and that your e-mail is a response to those remarks. Use the AIDA plan to explain how you and your
business meet the criteria she established, and emphasize that WorldConnect’s early success is a sign of
good things to come. End with a specific request for a meeting, and include the information she would
need to get in touch with you. The target platform is a smartphone, so make the subject line and all the
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-2
paragraphs short and clear.
[subject line] Investment opportunity in language services
Dear Ms. Sparks:
professionals.
The demand for these services is widespread: within two months of opening, our office was booked to
capacity. WorldConnect’s ongoing success reflects a strong commitment to growth through knowing our
customers’ needs and meeting them in every way.
These opportunities offer remarkable profit potential, and I’d like to talk with you about sharing in those
gains. Please let me know when your schedule would allow us to meet—sometime within the next four
[LO-2] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.3. Message Strategies: Persuasive Claims and Requests for Adjustment
Note: Be careful not to convey anger or outrage, and avoid scorching language. Instead, calmly appeal
to the company’s sense of ethics and its interest in maintaining a good name among consumers who do
not forget. Make it clear that you expect positive results. Waste little time explaining the problem; the
company is fully aware of the software bug.
[subject line] Restitution for lack of service
Dear Ms. Hinkley:
On March 1, I purchased a new phone and signed a two-year service contract with InstantCall. For two
weeks after my phone was activated, I didn’t receive any calls, even though all my contacts had my new
number. I called your technical support line and was told that my incoming calls were being routed to an
inactive number. The technician promised to fix the problem, but the solution took another two weeks.
Because the service I paid for was not available for a full month, I believe I am entitled to a refund or
Please let me know your decision before the next monthly bill arrives on April 10. Thanks for your
assistance in resolving this matter.
Sincerely,
[LO-2] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.4. Message Strategies: Requests for Information
Note: The writer is on slightly shaky ground here because he or she had the opportunity to get and keep
copies of past reviews but failed to do so, and the request (apparently) goes against company policy. The
message can lean heavily on the extenuating circumstances to help build the writer’s case. Another point
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-3
that should work in the writer’s favor is that HR professionals tend to view themselves as employee
advocates. The request is unusual, so the writer takes the indirect approach, laying out the case before
making the request.
[subject line] Annual employee reviews
Dear Mr. Sandes,
I recently celebrated my fifth anniversary with the company, and I’ve been taking stock of my career and
During the five years that I have been a product planner in the marketing department, I have reported to
seven managers. I have never been evaluated by the same manager twice, and one year I was evaluated by
someone who knew almost nothing about my work because she had been in the position for only three
I realize that employees are allowed to ask for copies of their reviews each year, but I confess I didn’t
appreciate the importance of doing so until now, and I don’t have copies. My understanding is that
Given the circumstances, could I ask for copies of my past five reviews? I would like to discuss my
review history with my current manager, but only after I’ve had the chance to reread the reviews myself,
[LO-2] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.5. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: Relocating an entire company—or choosing the location to start a new business—is an enormously
complex decision. Moreover, every state in the union tries to lure businesses, so the competition is fierce.
Your argument will need to be clear and compelling in order to stand apart from the crowd. However,
keep in mind that no one will relocate based on just a single form letter; your purpose is simply to
encourage CEOs to consider Kentucky as an attractive possibility. The entire persuasion process will
involve personal visits and a variety of in-depth reports and presentations. But it can all start with a letter
that paints a clear picture of Kentucky as a great place to do business. Keep the letter brief and objective,
and be sure to explain how readers can get more information.
Students can access the information for this assignment at
www.thinkkentucky.com/KYEDC/TopTen.aspx.
Kentucky Cabinet for Economic Development
Old Capitol Annex, 300 West Broadway
Frankfort, Kentucky 40601
800–626–2930 • econdev@ky.gov
[date]
[name and address from database]
Dear [name from database]:
If your company is considering moving your existing operations or establishing new facilities, you may
be surprised to discover the many advantages Kentucky has to offer:
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-4
Knowledgeable
workforce
Expansion Management magazine ranked our workforce training programs
third among all state programs for customizing business and industry
training.
High
productivity
Our workers continually outperform the national average.
Low-cost power Kentucky has some of the lowest electricity costs in the nation.
Attractive
business climate
Our cost of doing business is the lowest of any state east of the Mississippi
and the fourth-lowest in the nation.
Central location Locating in Kentucky puts you within 600 miles of two-thirds of the
nation’s population and manufacturing businesses.
Efficient
transportation
Reach customers anywhere by road, rail, water or air (Cincinnati/Northern
Kentucky International Airport was voted the number two airport by
independent passenger surveys).
Generous
incentives
Creative incentives include corporate tax credits, loan financing, training
grants, and opportunities for foreign trade zone operations.
Low taxes Property taxes are among the lowest in the nation, and we have no local
sales taxes.
Available sites
and buildings
Over 200 prescreened “shovel-ready” sites and more than 200 quality
industrial buildings are ready for your new location or expansion.
A great way
of life
From cosmopolitan urban life to the best of outdoor sports and recreation,
Kentucky has just about everything for you and your employees to enjoy.
Find out why so many innovative companies choose to locate or expand in Kentucky. For more
information, please contact me at 800–626–2930 or by email at econdev@ky.gov. You can also learn
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.6. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: Students have an opportunity with this message to present positive, helpful, and welcome
information, if presented correctly. Be sure to include as much information as needed for the
conscientious parent who might consider this opportunity.
Dear Parents,
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends organized sports as a means of improving fitness
levels and socialization skills in pre-teens and adolescents. However, given the numerous sports options
available these days, choosing the right game for your child can be a difficult task. An excellent option is
The intensity of water polo makes it a great fitness exercise. Water polo is a wonderful way to get
children comfortable with water—and it helps them become better swimmers, improves their shoulder
Water polo is fundamentally a team sport. The club structure of the game fosters camaraderie and
cooperation amongst the players. Through the game, your child will learn to make new friends and
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-5
Above all, water polo is fun! Many children enjoy it more than running or doing aerobics. It also instills a
lifelong interest in water sports and other organized sports.
Sincerely,
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.7. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: Student answers will vary. They might be surprised by how challenging it can be to describe music.
Referring to other musical genres, styles, or performers can be a big help.
Even if you can identify all the musical ingredients that go into a Thundercat tune, you might struggle to
describe the finished dishes that the multitalented Los Angeles bass maestro born Stephen Bruner serves
up. Rolling Stone went with a “unique fusion of pop, soul, EDM, funk and prog-rock,” which is accurate,
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.8. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: This exercise will elicit a broad range of student responses, but all should reflect the guidelines in
the chapter for writing effective sales and marketing messages. Pay particular attention to how well
students have focused their attention on audience needs, biases, and concerns, and on how effectively
they describe the features of their product and the benefits buyers can enjoy. This example is a marketing
message targeted at golf club managers.
If a thief walks off with one of your member’s expensive new set of golf clubs, who is the member going
However, with dozens of golfers coming and going at all hours of the day, stopping at the turn for a quick
bite, or lounging around the grill room for dinner after a round, the opportunities for theft are just too
Fortunately, for a fraction of the cost of hiring even one more security guard, you can install the new
The system is simple, inexpensive, and effective. Using the latest advances in near-field communication,
Golfsafe creates a wireless link between each golfer and his or her golf bag. If a bag and its owner get
separated by more than a preset distance, the Golfsafe system can alert your front desk staff, send a text
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-6
Golfsafe has been installed in more than 100 private and semi-private clubs around the world, as more
and more members are demanding that their clubs take action against theft.
These links offer more information:
Don’t let your club be the next victim of equipment theft. Call today to see how Golfsafe can reduce your
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.9. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages [LO-3]
Note: With millions of podcasts appearing on thousands of podcasting websites and channels, you need to
clearly identify your podcasting service, define who might be interested, and explain why this audience
would want to listen to your podcasts.
Website promotion for podcast station:
The transition from business school to the business world can seem complex and confusing, but it doesn’t
have to be. School2Biz offers practical advice on making smart decisions on everything from preparing
Greetings from the team at School2Biz, a podcast channel devoted to helping business school graduates
make a successful and rewarding transition to the business world. Our podcasts cover all the key
Everyone on the School2Biz team is a b-school grad, with anywhere from two to ten years of work
experience. We’ve been through the transition you’re about to make, and we’ve made some good choices
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.10. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: To gain attention, open with a solution to a problem. Use Kelly’s newest offering (KMS) to focus
interest on what might otherwise be old news for human resources executives. Describe the new services
(features) that Kelly offers, but imply many of the benefits to avoid insulting knowledgeable readers.
Include facts about the company that even knowledgeable readers might not know. Make the call for
action easy, no-risk, and direct. Then conclude the letter with benefits.
KELLY SERVICES®, INC.
999 W. Big Beaver Road, Troy, Michigan 48084
(313) 295-6012 www.kellyservices.com
[Date]
[Inside address]
Subject: Finding the Best Employees for Less
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-7
Dear _______:
Do you need a team that can get the job done but lack the time for choosing, hiring, and training? Kelly
Management Services (KMS) is your one-call solution.
At Kelly, you can choose from complete outsourcing services in several categories, including office
Of course, if one or two employees can handle your task, Kelly still offers the temporary staffing
solutions that have made it a Fortune 500 company with 2,400 offices in 26 countries. We now provide
staffing solutions for 95 percent of Fortune 500 companies. That includes technical writers, computer
Last year, Chrysler Corporation presented us with its Gold Pentastar Award as a “best-in-class supplier”
for excellence in “quality, customer satisfaction, technology, and delivery” of contract labor with
office/clerical, information technology, and engineering skills. We can do the same for you, and more.
We choose the best—and many of our temporary workers love their flexible jobs so much that they stay
To learn more about KMS or other Kelly Services, call (313) 295-6012 to speak with a representative.
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.11. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages
Note: Whatever approach students take with this message, they shouldn’t try to downplay or denigrate
online advertising. Doing so will only harm the writer’s credibility and give the message an air of
desperation. Instead, promote the benefits of magazine advertising objectively and explain that for many
companies, a mix of online and print advertising can be the ideal strategy. At the same time, don’t try to
apologize for the nature of print advertising, even though it doesn’t have the “gee whiz” factor of the
latest online technologies. It remains a legitimate and compelling medium, so don’t sell it short.
Adding the power of print to today’s multimedia advertising strategies
The ability to reproduce high-quality photography. Nothing shows off a magnificent
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-8
The physical presence of print. Online ads are great, but they disappear when visitors leave the
Portability. Computers may be getting smaller, but they will never be as easy to tuck under your
Guaranteed circulation numbers. Verifiable online ad measurements are coming along, to be
Close reader relationships. Just about everybody has a favorite magazine or two and many
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.12. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages; Media Skills: Social Networking
Note: These messages should be clear, concise, and informative. This isn’t the place for intense marketing
or sales tactics. Students should focus on providing reliable and relevant information that sets a solid
foundation for additional information the public may seek from other sources.
Company Overview
Curves has been helping women achieve their fitness goals in a supportive and comfortable environment
since 1992. We take the pressure out of exercising with our unofficial motto “no makeup, no men, and no
Mission
Curves is about strengthening women. Our mission is to help women reach their fitness goals in a
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.13. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages; Media Skills: Social Networking
Note: Students should keep in mind that this message is written by students for perspective students.
Wording of the message should be such that it appeals to student needs and tastes, focusing on what is
important to them as they prepare for a new chapter in their lives. This gives the team an opportunity to
analyze the messages to be used and base that analysis on unbiased personal knowledge.
Three Things Students Love about Pomona
The best thing about Pomona is its location—being situated in a quaint college-town makes campus life
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-9
Pomona also boasts of great weather, with bright, sunny days through much of the year. The weather
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.14. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages; Media Skills: Microblogging
Note: This exercise in microblogging should challenge students to keep messages informative but short
and concise. Weeding out extraneous information will keep messages on track while gaining customer
interest. These Tweets promote plantable seed-paper stationary and gift items from
www.botanicalpaperworks.com.
Messages that blossom! Eco-friendly, seed-paper stationery from Botanical PaperWorks grows and
blooms into multicolored wildflowers.
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.15. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages; Media Skills: Social Networking
Note: This scenario involves a hypothetical tutoring company that uses a team-based approach. Here’s a
160-word About Us statement.
Teamwork Tutoring is a fresh approach to tutoring. We’re all about making sure you have the opportunity
to study with someone who really gets you. Rather than being stuck with a tutor who might not be the
right fit for you, with Teamwork Tutoring you start your learning journey in a casual group discussion
with all our tutors. As we discuss your goals and challenges, you can decide which tutor feels right for
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
12.16. Message Strategies: Marketing and Sales Messages; Media Skills: Social Networking
Note: Students can use the About Us statement from the previous case as “parts” for this assignment.
Remind them that Twitter makes it easy to chain multiple tweets together by replying to yourself, so these
four tweets can read like a coherent statement.
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
12: Writing Persuasive Messages 12-10
[LO-3] AACSB: Written and oral communication
ASSISTED GRADING QUESTIONS (ACCESSED ON MYBCOMMLAB)
12.17. Business purchasing decisions tend to be based on facts and logical argumentation, much more so than
12.18. The AIDA and similar models need to be modified when writing persuasive messages in social media
Copyright © 2018 Bovée and Thill LLC
